A/N The homophobia in this is period typical, not my opinion. Also, Eacker's dad is the one who slanders Hammy, not his son in this fic. In addition, I'm sooooo sorry for making Eliza not as accepting in this fic, but someone close to Ham had to be mean! Though, I think the subject of sodomy would make Eliza a little sore because her love would not have been with her if it was socially acceptable. (Because Lams over Hamliza, sorry) P.S Dunno how historically accurate this is. Enjoy!

It was still light outside and I was actually heading home, which never happens. I'm excited to be able to talk to my family after school instead of slipping in the house and only having time to kiss them good night. Of course no one will be home when I get there, the kids are at school and my Eliza is most likely out shopping, but I'll be there before them for once so I'll consider it a win. Finally, the carriage comes to a stop in front of my house and I eagerly hop out. Walking briskly up the front steps I enter. No one's here, like I thought. I head into the kitchen to make myself a snack. Maybe we have some bread. I'm reaching in the pantry when I hear a moan. I stop dead in my tracks. What the hell! Still frozen, I strain my ears and I hear it again. Okay, so I'm not imagining it…. Who could it be? Suddenly I find myself heading up the stairs, mind racing. No way it's Eliza right? If anything I would be the one to cheat not her, which is reason number one on the list of why she deserves to be allowed to cheat on me. I hear the moan again. It's definitely more masculine. Whatever woman is in that bed with him must be good, especially since she isn't making a sound. It's not like someone would break into my house to have sex… right? Shaking my head, I listen to which door it's behind. Phillip's Room? That can't be my Pip, his voice doesn't sound like that. Hesitating only a moment I swing open the door and Oh. On the bed is a man, scratch that a young adult, with his shirt off and pants unbuckled. Above him is Philip. My Philip. Shirt off. At least their pants are on… mostly. As soon as I open the door their heads whip around, shock and fear evident of their faces.

"Pa… I" Philip trails off. I just continue staring. Out of everything I could've passed down to my son, it had to be my abnormal attraction to the same sex. I laugh bitterly and shake my head. And I was worried about a daughter.

"Pa what?" Oh right, I haven't responded yet. Coughing awkwardly I start to turn around.

"Get dressed and meet me downstairs" And I walk down the stairs without looking back.

Well shit, I'm gonna have to tell them about Laurens now. And my Eliza will be so mad at me for giving this to our son. I put my head my hands. God I missed John. My poor Philip shouldn't have to do what we did, the secrets, the lying, the sneaking around. I mean he had to ditch school today apparently! While I wouldn't trade away loving John, I do wish I never had this abnormality within me. Suddenly I hear someone clear their throats and I look up, Philip and the stranger are in front of me. I can basically feel the fear rolling off them. I notice that they're standing at least a foot apart, this almost makes me smile. As if I didn't see you so close and personal already. Instead I sigh and realize I should probably start this conversation.

"Have a seat."

"Look Pops-"

"Philip. Let me ask my questions first." He nods. I gesture to the stranger. "First of all, who is this."

"George. George Eaker." Eaker. Great. This guy's dad is a handful. I'll deal with that later.

"How long has this been going on?" At this Philip hesitates for a moment.

"Three months." Huh. Maybe I'm just really unobservant.

"Is this out of lust or love?" Pip's eyes bug out at this. George seems to staring at Phillip, anticipating his answer.

"Pa." He chokes out.

"Lust or love." I repeat.

"It's not lust," He states firmly, "But I don't.. I mean I really like… but" He stutters a bit trailing off. I almost smile again. My little boy can't say love.

"Strong attraction." I supply. He wordlessly nods. I sigh.

"I'm so sorry Pip." His eyes widen in alarm.

"You're not going to disown me, are you." He asks in a small voice. I abruptly sit up straighter.

"Oh god, no. No. I'm not mad at you. Oh, I made it sound like I was mad, I'm so sorry. It's not your fault" he looked confused so I continued, "I was apologizing because this is my fault. I gave this to you. I'm sorry."

"Pops, what? What do you mean? You and mom..."

"God gave me the strange curse to be able to love both man and women equally, and I must have passed it along to you. I love your mother, always have, but there was another. A while back, when I was in the war. My dearest Laurens…" I trail off, a faraway look in my eyes as I am lost in memories. Then I snap back. I have to focus on my son now.

"You both need to be more careful. John and I weren't. I'm actually pretty sure His Excellency knew, but that is besides the point. Try to stick to kissing. It's easier to separate fully clothed" They blush at that. Then I start rambling. Spewing out every tip, guideline, advice, etc that I learned from my experience.

"Pa.."

"Philip let me finish. I don't want you boys to get caught, not on my watch." And my spontaneous outburst of tips pushes on. They continued to look uneasy so I started to wrap it up, save some for later.

"Okay. You guys understand?"

"Yes. But Pops."

"Yes?"

"Turn around" Furrowing my eyebrows in confusion I spun around and froze. Oh shit. There stood Eliza, fuming.

"You're encouraging this?" She asked, voice deadly.

"Yes," I said firmly, standing up. "Are you not?"

"Of course not. This could get our son killed! Do you realize that!"

"I do realize that! That's the first thing that popped into my mind" I hissed back.

"And yet you still condone it?"

"How could you not? They're in love! Or about to be!"

"Their 'love' Is not worth death!" I freeze. She didn't.

"How dare you! Every kind of love is worth death, especially the romantic type. That kind of love is so special and you should hold on to it as long as you can."

"Ya, well I guess I wouldn't know. I've never committed sodomy" She spits the word out like it's venom.

"Eliza…"

"Shouldn't you be more concerned. If this got out it would ruin your reputation!" I was taken aback. That hurt.

"Do you really think so little of me that I value my rep over my son's happiness?"

"Sometimes." The answer was so honest, her voice so even. I stared. Was I really that terrible of a husband. I glanced at Philip and George. They were wide eyed, I even saw a tear in Philip's eye. I felt all my insecurities rushing back. Burden, useless, bastard, arrogant, annoying, unloved. I open my mouth to respond but no words came out. I didn't know what to say.

"Mom…" I heard Philip say. She glanced at him.

"Philip, I'm so sorry about your father."

"But Ma-" Eliza turned back to me.

"This is your fault." And with that she turned and walked away. My eyes followed her until she was gone, still staring at the spot she once stood. Your fault, your fault!

"Pops are you okay?" Right, they're still here. I spun around plastering the best fake smile I could on my face.

"Of course I'm fine." Philip didn't look convinced. I cleared my throat.

"Mr. Eacker, it was nice meeting you but I think it's time Philip showed you out."

"Yes sir. Um, I would like to thank you for your support. Most parents, including mine, would not be so tolerant. Sir." He added. I smiled softly and reached out to shake his hand.

"Have a nice night Mr. Eacker" He nodded politely and Philip led him to the door. Once they were out of sight I collapsed onto the couch and put my head in my hands. All your fault, unloved, burden. God I wish Laurens were here. He would help me. We were always better together. How could Eliza not know that I love our family, how could she not support Philip. What just happened? I sighed. I just have to fuck everything up. Why couldn't I just be a better husband, father.

"Pops are you really ok?" I look up at Philip.

"I try really hard Pip. You know I want to be with you guys more, but I have so much work all the time. I try to save a lot of it for the night, but sometimes I just have to sleep," I'm pacing now, getting more and more worked up. "I know I'm a terrible dad, but I always try my best to be here, I even got home early today. There are some days where I just can't stop writing, or I'll just forget the time, but I'm trying Pip. So hard." I feel a hand on my arm.

"Pa, its ok. Your the best father I could ask for. Not because your perfect, but because your my dad and you love me." I look at Philip and smile. Apparently not bright enough because he continues, "And this 'curse' we have, should be considered a blessing, for we can experience love based on personality and not sex."

"But all it does is bring you pain." Philip hesitates.

"Pa, what happened to Laurens?" I looked down.

"He was shot. Killed in South Carolina. Didn't even say goodbye." Philip was silent. He stared at me for a second and then came over and hugged me. No words were said, no words were needed. His eyes said it all. It was worth it. It will always be worth it.