"One Last Time"
Disclaimer: All characters are property of Steph Meyers, she owns all - I own my fantasies about Jacksper.
"Alice, sweetheart. It's time to get up and get ready. You've got a big day ahead of you." Esme's voice rang through my dreamless sleep. Taking a deep breath and opening my eyes, I began to mentally prepare myself for the day ahead.
Breathe in, breathe out. Don't think, don't feel, just be.
I lowered myself off the king size bed and padded my way down the hallway of Bella and Edward's house. The girls had decided to spend together, reminiscent of our high school days when we would all sleep over at one of our houses. Pigging out on ice cream and gossiping about our men – those days were long gone though and real life was currently staring us in the face.
"Shh, girls! Let her have some time alone." I smiled as I heard Esme's voice carry over from the kitchen as I made my way into the bathroom. Sighing I turned the water on and stepped under the water, running it as hot as I could stand. I stripped and stared at myself in the mirror.
My eyes were slightly bloodshot and my skin a little paler than usual, but there was a healthy glow to me. My hands instinctively went to my stomach I lovingly touched my swollen belly. I swallowed down a slight wave of nausea and stepped into the shower.
No. Just be.
The hot water cascaded against my muscles and I let my mind wander back to the first day that I laid eyes on Jasper Whitlock.
I walked into the cafeteria hesitantly. I hated days like this, where everyone just stared. Sure, I was the new girl and yeah I looked a little different than the people here in Forks, but it had been almost a week and I thought that they'd get over it by now.
I had just celebrated my 8th birthday and was given the present of relocation from my parents! It had been hard leaving Mississippi but I didn't have many friends there to begin with so it's not like this could be any worse.
As I was waiting in line to get my food, as I moved forward I was suddenly aware of a body that hadn't been there 10 seconds ago.
"You can't do that!" I shrieked at the older boy who stepped in front of me. Mike Newton – ew. He grabbed the last chocolate pudding, the one I had my eye on the entire time during line. Turning around he stuck his tongue out at me and licked the top of the pudding.
"You want some Ali-wally?" He taunted me. I wanted to hit him but all I could do was stand there and feel the tears begin to burn my eyes. He yanked on my hair and I yelped slightly, letting the tears spill over. "Oh what are you going to do – cry? You're just a cry baby. Cry baby, cry baby!"
The cafeteria erupted in the hateful chant and I dropped my tray. That only made them laugh louder and they began pointing. Humiliated, I turned to leave when I met the sweetest eyes I've ever seen.
"Are you okay?" His voice sounded different than mine and he looked mad and concerned.
"Mike… he..he.." I tried to tell him between sobs. "Took… my… p-p-pudding!" I pointed an accusing finger at the big bully and threw myself into the boy's arms. He patted my back and instantly I was calmed.
"Shh… it's okay. I'll protect you." He said sweetly, not letting my little body go.
"Alice Brandon! Michael Newton! Jasper Whitlock! What is going on here?" Mrs. Cope screamed from the other end of the lunch room. I froze and looked up at the boy I now knew to be Jasper.
"He was pushin' her around ma'am." His voice was steady and calm as he explained what happened. I had no idea what was going on but I knew that this boy was someone special – and I never wanted to be away from him again.
Feeling the temperature of the water change I decided now was as good as ever to leave the shower. I threw the robe on and made my way back to the room where Bella and Rose were waiting. I pulled on my bra and underwear and looked up at them.
I fingered the silky material of the dress they had picked out for me. I closed my eyes and sighed. I cleared my throat and looked at my girls. "Can you help me?" my eyes pleaded with them silently.
They sprang to life, lifting the dress over my head gently and sitting me down carefully on the vanity chair. Flawlessly the applied my make-up and began styling my hair. I couldn't tell you the colors they used, what shoes I was wearing or if I liked how my hair was. My mind was so preoccupied with everything else that was going to happen today.
In. Out. Breathe.
I gave a smile and watched as they left the room. I fell back onto the bed and closed my eyes. It seemed like I was always tired these days. My hands rested on my belly and I thought about the life growing inside me. Well, lives. I grinned like a Cheshire cat thinking about the day we found out about our little ones.
2 Months Earlier
"Mrs. Whitlock!" The nurse called from her station as Jasper and I stood up to face the doctor. We went through the double doors and headed into an examination room. I hopped up onto the table and waited for him to appear.
"Ah, my favorite patients." Carlisle grinned while looking at my chart.
"You're only saying that because you're scared of Alice when she's angry." Jasper said with a small chuckle.
A small groan left his lips as I hit his arm playfully.
"Oh, Ali you know I'm just playin'."He leaned over and kissed my cheek softly. "You know I love you – anger issues and all."
I giggled and looked up at Carlisle. "So, what's up doc?"
"Well, it's about that time, you're at 24 weeks – do you want to know the gender?" He pulled my shirt up and began applying the gel. I winced at the coldness and looked up at my husband.
"Well?" Secretly and honestly I wanted to know. I needed to start on the nursery and get my shopping done before I was too big to do so.
"Honestly?"He asked. I nodded. "I want to know."
I grinned like a fool and nodded. "Me too."
He grasped my hand and looked into my eyes, losing myself to his baby blues I hoped that he could see all the love I had for him reflecting back at him.
"Ahem." Carlisle interrupted our moment and directed our attention to the screen. "Well, let's make sure this little guy, or girl, is willing to cooperate today." He placed the wand on my stomach and moved it around before focusing in on the image of the baby on the screen.
"Can we turn the heartbeat on?" I asked sheepishly.
"No problem." He reached over and turned on the auditory switch and the room became filled with a steady but quick 'woosh woosh' sound. "Hmm… that's interesting."
My ears peaked at the word 'interesting'. "What's wrong with my baby?" I demanded.
"Oh, nothing at all. It seems… Yes. You've got a healthy baby boy." Carlisle stated before moving the wand over slightly. Jasper beamed, I knew that he wanted a mini-him walking around and I couldn't be happier. My thoughts of Jasper teaching our son to play baseball and ride a bike were interrupted by Carlisle's voice. "Well, what do we have here? It seems that we have another heartbeat belonging to a… well, a little girl."
Another? More than one… that meant…
"T-t-t-wins?" Jasper stuttered out. His face began turning an unnatural shade of red and his eyes rolled back into his head. In the blink of an eye he was on the ground, out cold.
"JAZZ!" I attempted to get up up from the table and watched as Carlisle knelt down by his head. "Carlisle, is he okay?!"
He placed some smelling salts under Jasper's nostrils and stirred him out of his unconsciousness. Laughing he stood back up and instructed me to lay back down. Warily, I got back on the table as Jasper sat down in the chair.
"Jasper, are you alright? Do you need to me look at you?" Carlisle was in full on doctor mode. Jasper shook his head and a bright smile broke out onto his face.
"I'm having twins." His voice swelled with pride as he touched my stomach lovingly. "Hello babies, it's your daddy here. I can't wait to see you – daddy loves you so much."
My eyes burned with tears at the sight of my husband talking to our unborn babies. He placed a loving kiss on my stomach and looked back at me, his eyes filled with pride and love and his smile a mile wide.
I sat up and looked down at my hands. I hadn't realized I was crying until I saw a single tear spill onto the band of my wedding ring. Wiping furiously at my eyes I tried to remove all traces of my small melt down and salvage my makeup.
"Alice – we're leaving in five minutes, we'll wait for you in the car." I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. I turned away from the bed and walked out to the car.
Open the door.
Get inside.
Buckle seatbelt.
Wait.
Going through the motions in a half aware state, it took Rose touching my shoulder softly to shake me out of my autopilot status and a quiet murmur informing me we were already there. I nodded and got out of the car, trying my best to avoid looking directly at the ominous building in front of me.
I began my life in this place, and I will be ending it there as well.
Don't look up. Don't look up. Eyes forward, focus, eyes forward. My mind was begging me. Just don't look up.
I looked up and braced myself. The archways were exactly how I remembered, the stairs cold and uninviting unlike the last time I had been here. These same doors led to my future – the same ones that I welcomed eagerly 2 years ago, I now dreaded to open. Opening them I saw the foyer that had once been filled with vibrant sunflowers and roses, but now held a solitary lily on the counter. I pushed forward the door to the chapel and closed my eyes.
Breathe in.
I could almost picture it as if it was happening in front of me in that moment.
2 Years Earlier
I paced nervously back and forth in the small room at the back. Remembering to breathe periodically I looked frantically for my earrings.
"BELLA!" I screamed. My eyes were wide and I began tearing out the contents of my purse. Compacts and pens went flying as my maid of honor came running into the room.
"Alice, honey what are you doing?" She stifled a slight laugh and eyed the situation warily.
"I can't find my earrings! Bella, I can't find them!" I sat daintily on the chair to avoid wrinkling my dress. "They're my something blue, I HAVE to have them!" The tears threatened to spill and ruin my makeup.
"Calm down pixie or you're going to give yourself a coronary." She knelt down next to me. "Oh and Alice, they're in your ears already."
Instinctively I reached up and felt the sapphires that were adorning my lobes. A weight felt like it had been lifted off my shoulders as I let out a huge breath.
"I'm sorry. I'm just nervous." I looked at her and bit my bottom lip. "You don't think he's changed his mind do you?"
"Mary Alice Brandon soon-to-be-Whitlock! You listen to me right now. I have never known two people more in love and deserving of each other than you and Jasper. Now you are going to march your adorable ass down that aisle and marry that hunk of a man waiting for you at the altar." Her voice was stern and laced with playfulness. I had never been so thankful to be her friend as I was in this moment.
"Let's do this!" I jumped up, grabbing my bouquet and giving myself a once over. After approving I nodded slightly to Bella and we began situating ourselves outside the church doors.
The music played and my bridesmaids walked. I could hardly concentrate on my feet as I heard the strains of the familiar wedding march play. I nearly dragged my father out into the church and promptly stopped when my eyes connected with his. I watched as they changed from a slightly darker and complicated blue to the clearest I've ever seen them. I couldn't even control the grin on my face as it stretched to my ears. My feet found their motivation as I all but flew down to meet my man.
The priest began but the words meant nothings as I stared into the eyes that held my future. His face was tanned and clean shaven. I let my eyes wander from his up to the tousled blond locks that I itched to run my fingers through. I studied his face, memorizing each line and curve. Every scar and line, I could never forget this face if I wanted.
We stumbled our way through the vows, I couldn't remember the vows I wrote and Edward couldn't remember what pocket he put the ring in. We kissed and melted into each other, sealing our fate as soul mates and lovers. We waited for the church to empty before taking our first steps together. We had always been that way, celebrating the important milestones in privacy, letting ourselves relish in the hopes and prospects for the future. Our future.
"Are you ready ?" His eyes were playful and the happiest I'd ever seen them.
"After you Mr. Whitlock." I grinned back at him.
He took my hand and kissed it gently, shaking his head slowly.
"No, not before me or after me. Beside me, always." His voice was soft and hand in hand we walked down the aisle.
Breathe out.
The strained sounds of "Hallelujah" by Jeff Buckley softly filled the air. The faces in the crowd blurred into a sea of black and gray. I straightened my shoulders and walked with my head high down the center aisle. Ignoring the stares and whispers I took my seat in the front row, between Carlisle and Esme, surrounded by the people who gave me the support I didn't know I needed.
The preacher spoke. More songs played and tears were shed. My eyes were fixed ahead, unblinking and emotionless. There was a lull in the service as people stood up to share their experiences and stories. No one looked to me, they all knew my answer.
Breathe in and out.
The service ended with "Go Rest High on That Mountain" and the church emptied. I bit my lip harder and the metallic taste in my mouth barely registered as I willed myself to walk those 3 steps towards the ominous closed box that rested ahead, surrounded by tokens of love, pictures and more flowers than a botanical garden.
Standing up I turned away from the altar and ran for my life towards the doors. Trying to escape what lay in that room, I fought to get free.
The sunlight burned my retinas and as I saw the hearse ahead, I knew that it wasn't anywhere near over. No, not for me. It would never be over.
I repeated the motions from earlier, the car ride ending all too soon as we turned into a lush green cemetery. Barely aware of my head shaking back and forth, Bella leaned over and began whispering comforting thoughts. Did I hear them? Yes. Did they comfort or help me? No.
I vaguely registered her arm linking with mine, supporting my weight, as we headed towards the gravesite. The grass was soggy beneath my feet as I walked past the soldiers lined up in their army greens. Their guns at the ready, waiting for the signal to fire, letting everyone know that the passing of one of their own was about to take place.
One last prayer said.
One more breath taken.
An American flag placed in my hands.
Clutching the material to my chest I stepped forward to casket. Bending down I picked up a small handful of dirt, permanently staining my white tea gloves, I looked up to the sky and closed my eyes. My memories tuned into the last night we were together.
5 Weeks Earlier
His eyes were sorrowful as he hung the phone up and looked at me.
"No." I stated simply. "No you can't."
"Darlin'…" He pleaded with me.
We have had this conversation before and each time I pray the outcome is different –though it never is. I walked over to the couch and sat on the edge, not looking at him and willing my tears to disappear.
I felt the couch dip under his wait and I stilled myself. I didn't need to make him feel guilty about this, he had no control and this was the life we signed up for.
"Jasper, I knew what I was getting into when I married you." I turned to look at his blue eyes, now dark with regret and remorse. I took his hands in mine and kept our eye contact. "For better or worse – this is just the worse. And I wish it wasn't so close to my due date."
His grin was lopsided and his eyes watered slightly. "I don't want to go sweetie, but I have to. The Green monster calls – I answer." His voice shook slightly and I cupped his face. "It's only training and it's only a month – you'll still be pregnant when I get back darlin'. Trust me, its routine – train in the jungle for a few weeks, come back smelling like an elephant's butt and then carry on life as usual."
"I know, I just… I just wish it wasn't now. They gave you like, 2 weeks' notice? And life is just supposed to go on while you leave?" It was about this point in the talk that I got angry.
"Baby, I don't wanna fight with you. Not tonight, not when I have to leave my girl in less than 24 hours. I just want to be with you. Lovin' you." He kissed the inside of my palm. "Kissin' you." He moved up to my wrist and began planting small kisses up my arm.
I grinned slightly. "Jasper…" I looked up at him through my lashes and quirked up my eyebrow. His smile grew and let loose a growl. "Play nicely."
"Oh Mrs. Whitlock, I don't think you want that." He bit my wrist softly. "And I always play nice." He purred. My body was reacting to him before I realized it, thank god for pregnancy hormones! He pulled me up slowly, bringing me close to his body – close enough to show me how much he needed me right then.
If he only knew that I needed him just as bad.
I tilted my head up and stared into his gentle eyes as our arms entwined and we danced to silent music. I couldn't remember being more in love with him than I had ever been at that moment. His head dipped down and I was rewarded with the incredible sensation of his lips against mine, moving in tandem to the rhythm our hearts had memorized by now.
Each kiss was more pressing, more needful and more insistent. We made our way from the living room and found the bedroom with ease. Our movements were slow and deliberate, each article of clothing shed until we were stripped, baring our bodies and souls to one another.
Jasper fell to his knees, lovingly stroking my stomach while placing butterfly kisses and whispering sweet murmurs to our unborn children.
"Jasper love, I don't think you want the children awake for what we're about to do." I grinned while stroking his hair and gently tugged on a curl. I was rewarded with the feeling of this fingers dipping into my more than ready sex and a low moan escaped my lips.
I lay back down on the bed, awaiting his next move as his mouth met mine again. My fingers traced over as much skin as possible, memorizing every inch. He positioned himself at my entrance and bucked my hips in response. Without hesitation he entered me and my soul felt complete again.
"Jasper…" I breathed quietly, a moan almost overtaking my words.
"Alice…" his response was slightly strained as he was holding himself back, wanting to make this last until forever.
No more words were spoken – none were needed. I knew his body better than I knew mine, the feeling of his muscles tightening in his forearm as he steadied himself on the bed. Reaching up to cup my swollen chest and tease my oversensitive peaks, he met my eyes with a look that conveyed more love than words could.
Our bodies were yin and yang, he pushed and I pulled. Slow and meaningful, each thrust was another declaration of love from him and each moan an answer of the same. Our pace quickened and our rhythm slightly more erratic. I bucked against him, willing him to go as deep as possible – I needed to feel him in every sense of the word within me.
His hips ground into mine, acquiescing to my request as I recognized the look on his face, and nodded to him, willing him to let go.
"Not without you." His reply as his fingers grazed the surface of my folds, finding their pearl and began rubbing and coaxing out its response.
A cry left my lips and I felt the familiar sense of warmness overcoming my body along with a tightening in my stomach. He chuckled slightly and played my body like a fiddle – gently tugging on my nipple while increasing the pressure on my clit.
My eyes met his and I couldn't stop myself, I felt my walls began to clamp down onto him, and waves of insurmountable pleasure rolled over me. Jasper followed soon behind, a quiet grunt signaling his release as I felt him fill me with his warm seed. That sent me over the edge again as his ministrations on my rosebud never stopped. I shut my eyes tightly and let myself be taken over by the intensity of the moment.
We lay side by side, our breaths ragged and heavy. I slowly opened my eyes and looked at the form next to me. I was blessed beyond comprehension and I couldn't believe the amazing gifts I had been given. I reached over and pushed a stray hair out of Jasper's face.
His hand caught mine and he ran his finger over my wedding band.
"I love you Jasper." I whispered softly.
"I love you Mary Alice Brandon Whitlock, with all my heart." He kissed my ring.
"And all my soul."A tear fell from my eye.
"Forever and ever."He wiped it away with his calloused thumb.
"Always."
"And then some."Our lips met one last time before we fell asleep in each other's arms, a tangle of arms and legs, mirroring the way our souls were entwined.
The night passed and all too soon the sun rose to steal my heart away. He waited until the last minute before leaving the house, and ending every sentence with an 'I love you'. Tears filled my eyes but I held them at bay, I knew how hard it was for him to leave and I didn't need him to feel worse than he did. Our goodbye was short and sweet at the door, I watched him get into the cab then shut the door behind me. I waddled back to the couch before letting myself breakdown like I knew I needed.
Thirty minutes later the phone rang and I answered it reluctantly.
"Hello?"
"Alice…" His voice was needy and so far away.
"Jasper! You're supposed to be on base and reporting for duty." I said in disbelief.
"I had to call you baby girl. I just had to call to say goodbye, one last time." His words were laced with longing and love and I couldn't help but let out a soft sob.
"I love you Jasper Whitlock, this is not good-bye it's an 'I'll see in a few weeks.'" I pleaded with him, I couldn't say goodbye again and I needed him to know that I would be here waiting.
"I love you Mary Alice, and I'll see you in a few weeks."
That was the last time I heard my husband's voice.
The memory hit me full force and I staggered backwards, falling into Carlisle's arms. Shocked at the contact, I turned to see who caught me, saw those compassionate blue eyes and lost all control. My body instantly relaxed and I slowly slid down Carlisle's legs into a heap of sobbing woman.
"Shhh… it's okay. I'm here Alice." His voice was calm, comforting and everything it should be – but it only fueled my breakdown. My sobbed racked my body and I didn't know how my body still had tears to cry. I shook violently and without restraint. Trying to stand, he reached for my hand and I realized I was still holding onto the dirt in my hand.
"Alice, dear, let go." Carlisle's words were soft and I almost missed them. I looked at him with disbelief and he motioned towards the casket. "Dear, you need to say your piece to him. Tell him everything you wish you could have before this. Do not bottle this up inside, we are all here to support you – whether you know it or not. Everyone has gone to give you some time alone, we'll be waiting in the car."
I nodded slightly and I felt his arms release me as I staggered back towards the center of all my pain. I gently set the flag on top of the grave marker as I ran my hand over the box that held my world.
"Oh Jasper…" my voice cracked and a sob escaped my lips. I placed my other hand over my belly. I let the tears flow freely as I tried to put together sentences in my brain, something that would help to relieve the pressure building inside.
I took a shaky breath and looked up into the clear sky, the color almost the exact shade of Jasper's when he was happiest.
"Why? Why Jasper! You left me; you said you'd never leave." I shouted at the sky. My hands shook and my voice steadied slightly. "You said it was just 'see you later' … not goodbye. It was NEVER supposed to be goodbye."
I sank down to my knees, cradling my stomach as I raised pressed one hand against the casket.
"I can't do this by myself, I can't be strong enough for 3 people – I can barely take care of myself. What am I supposed to do without you? I never imagined my life without you in it Jasper, and I don't want to have to! It's not fair…" I sobbed out quietly.
"It should never have come to this. I wish you wouldn't have gone, that you would have just said no and suffered the consequence. You said it was routine, that it was in and out and nothing would happen. That you would be here to see…" I choked on the last words. "You would be here to see… our beautiful babies being brought into this world… we would argue about homework and punishments, we would spend weekends going to baseball games and piano recitals. Jasper, I don't have a back-up plan – YOU were my life… and now, what am I going to do?"
The wind caressed my cheek softly as I leaned my head against cool stainless steel, and my breaths came easier.
"Jasper," my voice was hoarse and barely a whisper. "You took a piece of my soul, a part of my heart from the moment I saw you. And now I will never feel complete again. It hurts too much to think about tomorrow, to think about having to live another day without you beside me. My heart will never be the same again; I will never be the same again.
"I will make sure that our children know the great man that their father was, that they will be proud to call you their father. I will be as strong as I can even though I don't have you to lean on anymore. I want to be strong enough for our family, for you – I just want to make you proud."
I sighed and looked up at the sky, my mouth completely dry and my eyes all out of tears. I sat in silence, reliving every good memory I had ever had with the man inside that box. I closed my eyes and whispered to my belly.
"Your daddy is the greatest man I've ever known and it's a horrible shame that you will never know him, but I will do my best to stay strong for us. I love you babies, and daddy loves you very much. And it's not just me – grandma and grandpa and all your aunts and uncles will be there to help us along the way."
I felt the hands of my family on my shoulder as they helped me to my feet, I wiped my eyes slowly. I picked up another pile of dirt and let it trickle over the casket. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.
"I love you Jasper." I tried to express the extent of my love with those four simple words. And it may have been my imagination or a slightly hallucination, but I would have bet my life that I heard the wind whisper…
"Always."