Author's Note: Here's my first foray into Blood + fanfiction. And I chose to get into Haji's head because I am a firm believer in the axiom "Still waters run deep"---and that suits Haji to a T. Plus his love and devotion is so pure, even as he knows that he is going to have to keep a promise that will shatter his heart. Regretfully, I do not own Blood +, it is the property of Sony Entertainment.
FOR THE LOVE OF SAYA…ALWAYS
I am a...Chevalier…bound to protect the Queen, my queen…Saya…but for far more than my duty it is…for my heart. For it belongs to Saya…for all eternity…
The train ride to Yekaterinburg was long and Riku was sleeping for most of the ride, his ordeal having made him weary. After Saya came to from her being knocked out from falling from the train to save her younger brother, Liza the Red Shield agent in Russia had leapt from the train too as we battled the two chiropterans. The one Saya had slain had, in its death throes taken hold of Riku and pulled him down as it and he fell from the speeding train. Saya then jumped from the train to rescue him as did I to rescue her…just as I always did…from the day of Joel's birthday and I fell from the cliff so she gave me her blood to save my life and I became her chevalier…
I rushed to her side, my heart constricting as she lay in the snow…so still that I thought she had slipped into yet another sleep. I cradled her in my arms, and as I did, I felt the two of us transported back to another time, nearly a century ago when we were back here in Siberia in the midst of winter. At that time I had found us refuge from the blizzard in a cave where I built a fire to warm us. I placed Saya close so she could feel the warmth of the fire and sat across from her, waiting for her to awaken…
I spy her eyes opening and then Saya stirs; disoriented which is to be expected…and I offer encouragement and support as she frets about the battles. I draw close to her, cupping her cheek in my hand…and she recoils slightly as she asks why I do. My answer is to check her body temperature for the bitter cold is something of which she is unaccustomed but in reality I want to hold her, caress her and love her with everything in me. Yet as her chevalier my role is to protect and serve her, nothing more…Saya then says something that shoots an ache like an arrow into my heart…she muses on whether or not someone will remember her when she awakens from her next sleep…and I assure her that I will always and forever be waiting for her. Her response is to thank me but I feel that it is perfunctory as I know she despises her being as a chiropteran queen…she hates fighting and tries to live a normal human life when she can…
The next morning the storm has passed so we are on our way to seek Diva who as usual eluded us as we also sought Gregori also known as Rasputin the Mad Monk, who had served the Czar before the Revolution. Saya and I had heard that he had psychically summoned chiroptera to the frozen Siberian countryside…and we meet a young girl, Sonja, was in reality a chevalier of Diva who Saya fought. After which she collapsed in the snow, in my arms (I knew she had not gained her full strength before she had been forced into fighting). After destroying the chiropteran, she was again in a state of exhaustion and as I held her to shield her from the cold, she told me so…
"I-I'm sleepy…so sleepy," Saya says, weakened by her battle. Worried about me she adds, "You've got such a deep wound."
"My wound will close up soon," I assure her as I close her collar to keep her warm.
She is dubious as she says, "Perhaps." Then she pleads, "Please forgive me."
Emotions race through me as I say softly, "Saya."
" I- I can't keep my eyes open. I feel like I'm heading into another long sleep like before," she whispers as she reaches and rests her hand on my cheek, which I take in my own as I smile down on her lovely face, eyes fluttering closed as it slips into repose.
"I'll be right here waiting for you, Saya," I declare as I watch her fall slowly into slumber.
She says as she is drifting off, "Do you remember the promise?"
This sends a chill in me but I nod, "I do."
"When all of this is through…when I'm done hunting Diva…," Saya says and then as the next long sleep claims her, her lips form the words of the promise then still…so I leaned down and made my own vow to her…
"I will watch over you forever, Saya. Even if you turn into something else, even if somehow we become separated from each other, I will find you and protect you, no matter what." Then I leaned down to her and said, "So sleep well…Saya."
I then kissed her as she slept, tasting her sweetness to relegate it to my memory until the next time she awakens…
At that moment she awakened in the present time in the snowy field where she had fallen after leaping from the train, trying to rescue Riku. Cradled in my arms, I brushed the snow from her cheek and her eyes fluttered open as she called to me. "Haji?"
Always concerned for her welfare I ask, "Are you all right to move?"
She is slightly dazed as she asks, "A dream?"
"What's the matter?" I inquire, feeling a slight unease.
Saya smiles and states, "You smile, Haji, don't you?"
Unsure of what she means I murmur, "Hmm?"
"I had a dream. And you were smiling in the dream," she points out and in doing so I notice that her memories of our past are still missing, she thinks they are dreams. Then she adds, "And I remember in the dream that I was asking you to promise me something."
Lowering my head my heart constricts as I admit reluctantly, "It wasn't a dream."
Her eyes plead with me, "Then tell me, Haji, what was the promise I asked of you?"
Unable to look into those beautiful, trusting eyes of Saya's I avert my own as I say, "You'll find out when the appropriate time comes."
She then placed her hand on my face and turned it so my eyes could meet hers…
Thankfully any further discussion is halted by Riku's happy cry as he and Liza both appear, and so we both rose from the snow to meet them…
As the memory leaves me I continue to watch as Saya dozes, her arm about Riku, like any loving older sister and I am faced with the reality of the complications that exist in this particular awakening of hers. This time, unlike the previous times, it is not just her and me, this time she has Riku and Kai, the family that was created by George Miyagusku when he took her and made her his daughter. She now has what she had always yearned for, what she had told me she wanted when I was first bought and brought to the Zoo by Joel Goldschmidt back so long ago…to have a normal life as a human girl.
And yet, her life is as a Queen, one who is to breed our race of chiroptera, the very same creatures she hunts and kills, that we both battle…and what is even worse this time is she is actually, genuinely happy…which both warms and chills me simultaneously…as I could never give her the kind of happiness she craves…and deserves. And this distresses me greatly…
I then think back on how I came to be with Saya, how my people, gypsies, had sold me to the wealthy Joel Goldschmidt for their greed for gold and I was taken, against my will, to the huge mansion where the pretty, pampered princess Saya lived. I was told that I was to be her companion but she thought that meant to be her slave so she ordered me about, like a servant. Angry and resentful of my forced situation I rebelled against her, thinking she was the most spoiled and selfish girl I had ever met, until she, chided by Joel, began to show a softer and sweeter side…a side that taught me to play the cello...and I started to develop a deep crush on her. Those times became cherished times and as I grew from boyhood and became a man my feelings grew from a crush on a older girl to full blown love…and it is why I still play the cello to this day…through it I feel connected to Saya in another way, other than the obvious…
As I matured my feelings for Saya did as well, and I found myself having fantasies of being with her…as a man with a woman…she became my ideal, my goddess and I was eager to do anything to make her show that beautiful smile. Her joy brought me joy and I was finding myself to be fortunate to be with her, sharing times together. However there was a switch in our separate circumstances in as I was growing up, she was remaining the same. She would playfully protest about my growing to be taller than her and in many ways she remained immature where I was becoming more of an adult and as such I was more aware of what was proper behavior and pointed that out to her. It was like that the awful day of Joel's birthday…
The day was a flawless, bright sunny day and so when Saya had suggested we have a picnic I readily agreed…the idea of being with her, alone was a thought that always filled me with joy…and as she led me to a field far from the main house, I was also filled with anticipation because I was now deeply in love with her and wanted to formally court her. As yet, I hadn't told her how I was feeling but saw times like these as an opportunity to do so…
We sat on a spread blanket, a basket of food before us. Saya picks up the jar of blackberry preserves and using her finger, tastes the contents with a look of bliss on her face. However, having learned proper manners from Joel, I am appalled at her impolite behavior and tell her so…
"Saya, don't do that, use a spoon for goodness sake," I admonish her as I am aware of the fact that she is still in many ways, a child.
"But blackberry preserves are my favorite," she protests as she dips her finger in for another taste.
I shake my head and say, "Saya, you know that is a sign of poor manners. You need to be more polite."
"Honestly Haji, you sound more and more like Joel every day," she points out petulantly.
Sometimes I wonder who it was of us actually brought up as a gypsy because her lack of propriety. But seeing any further chance to teach her proper polite behavior as futile I change the subject and ask, "So what have you planned for Joel's birthday?"
Eyes twinkling she says, "That's why I brought you out here today." With a breathless air of eagerness she grabs my hand and pulls me up with her. "Come with me and I'll show you."
"Saya," I protest but she pulls me along through the clearing, to the cliff at the edge of Joel's property. A feeling of trepidation comes over me as she stops and points at two sprigs of scarlet lilies growing over the edge of the cliff.
"Down there, Haji. Those are Joel's favorite flower and they're red." Impulsive as always, the little minx gets down on her knees and begins to climb down to retrieve them but her foot slips and she screeches, prompting me to rush forward in panic to prevent her fall…my attitude is strong to protect her.
"Saya, I can't let you! That's much too dangerous!" I exclaim, adamant.
Disappointment clouds her delicate features as she pleads, "Haji please. I have to get them or I won't have anything for Joel."
I then see those burnished brown eyes beseeching me and I immediately throw caution to the wind and climb down to get the flowers…fact is I would do anything to please my beloved little Saya…even risk my life…
She climbs back up as I make my way over the edge and down to the ledge where the flowers are, and the rocks below my feet crumble and are unstable… as I make my way slowly over to where the flowers are. I stretch myself over carefully to reach for a flower…
"No, not that one, Haji. The ones over next to them," Saya directs and I comply but wonder what the difference is, both blooms are identical…I reach over and as I do…
The shifting rock, on which I am standing, gives way and I fall to the ground below…screaming until a thud and then…things become hazy…
As I lay there I vaguely remember feeling a warm, sticky rush of fluid…my blood rushing from the wound behind my head…halfway between life and death, I hear Saya's desperate and terrified cries…and I want to respond but am too weak to do so. I'm sure I'm hallucinating as I feel Saya's lips on mine and the salty taste in my mouth which is her blood...which on impulse I swallow…and a fire rushes through me as I thrash wildly, choking and gagging…then a black curtain falls…
An undetermined time later I open my eyes and still somewhat disoriented I am amazed to find myself laying on the ground as I remember falling from the cliff as I had tried to get the flowers for Saya. So I sit up and spot the huge puddle of blood surrounding me and immediately reach behind my head…and am astonished to feel no cut or injury at all. As a matter of fact, I feel a new vitality surging through me and a strength that I had not before.
"What is happening to me?" I muse as still confused I then remember Saya, knelt beside me as I lay dying…then I have this vision of a cataclysm…Joel's mansion engulfed in flames…and Saya in the midst screaming…
"Saya!" I scream as I bolt to my feet and then am further shocked when a pair of bat-like wings sprout from my back and I find myself airborne…besides that, my right hand is no longer a human hand but a claw. Yet I use my new appendages to rush to the mansion…and I see with horror that my vision is reality…
As the train cuts through the snow toward Yekaterinburg I sit across from Saya, staring at her marveling how more than a century has passed since we met…and her beauty is as fresh and delicate as it was then. My eyes are focused on hers, now a set of inky lashes resting on her pink cheeks and remember again the coffee orbs wide and filled with terror as she witnessed the horrific tableau that had been Joel's birthday celebration…
The grounds were strewn with corpses…Joel's guests; friends and colleagues, there to enjoy the celebration…when all hell breaks loose…and there are several hideous looking creatures, attacking people, tearing them to sheds and feasting on their blood. I then see Saya, standing there frozen in shock, just staring as tears stream down her cheeks…
As I start to go to her, some of the monsters rush her, intending to attack her…so I become filled with rage as I race toward them, with both my hands now weapons of death with talons to tear them to pieces. I fly toward them wielding my claws to destroy them and after I do I am startled by the look on Saya's face as she stares this time…at me.
"Saya," I say and begin to approach her but she recoils in fear as my dear little friend looks at me with such horror and loathing, it tears at my heart. Then something beyond me catches her eye and her hands go to her face as she screams again. So I turn around and see what has caused such anguish...
Just behind me, on the long staircase that led to the façade of the now burning mansion is a girl, identical to Saya in appearance, except for the eyes, which are an eerie blue. She stands over the corpse of a man, her white dress stained with blood. An evil smile is on her pink lips as is a stream of blood, indicating that she had fed on the dead man at her feet…
This was our first encounter with…Diva…Saya's twin sister and our avowed enemy…
I had not known for a long time why Saya had such an expression on her face that day except I knew she was aghast at my appearance…as was I…and the holocaust that had taken place at the Zoo. But we then discover what Saya was born as and what I became after she saved my life by giving me her blood…
Chiroptera…a Queen and her Chevalier…bound together for all eternity…
I continue to gaze at Saya, her head leaning against Riku's, Saya, whose now blissful face bears no sign of the horror and disgust of that fateful day. She remembers nothing of that day, or any other of her awakenings except for the most recent…in Vietnam…and that alone was terrifying enough for her that she refuses to discuss it. However, bits and pieces of her memories of the past are returning to her, in the form of dreams and it's only a matter of time before she remembers…The Promise…
The Promise…just the thought of it brings a lance of pain into my heart with pinpoint precision…and what comes to mind is another train ride…
It was sunrise when Saya and I were on the train, heading far away from the burned out shell that was once our home…the once lavish grounds of the Zoo was now littered with the bloody remains of Joel Goldschmidt and his birthday guests. All had become fodder for the swarm of chiroptera that had been summoned by the coloratura tones of the other Queen…Diva…
After getting over the shock and horror of what she had seen, Saya numbly followed at my urging…once I transformed back to fully human form...and we went to the one wing of the mansion that had not been touched by the flames where both our rooms and Joel's study had been. There Saya changed clothes and I gathered some belongings in a small bag and my cello…and before leaving the grounds when we went to the study to get some funds from Joel's desk for traveling we saw on the blotter…his diary. Curiosity drove us to look inside at what he had written…and after we had read for ourselves about the gist of our circumstance…Saya became stunned into silence, moving like a mechanical doll as we found a wagon and horse to take us into town. Once we bought our tickets and the train arrived, we boarded and headed for the last car, which was almost empty, as it was late evening and it was the last train of the day. Saya took a seat with the same stiff and wooden manner and as I stored our luggage, I tried not to get alarmed by her lack of response…but as the night passed and the sun rose her continued state had me deeply concerned…even as I feigned interest in a newspaper I had brought to read. She had just sat and stared blankly all night, not sleeping even when I had pointed out to her that she should…but shaking her head, she refused. Knowing what was vexing her, what we had discovered in the diary in addition to the fresh memories of Joel's birthday…I didn't push the issue.
The day made its arrival, with a red glow as the landscape flowed past the window…and soon the sky was pink and gold as the sun rose and climbed above the horizon. Saya had not moved or spoke all night so I pretended to be absorbed in the newspaper as I bided my time…waiting for her to say something…and finally…she did.
"Haji?" she asked, her eyes still staring blankly out of the window
"Yes?"
"I want you to promise me something."
"Yes?"
"You're all I have in this world," she said quietly with resolve. Her tone made my stomach twist . " When this all ends…when I kill Diva…I want you…to kill me…with your own hands."
I'm stunned but not surprised as I murmured, "Saya…,"
But unaware or just determined she went on, "Do you remember what happened before we left the Zoo?"
The picture of the killing grounds of chiroptera flashed in my mind as I said, "Yes."
She stated baldly, "That was all because of my blood…mine and Diva's. Chiroptera like us…should never be allowed to live."
"Saya…"
"I hope you'll promise me…that when all this is over…that you'll end my life."
The newspaper I held crackled as my hands balled into fists…my heart begins to ache in protest to her request because of what she requested…Yet as I watch her lovely face, clouded with sad resignation to her fate, my own resolve…fills me to bursting…so with my heart shattering I rushed forward and enfolded my Saya…
"I swear to you…until the very end, I will protect you," I vowed earnestly and then tightened my hold on her as I added, "And I also swear that I…will take your future from you…with these hands."
She merely thanked me as I continued to hold her…savoring the now numbered days that I would be able to do so…
The whistle of the train shakes me back to the present and my eyes rest on my love as she is still wrapped in the arms and escape of slumber. It is clear to me that Saya's memories of past awakenings are troubling her as she strives to have a normal life of an ordinary girl. But she is also aware that she is not…that has become ever so clear to her as she is determined to stop Diva, working with David and Lewis of the Red Shield.
However, it is both a blessing and a curse as she asked me earlier to tell her what the Promise was…and I evaded answering, putting off the inevitable as one day…when she is sure to destroy Diva…I will be obligated as her chevalier to carry out her wish. But to do that…will break my heart…
I know what motivated her request…the guilt she feels at having freed the monster that is Diva and what she discovered in the pages of Joel's diary about herself…and what she remembered in Vietnam…it's all gradually coming back to her. And, I'm certain, so will the Promise…and so I will, as her chevalier, do all in my power to protect her and assist her until it is all finished…and Diva is dead…
Then, I will do as I promised…grant her wish…because I am a chevalier…and she is my beloved Queen Saya…
And I will break my heart…for the love of…Saya…always.
END