A/N: I've decided to upload all my fics into a single account. For clarity's sake, eye of the beholder until let the walls break down were originally uploaded to my AO3 account, callingthequits. Then I went back to my roots and thought, "Hey, why not post it on Fanfiction too?" so here I am.
Title comes from Miss Missing You by Fall Out Boy. In chronological order, lyrics in the fic include Bad Enough For You by All Time Low, The Phoenix by Fall Out Boy, Far Too Young To Die and Bittersweet, both by Panic! at the Disco.
Ferocity and despair and determination and fantasy.
/ i'll make you hate me just enough to make you want me
Eren's lips are red as fuck, Jean realizes dazedly, as they bleed. Eyes blazing and full of fire, hair all mussed and messy, knuckles bruised and stance firm. Jean isn't in a better state himself, but he hopes to Whatever's-Up-There that he looks at least half as attractive as Eren does when he's beat up.
So he kind of kisses Eren and grips on his hips too tight and he loves it when Eren's like this, all passion and fierceness and force. Because Eren gives as good as he gets, and it's beautiful and endearing and enchanting because it's Eren and because his tongue is divine.
And they're all that and all more, that all-or-nothing kind of love that works for them like it doesn't really work for anyone else, just taking and taking and taking until they bleed. Jean loves it, and he loves Eren, and he's pretty sure that Eren loves him too, and that thought makes his heart beat faster and his pants go all tight.
That's why when they pull apart and Jean pushes Eren on the floor a little too harshly, the latter swears as loudly as he can, but he grins at Jean with bloody teeth all the same.
/ hey young blood, doesn't it feel like our time is running out
He's so tired all the time, and he's not just because he has to go Titan mode every once in a while. Eren just kind of also has a sex crazy boyfriend. Oh, he's not complaining - it's great - but it does take a lot out of a guy.
So they pass out after every time they do it, and it chases away most of their nightmares so it's all good.
Usually it's Eren who wakes up first - you can take the kid out of the warzone, but you can't take the warzone out of the kid - and he just sleepily plays with Jean's face when he does, but tonight it's a bit different.
Tonight he stares at Jean's peaceful face, and he kind of cries because he doesn't know how long he gets to wake up to it.
/ give me one last kiss, we're far too young to die
It's become a staple that before Jean kills a Titan, he sometimes kisses his blaze first before he does. In a way, it seems like he's honoring Marco when he does it, because he always told him to take what love he has to make it something worthwhile, and he thinks that this could count in a strange way.
Most of the time and practically always, he takes that love and kisses Eren on the forehead before a mission. It serves no particular reason, and it's hardly useful. The main reason why Jean even does it in the first place is because he's amused with the way that Eren's nose twitches when he does.
But sometimes he does it to remind Eren that he has something worth living for, even if it's just grumpy old Jean waiting for him at the end of the day.
And Eren, bless him, kind of gets it too. So he smiles at Jean and holds his hand and says, "Fight." Jean always nods whenever he does, but it's not really until a night talking with Mikasa that he understands why.
/ i'm not a wedding man but this is a sure thing
It must be hard to keep kneeling down on uneven cement, Eren thinks in slight wonder, as Jean does. It probably is. Jean looks a lot constipated as he does, his hands out as if to catch something. He's sweating like Bertholdt too, and Eren didn't even know that anyone could sweat as much as he does.
"Well?" Jean shakily says, trying to grin but ultimately failing. Eren struggles not to laugh. His face, damn, it's kind of hilarious with the way it's sweating and how Jean's body is shaking and how Jean is kind of obviously very tired with the kneeling and-
Eren doubles over with laughter, and Jean just deadpan says, "What the fuck," when he does, catching him.
"You idiot," Eren grins, "You absolute fucking idiot, you horseface, Jean Kirstein, whatever, I absolutely fucking hate you, you stupid bastard." Jean laughs, relief in it, and Eren does too. Which is all the more hurtful for the latter when he wakes up.