A/N: Today I had this weird feeling of a fic wanting to crawl out. And then… WHAM! Here we are. (grins sheepishly) We'll see just what my head came up with…
DISCLAIMER: MUAH-HAH-HAA! Seriously, are you freaking kidding me? Like I'd have enough money to hire McAvoy and Fassbender… But hey, a girl can daydream. THIS CONTAINS A COUPLE OF LINES FROM THE ACTUAL MOVIES. I don't own them, either.
WARNINGS: Language, a hint of sandess, some angst… Weirdness? This can be taken as slash BUT can also be taken totally as friendship.
Okay, because the clock isn't my friend right now… Let's go! I really hope that you'll enjoy the ride!
You're Not Alone
Charles came to Erik's life like a strange dream. Plunged into the hungry waters after him, pulled him to safety. Back to life. All about it was like a dream, really. So was it any wonder that Erik kept expecting to wake up? After all, he'd always lost everything valuable in his life. Why should Charles make an exception?
The first time Erik really, truly thought that he'd lose Charles was after the telepath's first encounter with Cerebro.
Hank was too excited about the successful test drive and Raven's praises. Raven was too fascinated by the young genius. But Erik watched Charles and in an instant he knew that something was horribly wrong.
The traces were nearly invisible. When the ridiculous, disgusting helmet was removed Charles stood firm, grinning and joining the kids in their delight over finding more of their kind. The telepath's joy was genuine but so was the barely visible pain in his eyes. There was a slight stumble in the young man's step when he began to take his leave with as much grace as possible, announcing that he simply needed a little walk. Erik felt tempted to wonder if there was a subtle mental nudge to enforce the impact of those words.
Erik waited less than a minute before following the man who was infuriatingly close to becoming something like a friend. The kids barely noticed his departure with focused they were on mapping where the newly spotted mutants could be found. Erik didn't mind. He had a feeling that Charles might appreciate having as little audience as possible.
He was surprised to discover how far Charles had made it. When he finally found the telepath his stomach knotted painfully, in a way that he hadn't experienced since he was a boy. For a few traitorous moments the unwanted emotions that surged through him most likely showed on his face.
Charles had slumped to the floor of the shadowy hallway, hands pressed almost desperately to his temples and head brought between his knees. The younger man was breathing heavily and loudly, obviously in a great deal of pain. The clearly visible, violent shaking was, however, the most worrying sign.
You idiot…!
Charles' mental laugh didn't sound right. 'Thank you, for that. Although… I suppose I deserved it…'
Erik shuddered a little, still unsure how he felt about someone talking inside his head. He decided that the inner debate could wait. Charles couldn't. That conclusion made the metal manipulator frowned and approached the hunched figure. "How bad is the pain?" He was merciful enough to keep his voice down. The shouting would come later.
Charles swallowed loudly, still unable to move an inch. It took torturously long before the answer came. 'Bad.'
Erik needed no further information. Charles wasn't the type to admit agony or any other weakness willingly. That admission alone was enough of a signal. Gritting his teeth, Erik moved to pick up the barely conscious telepath.
Charles' reaction was instant. The trembling from before became even more violent, even when the younger man's body tensed painfully. When Charles' hand twitched traces of blood could be seen tainting his pale skin. A nosebleed, then. 'Please, don't…! Don't move me.'
Erik groaned, too late realizing that his frustration made his thoughts entirely too sharp for Charles to handle, especially at the moment. The apology was on the tip of his tongue but wouldn't fall out. "Then what am I supposed to do with you?" he snapped, the inexplainable fear growing inside him transforming to something far more familiar.
Charles' response was such he hadn't known to expect. 'Stay.' It was scarcely audible. Like the telepath had been struggling to quiet down even his own mind. 'Just stay.'
Erik felt like berating Charles over his stubbornness. He wanted to point out that the telepath needed medical attention, not a man he barely knew and a cold, dark hallway. But when faint waves of misery radiated from Charles Erik found himself unable to deny the nearly desperate request. No matter how much he hated it. So he stayed.
They sat there – side by side, not touching but close enough to feel one another's warmth – for at least a couple of hours. Charles trembling and appearing so fragile that it terrified Erik although the metal manipulator couldn't understand why. Throughout it all Erik kept wondering how much more the telepath's mind and body could take before…
But Charles was far more resilient, or perhaps stubborn, than he'd thought.
It wasn't until the following morning, as they began to head towards their first recruiting journey, that irrational, idiotic fear began to subside. Charles was still a little too pale, enough so to make Raven suspicious, but the telepath was grinning and that terrible shivering was long gone. And for some reason Erik breathed a little more easily.
Cuba… It was without a doubt one of the most horrible days in Erik's life. He was finally able to kill the man he'd been hunting for such a long time. Then all hell came crashing down on him.
It wasn't until much later Emma, in one of her most cruel moods, explained in vivid detail just what the coin being pushed through Shaw's head did to Charles. Immediately afterwards Erik didn't feel it, couldn't even begin to guess it. But he did see and feel the bullet. Sensed every little bit of the impact as it collided with Charles' spine, pulling a horrific scream from the telepath. The sound was bound to haunt Erik until his dying day.
Years upon years later Erik realized that since he was wearing the helmet the mental sledgehammer of pain didn't come from Charles.
As he tore the bullet from Charles and cradled his friend in his arms – gently, gently – Erik could actually feel the telepath slipping away from him. Sliding far away, to a place where he wouldn't be able to follow. The still new and raw bond that'd formed between them was shattering.
Yet somehow, impossibly, that wasn't the worst of it.
There, holding what little he had left in the world, Erik offered Charles his all. His scarred, horribly damaged heart. A desire that he was only just beginning to admit even to himself. "I want you by my side." And it was ages, a lifetime, from when he'd last wanted someone by his side. Needed someone by his side.
And the worst was the look in Charles' impossibly blue eyes. That single tear. And those words. "…I'm sorry…"
Erik could actually feel what was left of his heart being torn to pieces. Shatter to a million shards. Was it any wonder that he couldn't breathe? There, on that cursed beach, Erik Lehnsherr died and Magneto came to life.
The days, years, in solitary confinement were pure torture for Erik.
Losing track of time… Not knowing what was going on in the world outside… Losing touch with reality…
He became desperate.
Erik no longer had his helmet. And eventually the temptation became too much, no matter how many times he told himself that he was an idiot. He closed his eyes and reached out, at first tentatively, then fiercely.
'Charles?'
But there was no response. Even more stomach turning was the fact that he couldn't feel Charles' mind. The lost contact actually made him suck in a quick, painful breath.
For so long he'd walked around with that helmet sitting on his head, and now…
'Charles, where are you?'
Still there was no response. Not a trace of that warm presence in the back of his mind that he'd somehow ended up getting used to. There was nothing.
Right there, abandoned into that hell all alone, Erik hated himself because he should've known better.
/ "You're not alone." /
As Erik curled up on his bed, trying to feel warm although he knew that it was futile, that memory brought a bitter taste to his mouth.
It'd be another four years until Erik would be broken out. Until he'd look into Charles' eyes in reality, not in dreams. And this time the feeling that he'd lost Charles, a feeling that made it hard to breathe, wouldn't go away.
At least until he pulled out a chess board and walked with as much bravery as he could find to face the bridges he'd left in flames. Soon he breathed freely for the first time in ten years. For a moment.
From the beginning Erik had a terrible, sickening feeling that he'd be the death of Charles. Cuba enforced that dark suspicion. But oh no, it wasn't destined to be the last time he'd hurt the one person he would've never, ever wanted to harm.
It was madness and chaos. The stadium. The president. Raven. Charles' team. Wolverine.
Rage boiled over, rolling through him in comfortingly familiar waves, and he welcomed it. Embraced it. It'd led him for such a long time. And now…
All of sudden Charles was in his head and Erik realized with all too much gravity just what he'd done.
It all crashed down on him. Charles' pain. The depth of the telepath's devotion. Also, for the first time ever, he felt something in the man's mind that he'd never encountered there before. Something that terrified him, even if he would've never admitted it.
Charles himself was sure that he was going to die. It wasn't giving up or letting go, simply admitting cold, hard truths. Very few things had ever hurt the metal manipulator more. If Erik would've had even a little bit of breath left he would've screamed at the top of his lungs.
He wondered if Charles knew that it wasn't the telepath tossing the debris away, and even if it sickened him mused if the younger man would ever get the chance to figure it out.
But it wasn't the end of Charles Xavier. Not yet. He stood up with Hank's support, for what was highly likely the final time. And faced the shattered man who'd nearly killed him several times, in just as many ways.
He realized that he was looking at Erik instead of Magneto.
There was no helmet. No barriers of any kind. They were both too exhausted for those. And it felt like Charles had seen Erik for the first time. He was able to look right into that wild, untamable mind and soul. Finally Charles understood.
'Go', he urged gently, even if his heart was breaking yet again. But at least it was still beating. It'd heal from this, too. 'I know you have to. But know that you'll never, ever lose me. Whatever happens you'll never be alone again.'
Some doubt radiated from Erik. But also, stronger than anything, relief. And somewhere underneath a hundred layers of concrete and barbwire hope was beginning to blossom. Like a rose pushing its way furiously through snow.
At last they were both able to breathe freely.
Not long after Hank asked him if he was sure that they should let Raven and Erik go. Finally Charles was able to answer honestly. "Yes. I have hope for them. There's going to be a time, Hank, when we're all together." And he believed in it from the bottom of his broken heart.
Perhaps he'd be able to help Erik keep believing, too.
The End.
A/N: Gosh, so much heartbreak…! But didn't I promise a happy… well, happyish, ending? (smiles) Usually I type more stuff from Charles' POV so using mostly Erik's was a refreshing change.
Now, what are your thoughts? Any comments? PLEASE, do drop a line or two to the box down below! Even if to tell me to delete this…
In any case, thank you so much for reading this far!
Awkay, it's time for me to go to sleep. Perhaps we'll meet again one day?
Take care!