It was to the sound of echoing screams and gunshots that Maria woke, her eyes wide with terror. A scream was lodged in her throat and her heart pounded against her rib cage. She saw the remnants of a war-torn land at the edge of her vision, smelled the acrid scent of dead bodies and gunpowder. She fought the urge to vomit as she wildly sat up, the sight and the smells fading away. It took her a moment before Maria realized that she was in bed and in her room in the SONG headquarters.
Maria gave a shaky sigh as her heart calmed after a minute or two. With extreme effort, she willed her trembling hands to turn on the small lamp at her bedside table before she stood up to look at herself in the mirror across from her bed. Even in the poor light, Maria could see that her face was pale and her eyes were haunted and bloodshot. With a soft sigh, she put on her robe over her nightgown and left her room.
It has been years but still, the memories haunted her at night. Maria sometimes disliked sleeping because that was the only time that she had her guard down and she would remember things that she buried deep down. She held her robe tighter to her frame as if she was cold, her fingers digging into her arms as she walked determinedly to her destination. The hallways were quiet and the lights were dimmed but it didn't disturb Maria. She was more disturbed by the demons of her past that were rearing their ugly heads.
Maria then found herself in front of the doors that led to the nearby pantry. Without hesitation, she entered the room, only to stop dead in surprise when she saw Chris seated on one of the chairs that surrounded the lone table in the middle. She looked so small and cold as she huddled in on herself, her feet up on the chair and she hugged her knees to her chest. Chris looked up at her as soon as she entered and their eyes met. Maria felt as though she was looking at a mirror once more as Chris' purple eyes had that same haunted look as her own. There was a moment of clarity and understanding between the two of them and Maria hesitantly lowered herself in the chair across from Chris.
Chris made no comment; she merely looked as exhausted as Maria felt. The silence was mostly awkward; neither of them making any sound as they mostly stared at each other. Maria wanted to ask as is her nature but did not want to open up in turn. Chris wanted to be left alone but secretly wanted to talk about it. At an impasse, they continued on sitting in awkward silence, afraid of what it would entail for one of them to speak up. In the end, Maria was awoken by their concerned friends at morning as she had fallen asleep at the table. Chris was still there as well, having fallen asleep too. Neither of them could say why they were there in the first place because that was to admit their weakness, and the weakness of the other.
The next time they met, Maria arrived at the pantry first. She felt cold and she kept on shaking even as she pulled her robe tighter around herself. And so, Maria made some hot chocolate with marshmallows to warm herself. Chris had trudged in shortly afterward, surprising Maria just a little. Now, Maria noticed that Chris was still wearing her nightclothes and did not bother to put on a robe or a jacket. Chris didn't seem to care even as she sat once more on the chair across from Maria and huddled against herself again to perhaps protect against the cold. Maria wanted to berate her for it as Chris would surely catch a cold if she was this careless every time but she held her tongue. Instead, she promptly stood up and made another cup of hot chocolate. Chris looked surprised when she was presented with the warm drink but accepted it all the same.
"Too sweet." Chris grumbled as she took a sip. Despite that, her face was red. Maria didn't feel at all offended. In fact, a small smile broke on her face as she felt a little bit better even with the sounds of dying screams echoing in her head.
Chris heard the sounds of gunshots and saw the flow of blood before she woke up, horror etched on her face. Wildly, she jumped to her feet and looked around, as if looking for an invisible assailant. It took her a few more seconds before she remembered she was in her room.
"Damn it." Chris scowled as tears blurred her eyes. She scrubbed them away immediately, internally cursing her weakness in sleep. The anger melted away then, only to be replaced by her helplessness and a cold, cold feeling in her gut. She abruptly turned to her door and quickly walked out of her room. She went straight to the pantry as she felt as though she needed to be anywhere else but her room. She felt caged and restless, and that terrors will just continue to plague her if she stayed.
She stumbled almost blindly into the pantry, only to find Maria calmly sitting there with a mug of hot chocolate. This was the third time she met her here, and it didn't alarm Chris. For whatever reason, she actually felt relieved to see the older woman here. She then turned to her usual seat and now she was surprised to see a grey robe that was similar to the one Maria was currently wearing draped on her chair.
"Put it on." Maria said casually as she sipped on her hot chocolate. For a second, Chris wanted to protest but thought better of it and put it on. Since it was Maria's, the robe was big on Chris' more petite frame but Chris didn't mind. It was actually quite comfy and warm and it smelled nice.
"Better." Chris grunted as she snuggled into the robe while drinking the hot chocolate that Maria prepared for her. The hot chocolate wasn't as sweet as before and Chris really liked it that way. After they finished with their hot chocolate, Chris tried to return the robe but Maria shook her head.
"Keep it." Maria actually gave her a small smile. Chris clutched the robe more tightly to herself and when she returned to her room, the cold feeling in her gut had gone away.
Chris found herself in the pantry yet again as she tried to forget the feel of phantom hands trying to pin her down. It made her skin crawl and she desperately wanted the comforting warmth of hot chocolate. She waited patiently in her usual seat, the robe that Maria had given her wrapped around her. It gave the impression that she looked even smaller and more vulnerable than before. However, Maria did not turn up. Chris fought the surprisingly strong wave of disappointment that she felt and instead stood up to make her own hot chocolate. Her drink turned out too watery and bland but she drank it all anyway. Maybe it'll be better next time.
Maria thought to perhaps sprinkle a little bit of cinnamon in Chris' usually plain hot chocolate drink. Maybe she'll like it more if she did that, and it reminded Maria of Serena who usually loved her hot chocolate that way. Maria eagerly waited for Chris, a little excited in spite of the shadowy ache in her bones as she ran for her life while dragging Serena with her. However, Chris didn't come and Maria gave a sigh as she didn't get to finish off her hot chocolate. It didn't taste as good as it usually did.
Chris felt utterly awful and alone as the screams of her Papa and Mama as they died echoed in her mind. She suppressed a sob and put on her robe before leaving her room. Instead of going straight to the pantry, she went to the opposite direction and stood in front of Maria's room. She didn't want to disturb anyone with her unwanted fears but she knew Maria always understood. She knew that they were both haunted by two different wars that took their childhood. And so, Chris timidly knocked on Maria's door.
It seemed like an eternity and a half to Chris as she waited anxiously. Just as she was about to give up, the door opened to reveal Maria.
"You make hot chocolate better than I do." Chris blurted out the first thing that came to her mind and she blushed at how terribly inappropriate her poorly worded request was. But Maria seemed to understand what she was asking for and she actually smiled softly. It made Chris feel just a bit better.
"Okay." Maria nodded to the unspoken request and they came to the pantry and made hot chocolate. Chris smelled a hint of cinnamon when the mug was placed in front of her. It smelled wonderful and nostalgic and she remembered that Mama liked putting cinnamon in her hot chocolate. It made Chris smile as she sipped her drink.
"I don't like the sound of guns." Chris randomly said as she stared down at her cinnamon-spiked hot chocolate. Her words sounded strange as it came from someone whose Symphogear could bring out guns, guns and more guns, however, Maria understood. She did not mean the sound of Ichaival's guns. No… She meant the sound of guns in a past long gone, when the sounds of those guns echoed with screams of death and agony.
"Me too." Maria murmured as her throat tightened. She hated it too; the sounds of thousands of thundering guns in a battlefield, the sounds of bullets tearing through homes, through people. The sound of explosions, of cries of pain. And Maria came to understand Chris a little more.
"I can still hear them." The next time it was Maria whose voice echoed softly in the pantry. Chris looked up at her and there was plain understanding in her eyes.
"The screams." Chris murmured, knowing what Maria was talking about in frightening detail.
"I can't tell if it's theirs." Maria laughed hollowly. "Or mine." Maria could hear them so vividly, the screams of her parents as their house got caught in an explosion, Serena's scream as their grandmother was gunned down right in front of her eyes, her scream as she called out to her parents who were dying.
"Or both." Chris mumbled as she heard both her screams and her Papa and Mama's screams echoing in her head.
Chris looked like she was on the verge of tears and she didn't drink the hot chocolate even though it was cradled in her hands. "They're all bastards." Chris choked out as her skin crawled and phantom chains bit at her wrist. No matter how much she pleaded them to stop, they never did and it always hurt. "And she was no better than them!" There was that excruciating pain of electricity lancing through her body and the pain of being thrown away like a useless rag doll. She often wondered if she was better off dead as she had only been a puppet to be manipulated and thrown away.
Maria did not respond immediately as she remembered the taste of garbage and the stench of hundreds of corpses as she fought to survive. If it meant that she would live, she did everything. "…She was the lesser evil." It was the only words that she could adequately come up with as Maria came to know stark white walls and the pain of countless needles on her arm, alive but as a lab rat.
Chris barked out a hollow laugh as her face contorted in both anger and sorrow. It was a conflict of emotion that Maria understood well, one that she wrestled a lot with. And so Maria sang instead, to remember the sweet and innocent times, to soothe the edges of their broken hearts.
Chris did not understand the words Maria was singing softly and tenderly but she recognized it nevertheless. It was a gentle song that reminded her of her Papa and Mama. Unconsciously, Chris relaxed as the soothing song continued and the conflicting emotions faded. They both slept so much better after that.
Maria didn't feel like she could stand being alone and empty so she knocked on her Chris' door. Her hands trembled as the flames licked at her skin and blood gushed out like wine from the face of her little sister. Chris took one look at her when she opened the door before she dragged Maria to the pantry. She made Maria sit in her usual chair and for the first time, Chris made hot chocolate for her.
Maria sipped the too sweet hot chocolate that Chris offered to her and her eyes prickled with tears. Chris started humming then, and it sounded a little unsure and unsteady at first but changed as Maria wiped away her tears. It sounded like a lullaby, and it made the choking emptiness inside Maria subside.
"Hey." Chris called out to Maria this time. Maria looked at her questioningly as this was probably the first time that Chris called out to her like this ever since all this started. "Thanks." There was a blush on Chris' face as she said that referring to everything they've been through these nights. She gets so easily embarrassed whenever she had to thank someone.
"And thank you." Maria could now smile a bit wider now that she felt a lot better, largely in part to Chris' company. The nightmares may continue to haunt the both of them and it may never be fully okay but it's alright because there is always comfort in someone who understands the same pain.