Fear, the one thing that every person has, lots of times it's superficial, but everyone fears something. The cheerleader captain fears she will one day become fat or ugly; a superficial fear. The nerd on the front row of the classroom wonders if he will ever get a girlfriend, another superficial fear.
I have a fear just like them, I don't know if it's superficial or not. I fear that I will never be noticed by my long time crush, Jared Taqueem.
I've had the same classes with him since the third grade. I'd just gotten out of my mom's car and I tripped on the way out, and skinned my knee on the concrete of the sidewalk. I didn't cry, I had learned no matter what I did my parents would never care or notice, so I sucked up the pain and trudged my way up to the tribal elementary school. I glanced behind me, just in time to see my mom drive away without *bidding me goodbye.
"Hey, are you okay?"
I turned back around to see a little boy, not much taller than me, looking at me curiously. I cocked my head to the side. No one had ever asked me that before.
"Um, yeah.. I just fell, that's all." I managed to stutter out. He was actually kind of cute.
"You sure?" he prodded, a sceptical look on his face. I nodded, my cheeks flaming a bright red. "Okey-dokey. I'm Jared. What's your name?" he asked. Before I could answer his friend called to him from the other side of the school yard. "Sorry, gotta go. You should be more careful though, Okay?" he told me as he ran off to talk to his friend.
From that day on, I had been completely and totally in love with the only person who had ever noticed me enough to ask if I was okay.
~Ten Years Later~
"Kim! Why don't I have any shampoo?" my mom screeched from the bathroom.
Oh crap, I thought, here we go again.
When I was a child, my parents never noticed me, and if they did notice me it was only because I had something they wanted, or I was in the way. "Kim, could you move? You're blocking the T.V." or "Kim, I need you to do the laundry and dishes this weekend, okay?" were good examples of what I was usually told.
No 'please', no 'thank you', no 'I love you'. I became more and more of a servant to them as I got older. I went from being invisible in their eyes, to being a meek slave.
"Kim!" My mom screeched again.
Ugh, now what am I gonna do? I grimaced. Whenever she found something she didn't like, she started blaming me for it. Like I'm supposed to notice she didn't have any shampoo. I don't even shower in her bathroom. I had a small bathtub in my room, which is actually the attic, and I had to use a hand pump to put water in it, cold water at that.
"Coming!" I yelled down the attic stairwell. I jumped out of bed, where I was writing in my diary, and grabbed my cucumber and melon shampoo bottle, hoping she would take it and not get mad at me.
I sprinted downstairs and into my mom's bathroom. "Here, you can use mine," I offered the shampoo bottle to her hesitantly.
"Fine, but you're going to buy me some more today, after school!" She ordered before snatching it out of my hand. "After everything I do for you…,"she trailed off.
I turned around and slunk back upstairs, not bothering to say anything to her. I was dismissed.
I closed my diary and stuck it back under my small mattress. I dressed in a pair of well-worn jeans and a plain, black t-shirt, with a pair of black converses. I looked in the small mirror on my wall. I'm plain, I thought. My eyes are almond shaped and a muddy brown, my mouth is a bit too small for my face, and my cheekbones are a little too wide to be considered attractive. My skin is probably my best feature. It was smooth, a russet/mocha color that never had a blemish, and was soft as velvet. My hair was super wavy and completely untameable, so more often than not, I pulled it back in a ponytail. I let my eyebrow length bangs down and then gargled with mouthwash. I'd just run out of toothpaste and made a mental note to buy some after school today. Grabbing my backpack, I walked downstairs.
I walked into the kitchen and grabbed some cherry Pop-Tarts. My dad sat at the table reading the newspaper, and my mom came out of the bathroom, wrapped in towels. Neither acknowledged me, so sighing I slipped silently out of the house and down the street to the bus stop.
I glanced at my watch: 7:00. Right on time
I watch the yellow school bus drive up and stop in front of the gathering of students who were also waiting at my bus stop. I waited patiently as all the students filed onto the bus, and then stepped onto it myself, taking my seat at the back. As usual nobody noticed me. I get off at the small tribal schoolentrance without incident, and manoeuvre my way through the throng of students in the small hallways, straight to my locker. A few people managed to push me into the wall, or onto the floor, but nobody noticed of course. I grab what I need and hurry to first period: Art. Mrs. Fitz is really strict and doesn't tolerate tardiness.
The period passes quickly and thankfully, so does the next one. In third period, I sit next to him. Jared Taqeem, the most popular boy in school. Football captain, Soccer captain, and student body president.
I shuffle into the chemistry classroom and take my seat next to him quietly. He glances in my direction once, and then goes back to talking to his best friend Paul Woods. I internally swoon. He has beautiful deep, brown eyes and curly milk, chocolate-colored hair that goes a little past his ears. He's like 6'2" with muscle but not bulky.
I sigh, of course he doesn't look twice at me, I think, why would he? He's Jared Taqeem and I'm just plain, old Kimberli Birche. There's nothing to look at. I'm not curvy like Theresa or big-chested like Vanessa.
I pull out my notebook and start doodling on it until class starts. During the lesson I'm acutely aware of every movement Jared makes, as usual, I can't concentrate on the lesson. Consequently, I'm failing Chemistry. When the bell rings signalling the end of class, Jared stands up and strides out of the room with Paul on his heels. I gather my things and put them away in my small, navy blue backpack. Just before I cross the threshold of the classroom door, Mr. Gruen yells at me.
"Kim! Wait up!" I turn around and walk back to his desk.
"Yes?" I ask him.
"Are you aware you have an 'F' in this class?" he frowned at me over the ugly, horn-rimmed glasses that sat perched on his nose.
"Yeah, I know. Chemistry isn't my best subject." I lie. I certainly wasn't going to say it was because of the Greek God that sat next to me, besides junior chemistry was hard.
"Right, Okay," he says, swallowing my lie easily. "I will give you two weeks and then if you still haven't brought your grade up, then you will need to attend after school tutoring with me. Sound fair?" he proposes.
"Okay, thanks Mr. Gruen." I reply.
The rest of the day passes quickly and before I know it, I'm sitting on my bed after school, waiting for my mom to tell me when to go to the store. I can't go anywhere without her say so.
I so need to get over Jared Taqeem I think dejectedly. My grade is suffering, and he's never going to notice me.
With that in mind, I decide to forget Jared and move on. Little did I know, my life was about to change, and nothing would ever be the same again.
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