A/N: I realize that some time ago I had taken a break from my Star Trek writings but sometimes inspiration hits you so hard that it takes your breath away. This was the case when I visited and viewed Linstock's work, 'I Will Never Let You Go'. It became the inspiration for this call out of retirement. Rush, Dear Readers to DeviantArt and view this masterpiece.
In the scene from Beyond, where Spock and Nyota join with the crew to toast their captain, I believe we are witness to one of the greatest non-verbal acting scenes ever in film. It is simply Quinto's stare—full of longing. Check it out and see if you agree with me.
Beyond, Beyond
Of course the captain was surprised. Bones had made sure that this one time, James T. Kirk would be slack-jawed. The entire crew and a few other notables lifted their glasses to him as he entered. Spock did not see the logic in this celebration, after all one was not responsible for the day and time of one's birth. Celebrating an event where one had control, or had wrest control of it, to gain a victory would certainly be worthier of a celebratory mindset.
As he stood with the crew, out of the corner of his eye he noticed Nyota's approach with two glasses in her hand. She said, nothing, just placed one of the beverage before him and by its faint trace of an odor determined, that based on her knowing him so well, she had simply supplied him with room temperature tea.
Although he had been living on Terra, for many years, his beverage of choice had not varied, it was still the liquid he associated with his original home world, precious water, room temperature. Nyota had wisely thought a beverage with some sort of color would allow him to appear to be part of the celebration.
She did not turn to observe his reaction but after a moment, simply walked away and joined Chekov who was attempting to drink his beverage which he probably found, not to his taste. Under normal circumstances he probably would have preferred to drink the beverage of his home, Vodka, which like water, was clear, and without taste.
Spock noticed how Chekov expression changed with Nyota's approach. During the Enterprise's first mission, Nyota had taken the youngster under her wing and was always ready to hear him out. Sometimes Spock would hear them conversing in his mother tongue, some of the things she said seemed to aid with his bouts of homesickness.
Selflessnes was one of Nyota most admirable qualities. At The Academy, she had sacrificed hours of sleep to assist a troubled student, her roommate or even, at times, himself. Of course, with the loss of his home and his mother, she had helped him address his grief. He was almost certain that she had in fact saved his life, for many of his fellowmen had chosen the Vulcan equivalent of suicide.
He had to admit that most of the time he was on the receiving end in their interaction. At that point, he had to mentally reprove himself. What he and Nyota had experienced was not in any way, shape or form merely an interaction. When he had given her his mother's necklace, he knew that his motive was almost a selfish one, through the necklace he would always know where she was which would afford him the opportunity to come to her aid if that need ever arose.
When it had become necessary to perform such a 'saving act' without a second thought, he carried it out. In his mind, he knew that there was nothing that he would not do for her, but his divided heart had tested his loyalties—to Vulcan, to Star Fleet, to her. Nyota saw the conflict within him and took it upon herself to end their relationship, taking the blame onto herself…'it is not you, it is me', and mentally he accepted it, but his heart betrayed him, he longed for her, sleepless nights attested to her absence's negative affect on him. His human half screamed out for her and his Vulcan half attempted to muffle the sound.
No plans had been finalized for his resignation from Star Fleet and return to Vulcan. As a matter of fact, he had not even breached the subject with Jim. Before the crisis arose, Nyota had severed ties, she would not respond through the light bond that they had. In that area all was silent and dark. Added to this personal crisis was the knowledge that Ambassador Spock had died. But, even in death, he continued to guide him. The Ambassador's final gift to him settled Spock's mind and heart. For the first time in his entire life he knew exactly where he belonged. But before he could speak to Nyota, she and the rest of Enterprise's crew had been captured by Krall.
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It was after the successful rescue of the crew, minus Nyota, that he, although still dealing with his injury attempted to carry out his rescue mission. She questioned him,
"Spock, what are you doing here?"
Still in pain, clutching his side, having witnessed Nyota's quick dispatching of Krall's henchman who was about to fire at him, Spock responded to her question,
"Clearly I am here to rescue you."
With that answer, Nyota knew that her sometimes clueless ex-lover had made a personal decision. She read it in the intensity of his eyes as he looked at her after the crew toasted their captain.
With that eye contact, she knew that Spock had at last discovered where and with whom he should be and she was certain that some time that very night he would validate that decision by words and actions.
For some strange reason, she believed Ambassador Spock had influenced him to make his final decision and she raised her eyes to Spock who looked even more deeply into her eyes as she caressed his mother's necklace. She was able to read his silent plea and smiled and said,
"You old romantic."
So it was that Spock walked Nyota to her assigned room at Yorktown facilities. He stood at the door waiting for an invitation,
"Do you want to come in?"
He never answered, just stepped inside her room.
"Would you like some tea?
He never answered, just went to her kitchen and put on the kettle and set out the tea cups, saucers and tea.
Would you like some music?
No answer, just instructions to the computer to play their favorite song, _.
"Is there anything else that you need or want?
"Yes"
"What is it?
He did not say a word, just took her hand, kissed it and kissed her with such longing that Nyota had to shake her head. Spock picked her up and carried her to the couch and held her to himself and said,
"Nyota, there are few things that I have ever needed but I have discovered that my primary need is you. You in my life, you in my future, you in my bed. Wherever I have to do to make amends, I am willing to comply. Do not shut me out ever again for I am unable to find contentment without you. I am hoping that you will tell me what I must do to reach you and have you accepting me again. Whatever you say, I am willing to do."
"Do not shut be out again," was her reply. I know your Vulcan nature insist on a degree of privacy, solitude, meditation, but I need to know whatever you need so I am not thinking that you do not want me in your life. Rejection is a terrible feeling. When you shut me out, that is what I experience."
Spock had experienced rejection his entire life. Reaching out for Nyota's hand he simply said,
"Bond with me Nyota."
"You are certain," was her response."
"I desire your presence in every area of my life, especially in my consciousness so we are never parted. You would honor me by your acceptance."
Nyota's response was not verbal. She was on her knees when she crawled towards him and planted a kiss on his cheeks. Her action triggered his possessiveness and he picked her up with little effort and headed toward his bedroom. He sat on the bed with Nyota on his lap and accepted her expressions of love. He responded by placing his hand on her psi points and whispered,
"Your mind to my mind, your thoughts to my thoughts…Once they had initialed the bond he took her. He responded to her wishes as he kept the bond open. There was no doubt in his mind that they had shared such a unique experience and as he held her she wept. For his strong, focused, brave, bondmate this was an emotional transference, quite common once the mind is touched.
It was early the next morning when Spock left Nyota's side. He sat in his meditation robe and reviewed his life up until this point and he knew that nothing in his entire life could equal what he now was sharing with the one he had chosen as half his heart, soul and mind, his Nyota.