Disclaimer: I do not own iCarly or any of its characters. Nor do I own the lyrics below. All copyrighted material belongs to its rightful owners.
"If I got down on my knees and told you I was yours forever,
Would you get down on yours too and take my hand?
Would we get that old time feeling; would we laugh and talk for hours?
The way we did when our love first began?
Would you tell me that you'd missed me too and that you'd been so lonely?
And you waited for the day that I returned?
And we'd live in love forever, and that I'm your one and only
Or would you say the tables finally turned?"
It was roughly six months after Sam and Freddie had broken up. It was a Friday afternoon, and Sam and Freddie were walking home together. If it was any other day, Carly would be walking beside them, playing peacemaker, but she was out of town with Spencer for an art display sort of thing, and they wouldn't be back until tomorrow morning.
Sam's heart was beating faster than normal, she couldn't remember the last time her and the nub were together- alone without feeling like she was going to drop dead of a heart attack. Her hand brushed against his as they walked and the tingles that shot down her stomach made her shiver. God, what she would do to hold his hand again.
He was talking about something to do with school that day but if she was honest, she hadn't heard a word he had spoken. She tried to zone back in.
"Sam? Were you even listening to me-?"
She cut him off, receiving an eye roll. "No, I wasn't".
They fell into silence, one that was if only a little awkward for the both of them. Sam dared herself to look up at him, and bit her lip. How she wanted to pin him up against a wall and kiss him...
"What?" He looked down at her.
"Wondering how you got stuck with your face like that." Her cheeks burned slightly, and she looked away so he wouldn't see that she was blushing because he had caught her staring at him.
"You were looking at me odd…"
"Maybe it's because you look uglier than usual."
Freddie rolled his eyes, and decided to leave the matter alone. Maybe she did just think he was uglier than what he apparently already was, with Sam there was no telling what was on her mind.
They made it to Sam's block, and Sam stopped, subconsciously digging her nails into the palm of her hand. "I'm not exactly in the mood to go home and Carly made me promise I wouldn't break into her apartment while she's gone…" She trailed off, hoping he would get the hint.
Freddie stopped beside her, laughing softly. "Let me guess, your mom forgot to buy groceries and you're out of ham?"
The two entered Freddie's apartment, tossing their book bags into the corner. "Where's your mom?"
"She's working until nine tonight."
Sam looked at him in surprise. "She's actually leaving you home alone?"
"She's gone easier on me since that time I moved out. No more tick baths, either." They both clearly remembered the time Freddie had moved into his own apartment.
"Does she still make you wear sunscreen when you go out, even in the dead of winter?"
Freddie felt his face grow hot, "Maybe."
Sam snickered, heading into the kitchen, and disappeared in the fridge. Freddie nervously ran his fingers through his hair. Relax, you idiot. He thought to himself. You've been alone with her plenty of times…
Sam reappeared from the fridge, cuddling her prized ham under one arm like a football. "So, off to the nerd cave, then?"
Freddie bit his lip so hard he tasted blood. The last time she was in his room was the night they broke up, and they had… Quit thinking about it!
Freddie's room hadn't changed much in the past few years, other than the fact it was a bit more mature. He no longer had Galaxy Wars bed sheets, at least. Sam flopped down onto his bed, stretching out and burying her face in his pillow, muttering something about having to wash her face with bleach now because of nerd germs. He rolled his eyes and hesitantly sat down next to her, grabbing his laptop and opening it. He paused, picking up the ham that now lay on his bed and moving it to the end stand. "Try not to get crumbs everywhere, okay?"
"Yeah, yeah, whatever," She lifted her head off of his pillow. "I'm bored. Entertain me, Benson."
He looked at her in disbelief. "What- how? Get off your lazy butt and entertain yourself."
She moaned in protest, sending a spark down the front of Freddie's pants, making him shift uncomfortably as she rolled over and knocked what was left of the ham that was supposed to be tonight's dinner onto the floor with a thud. She stood up, taking something out of her pocket.
"Why do you have a balloon?" He asked warily as she dug out three more.
"They're water balloons, Fredderly. Watch and you shall be answered."
"Why on earth are we out here?" Freddie asked as the cars zoomed far below him, the harsh Seattle wind pushing against him, making him shiver slightly despite the warm air. They were on the fire escape; the one where he and Sam had their first kiss. He couldn't help but wonder if she was thinking of it.
"Because," Sam held up a red balloon that was filled with… something. He didn't know what exactly it was filled with, but it wasn't water. "I'm bored, you failed to entertain me, and now some poor innocent folks will have to suffer my wrath."
"Oh, God…" Freddie groaned. Sam smirked at him before turning to lean her body over the railing. The tarnished iron rattled for a moment under her weight and Sam lost her footing for an instant.
"Sam, be careful." Freddie warned, as a wave of panic flooded his senses. Despite what she had to say, he cared about her. He moved to stand next to her.
"Back off, I'm fine." She snapped, moving away from him. She wouldn't admit it, but the thought of Freddie wanting to make sure she didn't get hurt gave her idiotic, girly butterflies. She brushed off the feelings the best she could, and began to look for an unsuspecting victim.
"How about him," Freddie pointed to an older looking man on the sidewalk below that was walking a Chihuahua dressed in a faux fur coat. "He looks kind of unfavorable."
Sam laughed, nodding her head in agreement. She situated her arm over the sidewalk below, and without any kind of warning dropped the balloon. It turned out that Freddie was right in his impression about the man. The two burst out laughing when he began shaking his cane at them, before realizing it was stuck to his hand.
"Sam, what did you put in the balloons?" Freddie managed to ask between laughs.
"The entire bottle of sugar free syrup I found in your kitchen."
"Sam!"
By the time Sam had finished tormenting random strangers, the sun was beginning to set, and both Sam and Freddie were worn out from the commotion. Sam leaned against the wall. He did the same.
"You never answered my question from a while back."
Freddie turned to get a better look at her. "What question?"
"Who kisses better? I'm curious."
"Uh- I mean- what?" Freddie lifted his head, looking at her, obviously caught off guard.
"I don't have all day to wait for an answer, you know."
"Sam, we already went over this. I'm not going to answer that."
She groaned in frustration. "Here's the deal," She paused. "Answer or I may just have to kill you."
"But if I do answer, there's a fifty- no, a hundred percent chance you'll kill me anyways."
"Why don't you want to tell me? Look, I'll go easy on you. I won't entirely kill you just because you think Carly kisses better."
"I never said I thought Carly kisses better than you." Crap.
Sam was dumbstruck. "But you do," It came out as a question rather than a statement.
Freddie sighed, burying his face in his hands for a moment. "Sam…" He was practically pleading for her to drop the matter.
"Do you really think that I…?"
"Yes, I do. Happy?" He crossed his arms and avoided her gaze. Damn it.
"Aw, love you too, Benson." She smirked. They both knew she meant it as a joke, however her words held truth. They chose to ignore the fact they had undoubtedly fallen for each other and anything had ever happened between them.
"Yeah, yeah, whatever," Freddie mumbled, toying with a loose thread from his shirt.
Sam tried to keep her unsteady legs upright. She just couldn't wrap her head around the idea that Freddie thought she kissed better than Carly. Carly was better than her in every category.
Freddie continued to look anywhere but her eyes. I'm so dead. He knew she would hold this against him for as long as they both lived, and if she died first, as unlikely as that was (Freddie wouldn't be surprised if she figured out a way to live forever) she'd come back to haunt him with it. Wait, why was he even thinking this?
He found the nerve to meet her eyes, only to find she was watching him intently.
He flashed a grin at her, setting off the mental butterflies in her stomach again. "You're not always too bad of a demon, you know."
She looked down at the concrete for a minute, before looking back up to meet his eyes. She felt a smile make its way onto her face. "I guess you're not always too bad of a nerd, either."
She bit her lip, and he noticed her eyes flickering down to his lips for only a moment before meeting his gaze again. They stared at each other for an instant, and she realized he was hovering above her. As he leaned in, she turned her head away, and he pulled back sharply.
"Don't." Her voice cracked. They had broken up because they didn't belong together. She wasn't going to force a relationship between them again. It wasn't fair to him, no matter how badly she wanted it.
Freddie let out a breath as he prepared himself to say what he had been keeping in since the very night they had parted. "Sam, look at me."
She pretended not to hear him, gazing over the skyline, but he knew she was simply ignoring him. He held onto her arms and turned her towards him. He didn't let go as he continued to speak.
"I was wrong about what I said when we broke up. You're perfect the way you are, I don't want you any different or to become- you know, 'normal'. We shouldn't of broke up, Sam."
"It's too late now," She snapped, refusing to give into the look he was giving her.
"No, it's not. Listen, if anything ever happens to you I don't know what I would do. I need you in my life, whether you believe it or not. And uh, it still is true, you know. I… I love you, Sam."
Sam pulled out of his grasp, taking a step backwards. "Freddie, stop."
He took another step closer to her, and she tried to back away again only to realize she was against the wall.
"Look me in the eyes and tell me you don't love me." He knew he was treading on thin ice now, he didn't know whether or not she still had those feelings for him, but he was hoping- no, praying that she still felt the same way for him as he did for her. Please God, he begged.
Sam sighed before making eye contact with him. She did love Freddie. But if she was good at anything, it was lying. "I…" Just say it for God's sake. Say you don't love him. "I can't." Well, damn it.
"Sam…" He began, but she cut him off.
"Just shut up. I don't want to hear what you have to say. We're over. We've been over for a while. That's not going to change."
"You only agreed to break up with me because you thought that it was what I wanted, didn't you?"
"I thought I told you to shut up." Her eyes glistened against the dim sky. He knew.
She had her head turned away from him now, but he knew it was because she didn't want him to see her cry.
"Sam," he whispered, "Why did you lie? It wasn't mutual, Sam. You never did want to end our relationship."
She inhaled sharply, and Freddie could feel a knot in his own throat as she turned back to look at him. They searched each other's eyes, desperate to know what the other was feeling, for once you broke up with someone, you were supposed to mean it- to move on and find someone better, and yet all they were feeling now was what could only be described as love for the other. Weren't they supposed to hate each other?
"No, Freddie." Sam was the one who finally broke the silence that was pounding down on them, her voice quiet and slightly quavering, "We're not meant to be. And- you're right. I lied. But when I have ever told the truth?" A single tear fell from her eye, which she wiped it away hastily. "Shit," She cursed as she struggled to blink back more tears that were threatening to fall.
"Why can't you just trust me? I would never hurt you, you know that." He didn't try to hide the hurt in his eyes.
"I- I do trust you, more than anyone else in my life, if I'm honest for once." She looked away. "But you don't deserve me. You deserve someone who's actually worth your time; someone who's like Carly." Her voice shook as she mentioned her best friend.
Sam didn't have time to blink before Freddie had intertwined both of her hands with his.
"Don't ever say that again. It's not true. You're worth every second of my life. I would die for you if I had to. You're absolutely perfect and I wouldn't have you any other way. And you knowI don't like Carly anymore."
She could see it in his eyes- hopelessness and longing so intense she wanted nothing more than to melt into his arms and forget everything she had said to him in the past ten minutes. She stared at the boy who she had never seen so dejected in the years she had known him. A few months together was all it had taken for them to form a bond so close neither of them could imagine being without the other.
Letting the last of her guard down, she took a step towards him so that their bodies were touching. She wanted him.
"You were right," Sam paused. "When you said I didn't stop the breakup because I thought it was what you wanted."
Freddie smiled softly. "You were so wrong, Sam."
She smiled in return, dropping her gaze for only a moment, "Hey, nerd?"
"Yes?"
"Kiss me, damn it."
The words had hardly left her mouth before Freddie cut her off with his lips, his hands resting on her waist, kissing her fiercely out of the frustration that had built up inside him. She responded almost immediately, her hands tightly grasping his shirt.
"I love you," He was breathless from the kiss, his lips tingling. She was a sweet mixture of ham and strawberry lip gloss, and he'd never get tired of it for as long as he lived.
"I love you too, Freddie."
"Don't leave me ever again." She barely recognized her own voice. Never had Sam heard herself so… fragile.
"I wouldn't dream of it." She could see the adoration in his eyes.
Not being good with words; she didn't know what to say next.
She didn't have to say anything, for Freddie brought his lips back down to hers as he pulled her closer. Her arms found their way around his neck, and she moaned softly as he tangled a hand in her hair. He brushed his tongue against her bottom lip softly.
The second time they pulled apart, Sam glimpsed through blurry eyes at the setting sun and sighed. "I better get going, I guess."
She turned to crawl back inside, but paused midway at the sound of his voice. "Hey-"
She didn't turn around to look at him as she spoke. "Yeah, I hate you too." She could practically feel the cheesy grin she knew was stretched across his face. What a nub.
"…Sam?"
She held back a smile. "Yes?"
"Stay with me tonight."
He didn't have to ask twice.