A/N: If you're reading this, know I am extremely nervous as this is my first try into this fandom so they might be a bit OOC. I've read so many great stories and recently purchased the whole series (movies included) to get better acquainted with them. I have come to love these characters so much, I just had to try. Plus, I got inspired after reading the news about Thunderbirds Are Go. The new series coming to the UK in 2015! I don't have a beta but am looking for one. If you have any advice as to how to go about it, please let me know. Thanks!
To those waiting for my SNTGB Natasha...I am so sorry. Writer's block nearly killed me but I'm back. Expect an update soon!
Disclaimer: Not making any money out of this and they're not mine but I sure would love it if they were.
"Are you ready, Gordon?"
It was a simple question, really. Was he ready? Physically he was cleared and mentally he was fine...ish. It should have been an easy yes or no, right?
It had been a little over a year ago since his accident, the one that had nearly killed him. A little over a year ago since he'd woken up in a hospital bed, not being able to move his legs or most of his body to be exact. A little over a year ago since he'd been told he'd never walk again. Sure, it was a simple question but the answer sure wasn't.
The months following the accident hadn't been easy at all. There had been the physical therapy, the psych evaluations, the shrink visits and not to mention all the attention he got from his family. He knew they just wanted to make sure he was okay, or at least, make sure he'd be okay but it was getting on his nerves every time they looked at him like a hurt puppy. Alright, technically he was hurt and he did sometimes act like a dog but that was besides the point. There was only so much smothering any normal human being could take and let's face it, Gordon Cooper Tracy was anything but normal.
The smothering wasn't what bothered the second youngest the most, though. It was how much his family wanted him to fight on. To not give up and be able to walk again. Their eyes were filled with so much hope and it really bothered Gordon because what if he couldn't give them what they wanted? For all anyone knew, he'd be stuck in a wheelchair for the rest of his life. That would suck but what could he do about it? It just didn't feel right to fight as his family cheered him on only to be disappointed in the end. He was giving them false hope. They didn't deserve that.
When his family had returned to Tracy Island, Gordon already knew he wouldn't keep going to physical therapy or to see his shrink. He didn't need them anymore. Things would have been a lot easier if Alan hadn't stayed behind to help out but no amount of reasoning had worked. Especially with everyone else supporting the youngest. Gordon was handicapped not helpless.
The first time he missed his therapy session, nothing was said. Sure, nothing was said because his family was back on the island and Alan had easily been convinced to keep his mouth shut but that's not important. Gordon felt a little bad about manipulating his baby brother into keeping it secret but sooner or later, they'd understand this was how things were going to be. Why fight fate, after all?
His father and brothers kept in constant communication, making sure he was doing fine and all that boring stuff but Gordon had easily played his part. He was always smiling, joking around and letting them know he was doing okay. Even though he couldn't move around without his wheelchair, he was perfectly fine.
The second time he skipped therapy, Gordon said he was too sick to go; Alan hadn't been a very happy camper. Gordon had to give him credit though, Alan was a lot more clever than they gave him credit for. The blond had called him out on his cowardice and even swore at him. The little punk.
"You're running away!"
"Stop being a baby!"
"Be a Tracy and face this head-on!"
Oh, Alan. So young and stupid. How could he think Gordon was running away? That's not what he was doing, he was simply trying to save his family from a major disappointment. He didn't want to imagine the look on their faces when after everything, he still wouldn't be able to walk, never be able to swim or chase his brothers around... Well, he'd get used it. They all would. Someday.
When he stopped going to see Dr. Harding, Alan had looked discouraged but had kept quiet. It must have been hard because Alan couldn't do quiet. It was for the best, though. It was better to be disappointed now than to fight and lose later.
The third time he missed physical therapy Alan was livid. Gordon had to smile at the memory. He'd let his baby brother think he'd be going and Alan had waited at the center for almost two hours before realizing he'd been tricked. Yup, not happy at all.
"You selfish jerk! If you want to give up on yourself then at least be man enough to say so! You made me look like an idiot waiting for you for two freaking hours!"
In his defense, who waited for two hours? Gordon would have laughed but he didn't like being called selfish. He was anything but with what he was doing. He was thinking about Alan, their brothers and dad...he was not being selfish.
The following day, Gordon woke up feeling like he was being watched. He wasn't wrong. He struggled a bit to turn in his bed but eventually managed it only to see his big brother by the door; arms crossed over his chest and a calculating stare on his face. The little snitch, he'd thought in regards to his little brother. He'd deal with him later.
"We need to talk." That was all Scott had said before walking out of the room.
"Are you breaking up with me?" Gordon had joked but when he received no reply, he knew it was serious. After getting ready, he wheeled himself into the kitchen where Scott was sitting down, drinking some coffee. He parked his chair in the spot with a mug waiting for him then thanked Scott for the hot drink. Looking around, Gordon knew he was in trouble when there was no sign of Alan.
"He set me up, didn't he?" Again, there was no reply from his oldest brother. Scott just sat there and stared, talk about creepy. They sat in silence for what felt like hours. Scott staring at him, Gordon looking at everything but his brother's face. After who knows how long, Scott finally spoke. Not expecting it, Gordon was startled and managed to spill some coffee. Sighing, he asked Scott for a napkin and cleaned the spot slowly.
"I asked you a question, Gordon."
"And I refuse to answer such a stupid one." He grumbled as he continued to wipe. Gordon may have been startled once but he didn't even flinch when Scott abruptly stood up, pushing the chair away with more force than necessary.
"No, what's stupid is you giving up."
"I'm not giving up, Scott." Well, that could have sounded a bit more reassuring. Curse the slight tremble in his voice which Scott more than likely heard with his eagle hearing. Was it eagle hearing?
"You were doing great, Gordon. What happened?"
What happened is that reality kicked my ass. "Nothing happened. Is there a reason why you're here?" He asked annoyed. Scott wouldn't understand his reasons, he would be the mother-hen he always is and encourage him to keep going.
"I'm here because you're not going to therapy anymore. I'm here because Alan's worried about you and doesn't know how to help. Why didn't you tell us?"
"Tell you what, that I'm done with therapy?"
Scott continued to stare at him. Normally Gordon wouldn't care but this stare was searching and he knew if he didn't look away, Scott would see everything. Maybe that's why he didn't turn, he kind of wanted Scott to know the truth.
"You're scared."
Scott Carpenter Tracy: big brother.
"Don't be stupid. Why would I be scared, the worst happened already and I'm still alive." Gordon realized then, that he was still wiping the spot on the table which no longer had anything on it. Dropping the napkin, he sat back but didn't bother to look at Scott again.
"Are you?"
Gordon rolled his eyes. "Yes, I'm alive. Stop trying to sound like John, you're doing a terrible job at it."
"Am I?" Scott asked with a slight grin which caused Gordon to shake his head. His brother could be so weird at times. "Come on, Gords. What are you afraid of?"
Would it really be a bad thing if Scott knew? "I'm not afraid, I just don't want you guys to think I might be getting better when in reality...I'm stuck like this. Why go through therapy and stuff if nothing's going to help, you know? I don't want to put you guys through that." Judging by the look on Scott's face, it was indeed a bad thing to tell him.
"Bullshit."
That caused him to look up. Scott tried to be the best role model for his brothers so it was really rare for him to straight out say something he didn't want them to repeat. By using that one little word, Gordon knew Scott meant business and he wasn't going anywhere until he knew what was going on.
"I'm sorry, what?"
"I said, bullshit. Gords, I know you better than you think and that's a lie. That's not why you're quitting."
It was one thing to be called selfish but to be called a liar and quitter? First of all, Gordon did not lie. A lot. Okay, he didn't lie when it mattered but he was definitely not a quitter.
"I'm not lying and I'm not quitting."
Scott walked over to Gordon, a small smile on his face. Gordon would have rolled his eyes again but knew that would just irritate Scott further. Instead, he waited for his big brother to smother him some more.
"It's okay to be scared, Gordon." So much for smothering.
"I'm not scared."
"I'm not going to pretend I understand how you're feeling but I know there's nothing wrong with being scared."
"I'm not scared." He repeated. If Scott wanted to upset him then he was doing a good job because this was definitely getting very annoying.
"I don't know how I didn't see this earlier, you have every right to be afraid."
Gordon clenched his fists, trying to keep his temper in check not understanding why he was letting Scott get to him. It's not like his accusation had any merit to it. He wasn't scared. What was there to be scared of?
"You can't let fear control you, kiddo. You have to rise above it and-"
"I'm not scared!" And so much for holding his temper.
"There's nothing wrong with being scared but you can't let it win."
Gordon grabbed the wheels and pushed away from the table, wanting to get away from his stupid brother. He wasn't scared. There was nothing to be scared of. He'd survived the accident somehow and he was fine now. Not one hundred percent but he was alive. Sure, he'd never be able to swim again but that didn't matter. Life happened and he had to adapt.
He'd never walk again...
The tightness in his chest let him know he was close to losing it. He wasn't scared. He knew he'd never walk again so why would he be scared? If he kept trying thinking he might walk again, then he'd be scared. He'd be terrified at the chance of failure and never being the same again. That's why it would be easier to just stop trying. Hm. Guess Scott has some merit after all.
Arriving at the door, he reached out to open it but froze when Scott said something about quitting again. Whatever, there was no way he was going to cry in front of Scott. Not when his so called brother insisted on calling him a liar, a quitter and chicken. There was nothing wrong with accepting his fate and moving on.
"I know you're upset, Gordon, but running away isn't going to help you get better."
"Leave me alone, Scott!"
"Damn it, Gordon! I'm trying to help you!"
"I don't need your help! You don't know how I'm feeling, how could you possibly help me?" He stopped and turned to face Scott who now looked like he'd bit off more than he could chew. Yea, well, serves him right.
"You have no idea how it feels to be completely useless! To know your family needs you but there's nothing you can do for them! I might be stuck like this for the rest of my life. As I watch you guys face danger, all I'll be able to do is sit! I can't deal with that, Scott. I can't deal with the possibility of not being able to help you." Was he crying? Why was he crying? Gordon angrily wiped away the tears that ran down his face, wanting the ground to open up and swallow him whole. Gordon had to laugh at that. Even if the ground opened up, with his luck the wheelchair would probably just get stuck going down.
"I can't deal with the possibility of being able to walk again. If I start to believe I might get there only to have the doctors tell me it's not going to happen, I don't know what I'll do. I'm scared to think I'm getting better then have it all be taken away." He cried into his hands. Scott was right, he was scared.
Scott knelt down in front of his little brother. He knew Gordon hadn't come to terms with everything that had happened and thought some time would help him but apparently he'd been wrong. When Alan called their father to tell him Gordon had quit trying, he knew time was up. He had to force Gordon to deal with this and as much as it hurt him, he knew it would be for the best.
"Gords, there's still a possibility. You can't just give up."
Gordon looked at him with such a defeated look, Scott knew the redhead had already given up. He was going to have to change that.
"But what if I don't get better?"
"Then we'll deal with that when it happens. But you can't start planning for tomorrow when you haven't given it your all today. Gords, you've never been one to take the easy road. If anything, you make things more complicated than they should be."
Gordon managed a smile. Yea, he did tend to do that quite a lot.
Scott ruffled his hair as he stood up, glad to see his first real smile since the accident. He had gotten tired of all the fake ones he'd seen on their video chats the past few months. "How about it, kiddo, think you can give it another try?"
"I'll try but I can't make any promises."
"That's all I'm asking. If you feel like giving up again, talk to me. Or anyone else for that matter but talk, okay?"
"I will. Thanks, Scott."
Scott nodded. This didn't make everything okay and it sure as hell wasn't going to make anything easier but it was a start.
A start that led to this moment. A little over a year later and Gordon stood in front of his father, Commander of International Rescue with his head held high. This would be his first rescue since the accident but was he really ready?
"Damn right I'm ready." He said with a proud grin. Guess the answer's pretty simple, too. It was time to get back to work.
Like I said, I'm a little rusty. Anywho, thanks for reading and please let me know what you think. I want to improve so help me do so, please! Seriously, if you don't believe me about the new series, it's happening. Google it! Thanks again!