Some people believe in Santa Claus
Some people believe in fairies
Some people believe in Equality
Opportunity
Wisdom
Freedom
And Love
And some people believe
That I am Jennifer Fucking Saunders
Brilliant.
But I'm not
I'm the pan-global thunderbolt
That shook the heart of British comedy
I am the airborne molecule
The sex pheromone
That precedes the orgasm
Now listen carefully, Ladies
There's Quasars
And there are Black Holes
There are all the wonders of the entire universe
But when you turn on
Your plasma tv
You can see me!
Yes me!
Oops...did I forget to mention
That I'm Bigger than Hitler
And Better than Christ?
Ok, I have said it now
Ha Ha
I'm a storyteller too
On Grimm
Crackanory
And Jackanory
I can conjure up the snow floating overhead
The first gleam of a new dawn
Or the soft perfume or a long-stemmed rose
But know this
I am still the weapon of mass – terbation
The King of Bashing one out
For solo satisfaction
Oh, never mind this BOLLOCKS
I'm Rik Fucking Mayall
OK?