Gone for good
By: Sam
My feet were wet. It was pouring raining. The Fall was here again. The forest tasted like Summer but it already had the scent of the coming Winter. Fall was just a phase the nature was passing by.
I squeezed the warm hand I was holding and looked into the dark eyes I hold so dear.
"Do you ever wonder how different things could've been?"
I understood. It had always been like that with us. Words were needless.
"No."
Krit stroked my hair briefly.
"Of course you don't."
I glanced at him. What was that supposed to mean?
There was no answer. Just the wind, messing with my hair. The rain, crying my tears for me because I couldn't bring myself to do it. And there was Krit, feeling the terrible pain for both of us.
I wasn't ready to feel anything yet.
We walked along the road side by side. I was soaking wet and freezing.
"Cold?"
"No, I'm fine."
Krit rolled his eyes.
"It wouldn't kill you, you know."
"What?"
Krit stopped and turned to face me. He pressed my hand on my chest. My heart was bounding really fast. I flinched.
"I remember when I first felt this. Your heart pounding under my fingers. Right that moment I knew you were the most important thing in my life. Always would be. And I wanted to take care of you. Keep you safe from all that shit they put us through."
Krit hugged me from behind. I closed my eyes. I was safe.
Safety is an illusion.
I pulled away.
"Let's go back."
I went straight to the shower. I was freezing but there was no hot water. I just sat there for what felt like hours. Finally I could barely move.
Too late I felt the seizure coming.
"Krit..."
Krit carried me to bed and got me some milk. And then he came back with a bottle of Tryptophan. There were only a few left but he gave me all of them.
"No... You might need them..."
"Shh..."
Krit tucked me in bed. I was still weak after the seizures but not that weak.
"Thanks, Krit. I'm okay now."
He laid down and put his arms around me.
"You're always okay."
He tightened his grib.
"Now shut up and sleep."
Krit was still there when I woke up.
"How long did I sleep?"
"All night."
"I´d better get up then."
Krit pulled me back.
"Just let me hold you for a little while."
He was so close. I hated myself for letting him take care of me. That made me vulnerable.
Krit knew exactly what I was thinking.
"You don't have to be strong all the time, Syl."
Yes I do.
"Not when you're with family."
Family, what was that?
"Cry."
I sat up quickly avoiding Krit´s eyes.
"What?"
"Cry, I've never seen you do so."
"I don't cry."
"Then scream."
"Krit, you're not making a whole hell of a lotta sense."
"Scream, cry, throw stuff at me, anything that makes you feel better."
"What good would any of that do?"
"It´ll keep you sane."
Don´t think so.
"Syl, I know losing Zack was tough. He was something special to you."
"Let´s not go there."
"No, let´s go there."
"I don´t wanna talk about it."
"You´re going to have to."
"Krit, back off."
"Why are you so angry at him?"
"Krit, please..."
"I think it´d be good for you to talk about it finally."
"JUST STOP IT!"
I fell to the floor. Zack, why? Why did you have to go and die? Why? You were the oldest. You were supposed to be there for us. Always. You weren´t supposed to die. You weren´t supposed to leave us.
You weren´t supposed to leave me.
"Syl, it´s okay."
Krit was there rocking me in his arms.
"He left me all alone. How could he? He promised he would never leave me. He promised..."
Something warm came rushing down my face.
And it hit me.
Zack was really gone.
By: Sam
My feet were wet. It was pouring raining. The Fall was here again. The forest tasted like Summer but it already had the scent of the coming Winter. Fall was just a phase the nature was passing by.
I squeezed the warm hand I was holding and looked into the dark eyes I hold so dear.
"Do you ever wonder how different things could've been?"
I understood. It had always been like that with us. Words were needless.
"No."
Krit stroked my hair briefly.
"Of course you don't."
I glanced at him. What was that supposed to mean?
There was no answer. Just the wind, messing with my hair. The rain, crying my tears for me because I couldn't bring myself to do it. And there was Krit, feeling the terrible pain for both of us.
I wasn't ready to feel anything yet.
We walked along the road side by side. I was soaking wet and freezing.
"Cold?"
"No, I'm fine."
Krit rolled his eyes.
"It wouldn't kill you, you know."
"What?"
Krit stopped and turned to face me. He pressed my hand on my chest. My heart was bounding really fast. I flinched.
"I remember when I first felt this. Your heart pounding under my fingers. Right that moment I knew you were the most important thing in my life. Always would be. And I wanted to take care of you. Keep you safe from all that shit they put us through."
Krit hugged me from behind. I closed my eyes. I was safe.
Safety is an illusion.
I pulled away.
"Let's go back."
I went straight to the shower. I was freezing but there was no hot water. I just sat there for what felt like hours. Finally I could barely move.
Too late I felt the seizure coming.
"Krit..."
Krit carried me to bed and got me some milk. And then he came back with a bottle of Tryptophan. There were only a few left but he gave me all of them.
"No... You might need them..."
"Shh..."
Krit tucked me in bed. I was still weak after the seizures but not that weak.
"Thanks, Krit. I'm okay now."
He laid down and put his arms around me.
"You're always okay."
He tightened his grib.
"Now shut up and sleep."
Krit was still there when I woke up.
"How long did I sleep?"
"All night."
"I´d better get up then."
Krit pulled me back.
"Just let me hold you for a little while."
He was so close. I hated myself for letting him take care of me. That made me vulnerable.
Krit knew exactly what I was thinking.
"You don't have to be strong all the time, Syl."
Yes I do.
"Not when you're with family."
Family, what was that?
"Cry."
I sat up quickly avoiding Krit´s eyes.
"What?"
"Cry, I've never seen you do so."
"I don't cry."
"Then scream."
"Krit, you're not making a whole hell of a lotta sense."
"Scream, cry, throw stuff at me, anything that makes you feel better."
"What good would any of that do?"
"It´ll keep you sane."
Don´t think so.
"Syl, I know losing Zack was tough. He was something special to you."
"Let´s not go there."
"No, let´s go there."
"I don´t wanna talk about it."
"You´re going to have to."
"Krit, back off."
"Why are you so angry at him?"
"Krit, please..."
"I think it´d be good for you to talk about it finally."
"JUST STOP IT!"
I fell to the floor. Zack, why? Why did you have to go and die? Why? You were the oldest. You were supposed to be there for us. Always. You weren´t supposed to die. You weren´t supposed to leave us.
You weren´t supposed to leave me.
"Syl, it´s okay."
Krit was there rocking me in his arms.
"He left me all alone. How could he? He promised he would never leave me. He promised..."
Something warm came rushing down my face.
And it hit me.
Zack was really gone.