A/N: Hello Fanfiction! Introducing, yet another weirdo to join the fandoms, ME!

So... I'm new here, and will most likely be jumping from fandom to fandom, BUT this one will always be my favourite. Gravity Falls FOREVER! This fic was born after finding a few too many lemon fics about Human!Bill Cipher breaking into a woman's room and asking for "help"... Yeah, I couldn't get the mental image out of my head for a looong time. So, to make the torture end, I wrote this story. In a nutshell, it's how I think people should act if a powerless Bill Cipher showed up in your room *maniacal laughter*.

Anyway...enough about me, y'all came here to *cough*hate-on*cough* read my story! I do not own Gravity Falls. Maria the OC and the plot are mine.

Maria Woodgrove was a 19-year-old girl living in Gravity Falls, and just like the rest of the town's residents, she had her own... secrets. Being best friends with the Pines family, she knew a lot about the paranormal incidents of the area. One in particular being Bill Cipher, the most annoying triangle in the world.

He plagued her with nightmares and attempted to kill her best friends. She was working on a way to make him stop, but so far only succeeded in locking some of her own memories out of his reach. Maria used this to her advantage, while he believed her to be an ordinary helpless human, she could practice her powers in peace. Her friends knew about her powers, they knew she was a witch. She locked up those memories of her too. Maria knew that Bill would find out through them otherwise.

It seemed like an ordinary night when it happened, though that just made the situation a bit more awkward when it did. Maria was sitting on her bed, reading a book in a pink t-shirt and pyjama pants. She glanced at the clock, 10:30pm. She put the book down and reached over to her lamp to turn the light off, and wrapped the covers around herself. She had barely closed her eyes when she felt something heavy fall on her bed. Startled, Maria pressed herself against the headboard and turned on the lamp. There was a lump at the foot of her bed which looked to be about the size of... a person?

Ever so slowly, she reached under her bed for her baseball bat (in case someone breaks in, duh!). She pulled back the covers to reveal a fair-skinned, shaggy-blonde man in a yellow tailcoat and white dress shirt, complete with black bow tie, black dress pants and shoes. On his head rested a black top heat, slightly obscuring his face.

Maria gulped, not sure what to do.

Scream, hit him, or call 911?

Deciding that calling the cops would do nothing and screaming would simply alert him to her presence, she tenderly poked him with the bat. The man stirred slightly. She poked him again, a bit harder this time. He groaned and turned on his side, away from her.

This is getting ridiculous. The man broke into my house, why should I wake him up as if he was invited?

Maria gathered up her strength, scrunched herself into a ball, and let go, kicking the blonde as hard as she could, sending him falling off the foot of the bed. He hit the ground with a resounding thud, which seemed to be enough to wake him up, seeing as he started screaming on the way down. "AAAAAH!" After hitting the ground, he slowly got up, holding the side of his head. He mumbled something Maria could just barely make out as, "Pain isn't as hilarious as it used to be."

That voice, it sounded so familiar. But she had never seen this man before. She searched her memories. The voice matched only one person... er, being. He whom she hated most.

"Bill..?" Maria whispered, incredulously.

"Yeah, Teardrop?" Bill answered.

Maria, getting over her initial shock, raised the bat threateningly (well, as threatening as on can be in their pyjamas). "What are you doing here?" she asked, her tone showing she meant business. "Whose body did you steal now, huh?!"

"Calm d—" Bill started, but she cut him off.

She yelled into the rest of the room, in hopes of communicating with the poor soul who had his body stolen, "Don't worry! I'll get your body back!"

"Maria!" Bill yelled, finally getting her attention.

"What?" she said icily.

"It's mine, the body's mine."

Her grip on the bat faltered for a second, before she gripped it even tighter, as if she was about to knock a home run with his head. "Explain, now."

"Heh, well, uh, funny st-story actually... I was, um... minding my own business...and..." he started nervously

"Get to the point, Cipher."

"I may or may not have made a deal which led me to be stuck in this body." He rubbed the back of his neck nervously.

"Details..?" Maria didn't quite believe him.

"Time Baby offered death or penance. So... I chose penance," he said gesturing to himself. "Apparently, penance means 'no powers'. So I'm...human...now..."

He faltered upon seeing the evil grin growing on Maria's face. She stood up off the bed, bat hanging from her right hand. She walked up to him and pulled on his bow tie, bringing his face to hers.

"So what you're saying," she waved her bat for emphasis, the horrifying smile still plastered on her face, "is that you have no powers. No way of reading thoughts or entering dreams, i.e. no way of fighting back?"

Bill gulped and nodded, sweating nervously. Maria looked him dead in the eye and whispered, "It's payback time." Bill, now fully terrified of the girl in front of him, bolted out the door, not caring that his bow tie had come off in the process. After a moment's hesitation, she ran after him, waving her bat in the air.

"Get back here, Cipher!"

Sooo, thoughts?