All the characters in this fanfic are owned by Sony, Naughty Dog, Vivendi Universal and other stuff. Now then, on to the show!
Crazy Crash Bandicoot episode 2: Sheer N. Sanity!
It was a dark and stormy night at Cortex Castle as Cortex himself returned from yet another "bandicoot-hunting" expedition. He walked inside N. Brio's lab, beaten and bruised.
"Huh? Hello, doctor! How do you do? Nice night we're having, huh?" asked N. Brio as he interrupted his usual potion-manipulating hobby.
"I'm not fine, no thanks for asking." replied a sulky Cortex. "I've been defeated by Crash yet AGAIN! (weeps)"
"Let me guess. He sent your shots right back at you, didn't he?" asked N. Brio.
"How did you know?" said Cortex, sarcastically. "Am I so predictable?"
"Uh, yeah, pretty much." replied N. Brio.
"Hmm, I need to find a more efficient way to defeat him, but how...?" pondered Cortex while rubbing his chin. At that moment, he noticed some sort of gas tank that was in the back in the lab.
"What is THAT supposed to be?" asked Cortex.
"I'm glad you asked. It's my brand-new invention that I've been working on; insanity gas!" said N. Brio.
"Insanity gas?" asked Cortex.
"Yeah! It's supposed to make the person exposed to it completely insane. Wa ha ha!"
"Hmm...N. Brio, I think I got myself a plan." said Cortex. "Mwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!"
The next morning, which was NOT dark and stormy, Crash was seen lying on a folding chair in front of his house. Coco walked out of the house.
"(sigh) Another day, another dingo!" said Coco, happily.
"Hey, I resent that!" said Dingodile as he popped out of nowhere.
Coco promptly grabbed him and flung him right out of the episode. Then, she noticed what Crash was doing.
"Crash, you won't catch any rays if you're in the jungle!" said Coco.
Crash shrugged and resumed what he was "doing".
"Why do I even bother? He never was a lightbulb anyhow." said Coco to herself.
Crunch came out of the house, stretching his arms.
"Ahh! There's nothing like havin' the sun on your face to wake you up and start a good day!" said Crunch.
"Yeah, especially after what happened yesterday..." replied Coco.
"That Cortex dude's a dork! I don't see why he keeps trying the same "fly and shoot at Crash" routine over and over again." said Crunch.
They both laughed.
"It's true that Cortex is a dork. He'd have to wake up early in the morning to beat my bro!" said Coco.
Aku Aku came floating in.
"Good morning, children. Did you have a good sleep?" asked Aku Aku.
"Yep, we sure did!" replied Crunch. "I bet Cortex doesn't sleep so well!"
"Maybe so, but something tells me that Cortex might be planning his revenge." said Aku Aku.
"What are you so worried about? After the beating Crash gave him yesterday, he wouldn't be crazy enough to come back." said Coco.
"Perhaps, but we must be careful and alert at all times. We never know when he is going to strike again." warned Aku Aku.
Meanwhile, back at Cortex Castle, Cortex is preparing his attack...
"Insanity gas tank?" asked Cortex while doing the inventory.
"Check!" replied N. Brio.
"Gas masks?"
"Check!"
"Old and soggy underwear?"
"Che...Eww! I'm not bringing that!" said a repulsed N. Brio.
"(chuckle) Just kidding!" said Cortex. "It seems that the preparations are ready. Bring the Cortex Commandos here!"
Brio nodded and went over to a giant bell. He pulled the rope and rung the bell, making it resonate loudly in the whole castle. Tiny and Koala Kong promptly fell down the stairs.
"Right on schedule." said a happy Cortex. He noticed that the other Cortex Commandos were gone. "What? The other Cortex Commandos are supposed to be here. Where are they?"
"Uhh, I think that they went on that vacation to Hawaii a while ago." replied Koala Kong.
The scene shifted to Hawaii, where Pinstripe, Ripper Roo, Rilla Roo and the Komodo brothers were tied to a plank and hanging above an active volcano while some nearby natives were busy dancing and chanting "Chewbacca! Chewbacca! Chewbacca!". (gasp) Oy, that was a mouthful.
"I TOLD you that eating their food was a bad idea." said an angry Komodo Joe.
"How was I supposed to know that these natives would sacrifice that food to their god?" argued Komodo Moe.
"Ah, shut up, both of yous." said a bitter Pinstripe.
The scene shifted back to Cortex Castle.
"Oh yes, I forgot." said Cortex. "Oh well. It looks like we'll have to manage without them. Tiny, you bring the gas tank and please be careful with it."
"But Tiny wants to sleep!" said Tiny while holding a teddy bear.
"I DON'T CARE! Just obey my orders!" shouted Cortex. "N. Brio, you bring the masks!"
"As you wish, Cortex! Ha ha ha!" said an excited N. Brio.
"As for you, Koala Kong...Uh, do anything you want!" ordered Cortex.
"Oh, goody!" said a giddy Koala Kong.
The scene shifted to the outside of Cortex Castle. An explosion occured.
"Anything but THAT, you imbecile!" shouted Cortex from inside the castle.
"Aww, man!" complained Koala Kong.
Later, at Crash's house...
"That Aku Aku dude is worrying too much..." said Crunch.
"Are you sure about that? I think he's right..." replied Coco.
"What? You're agreeing with that old-timer?" asked Crunch, flabbergasted.
"Look, I mean it's true that Cortex is more stubborn than a herd of bulls chasing after a bullfighter, so I think that Aku Aku is right about the fact that Cortex might come back soon." said Coco.
"Oh, come on! How can you be so naive? I mean, what are the chances of Cortex ambushing us right now...?" replied Crunch.
Cortex and company suddenly jumped out of the bushes for an ambush! (Get it? Bushes,ambush...Ah,never mind)
"I told you so." said Coco to Crunch.
"Hello again, bandicoots!" greeted Cortex. "I hope you had a good night's sleep, because now we're here to give you a little exercise!"
Cortex noticed Crash, who was sleeping on the ground.
"What? YOU'RE still sleeping? Wake up so I can kick your rear, you fool!" shouted Cortex while kicking Crash.
Crash yawned and stretched his arms as he woke up. After rubbing his eyes, he noticed that Cortex was there and immeadiately leapt into a crane stance.
"Right. As you may have noticed, I have returned and THIS time I shall destroy you once and for all!" announced Cortex.
"Oh really? And what's going to be so different than last time?" asked an unimpressed Coco.
"Behold my new invention: the insanity gas!" said Cortex while pointing to a gas tank that Tiny was holding.
"Um, excuse me, but it's actually MY invention." corrected N. Brio.
"Be quiet, you fool. Can't you see I'm trying to make a good impression on my enemies?" whispered Cortex to Brio. "(to the bandicoots)Ahem! Now then, where was I? Oh yes! Once I spray this gas upon you, you shall all be rendered insane and helpless before me! Mwa ha ha ha ha ha ha!"
"Even us?" asked Cortex's henchmen.
"No, not you, you fools!" said Cortex to his henchmen.
"Oh." said Cortex's flunkies.
"That's what you think!" said Crunch as he made a leaping kick at Cortex. Cortex stepped out of the way and Crunch ended up knocking down Koala Kong.
"Tiny, use the gas immediately!" ordered Cortex.
"Okay." replied Tiny. Then, he threw the gas tank towards Crash.
"No! Not like that, you imbecile!" said a panicky Cortex.
Crash dodged the gas tank and it landed on its valve, making it come off! Of course, this made the insanity gas hiss out of the tank...
"Oh no! The gas has been released! Insanity should start in 5,4,3,2,1..." said Cortex while counting down his fingers.
At that point, ALL HECK BROKE LOOSE!
"Yes! I'm king of the bananas!" said Cortex.
"Whatawhatawhatawhat?" babbled Coco incoherently.
Aku Aku came floating out of the house.
"What is going on here?" asked Aku Aku. He sniffed the gas and you know the rest... "The secret of the universe is...peanuts! Beware my mastery of the peanuts!"
"What are you talking about? I'm a natural archeologist! Don't make me use an encyclopedia on you!" threatened Crunch for no reason.
"Look at me! I'm Excalibur! Watch me make Julienne fries!" said Brio.
Everyone was doing crazy stuff; Cortex spontaneously did a Russian dance, Koala Kong beat himself up, Tiny tried to eat his foot, Coco held her breath for no reason, Brio ran around wearing Aku Aku on his face, Crunch made fart sounds with his armpits and Crash pretended to walk against the wind.
Suddenly, N. Tropy materialized in.
"I say, what is going on here?" said N. Tropy. He sniffed the gas and well, you know... "Oooow! I feel good!"
Tropy started to do the moonwalk after that.
"I'M SO SEXY!" yelled Koala Kong.
"TINY!" yelled Tiny.
"WHOOPEE!" yelled Crash in glee.
"I WANNA SHOOT SOMEBODY!" yelled Cortex while holding his ray gun.
Megumi walked in on the scene.
"Hello, everyone." said Megumi.
Cortex suddenly shot Megumi with his ray gun.
"How rude." said Megumi before falling into unconsciousness.
The chaos continued until Dingodile showed up.
"Oy, I'll get that blondie for what she did to..." said Dingodile before he saw Crash doing an Egyptian dance. "Crash Bandicoot? Bonza! I'll have meself a heapin' helping of bandicoot roast for dinner!"
Dingodile pointed his flamethrower towards Crash and fired. However, the fireball hit the gas cloud before it could reach Crash and then...
BOOOOOOOM!
Everyone was sent flying, as well as some characters who were blown right out of the episode(and yes, that includes Dingodile).
A few hours later, Crash, Coco and Crunch woke up in front of their house.
"What happened?" said Coco while holding her aching head.
"I dunno. It feels like I practiced acupuncture for three days!" complained Crunch.
Aku Aku flew in.
"Children! Are you all right?" asked a concerned Aku Aku.
"I think so. We were lucky to come out of that one alive." said Coco, relieved.
"You see, Crunch? One must always be on the alert in order to foil the plans of an enemy." said Aku Aku.
"Yeah, whatever. I'll listen to you next time." replied Crunch, half-heartedly.
Meanwhile, at Castle Cortex, Cortex was seen on a hospital bed in a full-body cast.
"Crash Bandicoot, I will get you next time. Just you wait! (gasp) I need oxygen." said Cortex.
Tiny walked in the room and put a breather-thingy(which was hooked to an "oxygen" tank) on Cortex's mouth and turned the valve to leak it out.
"(sniffs) Wait a minute, that's not oxygen! Tiny, you fool! That's not oxygen, that's insanity gas!" said an angry Cortex.
"Oops, sorry." said Tiny.
"Oh no! Mwa ha ha ha ha ha ha! Stop it! It tickles! Have you ever tried deodorant on your tongue? I have the power!" babbled Cortex nonsensically.
Tiny shrugged and left the room, leaving Cortex in his insanity.
The End.
That's all for now. Please read & review.