COLD AND ALONE
Written on the behalf of my friend SilentSoulDeathSpoon from deviantART, who lost her mother today to cancer, and also for my friend RhayvenNite, who lost her grandmother, as well as a good friend in a horrible accident. My heart goes out to them both. This is my little way of showing them how much I love and care about them, and how I'm always here for them when they need me. People often wonder what to do or say in situations like these. From the way I see it, the answer is this: don't say anything; just be there. I know in my case, when times got rough, it really helped to have someone there for me. Even if we didn't have very much to say, and even though they couldn't make the situation better, it made me feel a world of good to simply know that they cared.
Characters (excluding Terence) © C.S. Lewis and Disney/Walden Media
Terence and Story © unicorn-skydancer08
All rights reserved.
Tumnus sat alone on the edge of his bed in his bedchamber at Cair Paravel, with his hooves planted solidly on the floor. He sat in a low, hunched position, with his elbows on his knees and his face in his hands. Although it was a warm night, he felt cold as ice and numb from horn to hoof. Why? was the only rational thought in his mind. Why, why?
Though everyone at the Cair felt deeply sorry for him, and though they had all tried their very best to comfort him and let him know it was all right, he would have none of it.
How could it ever be all right? How could anyone possibly understand what he was going through?
The sad, simple answer was just that: nobody could understand. Nobody.
The faun remained in that hopeless, deathly silent position for what must have been ages, unable to move from the spot, unable to weep, unable to shed a tear, unable to scream, unable to make a sound at all. His chest felt almost unbearably tight, while at the same time an intense chill settled in the pit of his stomach. His keen ears caught the sound of a gentle rap on his door, but he didn't budge, nor did he answer outright. Maybe if he gave no vocal response, whoever was there would ultimately leave.
On the contrary, however, the handle of the door shifted from the other side, and there was a small creak of hinges as the door slowly swung open.
"Tumnus?" a soft voice spoke.
Even in the darkness, even with his hands covering his face, Tumnus would know that voice anywhere. It was Terence, his best mate.
He wanted to tell the young man to go away, but his voice had long since failed him, and his tongue was a useless blob in his mouth.
Terence was sure Tumnus wanted to be left alone—he recalled all too well the times when he, himself, wished to be alone—but his feet ended up carrying him over to the bed, anyway. Because he was part unicorn, and therefore he was lighter and more graceful on his feet than most common men, he crossed the room without making a sound at all. It was only when he took a seat alongside Tumnus on the bed that Tumnus was aware of his presence. Even then, Tumnus did not look up, or acknowledge his mate in any way.
He felt Terence's arm slide across his bare, unadorned shoulders, but he resolutely kept his head down and kept his silence. Terence said nothing more at that time, but only sat very quietly with the faun, rubbing Tumnus's back mildly, toying absently with the faun's untamed curls of hair, wishing and praying there was some way he could take away his brother's pain.
He remembered all the times Tumnus would come to him, how the faun would keep him company and console him when he was emotionally shattered.
Looking at his friend now, Terence saw a lot of himself in the faun.
Grief was something Terence was not unfamiliar with. The white-haired youth knew, more than anyone else in the Cair did, just how it felt to have a broken heart. He knew what it was like to have reached the end of the road, to have run out of chances, to be lost in a sea of darkness with no light in sight. He knew, because he had experienced it all himself.
Words were entirely unnecessary, in cases like this. Pitiful apologies and condolences were insufficient. It was not enough just to say "I'm sorry" or "it's going to be all right".
"Oh, my dear Tumnus," was all Terence said out loud, as he stayed with his mate, and held him in his embrace.
Tumnus noticed the young man's voice was low and heavy, and shook with hardly suppressed emotion. He heard Terence catch his breath, felt both the man's arms wrap readily around him and pull him closer. Tumnus hadn't even the strength to try to resist him. Genuine tears began to spill from Terence's eyes and down his handsome face, and he pressed Tumnus more fervently to his heart and began to weep freely. When Tumnus heard his mate weep for him, when he felt the warm trickle of tears on his neck, his shield of resistance was destroyed.
Something inside of him melted, like the sun melting the snow, and the runoff welled up in his eyes. Almost without realizing it, Tumnus threw his own arms about Terence, hugging him so fiercely it was a miracle he didn't break him to pieces, and broke down crying as well. Great, heaving sobs poured out of him, which were barely muffled as he pressed his face into Terence's shoulder. He cried harder than he ever recalled crying before; he didn't know why he was suddenly letting loose like this, but with Terence's arms enfolding him, it was somehow easy to do just so. His tears soaked Terence's fine blue garment, which he wadded in his fists, while Terence's tears seeped into his hair.
Terence closed his eyes and held Tumnus as if he would never let him go, and Tumnus clung to him every bit as tightly, if not tighter, his entire body racked with pure anguish.
When, in the end, their tears ran dry, their sobbing quieted down, and Tumnus's violent shaking had calmed, Terence would have left Tumnus in peace, but Tumnus refused to let him go.
"Don't leave me," the faun found himself pleading, the first time he had spoken out loud since Terence came into the room. "Please, Terence—I can't be alone." When he lifted his face at long last to the young man's level, his streaming blue eyes beseeching him, Terence gently wiped Tumnus's tears for him, and kissed the faun tenderly on his damp forehead.
"I won't leave you," the youth promised solemnly. "Believe me, Tumnus, I've got all the time in the world for you."