Disclaimer: Not mine, no copyright intended
A/N: Written for the Christmas challenge on the "ConnorandAbby" Comm on LJ. This is a little present to everyone who has encouraged and supported my writing over here and on LJ - On here, particularly duchessfaleen, EmmaUK26 and BregoBeauty. Merry Christmas to all Conby fans!
It had very nearly ended badly. If Becker hadn't acted so quickly, Connor would be in a hospital bed right now. He was distracted; his mind not entirely on the job and he knew it was his fault, so he stood and took the verbal abuse from Becker without saying a word. Then Abby had told Becker to lay off him, and Connor got angry with her and stormed off with the words "I can fight my own battles, Abby!"
She found him shut away in Cutter's old office. It hadn't been used since he'd died; although it was officially Danny's now, he said it didn't feel right and he'd set himself up in another office. Connor was sat on the chair, leaning on the desk with his head in his hands. It was almost like a schoolboy sat waiting at the Headmaster's desk for a punishment. He hadn't heard Abby come in, or if he had, he was choosing to ignore her.
"What's wrong, Connor?" she said, resting her hand on his shoulder. He tensed, but didn't make an attempt to push her away.
"I'm fine. Just got some stuff on my mind at the moment, that's all." He sniffed.
"What sort of stuff? Is it anything I can help with? You haven't been yourself for the last few days, and its not like you to lose your temper." She touched his cheek, and he turned to face her. She knew straight away he was trying not cry. "Connor? Whatever it is, maybe I can help?"
"I've decided not to go and spend Christmas with my mum this year." he said quietly. "Can't face it. She doesn't even know who I am now. It hurts too much."
Abby's heart ached for her friend. She knew Connor's mum meant the world to him; she was all he had since his father had passed away at an early age. It couldn't be easy seeing someone you love slowly deteriorate to a point where she couldn't even remember her own name. For the last 18 months, he'd been playing the dutiful son and visiting once a month. Each time he came back, Abby could see his heart was breaking. "I can understand that, Connor, but won't you feel bad not going?"
"I'll go up the weekend before and take a present, and some chocolates and wine for the nursing staff. At least they'll appreciate it." he sighed.
"I guess that means I'll have company on Christmas day then?" Abby said, trying to lighten the mood.
"If that's OK? I didn't want to assume anything, and you might have plans..."
"Of course it's OK, Connor. Its your flat too. And you know me, I haven't really celebrated Christmas since I moved out of home. I just spend Christmas day curled up on the sofa watching all the bad movies that are on."
"Thanks." Connor said. He took a deep breath, wiped his eyes and then made his way back to the main hub of the ARC. He sat at his computer and started his work. Abby watched him for a while. He was smiling and laughing with one of the technical support guys but she could tell that he was hiding his true feelings; his eyes were betraying him - the sadness only evident to someone like her that knew him inside out.
She decided that maybe she should do something to try and raise his spirits; she would celebrate Christmas properly for the first time in years.
-o-
Standing in yet another queue, Abby was realising why she'd never bothered with Christmas before now. She'd been out for hours, and yet seemed to have very little to show for it and was now secretly wishing she'd paid more attention when Connor was showing her how to buy stuff online. Still, at least once she'd paid for this basket load of goodies, she could head back home and make a start on her plan. Connor was also out shopping somewhere, and she hoped he would be out for some time.
Finally home, Abby pulled out the step ladders from under the stairs and began untangling the various garlands and strings of tinsel from their packaging. As she started to hang things from the roof beams, she felt a flutter of excitement in her stomach and found herself singing along with a cheesy Christmas song playing on the radio. It was a considerably harder task than she'd envisioned though; things wouldn't stay put whilst she tried to fix the other end, and Rex kept getting in the way because he was curious about what she was doing. Before she knew it, she was tangled in foil streamers and running out of free hands – just as Connor walked through the door.
"What are you doing?" he said, a slightly lopsided smile on his face.
"I'm waiting for a bus, Connor! What does it look like I'm doing?"
"You've never decorated the flat for Christmas before." he said, putting his bags down.
"Never had anyone else here for Christmas before." she blushed for a moment, then pulled herself together again. "Now, are you going to stand there doing goldfish impressions all evening, or are you going to help me?"
"You're doing this because of me, Abby?" Connor said. He felt a lump in his throat. "You didn't have to you know."
"Just thought we should make an effort, that's all." she said, trying to sound nonchalant, but deep down she was pleased at Connor's reaction. Seeing a brief flicker of joy in his eyes was exactly what she was hoping for. Maybe by the time Christmas day arrived, the sadness would be almost gone from his eyes and he'd be his usual self.
"We need another ladder, then I can hold one end whilst you fix the other." Connor said, scratching his head. "I wonder if Becker has one we could borrow for a while?" He pulled his phone out of his pocket and was about to call Becker when Abby coughed.
"Erm, Becker's not home."
"How do you know?" Connor said.
"He's kind of doing a favour for me." Abby said. She sighed. "It was meant to be a surprise. He's gone to pick up a Christmas tree from the market in one of the ARC 4x4s because I could only get a little one in my car."
"A real one!" Connor grinned. "Abby, I think I love you!" For the briefest of moments, Abby held Connor's gaze and felt her cheeks burn. She knew he didn't mean it in the same way as when she was dangling over the edge of that cliff in the future, but his words still made her feel warm. Connor went a shade of scarlet too when he realised what he'd said and swallowed nervously. "I should get my shopping put away, and then I'll come and help you." he said, and he scurried away like a frightened mouse. Abby gazed at the empty space he had occupied moments before, her mind wandering to no place in particular.
An hour later, Becker arrived with the tree. Connor helped him bring it in and they set it up in the corner of the flat. It must have been at least 7 feet tall. "Really appreciate this, Becker." Abby said. "Will you stay for a drink or something? Its the least I can do."
"It's OK, I have another delivery to make. When Sarah heard I was picking up a tree for you, she asked me to get one for her too. There's a dinner in it for me so..." he grinned and raised his eyebrows.
"I see... dinner with Sarah's a more attractive prospect than drinks with me and Abby, eh?" Connor laughed.
"What can I say?" Becker said. "See you both Monday."
After Becker left, Abby stepped back and looked at the tree. "It didn't look this big when I bought it." she said. "I'm not sure I've got enough decorations for it."
"It's brilliant, Abby. Thank you." Connor said, moving to stand beside her, just close enough for his shoulder to brush against hers. "We used to have a real tree at my Gran's, but mum wouldn't have one. She always said it was too messy. You can't beat that smell though eh?"
Abby smiled. Growing up, Christmas was always a minimal affair, especially after her father walked out on them. She envied Connor and his lovely family memories sometimes. "We should make a start on decorating it." she said, finally breaking her thoughts. "If we don't, it'll be almost midnight!"
Connor grabbed the ladder and insisted he be the one to put the star on top. Abby handed it to him and stood at the base of the ladder watching him climb up. "Can't quite reach!" Connor said, stretching.
"Come back down then, and we'll move the ladder."
"No, hang on, I think I can if I just..." He leaned over and Abby felt the ladder wobble. She grabbed it to try and steady it, but by then the momentum was too much and the ladder fell and Connor came crashing down to the floor.
"Connor!" Abby gasped, rushing to his side. "You OK?" He nodded miserably and sat up, rubbing his wrist. "Let me look." she said, reaching out for his hand. He pulled away.
"It's nothing, just a bump." Connor said. Abby grabbed his wrist. It was already considerably swollen.
"It doesn't look like nothing. Squeeze my hand." Connor tried, and screamed out in agony. "It's broken, Connor. We need to get you to the hospital and have it properly looked at."
"I'm sorry, Abby." Connor blinked.
"Hey, it was all going too well anyway. Something was bound to go wrong at some point." Abby laughed. "At least its now and not on Christmas day itself. Come on. I'll drive you to casualty now."
-o-
Some hours later, they were home again. Connor's wrist was broken, and had been set into a plaster cast. He looked thoroughly miserable and had barely spoken on the way home. Abby put it down to shock and the pain as the painkillers the nurse had given him had not yet kicked in. "I'll make us some hot chocolate." Abby said. Connor flopped onto the sofa and sat feeling sorry for himself whilst he waited for Abby to bring him his drink. She handed him his mug and sat beside him. "Could be worse, Connor." she said. "At least its not your right wrist. You can still do things."
"But I can't drive up to Blackburn at the weekend can I?" he said, quietly.
That explains the silence. Abby thought. "I'll take you." she said. She wasn't really sure where that came from, but it made sense. With the bad weather, trains were so unreliable.
Connor looked at her, a slight glint of hope in his eyes. "Really? It's quite a trek, it'll be a very long day."
"I know what it means to you." Abby said, resting her hand on his shoulder. "And it'll be nice to go for a long drive and get a change of scenery."
Connor leaned forward and kissed Abby's cheek lightly. "Thank you." he whispered, before turning a bright shade of red and turning away. "I'm going to … erm... yeah. I should go to bed.".
"Night, Connor." Abby said, watching him slowly make his way up the stairs to his room, and then yet again found herself staring into the empty space he had just left.
-o-
The drive up to Blackburn passed relatively quickly. Abby liked being on the motorway after the relatively slow roads she usually had to drive on around London. At first, Connor had been quite chatty, but as they got closer to Blackburn, he became quieter; speaking only to give Abby directions. Abby knew this was not easy for him, so didn't push him for conversation. The local radio station blared out the usual mix of cheesy pop music and adverts, and Abby would usually have turned it off and put on one of her CDs, which would then result in Connor pouting because he wanted his own music on. Today, it just seemed easier to leave the radio on.
They sat in the car park of the nursing home for several minutes; Connor just sat staring through the windscreen, psyching himself up. "Come in with me, Abby." he said eventually.
"I'd be intruding, Connor. This is personal." Abby said.
"No. I want you here. I don't want to do this on my own." Connor sniffed.
"OK. I'll come inside with you, but I don't think I should come in to see your mum. You have to do that alone, Connor, no matter how hard it is. She's still your mum." Abby squeezed his hand reassuringly.
He took a deep breath and got out of the car, holding his head high but blinking back tears. Abby followed a few steps behind, feeling uneasy. They were greeted by a smiley woman in a nurse's uniform who Connor called Maggie and were led into a lounge area. Abby wasn't quite sure what to expect but this wasn't it. As a child, she'd visited an old people's home with her class to do some carol singing. She remembered the smell of the place, and the old people scared her. This place seemed homely and warm, and the various patients all seemed happy. A few glanced up as she and Connor walked in and she smiled back. Then she turned to Connor. His eyes were searching the room and then they stopped, focussed on a frail lady sat in a corner watching TV. Abby knew straight away who she was – Connor had inherited her eyes. He looked back at Abby and forced a smiled.
"I'll be right here." Abby said. Connor walked slowly over to his mum, and pulled over a footstool to sit on at the side of her chair. Abby saw him take her hand and start talking to her; his face looking ever hopeful. Abby tried to look for a glimmer of recognition in his mum's eyes – she knew all Connor wanted was for her to call him "son", just once. But after a few minutes, it was obvious that Connor was doing all the talking, and the lady just looked slightly puzzled. Abby had to turn away; her heart was breaking for Connor and she could feel tears prickling in her eyes.
"Can I get you a cuppa?" Maggie said, seeing Abby looking a little out of sorts. Abby nodded gratefully. "Follow me, sweetheart." She led Abby down the corridor to a small kitchen, then set about boiling a kettle. "Connor's never brought anyone else with him before. I guess he's finding it harder and harder to come here?"
"Yeah. It must be difficult for him; seeing his mum like that and loving her but not being loved back." As she said the words, she felt a tightening in her chest; a sense of guilt. In some ways, her own relationship with Connor was like his relationship with his mum. He clung on to the hope that one day his love would be returned. She couldn't do anything about his mum, but she could do something about herself.
Abby sat chatting to the nurse for the best part of half an hour. She felt a deep admiration for Maggie; her patience and understanding for the residents seemed endless. Connor peered his head around the door. "Here you are! Lucy said she'd seen you disappear off with Maggie."
"I've been having a lovely chat with your girlfriend." Maggie said. Connor glanced at Abby, waiting for her to give her usual response.
"Did you get the presents out of the car, Connor?" Abby said, and she caught a slight look of confusion on Connor's face.
"The presents? Oh yes... Lucy's got them." He turned to Maggie. "There's something for mum for her to open on Christmas day, and there's a tin of chocolates and a couple of bottles of wine for you ladies."
Maggie hugged him. "You're a lovely young man, Connor. Your mum would be so proud of you."
"I'm not so sure about that." Connor said, sitting down at the table next to Abby. "She wanted me to have a nice steady job and settle down and ..." Connor sighed, and scratched nervously at his plaster cast.
"What your mum wants is for you to be happy." Maggie said, softly. "When you first brought her here, all she was worried about was whether you would be lonely when you moved down south... and whether you would remember to put clean socks and underpants on every day!"
Abby giggled, and the mood lightened. "He still needs a reminder on that one!"
"Oi!" Connor said, giving Abby a friendly shove. The three shared a laugh, then Maggie said she had to go and do her rounds ready to hand over to the night staff.
"We should get going too." Abby said. "We have a three hour drive ahead of us." As Connor said his goodbyes to the nursing staff and wished them all 'Happy Christmas', Maggie followed Abby out to the car park.
"You've got a good one there." she said.
"Connor?"
"Yes. He's a little … vulnerable at times, but I suppose you know that already. But he's a good kid, you should hang on to him with all your heart, Abby." Maggie said.
"I will." Abby said. She meant it too. For the first time, she was realising just what she and Connor had – and although she'd been struggling for an idea of what to get him for Christmas, she now knew exactly what she would give him.
-o-
Abby awoke on Christmas morning with her stomach tied in knots. Today could go horribly wrong, and she was incredibly nervous. This was a huge step she was taking. She lay in bed for a while, going over her plan in her head, making sure it really was the right thing to do. The smell of bacon drifted to her nose and she could hear Connor clattering around in the kitchen. She guessed that was her cue to get out of bed – it was a rare occasion that Connor was up and about before she was.
Pulling on her dressing gown, she padded sleepily out of her room. "Morning sleepy head!" Connor said, far too loudly for this time of morning. "Bacon sandwich?"
"Sounds good. Can you manage OK with one arm?" Abby looked slightly concerned as she watched him.
"Piece of cake, Abby!" he grinned. "Almost done. Made you some coffee too, its on the table."
Abby sat at the table and poured herself some coffee. "I'm really being spoilt, thank you!"
Connor appeared, carrying a large plate of bacon sandwiches. "Least I can do when I've invaded your Christmas." he said, sitting down.
"You're not invading at all, Connor. I can't think of anyone else I'd rather be with right now." she squeezed his hand and held it. Connor gazed at her and squeezed her hand back.
"I know we said that we'd only get small token presents for each other, but... well I wanted to say 'thank you' for everything you've done the last few weeks, especially taking me up to Blackburn." Connor blushed as he reached into his pocket and pulled out a small present. "I had to get Jenny to help me wrap it." he said.
Abby took it from him and found she was lost for words. She really hadn't expected anything from him, although she knew he had got her some of her favourite chocolates. She carefully unwrapped it to reveal a small plastic box, which she opened. She bit her bottom lip and had to fight back tears. The gold bracelet inside was simple, understated and perfect for her. No-one had ever given her something so beautiful before.
Connor saw a stray tear fall down her cheek and he was horrified. "Did I do the wrong thing? I thought you'd like it... if you don't I can always..."
"Connor, I love it!" she finally choked out. "I just wasn't expecting..." she took a deep breath and wiped her cheek. "Thank you." She looked across the table and smiled. "I mean it. It's the nicest thing anyone's ever given me." She stood up and moved around next to him, leaned forward and kissed him softly on the lips. When she pulled away, she felt a tingle on her lips. She could taste him and that excited her. He was gazing at her with his puppy dog eyes; the sadness he had been hiding disappearing rapidly and being replaced by hope – she had seen it a number of times before but it had always been followed by a look of disappointment. This time it would be different.
"I have a little something for you too." Abby said. "I was going to wait until later, after we'd eaten … but it seems more appropriate now."
Connor looked slightly confused, his eyebrows knitting together as his face screwed up. He grew even more confused when she sat on his lap and curled her arm around his neck and rested her other hand on his chest.
"Merry Christmas, Connor." Abby said. She moved her hand from his chest to his face and then leaned in, capturing his lips in a kiss. She lingered, drinking in his scent, his taste, the warmth and softness of his mouth, and praying that he was feeling the same fluttering in his stomach that she was.
As she moved to pull away, Connor sighed "Abby!" and returned her kiss, wrapping his arms around her to pull her in closer. Just as Abby decided to move it up a level, Connor pulled away "Damn! Damn! Damn!"
"What's wrong?" Abby said, dismayed. Maybe she'd been too much too soon for him? She didn't blame one bit after all the mixed signals she'd been giving him.
"Bloody plaster cast! My arm is itching like crazy and its all I think about! I'm sorry." He looked on the verge of tears.
Relieved it wasn't her, Abby stifled a giggle. "Is that all? We can deal with that. Where's your chopstick?" Abby knew he'd been using a chopstick to scratch inside his cast the last few days. She got off his lap.
"Kitchen drawer." he said miserably.
Abby went to the kitchen and found the chopstick, then returned, plopping herself back onto Connor's lap. "Give me your arm." she said. He held out his plastered arm and Abby cradled it on her own lap. She slid the chopstick inside and began moving it in and out.
"Oh Abby! That feels so good!" Connor gasped. "Just there. A little bit harder!"
Abby giggled. "Its a good job no-one can hear this conversation, Connor." She saw Connor's cheeks turn scarlet and her heart skipped a beat. He was so sweet. "How's the itching?"
"Better." he said.
"Good." Abby grinned. "Now, where were we?"
"Here, I think." Connor grinned back and pulled her into another kiss suddenly finding a confidence he'd never felt around Abby before. Abby felt his tongue against her lips, begging entry. As she allowed him into her mouth, she let out a contented sigh and tangled her own tongue with his.
Several long moments later, they reluctantly pulled apart. Abby felt breathless; her head spinning. She hadn't expected it to feel so intense so soon, but it felt right. The look on Connor's face said it all – he looked like the cat that got the cream. "Did you like your Christmas present?" She said.
"Mmm!" Connor said. He was holding onto Abby's waist, afraid to break the connection and end this wonderful moment. He knew the second he let her go, it would be over and they would go back to how they were before.
"There's more where that came from, if you want it that is." Abby said, swallowing nervously. What if she scared him off?
"More?" Connor breathed. Abby slid of his knees and stood up, holding out her hand. He took hold of it and looked straight into her eyes, waiting for the knockback and feeling slightly sick. Silently, Abby turned and moved towards her bedroom door, leading Connor. "When you say 'more' Abby..." he said. His heart was pounding, did he dare hope that there was only one reason she was leading him towards her bedroom?
"Merry Christmas Connor!" Abby said, clicking the bedroom door firmly shut behind them.