I am actually very surprised that me posting "All In" the other day sparked two other Ryan/Beckett fics being posted! That's awesome, guys. I love that people are so open minded to the underdog ships. I've actually found myself quickly falling for these two. (Don't get me wrong, I'm still a total Caskett shipper, but you gotta love the unlikely love affair).
Disclaimer: Castle and all of its characters belong to Andrew W. Marlowe, and ABC. "Alone With You" belongs to Jake Owen.
This fic is dedicated to the wonderful Beckett Towns. You've been a fantastic friend through my insanity, and been a shoulder when I needed one. You're the best, little one. Love you!
I don't see you laugh, you don't call me back,
But you kiss me when you're drunk.
I don't know your friends, don't know where you've been,
Why are you the one I want?
Don't put your lips up to my mouth and tell me you can't stay,
Don't slip your hand under my shirt and tell me it's okay.
Don't say it doesn't matter, cause it's gonna matter to me.
I can't be alone with,
You've got me out on the edge with every time you call,
And I know it would kill me if I fall.
I can't be alone with you.
They had closed the case that they'd been working by five that evening, and Castle had suggested drinks at the Haunt to wind down. Ryan had been reluctant at first, but Esposito had guilted him into going.
Since Jenny had left him, he didn't really enjoying doing much other than going to work and going directly home. So, when he had finally agreed to go with them, Esposito had thrown him into the car and carted him there before he could change his mind.
At a table near the back corner Castle, Beckett, Esposito and Lanie sat, animatedly recapping their weeks for one another. Ryan, however, was seated on a tattered barstool, swishing Jameson around his glass. His blue eyes were unfocused as they watched the amber liquid.
A hand on his back nearly jumped him out of his skin. When he spun on the stool, he was pressed directly against Beckett's chest. Her hazel eyes were hazy, which he figured was from the drinking, and he sighed sadly.
"Hey, Beckett." He finally said, his voice barely loud enough to be heard over the buzzing patrons in the bar. Her hand on his chest almost had his heart pounding out of his skin. He raised a shaky hand to hers, closing his fingers over hers.
"Kevin, don't you think that we know each other well enough to be on a first name basis by now?" She slurred, her fingers drawing absent patterns over his chest.
"Beck-."
"Kate, Kevin." She gave him a predatory smile and leaned even further into his chest. "Call me Kate."
"Kate, I don't really think that this is the time or the place to be doing this. Castle is here." He gestured to the table near the back where their friends were still to involved in what they were talking about to notice the little show that Kate was putting on.
It had been like this between them since the day that he set foot into the homicide bubble that her and Esposito had created. Kate would have a few too many, then, and only then, would she deem Ryan 'good enough' to have the occasional roll in the hay.
Don't get him wrong, the sex between the two of them had never been anything but explosive. However, he hated the fact that the next morning he knew he was going to wake up alone, he was going to come into work with the woman that he cared so deeply for and he wasn't going to be able to do a damned thing about it. Well, he'd decided that enough was enough. If she thought he was good enough to sleep with, then she damned well better think that he was good enough to keep around when the sun came up.
"I think that it's the perfect time to do this." She smirked as her hand slid over the zipper of his jeans, his hips pushing into her hand subconciously. A groan slipped from his throat.
"That's not fair, Kate." He whispered, his eyes fluttering closed. Her hands moved under his shirt, her nails skimming the skin of his stomach. "Kate," His voice was shaky and breathy as he spoke. "Stop." Ryan finally brought himself to pull her hands out from under his shirt and stared angrily into her eyes.
"Why not, Ryan?" She looked at him, hurt evident on her face. "What's wrong?"
"You, Kate. You're wrong. This whole fucked up situation that we have going on is wrong. You use me. You sleep with me when it's convenient for you, and then you toss me to the side until you deem me necessary again. I'm done, Kate." He snarled, downing the rest of his Jameson, tossing some money on the bar and brushing past her to storm out into the stormy New York night.
The icy rain pelted his skin as soon as he was out of the door, but it was a welcome change from the boiling in his blood. He was slightly startled, but not surprised when a warm hand closed aroud his wrist. He turned slowly to face her, his hair falling into his eyes as the rain washed it out of place.
"Kevin," She whispered, stepping in front of him. "Please..."
Please don't chain that door, I can't win this war.
Your body's a pill I shouldn't take.
Don't put your lips up to my mouth and tell me it's okay.
Don't say it doesn't matter cause it's gonna matter to me.
I can't be alone with,
You've got me out on the edge every time you call.
And I know it would kill me if I fall,
I can't be alone with you.
"Just..." She sighed and dropped his hand once she was confident that he wasn't going to leave. "Please, don't go. I need you to stay." She whispered, standing so close that he could catch a whiff of the cherry perfume that had captivated him the first night that they were together.
"Kate, I can't keep living like this. I care about you. I don't want this to be another 'hook up'. I want you. All of you." His voice was low and harsh. "You and I both know that while Castle is around, I'm never going to be more than the convenient fuck to you, Kate. It's not fair to me. And I'm done." With that, he spun on his heel and stormed down the sidewalk, the lightning streaking across the sky and illuminating his face every few mintues.
Soon enough he had reached his apartment. The key made a grinding sound when it entered his, sounding too loud to his own ears as he opened the door and tossed his jacket and keys off to the side.
Ryan made a beeline to the cabinet, pulled out a whiskey glass and nearly filled it with Jack Daniels. He downed the first glass in one swallow, wincing as it burned down his throat and warmed his stomach. He immediately poured another glass, swallowing it down just as quickly, and glanced at the bottle of Jack. He finally made the decision to abandon the glass and began swigging it directly from the bottle. He cluthced the scalloped-cut design neck and shuffled to the couch. He had just gotten situated when a soft knock came through the wood of his door. He didn't need to look out the peep hole to know who was on the other side of the door.
Reguardless of that fact, his heart still skipped a beat when he saw her standing in the hallway, her hair tousled and wet, and her sweater clinging to her skin.
"What do you want, Kate? What are you doing here?" He sighed, taking another drink from the bottle.
"I want to apologize. Can I come in?" She asked softly, her eyes locked on his. Ryan stood back and widely gestured for her to enter. She brushed past him and took a seat on his couch, tucking her feet under herself and waiting for him to sit next to her. He sighed and took a seat, his feet kicked up on the coffee table, and the bottle of Jack nestled between his legs. An uncomfortable silence filled the air between them as Kate twidled her thumbs slowly. "I'm so, so sorry, Kevin. I never meant to make you feel that way. I didn't want to hurt you."
"I didn't think that you did it on purpose, Kate." His voice was softly and tender as he spoke, the anger still lingering, but the tears that hovered on the corners of her eyes were quickly wicking it away. "I'm sorry that I blew up on you at the bar."
"No, don't apologize, Ryan. You were right. I shouldn't have strung you along like this." His heart dropped when she said that. She couldn't possibly mean that this was the end...could she? "So, let's make it official." His eyes widen and his head snapped to face her.
"I'm sorry?" He whispered, blinking rapidly and trying to wrap his head around the situation. "Do you mean that?" He rasped, setting the Jack on the table and turning to face her, their knees brushing.
"Yes, I do." Kate smiled at him, her hand cupping his cheek. She allowed her thumb to brush over his cheek bone softly. "Do you want this?"
"Of course I do, Kate. I always have." Ryan stammered, scooting even closer, his lips hovering over hers. "But, what about..."
"What about, what, Kevin?" Her breath brushed over his lips, causing him to quiver in anticipation.
"Rick." Kate's muscles twitched at the sound of his name, a gesture that did not go unnoticed by him. "There, that's what I meant. You love him, Kate."
"No, I...Kevin, you have to believe me." She stammered, her fingers tangling in his hair. Ryan felt his resolve breaking as everything he wanted melted into his grasp, his hands skimming the flesh of her lower back.
"You're sure about this?" He asked, his voice husky with desire.
"I'm sure." That was all the confirmation that he needed, his lips collided with hers as he shifted her so that their bodies were parrallel on the couch. She moaned softly into his mouth.
"I need you, Kevin." Her hands were warm when the slide past the waist band of his pants and boxers to rub sensually over his already straining erection. Ryan couldn't have supressed the groan that escaped him if he had wanted to, she was seeping into his senses and he couldn't seem to find the will to give a damn.
His lips skated from her lips to her jaw and he nipped his way down her neck to her pulse point. When he sucked roughly on the skin, leaving a purple mark there, she sighed his name quietly, her body arching into his. He lifted her shirt over her head, his lips scorching a path over her body heatedly. He dropped the shirt to the floor, her bra quickly following. She gasped loudly when his teeth closed over her hardened nipple.
Kate's fingers dove into his hair, her nails scraping over his scalp as she held his head sensually. When Kevin moved his mouth down her stomach, placing a reverent kiss to the dark purple scar on her ivory skin, she shuddered. He glanced up and found her eyes screwed shut and her head thrown back against the arm of the couch as he ridded her of her pants and panties. He grinned to himself when he slipped his tongue across her moistness and she opened her mouth in a wordless scream, which only came out as breathless squeak.
"N-no," She murmured, shaking her head incoherently. "I need you i-inside me. No more teasing." That was all the encouragement that Ryan needed, he quickly threw off his clothes and postitioned his length at her enterance, his tip brushing across it erotically. Kate gasped again before wrapping her legs around his waist and pulling him in to the hilt. They stilled as he allowed her time to adjust to his length before they began a steady, pulsating rhythm. The only sound that filled the apartment was the slide of his skin against hers. They moved together, their bodies in sync, until they tumbled over the edge together, her name tumbling from his lips as they shuddered against each other.
He placed lazy kisses against each other until they fell into a each other's embrace, sleep overtaking both of them quickly as they curled into a tangle of limbs. For the first time in ages, Kevin Ryan fell asleep with a smile on his face.
Don't put your lips to my mouth and tell me you can't stay.
Don't slip your hand under my shirt and tell me it's okay.
Don't say you're gonna love me cause you're gonna love me and leave
I can't be alone with,
You've got me out on the edge every time you call.
And I know it would kill me if I fall,
I can't be alone with you.
The next morning, Kevin sleepily reached across the couch, but found nothing but empty cushions.
"Kate?" He called, sitting up slowly and running a hand through his hair. Silence was the only response that he got. He stood and padded into each room of the house, not finding her anywhere. His heart sunk when he saw his answering machine blinking at him ominously. He heaved a sigh and pushed play.
'Hey, Kevin. Look, I'm sorry that I left I just," She sighed and took a moment to collect her thoughts. 'I can't do this. I'm sorry, I thought that I could, but I can't. It's...it's Castle. I thought that I could do this...thing, this whatever it is we have, and forget about him. I love him, Kevin. I'm so, so sorry. Last night I was drunk, and I wasn't really thinking about what I was thinking. So...I'll see you at work? Bye, Kev.'
'End of messages'
He stared at the answering machine a moment, his body unmoving and stoic. Then, seemingly out of no where, he snapped. He tore the phone out of the wall, hurling it across the room. The plastic box exploded when it hit the hardwood floor. His fist connected with the wall solid, a pain searing through the nerves of his arm as his knuckles cracked under the pressure. He hissed as his hand began to swell. He tore his phone out of his pocket and dialed a number quickly.
"Hello?"
"This is Detective Kevin Ryan."
"Ah, Detective, to what do I owe the pleasure of your early morning phone call?" Came the voice on the other end.
"I want to request a transfer to a new precinct." Kevin said cooly, wiping the blood that dripped from his knuckles onto the boxers he'd collected off the floor.
"What precinct were you looking for, Detective? Somewhere close to the 12th?"
"No. I was thinking more to the East."
"How far East?"
"Boston. I want to transfer to the Boston Police Department." His voice was cold.
"You sure, Ryan?" Came Captain Gates' shocked reply.
"I'm positive."
"It'll be a shame to see you go, but I guess Boston it is, Detective Ryan."
"Thank you, Captain." Ryan sighed, glancing around the viciously cold apartment.
"Can I ask why the sudden change of heart?"
"It's not a change of heart. It's an abandonment of faith." Gates was quiet for a long moment before answering.
"I understand, Detective. I wish you the best of luck."
"Thank you, Captain, but I don't need luck. I just need to get away. Good bye Captain." Before Ryan could hang up the phone, Gates replied.
"I'll tell her, Detective. I know that it would be hard for you."
"I beg your pardon?"
"Don't play dumb, Ryan. I'll tell Beckett that you're gone. No worries." Ryan sighed thankfully.
"You're a nice woman, Gates."
"Let's keep that between the two of us, Detective? I do have a reputation to uphold." Ryan chuckled to himself quietly.
"Noted. Take care of yourself, Captain." Ryan hung up and glanced around the apartment again. He needed a change. He needed to get rid of the addiction that was Katherine Beckett. It wasn't much, but for now it was enough.
I don't see you laugh,
You don't call me back,
But, you know, you only kiss me when you're drunk.