Timeline—Early Season 5 of Arrow. Sara returns to Starling City and ponders why some things have changed…
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"We're both ghosts. We died, on that island."
"No we didn't. We both lived. And… I get that you have been in pain so long that it probably just feels normal now, but you can let it go, and come home!"
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The noise of the diner had died down a bit since they first got there, and Thea was outside getting in her car. The diner was still pretty nice though. It was like something out of a 90's movie, but with warm furnishings and soft lighting and someone who wasn't afraid to keep the thermostat at 72 degrees. Now it was just her and Oliver, and it felt surprisingly awkward as she took bite of a french frie. It felt a little like college all over.
She glanced over at Oliver again. He had been glad to see her. Somewhat. When she had come back to Starling City right after the earthquake, he had looked at her like she was some divine being, like it wasn't possible to pour out enough love on her. Now he was still friendly… but that was it. Thea had still been so glad to see her, though Sara could tell something was off with her. Something was hurt.
"You really think these new recruits are a good choice?" Sara asked again. She was a little worried. And it was something to talk about. The girl, Evelyn? She had some talent, but lacked the training, and Sara doubted she was good enough with a bow to survive long against armed opponents. The guy with the weird facial hair, whatever his name was, just seemed like an angry, incompetent thug, not a team member. If he was going to be unreliable at least he could be a good shot. Supposedly he was ex military, but Sara doubted he could even range qualify to be a security guard. The black guy being a fighter was a waste. Apparently he was an excellent tech guy, but a few weeks of training had turned excellent tech skills into a lousy brawler. Teams were not about dream jobs—they were about helping where your talent was best put to use.
"I'm making due with what I've got." Oliver said, rolling his shoulders a bit. He pulled them back and Sara thought she could hear small cracking sounds. "Believe me when I say a new team was not my favorite option. But is that what's on your mind?"
"It's just… different." Sara said, a little uneasy, a little surprised he could still read her so well. Oliver raised his eyebrows questioningly. "This. Us. Being around you. It's not like it was before."
"How was it before?" Oliver said. Sara gave a weak half smile.
"You always looked at me like you never wanted to let me out of your sight again." She admitted.
"Well things are different." Oliver said offhandedly, shrugging. "Things change. That's just life. We just have to focus on the future." He stood, put some cash on the table. The tab, and a generous tip for the teenager who had waited on them.
"Thank you Mayor Queen." Sara teased lightly, standing, getting her jacket. She tilted her head to one side. "Why has it changed? Am I so different now?" She said the last part as a joke, but then something twitched on Oliver's face. She felt like she had been stabbed. "Really?" He hesitated, and she could see him consider lying. For a few moments neither spoke, and the diner seemed to have fallen silent, at least to Sara.
"You were different when you came back after the quake, Sara." Oliver said quietly. "You've changed a lot." His words shouldn't have mattered, but the pain said otherwise. She looked towards the windows, but then forced herself to look back and meet his eyes.
"How? How am I so different now?" She asked, trying to sound normal, uncaring, trying to resist the urge to hold him. His mouth opened slightly and he half shook his head, but then he spoke a moment later.
"When you came back before… you were grieving sometimes, and you were a killer other times…" He was searching for the words. "But then sometimes, you were the same Sara I loved. Caring and tender and funny and sweet and loving. I thought God had answered my prayers, decided we could have a second chance at life."
"You really thought all that?" Sara asked, tears in her eyes. Oliver nodded. Sara almost began to ask the next question What changed? What's wrong? Before she realized she didn't need to. What had made her… her… she had started abandoning ever since she left Starling City and said goodbye. She couldn't blame that Brit, Rip. She had always thought of Laurel as a rougher version of herself… then when she left Starling and Laurel and Oliver behind, she had acted like she wanted to outdo Oliver. That burning rage she had felt since the Pit had revived her had influenced her all the time. Picking barfights just for the fun, trying to seduce women like it was some sort of victory against the man who had killed her, flirting with Snart like it was revenge against Oliver for not making her stay in Starling…
"What if I got better?" She asked, hope flaring in her, lifting the weight off her heart. "What if I could be that Sara again? What if I got better, and I was always there for you? Could… could we…"
"I don't know what the future holds." Oliver said quietly. "But if that Sara came back… I'd want to face it with her at my side." To her surprise, he leaned forward, a hand on the side of her head, and kissed her forehead. She looked up. She saw tenderness, but little hope on his face. She hugged him tightly.
"I'll see you around, Oliver." She managed. He smiled softly and she turned, walked away. She could see it on his face. He hoped, but didn't think it would happen—that she could change, that they could have a future. She glanced back, and saw Oliver looking at her through the windows. She took a breath, calmed her emotions. She could get better. She could free herself of the rage, prove that little bit of hope right.
She had to.
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"If I told you I've been cleaning my soul,
And if I promised you I'll regain control
Will you open your door and let me in?
Take me for who I am and not for who I've been!"
-Sorry, by Daughtry.
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