The Case Of
Doctor Ritsuko Akagi
A Neon Genesis Evangelion Fan Fiction
By Nicholas Paul Clark (Warriorsong)
--
The Case of Doctor Ritsuko Akagi
--
"We all know it was you."
The voice came from without her, echoing across the expanse white of unreality. She knew the voice and in this wasteland of souls she knew what it meant.
"We all know it was you."
Yes it was hardly her greatest achievement but nor was it her darkest despair. That had come at the end, both of them had.
"We all know it was you."
The sense of herself flooded into her, an undefined space in a void of consciousness but slowly she felt her limits and her logic return and the faint outline of a leather couch. She felt the inclination to respond.
"Who is we?" She knew the answer, knew the voice but wanted to see if this was real. It could be her guilt, her own manifestation of remorse. Or it could be the beginnings of the grand end she had only half believed.
"All of us", replied Shinji, his form coalescing like a thick fog, spurred to existence but the recognition she had given it.
Ritsuko shook her head. Only two people knew and they wouldn't bother her with it. They knew how it worked, he had even greeted her, unassuming even though he must have known what was to happen. The other would not come here; he would be searching her out. His other. The reason all this happened in the first place…
"Of course he knew," a second voice announced, different to the first. She knew this voice as well.
"And he expected it. He welcomed it, he could have hidden, ran, escaped. He didn't. I bear no fault."
Asuka materialised before her, red bangs covering a face obviously tear stained. "He was your friend. You didn't have to do it."
"You have no idea what I do or don't have to do." Her voice was surprisingly calm in her own ears. They weren't accusing her, they were merely stating facts. She should be losing her temper but it's seemed leaden, weighed down by the fog. "I had no choice."
The third voice, the one she feared most spoke now, calm and understanding despite the fact it should be screaming and railing at her in the blind fury of a lover's rage.
"Oh course you had a choice, but you chose to ignore it. You could have refused, laid down your gun and let him go but you didn't. You killed a friend. He let you kill him. He made his choice; decided that he could serve the rest of us better by making us aware of the game we were playing, the high stakes that hid behind a noble cause. It wasn't noble that he died or that you pulled the trigger but that he died for what he believed in. You believe in nothing besides you own gratification and competing against a ghost you can never hope to overthrow."
Was it a useless struggle? She had always done as Ikari had wished. Without question. There was no doubt he had the charisma to command, the passion and fire to lead but she was simply there, following his mandate. Out of love?
"Don't be ridiculous." A fourth voice. "He never loved you. He never loved me. I doubt he loved her or that he had the capacity to love. You were a tool, an item with which he could complete a task, and whether that was to create his Armageddon or release his tensions, he didn't care. We were all tiles to be traded and discarded. Even his son was nothing more than a commodity to achieve his one desire."
"He wanted to see my Mother again."
"And what was your motivation? Did you hate that Misato found love and you had the empty approximation?"
"Or was it that I could separate myself into different parts, lover, mother, woman, warrior where all you had was his instruction?"
"Or did you seek some way to escape my shadow, surpass me by taking my leftovers before my body had even started to decompose? Or did you see it as carrying on my work, the dutiful daughter?"
"It shouldn't matter if he welcomed it."
She could finally see Misato now as she spoke, bloodied and pale, tears streaked with eyeliner down her face. A spectre of sorrow and pain.
"He welcomed it but it shouldn't matter. He made a choice and that choice allowed us to prepare. It made us aware of how close the wolves had come to the hen house door. That no one could be trusted, that what he left us had more meaning than the way he died."
"He was a big brother, a father figure I never had."
"He was a crush, an example of what a man could be."
"He was a lover, a man who I gave my heart too."
"He was Ryouji Kaji, and you killed him."
--
What was her motivation? She didn't know. He had told her too, given her the gun, and instructed her where to meet him. And Kaji had greeted her as an old friend, expecting it even before he saw the gun in her hand. His face so peaceful, not even surprised. Resigned to his fate. Resolute.
And with that same gun she has tried to destroy the one thing she had held above all else, her so called lover, her overseer and his puppet doll.
When strangely she had been a puppet herself.
She should have realised sooner.
--
The mists swirled and churned as the memories dissolved on the crest of waves in the sea of Instrumentality, broken only by half dreams and the insubstantial nightmares that swam beneath.
--
Disclaimers
--
Standard disclaimers apply
Neon Genesis Evangelion, Ritsuko Akagi and related characters were created by Yoshiyuki Sadamoto, Hideaki Anno and are copyright Project EVA, Gainax, NAS, Tokyo TV and ADV Films. If any of this information is incorrect or absent, I offer my most humble apologies. No copyright infringement is intended, this is merely a work of fan fiction. I am in no way affiliated to any of these organizations, companies or individuals. Thank you for reading.
Written 3rd July 2008. Finished 3rd July 2008. By Nicholas Paul Clark (Warriorsong). Another post Third Impact Story. I've wanted to do this for a long time, since I first saw Eva. To me it was just obvious that Ritsuko had done the deed. It was just so tragic that it couldn't not be the case. She even warned him. It only came to me as I contemplated the upcoming release of EVA 2.0 and the theatrical screening of EVA 1.0 her in NZ that I had better write this before they actually get around to telling us who did it. Thanks for reading.