Just Jump
Michelle Webb stepped out her house. It was raining. Seems like it always rains in Vancouver.
She opened the door to her bother, Matt's, car and got in.
" Wow he actually let you go?" Matt asked her.
" Yeah well I lied. As far as he knows I am out with Amanda dress shopping and going out to eat. He said I have to be back by 7pm"
" What a douche. Why do you let him control you like this. Just dump his fucking ass already sis."
" Its not that easy Matt."
She had been with Tyler Cullen for 2 years now.
At first he was wonderful. Romantic, loving caring. But since she moved in with him 6 months ago, he had changed.
He hated her friends and her brother. Especially her friend Josh Ramsay. Josh was in a band with Matt called Marianas Trench. He was the crazy, punk, emo guy as Tyler always referred to him. But her, matt and Josh had been together since they were 14 years old when she moved back to Van City. And then there was Mike and Ian who were also in the band. She loved to hang out with all of them. They were crazy and funny. She actually didn't have a lot of girl friends except for maybe Amanda. She just preferred to hang with the guys.
Now Tyler was trying to make her stop hanging out with the guys. And now he had a terrible temper and she didn't dare piss him off. So she would lie to him to see them. Sounded kind of stupid now that she thought about it.
Matt pulled up into the parking lot of there favorite restaurant. They loved to just come here and hangout and talk.
Matt and Michelle were very close. The were 10 months apart in age and they sometimes felt like twins.
When they were 5 years old there parents divorced. Matt stayed in Van City with their dad and she went to Winnipeg, MB to live with her mom.
Matt and Michelle always stayed in touch by phone and mail. But she really missed him and her dad.
But when she was 14 things at home drastically changed.
Michelle's mom was different. She was acting weird and erratic. She would stay up for days at a time. She would spent money like crazy on going out and on her new boyfriends and gambling. She would even bring home these " Boyfriends" who were just junkies.
Then her mom would crash. She would get depressed. She would lock herself in her room for days and lie in the dark. Then the cycle would repeat itself. This went on for months.
Her mom was neglecting her. She would go out for days sometimes and spent all there money. There was barely any food in the house. Michelle did the shopping with what money she could get her hands on before her mom threw it all away.
She decided she had had enough and call her dad. He was there in 3 days with a custody order saying that he had full custody of Michelle now. Her mother was deemed unfit. She was off her bipolar medication and it was no longer safe for Michelle to stay there. She went to live with her dad, her new step mom, and Matt in Van City.
It was uncomfortable at first. She had always kept in close contact with Matt and her dad but hadn't seen them since she left. And now her dad was remarried. This was the first time that Michelle had met Carol. She was nice though and Michelle and her got along well. It was nice to have a female role model to look up to.
But the worst was having to start a new school and make new friends. She had moved back during winter break and was going to start school in the middle of the year.
Matt was great though. He told her she could stick with him and he would introduce her to his friends. Matt and Michelle always stayed close. Matt never said he didn't want his little sister tagging along. Sometimes they were more friends than brother and sister. She could really confide in Matt.
They sat down at a table.
" Hungry?" Matt asked. He could see something was troubling her.
" I guess so"
" Okay I know something is bugging you. Tell me"
" I just hate all this lying and running around just to hang out with my brother and friends."
" So dump him and go live with Dad and Carol for a while."
" Yeah" Michelle sighed.
She couldn't stay with Matt. Marianas Trench was starting to make a name for themselves and they were getting pretty well known and so that meant touring and traveling. Besides he lived with Ian and Mike and there place was not very big. It would be weird and cramped.
" Hey guys. Sorry I am so late. Musical genius at work you know." Josh said as he sat down at the table beside Michelle. " Holly fucking shit. The warden let you out!"
"Not exactly. He thinks I am out with Amanda."
" Right. Got yeah. We sure as hell don't want him knowing you are with me that's for sure."
"Well, you know Michelle" Josh said, " If you are bored and don't want to hang out with your lame brother or prick boyfriend. You can come with me. Danny Fernando and I are shooting the music video for " Hit Me Up" today. I have to act in it. So you come and watch a pro."
" Oh yeah Josh you cant act or way out of a paper bag." Matt exclaimed.
" You know that sounds like fun. I need to get out. Hey maybe you can get me in the video?"
Maybe" josh replied.
Michelle was excited to go even though she would probably just end up sitting watching. But she liked the song a lot. She was in Josh's studio when him and Danny and recorded it. He was a nice guy, might be fun to be around other people for a while.
" Great! Lets eat I'm wasting away here" Josh said.
Michelle sat in the green room at the video shoot. She as waiting for Josh to come out of hair and makeup.
" How do I look" Josh asked.
" Holly shit Josh you look awesome. Really different but awesome. I really like it" Michelle exclaimed.
Michelle couldn't believe his look for the video. His dark hair was combed back instead of hanging in his face and covering his eyes. The blue streak he had in his hair was now green. And he had no eye liner. They gave him a very natural makeup look. He just wore a black button down collared shirt and black jeans. A huge change from his black eye liner eyes, Tight skinny jeans, Crazy converse shoes and his tie. He looked amazing.
" I look cheesy don't I " Josh asked looking at himself in a mirror.
" Josh you look amazing" Michelle said blushing.
She still remembered Josh when she had first met him that first day of school after moving back. He was so skinny and had just black, normal styled hair. Matt had introduced them in Band class. Matt had explained early that day that Josh was a great musician but sucked at the academic side of school.
Josh was so funny and him and Michelle got along instantly. Josh even had a crush on her and switched some of his classes to be in some of hers.
Michelle thought it was great to have a friend in some classes. But josh was an insane goof ball and was very distracted and he distracted Michelle too. Like in Science. They were dissecting the fetal pigs. Josh made the pig sing and dance. He had the whole class laughing till the teacher kicked him out. That happened A LOT.
Now Josh and her were very close. They both had very strong feelings for each other. But neither one had done anything about it. And now Michelle was with Tyler, which was killing Josh. Especially since he treated her so badly and was trying to keep them apart.
Josh went to join Danny on the set and Michelle sat behind the cameras and watched. She just couldn't take her eyes of Josh.
" Hey man" Josh said to Danny giving him the usually " Guy" high five and fist bump.
" Hey Josh. Hey you brought your Girlfriend. Awesome" Danny said looking at Michelle.
Girlfriend" Josh was confused.
" yeah Michelle. She is your girlfriend right?"
" Um no." Josh blushed " just a very close friend."
" Seriously. The way you too look at each other I would swear you were together. So just a question. Why the hell isn't she your girlfriend."
" What" Danny was hitting a sore spot for Josh.
" How long has you two known each other?"
" 10 years now"
" Really and how long has there been all this sexual tension between you two?"
" Ten years"
" What Seriously?" You've had feelings for her for 10 years now and you guys have never hooked up, kissed or even told her how you feel?"
"No" Josh felt embarrassed now. He was looking like a pussy.
" Dude why not just grow some fucking balls and tell her."
" You don't understand. Lets say I do ask her and we do get together and then things end badly. I loose by best friend. Plus she is Matt's sister and he would kick my fucking ass. Or I could tell her how I feel and she doesn't feel the same way and I look retarded and things get weird. I still loose my best friend.
" So that is your excuse? Its really lame man. Don't you think that in this situation the benefits out way the risk? Look at the way she looks at you? That is love. I wish a girl would look at me like that."
" Doesn't matter now. She has a boyfriend."
" And how does that make you feel" Danny said in a joking psychiatric way.
" Like Fucking SHIT! They have been together for 2 years now. The guys and fucking controlling prick. See that" Josh points at Michelle who is texting on her phone. " he's probably texting her to find out where she is. Besides what the fuck would I say?"
" Have you ever written any songs?"
" Yeah. Beside You. Its our new song that I am putting on the album. I just finished it. She's never heard it."
" Play it for her and tell her how you feel."
" Josh and Danny your needed on set now" The director's assistant called.
Danny slapped Josh on the back. " Just Jump Man. Take the leap and tell her."
The video shoot went well. Michelle just sat there and watched but everyone as goofing around and having a great time. She was having fun. Except that Tyler had been texting her all day. " Where are you" " what are you doing" " When are you coming home."
" Hey ready to go" Josh asked. The video shoot was over and josh had changed back into his regular clothes but his hair was the same.
That is when Tyler called Michelle. He was yelling at her so loud that Josh heard every word he said.
" I know you are not with Amanda" Tyler yelled. " she called her looking for you."
Damn Michelle should have told Amanda her lie so she could cover for her. She always did.
" So where the fuck are you."
" Fine Tyler you want to know where I really am. I am at a video shoot with Josh!"
"What the fuck. Your with Ramsay! Didn't I tell you to stay away from that fucking junkie losers"
Josh wanted to rip the phone out of Michelle's hand and tell Tyler to go fuck himself.
" Just get your bitch ass home before I come and find you!"
Tyler hung up before Josh could grab the phone.
" He's such a fucking douche! Why the fuck do you stay with him? You deserve better." Josh wanted to cry. He hated Tyler talking to her like that. It was terrible.
" Josh I don't wanna go home. Tyler will be there and he's really pissed. I can't go to Matt's there is no room and Dad and Carol are on a cruise."
You can come home with me. You can have the guest room till we can figure this shit out."
" Thanks Josh. You're always there for me when I need you."
" I think it's the opposite way around."
Michelle had been there for the worst. In high school Josh was very depressed, anorexic and bulimic. Michelle knew about the anorexia but not the bulimia. He hid it well. But he was seeing someone for it.
But soon Josh changed. He went from being hyper, crazy and funny. Barely able to sit down, to quiet. Calm and glassy eyed. He barely seemed to move.
Matt and Michelle were very concerned and asked him about it. He told them that his parents had gotten him ADHD medication and it was making him really mellow. Matt and Michelle believed him. Although they were sure he was smoking pot too,
They found out later it was much worse.
Josh dropped out for school at 16 years old. He started to hang around Junkies and barely saw Michelle and Matt anymore.
A year later josh got worse. He started to constantly ask Michelle and Matt for money. He was desperate for it. Worst of all, he was bone thin. His checks were sunk in and he was wasting away to nothing. He looked like he was dying. Josh insisted everything was fine and to stop worrying about him.
6 months later they would find out how bad things were.
Matt and Michelle went to a party at a friends house. It was a crazy huge house and crazy huge party. They didn't even know that Josh was there.
Matt had trouble finding the bathroom so he went upstairs and just opened doors. That's when he found Josh. He was sitting around a table with her junkie friends. They had pipes and were smoking something that Matt knew was not pot. He also saw needles on the table.
" What the fuck you doing band geek. You never see people doing heroin before? Want some" Josh's junkie friend asked matt. Everyone except Josh laughed. Josh just put his head down in shame.
" Fuck you" Matt said and shut the door. He ran to find Michelle and get out of there.
He never saw Josh run out. He was so embarrassed and ashamed. He was found out.
" Michelle we have to go. I have to talk to you." and said as he took Michelle's arm and dragged her out of the party.
"What what the hell?"
" Josh is here okay. I walked in on him and his friends. They had pipes and needles and shit. His friend said it was heroin. Josh was smoking it. And by the look on Josh's face it wasn't a lie. Josh is doing Heroin!"
Matt and Michelle sat in Josh's living room with his mom and Dad. Josh was out which was good. He would be pissed if he knew what they were doing.
So Matt and Michelle told josh's parents about the heroin and everything they knew.. Michelle felt like she had just stabbed her best friend in the back. But she would never forgive her self if she didn't do anything and he died.
His parents were devastated. They had suspected something but not this.
That is when Josh walked him. Matt and Michelle didn't plan for that. They didn't want him to know it was them that had told his parents.
" What the fuck is this?" Josh said. He could see his dad was really pissed and his mom was crying. Matt hung his head. Michelle just cried.
" Josh we know. We know about the heroin." His parents told him.
You fucking told them." He looked at Matt and Michelle. This is what they didn't want to happen. " How the fuck could you do that to me?"
" Josh they did it because they are concerned for you. You need help" His dad told him
" Fuck that" josh started to walk away.
" Josh'" his dad grabbed him by the arm " either you agree to go to rehab or you get your stuff and get out. Don't come back. We wont have you in this house."
Josh was mad. But he knew his parents were serious and would follow through on there threat.
" Fine. If it gets you off my fucking back I'll go."
He decided he would go to please them and come back and go right back to heroin.
" Go pack your stuff and I will make some calls." his dad said and walked out of the room. His mom went to her room. She was too upset to be there.
Josh turned to Matt and Michelle.
" Some fucking friends you two are. How could you do this?"
" Josh" Michelle pleaded. " I don't want you to die. It was the only thing we could do."
Josh came up to Michelle and looked her dead in the eyes.
" I fucking hate you. I'll never forgive you for this. You're a fucking bitch."
As soon as he said those words he saw Michelle's heart break in two. He would never forget that.
A month pasted. Josh was detoxed off the heroin now. He felt really good. He realized that he would be dead if not for his parents sending him here.
After Josh detoxed he remembered what he had said to Michelle. The look of her heart shattering. How could he say that? How could he call her what he did? His consolers' at the center had told him it wasn't him that had said that. It was the heroin and his addiction talking.
Josh was not able to have calls, visitors or even letter. He couldn't write anyone for 30days.
It was killing him. He needed to tell Michelle what she did was the best thing for him. But he couldn't. It was terrible.
But now the 30days where over and he could have people visit him. He called his parents and asked them if they could fly out Matt and Michelle too when they came. He was in California.
" Josh you have visitors." The nurse told him. Josh knew it was his parents but they never said if Matt or Michelle had come. But they promised to try and convince them too,
" Okay thanks. I will be right there."
" When you are ready, they are waiting for u in the garden."
Josh took a deep breath and headed towards the garden.
He saw them sitting at a table in the flower garden. His mom , Dad and Michelle. Matt couldn't come because of band stuff..
He kept thinking of what he was going to say. Would it be enough?
" Hi" he said as he approached the table. His mom and dad jumped up and started to hug him telling him how good he looked and how happy they were to see him.
Josh looked at Michelle. She had her head down. "Great". He thought. " She cant even look at me." He could see the tears run down her face.
Josh asked his parents if he could have some time alone with Michelle. They said sure, they would go look around.
" I'm so happy you came." Josh told Michelle.
" Well your parents insisted."
" look Michelle, there is no excuse for what I said to you. It was horrible. The look on your face has haunted me ever since. I felt terrible once that drug was out of my system. I want you to know that wasn't me, it was the drug and my addiction saying those things to you. What u did for me you did because you care. I see that now. And if you hadn't did what you did I would most likely be dead. I'm thankful for what you did. I just hope you can forgive me somehow."
Michelle looked up. Tears ran down Josh's checks. She had never seen him cry.
" I know it wasn't you. It really hurt. But I knew that the old Josh would never say that. I forgive you."
"Really?"
" Really! Lets just try and start over okay?"
" I would love that." He stuck out his hand. " Hi I'm Josh. Nice to meet you. "
Josh pulled the car into his garage. Danny's words were echoing in his head. ' Just Jump."
It had been 10 years. Danny was right. Josh needed to stop being a pussy and just say how he felt about her.
" Um I have this new song. I just finished recording. Wanna hear it."
" Yeah" she always loved to hear there new stuff.
Josh took her down stairs to his studio. He was going to play the song her wrote for her.
" Here goes nothing" He said to himself.
" Its called Beside You." he told her. And then he started the song.
When your tears are spent on your last pretense
And your tired eyes refuse to close and sleep in your defense.
When it's in your spine like you've walked for miles
And the only thing you want is just to be still for a while
Oh waaii oh waaii oh oooo
Oh waaii oh waaii oh oooo
If your heart wears thin I will hold you up
And I will hide you when it gets too much
I'll be right beside you
I am right be right beside you
When you're overwhelmed and you've lost your breath
When the space between the things you know is blurry nonetheless.
When you try to speak but you make no sound
And the words you want are out of reach but they've never been so loud
If your heart wears thin I will hold you up
And I will hide you when it gets too much
I'll be right beside you
I am right be right beside you
I will stay.
Nobody will break you,
Yeah.
Trust in me, trust in me.
Don't pull away
Trust in me, trust in me.
I'm just trying to keep this together, because I could do worse and you could do better
Tears are spent on your last pretense
And your tired eyes refuse to close and sleep in your defense.
If your heart wears thin I will hold you up
And I will hide you when it gets too much
I'll be right beside you
Nobody will break you
If your heart wears thin I will hold you up
And I will hide you when it gets too much
I'll be right beside you
Nobody will break you.
Josh turned to look at Michelle. She had tears in her eyes. She knew it was for her. Josh decided to do it. He was going to take the jump.
"I wrote that song for you."
" I love it"
He took a deep breath. Time to jump.
" Michelle, I love you. I am in love with you. I have been since the day I met you 10 years ago."
Josh saw the look on Michelle's face. She looked shocked. Shit this what he was afraid of. He freaked he out.
" I don't know how you feel. I hope you feel the same. I want to be with you."
" That's it Josh" He thought to himself " Just keep digging your own grave here."
"Michelle please say something Don't leave me hanging here."
He braced himself. She was going to slap him in the face. He could just feel it coming.
But Michelle didn't slap him. She threw her arms around him and kissed him.
" Um okay I wasn't expecting you to do that." He said. He was happy she did.
" Josh I love you too." and she kissed him again.
" Wow That's so awesome. What do we do now? I mean there's Tyler and matt…"
She cut him off.
" Shut up Josh" She kissed him again. Grabbed him by his tie and led him into the bedroom.
Michelle woke up. She couldn't figure out exactly where she was. She looked next to her and saw Josh sleeping soundly next to her. Now she remembered.
She couldn't believe what had happened last night. She thought this night would never come. Then it hit her. She would have to tell Tyler. She wanted to throw up. She knew this wasn't going to be good. He was going to be super pissed that she had slept with Josh and that she was leaving Tyler to be with him.
" Well good morning you.. Sleep well" Josh said as he leaned over and kissed her.
" yeah'
" Okay I know you. Something's wrong. You regret all this don't you. Damn I knew it"
" No No! I don't regret it at all. It's the having to tell Tyler part. How do I tell him about this."
:" Well what exactly are we doing anyway. I mean are you going to leave him for me. What?"
" Of course. I've wanted to be with you for 10 years. And like you always say Tyler is a giant douche. I have no clue where I am going to go though. He's going to kick me out of course. Then what? I have no place to go? At least not till my dad gets back."
" Of course you have a place to go. HERE!"
Wow in one night things had totally changed.
Michelle got out of bed and got dressed. " I better get this over with."
" Maybe I should go with you just incase." Josh knew how Tyler could be. Especially when it concerned him.
"Think about it Josh. Tyler hates you. You wont make it in the door before he beats the shit out of you. Not to mention what he will do after I tell him. Its best I do this alone."
He knew she was right.
" Okay well I will be at the studio downtown with the guys. Call me when your done."
" I will. I promise. It wont take long. Don't worry. It will be fine. I promise. I can handle Tyler. I love you."
She kissed him and left. His stomach turned. This wasn't going to turn out good. He could feel it.
Josh took a deep breath and went into the studio. He'd have to tell Matt about all this. He had no clue how matt would react to it.
" Geez Ramsay about time. Where they fuck were you" Mike asked.
" With your Mom." Josh replied. Everyone laughed. Everyone but Mike. " Don't get your panties in a knot it's a joke. Relax."
" You seem extra happy this morning. What's going on?" Matt asked after noticing that Josh was smiling away.
Moment of truth. Time to jump again.
" I have to tell you something Matt." Josh took a deep breath. " Your sister spent the night at my house last night. "
" Yeah I figured. I knew she had a fight with Tyler and wouldn't want to go home. Thanks for letting her stay man I appreciate that"
" Shit he wasn't getting it" Josh though to himself. He took another deep breath. " Um no Matt. I mean your sister slept at my house… with me." Josh curled up in his chair and covered his face with his legs and hands. Matt was going to punch him. He could feel it.
" Fuck you Ramsay."
Oh shit here it comes. Josh braced himself for the punch.
" Its about fucking him you two got together. I mean how long have you guys had a thing for each other. Like ten years. Geez."
Josh uncurled himself. That wasn't the reaction he was expecting.
" What! I thought you would beat the shit out of me".
" Yeah me too" Mike said laughing.
" Josh you're my best friend. I know you and Michelle have always had this " Thing" between you two. I am happy that you are with her.
" So now we can get rid of The Douche Bag right?" Mike asked. They all hated Tyler.
" She's there now tell him and getting her stuff."
" You think it's a good idea she does this alone. I mean Tyler's temper. Who knows what could happen. " Matt was uncomfortable with this.
" I offered to go. But she refused because Tyler would kick the shit out of me before we even got in the door. She's right."
"I would have gone." Matt said.
"She felt this was something she needed to do alone. She's going to call when she is on her way here. Which should be any minute now. So I have this awesome song I wrote last night and I really wanna work on it."
Two hours had pasted now since Michelle had left Josh's house that morning. Matt and him were starting to get a little worried now.
They tried calling her cell. They got voicemail. The tried Texting. No reply. They called Tyler and Michelle's house answering machine. They even called Josh's home phone thinking she may have gone there to rest. No answer.
It was now 3 hours. This was getting serious now.
" K that's it. I'm going to go look for her. Something's wrong. Its not like Michelle to not answer us. " Matt exclaimed. He had to find her.
" I'll come too" Josh said as he jumped out of his chair and started to put on his jacket.
" No man stay here. What if I run into Tyler?"
Matt was right. He should stay. It would be good incase she came there or called. Ian and Mike had left to get lunch.
" I'll call when I find her. If she comes here or calls Call me ASAP!" With that Matt got into his car and spend off.
Time ticked by so slowly. Ian and Mike had come back with Lunch. They even got Michelle something thinking she would be there by now. It had been 2 hours now since Matt left and there was no news. Josh couldn't eat. He couldn't work on his song. He couldn't sit still. He started to pace.
" I'm sure she's fine. Matt probably found her, took to your place to drop off her stuff and are on there way here." Matt said trying to reassure Josh. Mike was starting to get worried to.
Ian's cell rang. "Hello" he said.
He started to walk into the other room.
" Who is it man." Mike asked.
" just that chick from the club a couple of weeks ago. I'll be right back."
Ian came back into the room a few minutes later, white as a ghost.
" Dude what the fuck? She tell you she's pregnant or something." Mike tried to joke. But Josh knew this was serious.
" I need you two to get into the car. Don't ask any questions get into the fucking car" Ian exclaimed has he threw Mike and Josh there jackets. He was mad. They did what he said and got into the car.
Josh knew this was about Michelle and it was not good. He wished someone would tell him something. Anything!
Soon Ian pulled into Memorial Hospital ER parking lot. He shut off the car and just sat there. He couldn't move.
" Ian… Talk to me please. What is going on? I want to know."
" Its better Matt tell you. He knows more than me" Ian didn't want to be the one to tell Josh.
They went into the Trauma waiting room. They found Matt sitting in the seats. He was pale, shaking and crying. This wasn't good. Josh didn't want to hear what Matt had to say. Matt didn't want to tell him. But he knew he had to.
Josh braced himself for what matt would say.
Matt choked back tears and started to talk.
" I went to your place first to see if she was there resting or something but there was no one there. So I decided to go to Her and Tyler's place. When I got there I noticed her car was in the driveway. Tyler's was gone.
I walked up to the door and knocked but it was open. So I walked in. I started call her name but no one answered me. I turned on the lights and that's when I saw here. She was lying at the bottom of the stairs. She was unconscious. "
" What the fuck! Is she okay?" some how Josh didn't think so.
" I don't really know. I just know what I saw. Her face was badly bruised and her arm looked broken. That's all I know. The Dr hasn't come to talk to me yet. I need to try and get a hold of my dad and Carol. " Matt walked out of the room. He didn't want to see Josh's reaction.
Ian looked at Josh. He looked like he was either going to throw up or explode.
Josh punch the wall.
" This is my fault. I should have gone with her. I should have called matt and had him go. Better yet I never should have told her how I felt about her in the first place." He was losing it. The guilt was eating him.
" Come on Josh. No one knew this would happen. She told you and Matt she wanted to go alone. What could you do?" Ian said. He could see the pain in Josh's eyes.
" Yeah maybe its not that bad" Mike told Josh. But he didn't actually believe that.
" Maybe"
Josh just curled up in one of the chairs. He was beating him self up inside. He should have gone with her. This was his fault.
Matt returned with the Dr. Moment of truth. Josh was pretty sure he didn't want to hear this.
" Is she okay" Matt asked. Hoping the Dr would tell him she was.
" I'm sorry. She's not. She has a broken arm, check bones, and nose. But the most sever is her head injury. She has swelling on her brain. We are doing everything we can to reduce it. But its caused her to slip into a coma. I am so sorry Mr. Webb but the next 48 hours don't look good. I'm sorry"
Josh fell back into his chair. Did he hear the DR right. Coma. Not good. What did not good mean?
"Can I see her" Matt asked. He wanted to be with her. He didn't want her to be alone." yes come this way" Josh went to go with Matt but the Dr stopped him. "I am sorry, Immediate family only in ICU."
Matt walked away with the Dr.
" So she's going to fucking die and I cant even be with her. This is fucking retarded !" He had to see her. He had to say what he felt. He couldn't let her die. He had to see her.
" I cant do this" and with that Josh walked past Ian and Mike out of the Waiting room.
Ian decided to let josh go. But after an hour Josh hadn't come back. Ian was worried. This was killing him. He was upset. This could affection his recovery. Ian had to find him. He just hoped that Josh was still somewhere in the hospital.
He went to the elevator. He'd try the café.
" Are you looking for your friend?" a young nurse asked Ian as he waited for the elevator. " Black and Blue hair.?" She didn't have to say anything else. Josh stood out.
" yes"
" I think I saw him going to the Chapel. Its on the first floor."
Ian thank her and got into the elevator. Good thing she told him. That's the one place he would never look for Josh.
Ian found the chapel and quietly went inside. That's when he found Josh. Kneeling in front of a pew. He was pleading with God.
" If you let her live I will go to church, I'll stop swearing. Please Don't let her die. This is all my fault. "
Ian went and put his hand on Josh's shoulder causing Josh to jump.
" Oh, No don't tell me" Josh exclaimed. Had Ian come to tell him that Michelle was gone?
" No man she's the same No change. I wanted To make sure you where okay. A nurse told me she had seen you come in here. Not really a place I would have looked for you."
" I just needed some time alone. I'll go back up in a min." Josh really needed to think.
" Any Change?" It has been half an hour since Ian had found Josh in the chapel. Josh had decided that he wasn't going to leave this hospital till she woke up and told him to leave. She would do the same for him. He just wished he could go in and see her. Hold her Hand. Tell her he loved her and how sorry he was for letting her go confront Tyler alone.
" Nothing" Ian told Josh. Mike was asleep on some chairs in the waiting room. They were going to be there for a while might as well try and get comfortable.
" Matt's trying to get a hold of his dad. He's having a hard time. His Dad's cell of course doesn't work out there. Looks like he will have to go through the Cruise company and get them to send a message to the ship somehow. I could be maybe 4 days before his dad gets here.
" What about Tyler?" Josh had just realized that Tyler was still out there. He could be anywhere.
" No news. As far as I know he's still out there."
It wasn't fair. Tyler was out running around free and Michelle was in the hospital fighting for her life because of that prick.
" If I found him, I'd fucking kill him "
" Me too Josh. Me too."
Everyone camped out in the waiting room that night.
Matt stayed with Michelle. He didn't want to leave her alone.
Josh couldn't sleep. He couldn't eat. He desperately wanted to be with Michelle. All he could do was sit there and wait. Wait for her to wake up or die. If she died, she would do it without Josh there. He wouldn't get to say goodbye or that he loved her. It wasn't fair. His guilt was killing him. He just sat in the chairs and started to sob. He could keep it in any more.
" Excuse me" Josh looked up to see the young nurse for the elevators in front of him.
" Hi I am nurse Michaels but you can call me Julie."
. He wiped his eyes. She looked way to young to be an RN.
" Is everything okay? Josh asked her.
" Yes there has been no change. Its just we can see how desperately you want to see her. I am so sorry that you cant go in. We are working to get Michelle into a private ICU room. That way you and her brother can be with her. Matt is just getting it arranged "
" Please let me know when I can see her."
" I will"
" Please hold on Michelle" Josh begged.
Michelle was moved into a private ICU room with in a couple of hours. Julie has been nice enough to bring in Cots for Josh and Matt to sleep on so they could stay with her.
Matt had let Josh go in to see her alone. He knew Josh needed to be alone with her.
When Josh walked into her room and saw her he was shocked.
Both of her eyes were swollen shut. Her face was black a blue. Her nose was bandaged and swollen and you could see the damage done to her cheek bones. Would she ever look the same again?
Her arm was in a cast. Tubes and machines were all over her. But she didn't have a respirator breathing for her. She was able to breath on her own with just oxygen. He hoped that was a good sign.
He took the chair and moved it next to the bed and held her good hand. He never wanted to let it go.
Seeing her like that overwhelmed him and he started to sob again. The image of her in that state would haunt him.
" I'm sorry" He told her. He didn't know if she could even her him at all. " I shouldn't have let you got alone. Or hell at all. This is all my fault. I am sorry. I love you so much." He couldn't talk. He just sobbed till he fell asleep holding her hand.
Time seem to drag. Josh didn't leave Michelle's room. He couldn't bare it if he left and she woke up or worse passed a way and he wasn't there.
Matt went in and out of the room. For once Matt was the one who couldn't sit still. Josh couldn't move.
Julie was so amazing to them. When she was working, so would check on them and see if they needed anything. She even brought them coffee and snacks.
She was really young. Only 25. Younger than a lot of the RN's there. But she was smart. She knew so much. She knew so much about comas. And about Michelle's condition. She would answer all there questions for them. At one point when Josh was holding Michelle's hand, she twitched. He thought that she was waking up. He even saw her eyes flutter. But Julie had to tell him that she wasn't waking up. It was common for coma patients to have muscle spasms.
Finally 48 hours had come and gone. Michelle was still holding on.
Julie said that was a really good sign. She'd survived the worst.
" The doctor said that some of her brain swelling is going down. " Julie told matt and Josh. The doctors want to do a brain scan today."
" What's that?" Matt asked.
" Well they are going to see if she has any brain activity and measure her brain waves. This will tell him of she has any brain damage or if she has brain death. But she is breathing on her own which is good. Should couldn't do that if she had brain death."
The orderlies had come to take Michelle for her tests.
" She'll be gone for a while " Julie told them and the orderlies wheeled Michelle out in her bed. " There is a shower for ICU patients families. Its okay if you wanna use it. I know you have been here for a while. I know a shower always makes the patients feel better."
Josh had gone for over 72 hours now with no shower. No change of clothes and hadn't brushed his teeth. He must have looked a wreck.
" Actually that sounds really good."
" I'll call Ian and see if he can go to our places and bring us back some clothes and toothbrushes. " Matt told Josh.
" Man I guess with all this shit I never even thought about all that."
Matt at had called Ian and he was on his way with there stuff. Josh jumped into the shower. Julie was right, he already felt better. He had a sore back and neck from sleeping on the chairs and the hot water was really helping. He showered for over 20min.
When he got out he felt relaxed and renewed.
It was nice to change his clothes, shower and brush his teeth. He felt so hungry now. He hadn't even thought about eating. Michelle would kill him if she knew he hadn't eaten in over 3 days. He decided to go down to the café.
When he came back Michelle was back in her room. Matt was there and Julie was getting Michelle settled back in." Good news guys. The doctor said that the swelling is going down. And her brain activity is 100%. Normal."
" Could she wake up soon?" Matt asked.
" There is no way to tell. Sorry Matt." Julie put her hand on Matt's shoulder. Hang in there guys. Things are looking good."
Josh had noticed that Matt and Julie seemed kind of close. He had seen them talking and at the nurses desk. If the circumstance were different he would have thought that Matt and Julie would make a good couple.
" The cruise company said that they got the message to the ship that dad and Carol are on. They will get off at the next port and fly back here. But it make not be till tomorrow night when they get here.
" Well that's good" Julie told Matt.
Matt's dad and Carol arrived just as they had predicted the next night.
Josh left the room to let Matt's Dad and Carol be alone with Michelle. Josh grabbed a Coke Zero from the vending machine and sat down in the ICU waiting room.
He thought about the song he had wrote Michelle. " Beside You." He had said in the song that he would never let anyone break her. So much for that promise.
" How ya doing" It was Julie. She must have just started for the night shift.
" Better I guess." Josh was lying. He still felt like shit.
" The Dr. said that 90% of Michelle's brain swelling is gone now. And tomorrow a plastic surgeon is going to come and assess her facial injuries. He's a great surgeon. But he's going to need a recent photo of her to see what she looked like before. "
Josh took out his wallet and pulled out a picture of him with his around her. It had been taken at the zoo a couple of weeks ago. Michelle loved the zoo. They always had fun there. As Josh looked at the picture seeing Michelle with out her injuries he could see how beautiful she was then. No matter what the out come of she would always be beautiful to him. He gave the picture to Julie.
" This will do great. She's very pretty. I can see you really love her. The way you stay with her and hold her hand and sing to her."
Oh shit Josh thought they heard him singing to her. He blushed.
" Does it even matter though. I mean can she even hear me or know I am there?"
" Some people say yes and other no. I have seen patients wakeup from comas and tell of a dream they had that there loved ones and said this or that. And turns out the loved one had said that to them. So I think its possible yes.
" I hope she can hear me."
" Just keep talking to her. It may give her the will to come back."
The days seemed to go one forever. It has been 5 days since Michelle fell into a coma. To Josh it felt more like 5 years.
Matt eventually started to sleep at home more. He'd come during the days.
Josh never left. He'd only leave her to shower and eat. He would sleep beside her bed on the cot every night.
The Doctors had said that the swelling in her brain was gone now. They seemed to think that she would wake up soon.
The plastic surgeon had come and said that her facial reconstruction couldn't wait. He did want it to heal the wrong way so her surgery was done the day before. The surgeon said it went very well and he was very happy with it. But it wouldn't show for a few months due to the swelling and bruising.
Julie was still so great to Josh and Matt. Josh noticed that Matt would go with Julie on her breaks. They were getting close. Josh knew that neither would make a move to change there relationship beyond friends till Michelle was better.
After 7 days Josh was beginning to wonder if Michelle would ever wake up.
He was sitting beside her bed that night writing. When he saw Michelle's hand move. It wasn't her usually twitching. This time she lifted her finger. Josh immediately called Julie all excited.
" Josh its so hard to say. Its possible that she did do it voluntarily but also it could be just another muscle spasm. Hold her hand and talk to her. If she does it again or seems to respond to you in anyway. Page again." Julie went back to the nurses desk. She prayed Josh was right and Michelle was waking up.
" Michelle its Josh. Can you hear me? If you can squeeze my hand"
Josh talked to her trying to get her to respond to him of over an hour. And nothing happened. She never moved again after that. It must have been just another muscle spasm. Josh fell asleep beside Michelle holding her hand.
Josh awoke. What time was it? He looked at his cell. 3am. Then he felt it again. Something was caressing his hand. He looked at Michelle. He was shocked. There she was eyes opened looking right at him.
" Josh?" Michelle said barely able to speak. She almost sounded surprised to see him there.
" Yeah its me. Its about time you go up. ." Josh immediately hit the call button. Julie rushed in.
" She's awake!" Josh excitingly told Julie.
" Well hello Michelle. Nice to finally see you awake. Josh I am going to go and call the Dr and her dad and Matt okay. I will be right back." Julie ran to the nurses desk to page the Doctor. She couldn't wait to call Matt and tell him the good news.
" Michelle I'm so happy your awake. I am so sorry for what happened. I should have gone with you. I love you so much." Josh had tears running down his face. But when he said he loved her she looked confused.
" Josh where is…?" It was still so hard for her to speak.
" Matt" Josh cut her off. "He went home to rest and so did your dad. But Julie, the nurse that just came in here, she is going to call them. "
Julie came back in. " I called the Doctor and he is coming. I also called Matt and him, your Dad and Carol are on there way here. I am just going to check your vitals okay?"
" Josh where is … Tyler?
Both Josh and Julie froze.
"Why isn't he here?" She sounded panicked. " Is he okay?"
Josh was fuming. But before he could say anything Julie pulled him into the hallway.
" Why the fuck is she asking for that prick?" Josh was hurt and angry.
" Calm down. Its possible that with a traumatic accident like this to suffer from some memory lose. She may not remember her argument with Tyler. I am sure with some rest she will remember. Its not good to tell her what happened yet. We don't wanna shock her. I think its best you let the doctor exam her and let her rest for a while. But then she should be okay and might remember."
" Yeah Okay."
Josh sat down in the ICU waiting room. He prayed so hard that Michelle would remember what happened. "Why had she looked so confused when I said I loved her?" He thought to himself. Sure he could understand not remembering what happened with Tyler , but did she not remember the night before?
" Josh. What is going on?" Matt asked. Josh looked up to see Matt, his Dad and Carol.
I fell asleep and woke up to someone touching my hand. I looked and it was Michelle. She's awake."
" That's great." Matt's dad exclaimed. "Did she say anything?"
" Yeah. She asked for Tyler. Why he isn't here."
" WHAT!" Matt yelled. " Why after what that fucker did to her would she want him here?"
" Julie said she mostly likely doesn't remember due to some memory loss from the accident. She said she might remember after a good rest and some time to get her thoughts together. She also said that we shouldn't tell Michelle what happened yet. It might shock her too much."
" Well I want to see her." Matt said angrily. Matt, his Dad and Carol when into Michelle's room.
The Doctor had said the same thing Julie had. She'd been through a very traumatic experience and most likely had some memory loss. It was best to not tell her anything right now and just let her rest for a while. They could tell her and answer her questions after she woke up from resting. He didn't want to cause her too much shock and stress right now. Matt and his dad said good bye to her. They would be back after she slept.
" Josh. Maybe you should go home too and get some sleep. I will call you when she wakes up." Julie told Josh handing him a glass of water.
"No I think I'll camp out here, if that is okay. I still don't wanna leave her."
Josh paced the ICU floor. He sat in the ICU waiting room. It had been almost 12 hours now since Michelle had woke up.
" Julie" Josh asked as he walked up to the nurses desk. Why is she still sleeping. She's okay right. She can't go back into a coma?"
" Josh everything is fine. Its normal for coma patients to rest a lot right after they wake up. It takes a lot of energy to come out of something like that. You can go in a sit with her if you want. Just doesn't disturb her."
Josh went back into Michelle's room and sat in the chair beside her. " At least I kept one promise to you in my song. I will always be beside you." There was no where else he wanted to be.
Michelle slept for another couple of hours. Josh was writing on his laptop when she woke up.
" Josh are you still here?"
Josh closed his computer and took Michelle's hand in his and kissed it.
" yes of course I am still here." She seemed so confused still.
"Where's my Dad and Matt?" I wanna know what happened. I am so confused."
" Okay I'll call them and we can all talk okay?"
Josh went into the ICU waiting room and called Matt and his dad. Hopefully after they told her what happened she would remember.
When Matt and their dad got there they all went into Michelle's room. " Moment of truth" Josh thought. He grabbed a chair next to Michelle.
" First" Julie chimed in. " Michelle what is the last thing you remember?"
Michelle thought really hard.
" I think I was having breakfast with Josh and Matt. It would have been yesterday?"
" Is that it. Do you remember anything else?" Josh asked panicked. He held his breath.
" No that's the last thing." Matt saw Josh's heart break. Michelle had no memory of them being together the night before. Or of Josh telling her he loved her or even going to leave Tyler.
" How long have I been here?"
" You have been in a coma for a week now."
" What happened? Was it a car accident? Is that why Tyler isn't here? Is he okay?"
"No no, Michelle calm down." Matt told her.
" Matt I want to know what happened. All of it. NOW" Michelle demanded.
She need to know.
" Where do you want me to start?" Matt asked.
" After we had breakfast. What happened?"
Josh jumped in. "You and I went to the music video shoot for HIT ME UP."
" And…?" she asked.
" Fuck" Josh thought to himself. He'd have to tell her everything that had happened that night. It would be like doing it over again for the first time.
He took a deep breath. She had to know. He'd have to " Just Jump" again.
" Um we had a really great time. But Tyler kept texting you and asking where you where."
" After the video shoot Tyler called your cell. He as so angry I heard every word he said to you over the phone. He was really angry. You had said you were out with Amanda. But she had called looking for you. So he knew you lied to him. He was demanding to know where you were. So you told him where you where and that you were with me. He lost it. He started swearing at you and demanding you come home. You where really upset and you didn't want to go home. You didn't have anywhere else to go So I said you could stay with me at my place."
He paused. He would have to tell her the rest.
" Then I played you our new song. " Beside You." You were really moved by it. Then..,. Um." He stopped. He hoped she would have remembered. But she still looked so confused. He would have to tell her.
" What Josh. What Happened? I want to know."
" After I played you that song I told you I wrote it for you. Then I told you.." He paused. And put his head down. " I told you that I was in love with you and that I had been since I met you that first day in Band class. "
Michelle's face went pale.
" Great" Josh thought " This time I really did freak her out."
" Then you said you felt the same for me and we kissed."
" That's it " she asked.
" Um no. We slept together." Josh sighed. That wasn't easy to say in front of her Dad and Matt.
" Oh I see" She said still shocked. At least she knew now.
" The next day" Josh continued. " you decided that you were going to go and end things with Tyler and bring your stuff to my place and then meet me and the guys at the Down Town Studio. I wanted to go with you. But you insisted it was something you had to do alone. And you would be fine. I NEVER should have let you go alone." His guilt still was consuming him.
" When you hadn't come to the studio after like 3 hours and we couldn't get a hold of you. I decided I would go and find you." Matt told her. Josh could see tears in Matt's eyes. This was really hard for him to tell her.
"First I went to Josh's place to see if you were there resting or dropping off your stuff. You weren't there and neither was your stuff or car. So I decided to go to your place. I saw your car there when I pulled in. But Tyler's was go. Your door was open so I went in. When I turned on the lights that's when I saw you. You were lying at the bottom of the stairs unconscious. "
" Michelle" Her dad said " From what the police have told us is that Tyler beat you and pushed you down the stairs."
Michelle was shocked. How could be do that? He had tried to kill her and had almost succeeded. And Josh was in love with her and they had slept together. She been in a coma for a week. It was so all so hard to process.
" I know this is a lot to process ." Julie told Michelle. " You should probably rest. Think a little. Maybe now that you know the story you might remember something. "
" Wait what happened to Tyler? Is he in jail now?"
" He took off " Her Dad told her. " The police haven't found him yet."