Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.

Much thanks to wands who helped me through this whole thing!

To Love and Be Loved - Late Night Discoveries

(Severus/Lily)

Lily stumbled from her bedroom with one hand on her stiff abdomen, and the other braced against the wall opposite her door in an attempt to remain upright.

Why Severus insisted upon leaving their bed at two in the morning was beyond her. He couldn't have been summoned, he would have woken her. He always did.

Lily worried her bottom lip as she shuffled down the hall, anxiety creeping up her throat. What if it had been the Order? Had something happened? Why hadn't Severus said something?

Fear for her husband bringing her to full awareness, Lily's steps hastened as she made her way to the kitchen, drawing her wand from her night gown pocket to cast a lumos. Perhaps she had been overreacting, Severus probably just needed a cuppa... He often did after a summons.

Oh, why did he have to do that stupid job in the first place!

Lily twisted her wedding ring around her finger agitatedly. Stupid man always had to go and prove himself! Why in Merlin's name could he not stay home? If it were up to her, she would never let him out of the house again!

But even as she thought it she knew it was not true. Lily sighed sadly, blinking back unwelcome tears. 'Bloody, stupid hormones!' she muttered, dashing away the two tears slipping down her cheeks. She sniffed heartily, fleetingly thinking of Severus' usual response when she did that.

'For Merlin's sake Lily!' He would say before yanking a white kerchief from the sleeve of his robes.

Lily's lips quirked, she often sniffed like that just to annoy him, at first he had attempted to hide the adorable (in Lily's opinion) little grimace that graced his features. She hadn't known being pregnant would cause her to be so wonky, but it seemed to, as Lily wasn't much for sniveling about. Besides, Severus always had a kerchief on hand, and Lily just couldn't be bothered to get one once she had worked herself up.

She peeked in the living room, she sighed. He wasn't there either. Lily huffed, more than a little peeved that Severus had gone off without giving her so much as an by you leave. Her suddenly rising temper got the better of her, fairly stomping across the floor to the kitchen Lily missed the thin beam of light streaming through the curtains covering the window overlooking the veranda in front of their house.

She pushed open the swinging door fully expecting to tear her husband a new one. Her anger deflated the moment she realised the small room was, in fact, empty. Tears welled up again as she placed shaky hands over eyes. She swallowed thickly, drawing her hands from her eyes to her chin, a futile effort she often employed to get a hold of herself. Lily's breath hitched in her throat as she held back her panic.

Breathe!

She commanded herself lowering both hands to rest against her swollen belly, there was a flutter beneath her fingers. Lily closed her eyes, allowing herself to be comforted by the, now quite familiar, feeling.

She blew out a shuddering breath, and leaned against the door jam, sliding down to the floor because she was sure her knees would no longer support her.

Think Lily, think! Where would he be?

Lily gulped passed the lump in her throat, she needed to figure this out, panicking was not what she needed to do right now. She needed to call someone, maybe the Order had floo'd and Severus didn't have any time to wake her up. The thought angered her.

From the moment she had told Severus of the pregnancy, he had started in with this ridiculous notion of her staying out of anything and everything war-related. She was so sick of being treated like a porcelain puppy! Why in hell could no one understand that? Especially her husband!

Sev hadn't even told her what had happened with You-Know-Who before taking off again to the meeting with the Order. Lily's eyebrows furrowed petulantly as she thought of the manner of his entrance and exist earlier that day.

'Sev! Darling, what happened? Are you alright? Did he- he wasn't... angry, was he?' Lily clung to her husband's arms the moment he stepped out from the floo. She noted his drawn, haunted expression with disquiet. Severus ignored her questions in lieu of wrapping sinewy, robe clad arms around her no longer thin frame. He closed his eyes, lowering his head, he pressed them against her neck, his nose barely an inch from her collar bone. He inhaled gratefully, she smelt of cinnamon and vanilla, and an aroma only his Lily could have.

He lifted his face a bit to press a soft kiss against the curve where her neck met her shoulders. She sighed, her spearmint fresh breath, washing over the side of his face. He kissed her neck again, tightening his arms, holding her to him as tightly as possible.

Lily's fingers carded through his shoulder length hair, and raising his head he brought his eyes to meet hers.

'Love?'

She sounded tentative, but Severus couldn't blame her, he cursed himself for giving her such a fright. 'I'm fine' he intoned, loosening his grip a little to give her room to breath

Great job Snape! Smothering your wife and unborn child!

Lily, obviously had other ideas, for she pressed herself more firmly against him, her rounded stomach putting pressure against his much flatter one. 'I must report to Dumbledore, there is an Order meeting tonight that I must attend.' He whispered, his mouth just above her ear. He brushed his lips over the soft flesh, lingering a moment or so when Lily's breathy sigh sounded in his own ears. 'They'll be waiting for me.' But despite his words Severus had not changed his position.

Forcing himself to remember his duties, he pulled away from his wife.

Lily bit her lip, wishing for all the world that You-Know-Who would through himself into the deepest river with the biggest waterfall just so that Severus wouldn't have to keep leaving

'Just let me get my handbag," she said, retracting her lingering arms from around his shoulders. Severus frowned, "Lily... You aren't- ah, you needn't accompany me.' His wording changed abruptly when he caught her somewhat challenging expression. Severus groaned inwardly, he didn't have time to fight with her on this, nor was it his desire to have an argument with his very pregnant wife.

'And just why not?' Lily managed to curb her voice just short of a screech, she seethed when Severus got that knowing look on his face. He opened his mouth, to placate her no doubt, but she cut him off before the words could pass his teeth. 'I am just as much an Order member as you are! You think that just because I'm pregnant doesn't mean I'm an invalid, Severus!' Lily slashed her hands through the air, letting them fall with an angry slap, against her thighs.

'Lily, please,' Severus reached out to grip her slender fingers. 'I don't have much time, please.' He gave her his best pleading look as she continued to glare at him, but it seemed her sudden flash of anger had abated and Lily allowed him to step back into the floo.

Lily sniffled, she had already fallen asleep by the time he had come home, and Sev hadn't woken her, though she did snuggle up against him when she had felt the bed dip beneath her. Then she had roused from her sleep again when she rolled over expecting to have her husband's warm body right beside her.

A lone tear slipped down Lily's cheek.

She should call Dumbledore, he would know where Severus was, hopefully.

With a strained grunt Lily lifted herself from the cold tiles, bracing herself with both hands as she struggled. Her eyes drooped as she raised trembling fingers to stifle a yawn. She was so tired.

There had better be a good reason for this, or Severus would be sleeping on the floor for a very long time if she had anything to say about it.

Which in fact, she did.

Suddenly the short distance between the kitchenette and the sitting room seemed like a five mile trek. She was so, so, very tired. Lily yawned once more, though she forewent manners and left her cold fingers to massage her distended stomach.

Hobbling on slightly swollen ankles, and torn between anger and worry, Lily made her way to the sitting room, maneuvering her heavy body, in her opinion, quite cleverly, around the bric-a-brac furniture she and Severus had bought for the house.

The floo powder was kept in a wide mouthed bowl with a fleur-de-lis pattern, Sev had bought it for her during their short honeymoon in Venice. Lily pinched a small amount of the green, glittery powder between her thumb and second two fingers.

'Lily?'

His eyes burned as he tore them away from a not-so-interesting snag in the curtain covering the window. Severus pressed the heels of his hands against his eyes, hard enough to see the orange bursts of color, hard enough to hurt.

He should get back inside, to Lily, before she woke up. He didn't want to worry her. He had already done that earlier that afternoon.

It was stupid of him, he knew, but Dark Lord's malice was fresh in his mind. Severus swallowed convulsively.

They were only children!

And he had done nothing to save them.

He was sick to his stomach, he could not face Lily. Images plagued his mind, the extent the Dark Lord would go to. Severus shuddered, what were they thinking, bringing a child into a world like this. A child! Like the children who had suffered at the hands of the Dark Lord's most loyal.

He dragged his hands over his face, pushing his chair back as he stood, burying the raid and the Order meeting after underneath his strongest Occlumency shields. He hoped Lily would not question him in the morning, perhaps she would allow him to wallow alone this time.

Reliving the raid for the Albus had been enough. Quietly, Severus pulled the front door open and crossed the threshold in one fluid motion. Thankfully, the floors were charmed silent so Severus could for go 'tip toeing' to the bedroom. He paused at the kitchen, contemplating the value of a cup of tea at such a time.

Severus scoffed quietly, what he really wanted was a stiff drink... several stiff drinks, actually. He sighed, Lily wouldn't appreciate it... she detested the smell of alcohol, even more so during her pregnancy. Severus stared longingly at the liqueur cabinet. Lily had only allowed it because they would have to offer company something more than butter bear and pumpkin juice. And even then, she insisted he brush his teeth for thirty minutes afterwards, otherwise she wouldn't touch him.

Suffice to say Severus did not drink often.

With a long suffering sigh, he turned away from the kitchen. 'Odd' he thought, there was a dim light shining from the sitting room. Without giving it a second thought, Severus drew his wand from his house coat pocket, and raising the ten inch stick of wood to shoulder-height, he advanced slowly.

Though in months to come he would never admit it, Severus dropped his wand in suprise, and stared at his wife. Lily looked, well, he wasn't quite sure actually. Emotions flitted across her face faster than he could read them.

His swallow seemed to stick in his throat.

They stared at each other.

Severus, unsure of what to say and fearing that he might make the situation something it wasn't, and Lily choking back sobs of relief and tirades of anger.

He watched as she closed her eyes, breathing heavily. He wanted to go to her, but he couldn't be sure whether it would aggravate the situation or not. It was embarrassing really, a Legillimens who could not read his own wife.

At last, she spoke.

'Where the hell have you been?'

Severus winced slightly as she stepped closer, her whisper seemed much louder than a scream could ever be. He contemplated his answer, but apparently, he had taken two seconds too long.

'Well?' She demanded, stepping even closer, close enough for him to reach out a hand and brush the hair from her face, but not close enough to feel her breath against his skin.

'What have you to say for yourself? Hmm?'

This time Lily did not wait for his answer.

' I wake up at two in the morning to find that my husband is no longer beside me in bed. Naturally, I check for a note, but do I find one? NO!.'

Lily was pacing now, her arms waving about, making inanimate gestures.

'So what am I going to think, huh? That my husband has gone for a night time stroll? Or that he's gone to the kitchen for a cup of tea? What do I do? I check! And when I find out that he's neither here nor there, I panic! What else would I have done? My husband is seemingly missing from the house, I have no idea where he is. I'm all alone, pregnant, and were in a risky position in the middle of a DAMNED WAR! WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO THINK!'

It seemed Lily had abandoned furious whispers in favor for hysterical shrieks.

'Lily, I-'

Lily stopped pacing.

She turned away from him, her body facing the fire place, thin arms crossed protectively over her chest.

Her shoulders sagged, and Severus could tell by the hitch in her breathing that she was trying not to cry. Lily had always hated crying. 'I was out on the verandah,' he whispered. Her shoulders hitched again.

He longed to hold her, but refrained when she moved farther away from him.

'I did not think to inform you, I apologize,' he finished somewhat stiffly. Severus had never been comfortable with apologies, nor did he ever enjoy soppy whinging when delivering one.

Lily whirled around. 'Oh, don't you take that offended tone with me, Severus Snape!' she said sharply. This time she stalked toward him, waving an accusing finger underneath his over-long nose.

'You aren't the one who woke up this morning to a seemingly empty house!'

'I did not wish to disturb you! I did not leave the house!'

'Well maybe if you stopped trying to pull the wool over my eyes and actually told me, your wife, what was going on, we would not have this problem!'

'You wish for me to tell you all of what I do in the company of Death Eaters?' Severus grit his teeth. How could Lily be so callous? So naive! Couldn't she see he was trying to protect her from the nightmares and horrors he himself now faced!

Obviously she could not.

They glared at each other, eyes narrowed and breathing harsh. Silence blared around them.

It was Severus who broke the loud pause.

'I keep it from you because I cannot bare it myself.' He clenched his teeth as he bared his mind before her. 'I can no longer sleep without potion to aide me, I spend my nights in the company of the Dark Lord and his abhorrent followers. I watch them pillage and plunder through muggle villages. I see the things they do... I participate-'

Severus closed his eyes and swallowed the traitor tears before they could rise past his throat.

He opened them.

Obsidian gaze sweeping over his wife's face.

Lily's lips trembled, her chin puckered.

'Tonight was... I am not even certain there is a word to describe such actions.'

Lily worried her bottom lip between her teeth.

'And I cannot help but wonder... Am I any better. I, who play the game of subterfuge. I must do as I am asked, and though I may not have the same despicable mindset, the same malicious intent, I do them anyway.'

Severus was whispering now, staring straight into Lily's eyes, pleading that she understand.

'I do not want you to know what I must do. As Voldemort's right-hand man. I love you, I do not wish to cause you discomfort every time you look at me... Knowing the things I have done.'

'Severus, I-'

'Lily! You do not understand. I know you will because I do myself. And it pains me to think that I have all of this, but I watch as my associates destroy the exact same thing that I treasure.' Severus reached out a hand to caress her swollen belly, but he let it fall short, the slapping sound it made when he dropped it back to his thigh, strangely loud in the still-like quiet.

Tears streamed down Lily's cheeks, but she paid them no heed. She stepped closer to her husband, the space between them felt like an ache in her heart. She laid her hands on his shoulders.

He dropped his gaze.

She slid her hands farther, wrapping her arms around his shoulders, pulling him to her.

She took it as a good sign when he didn't resist. Instead he buried his face in the juncture of her neck and shoulder, and Lily feel his shaky breath against her collar bone.

'I'm sorry.' She whispered against his hair, and pressed her lips against his temple, the only part of him she could reach without moving away from him.

He nodded against her skin.

'I was scared,' she admitted, her face sporting a grimace he could not see, 'I couldn't find you, I was trying to call Dumbledore before I totally lost it.'

His arms, which had previously rested limply by his sides, wrapped around her. It was a foreign feel for Lily, Severus was never one for open affections, but Lily found that he could lose his gruff exterior if you knew how.

Or maybe it was just her.

'It was not my intent-'

'I know.' Lily sighed contentedly, holding Severus as close as she could around the somewhat large baby bump between them. 'I suppose I was a tad irrational about this whole situation. I should have thought to check outside.' Offered Lily, she stroked his hair, waiting for him to pull away from her.

He didn't, she was pleased to note. Severus was gripping her to him, his arms wound as tightly as possible without hurting her. He seemed to need this, and far be it from Lily to protest. Though she was beginning to feel quite tired.

She couldn't restrain herself any longer; she yawned, and Severus snapped back to reality. He stood up straight, relinquishing his hold on her. She wanted to groan at the loss, but decided that going back to a much needed sleep was far better than standing up all night.

'Come, you are tired. I dare say we have both had enough excitement for one night.' A wry smile curled about his lips. Lily nodded in agreement, covering her mouth when she yawned again.

He offered her a hand, his right one, she noticed. He didn't much like anyone touching his left arm anymore. Lily often wondered, but felt that asking would be like knocking on one of the many blockades he hid his darkest secrets behind.

No matter, she would make him come 'round eventually.

Lily stretched up on her toes to press her lips to Severus', taking him by surprise. He took a second to respond, but returned the kiss all the same.

Lily burrowed further into her husband's arms, pulling the blankets tighter around her. She didn't often feel cold anymore, but tonight seemed to be an exception.

'Sev?'

'Hmm?'

Lily pulled his hands to rest on her stomach, beneath hers.

'I love you.'

'And I you.'

A/N: Ahem. So this is my first Severus/Lily anything, and I've been working on it for quite a while now, so hopefully, it came out alright. For those of you awaiting the next chapter of my story Just For Now, it will be out next week. So sorry for the delay, but I needed to get this out of my system first. Please Review :)

Regards, Marie.