Disclaimer: I don't own Monterey-Jack SHIT!

Folks, I've been feeling rather "old-school" lately. You know, I've been in the mood to educate our younger and even some of the OLDER wrestling fans on some past wrestling personalities. Tonight, I'm going to tell you about a not-quite wrestling legend! I had a chance to sit down with him earlier today…Read on, and remember—edumacation is the KEY!

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Now, when most people think of wrestlers of the 1980's, Ric Flair and Hulk Hogan come to mind instantly. The Macho Man Randy Savage, Andre The Giant, Sting and others were huge stars as well. But when making a list of the top 12,000 wrestlers of the mid-80's, one would have a semi-difficult time leaving off the man known the world over as Jumpin' Jim Brunzell.

Usually referred to as the "uglier, stupider, much worse Killer Bee", Jumpin' Jim and his partner B. Brian Blair broke onto the wrestling scene. Their gimmick was that they were Killer Bees. And homosexual lovers.

In one little known fact, Jumpin' Jim was not one of the original members, nor was the gimmick everyone knows the original plan. Rumor actually has it that in their introduction promos, the original bees "stung" several blind children to death. Those were later cut and they decided that the new gimmick would be two guys with yellow and black stripes who sometimes wore masks. Much to the surprise of Vince McMahon, this did not instantly become the most popular tag team of all time. After a few planning meetings, bookers decided that one bee being white and the other being a one legged black midget didn't help the character development of "not being able to tell them apart".

At a standstill, Vince McMahon didn't know what to do. That's when Jumpin' Jim Brunzell got his big break. Already being looked at by the WWF, they decided to scrap the gimmick of him being able to jump 200 feet in the air. They kept the nickname of Jumpin' however and decided to make him the brand new Killer Bee. Backstage, he and B. Brian were the best of friends, and very popular with the boys. Jim recalls a funny moment.

"Yeah, I remember we were on the road with Hillbilly Jim. It was 4:45 AM and I called his room saying I was going to rape his newborn child and then choke it to death. Boy was he cryin! Then I said, 'Surprise it's me Jumpin' Jim!' That wacky Hillbilly said he was gonna kill me...he didn't though."

Jim and Brian enjoyed moderate success in the WWF tag division, but much like every other team in the 1980's, they were eventually released because they threatened Hulk Hogan's presence as the ONLY face draw on earth. Which begs the question, where did Jumpin' Jim go from there?

He's definitely got a sketchy background. It's general consensus that Jumpin' Jim himself was under the "Giant Angry Negro" costume known as Zeus in 1991. He also attended a house show once in 1992 and stole a hot dog, and managed to spit on Dino Bravo, hoping to gain some heel heat. Instead he was arrested.

The arrest sent Jim into a downward spiral. Knowing he'd blown his big chance at a comeback, Jim turned to a life of crime.

"I had a GREAT chance at a comeback, but I became addicted to crime. It was like a drug to me. I started with jaywalking, then I jaywalked again. Then it got worse."

Jim was eventually arrested again in mid-1993 when he was caught smuggling a bag of pork rinds in his underwear at a drug store. He spent 3 days in jail, and was unable to make $100 bail.

But things didn't get any better from there. Fresh out of jail, Jim broke into the house of a young married couple and took a dump on their kitchen table. Next thing you know, it was off to jail for another month, for our Jumpin' pal.

For two years, old Jimmy had a bad track record. In and out of jail, living from place to place, Brunzell didn't know what to do with his life. It wasn't until late 1995 that his life took a turn for the better. Jim tells us in his own words.

"Well, I was following this cripple down an alley, where I wanted to steal his reallllllllly cool Boston Celtics jacket. I tripped over something though, and that's when I realized it was Missy Hyatt, lying there drunk! Now then, don't repeat this, but she...she took Jumpin' Jims flower right in that alley there, and all she asked for in return was a cup of coffee. I lied though, and didn't have money for coffee. But she had sex with me again anyway, right then and there! From that moment on, I knew I was a changed man."

Jim's life turned around. He stopped sleeping in his mother's basement and actually got a job at Tim Horton's. Eventually he got his own apartment, and became a lover, not a fighter. Whore after whore came and went, and Jumpin' Jim finally got over his wrestling depression. In 1996, he was watching WCW's "Bash At The Beach" when he saw Hulk Hogan turn heel in dramatic fashion. This rekindled Jim's wrestling fever.

"I hit the gyms day and night, only stopping to have occasional sex with a 12 year o...I mean, HOT BABE FROM THE BAR. Finally I got a hold of Eric Bischoff. Initially, he wasn't interested in me, but when he found out I was once semi-popular with the WWF, he signed me to a 7 year deal and I pinned Eddie Guerrero and Dean Malenko in a handicap match at a house show that night. Then I got my big tryout, a dark match on Nitro. I was set to do my big heel turn, getting me JUST as over as the Hulkster."

Jim faced the savage known as Glacier—(if you don't know him, check YouTube—you'll laugh like you haven't in a good while.). Anyway, 37 minutes in, Jim REFUSED to release a chokehold, thus getting himself DQ'ed.

There was a HUGE pop from the crowd once the match ended, then Jim got on the mic. "You know what? I was a Killer Bee before, but now...now I'm Jim Brunzell, FAT CHICK THRILLER AND CAREER KILLER! TAKE THAT YOU FANS OF MINE!" Expecting a chorus of boos, Jim was met with absolute silence, except one voice screaming, "Shut your honky ass before I stab you."

That voice belonged to Booker T. Backstage that night, a scuffle broke out and Booker managed to bite off Brunzell's left hand. Brunzell was quickly released when the WCW brass decided he was too negative in the backstage area. Also, Hulk Hogan was threatened by his possible heel heat.

Jim spiraled into depression again, this time turning to fast food and baby oil.

"I would eat McRib after McRib, wearing nothing but my Killer Bees mask, with Styx playing softly in the background, as I lubed up my hand and penetrated my own anus."

Jim hasn't left his apartment in 11 years, 9 months and 22 days. He now weighs in excess of 824 pounds. Rumors fly that he may be returning to the ring soon, as a Killer Bees Millennium version. The other Killer Bee, B. Brian Blair, could not be reached for comment, as he's most likely dead or gay.

Thanks for reading, I'm gonna' hit you again with another one soon! Please review, and vote on my poll that I've set up on my profile page!