The Dib Diaries

Day 1

After some time of Zim coming to Earth, I've decided to keep a log- not a diary!- of his evil ways. Though I gotta hand it to the alien, he's tough. I guess I'm the only one who can see through his terrible disguise, because not even an official paranormal investigator can see the real Zim. Today, he tried to blow up the "skool". Of course, I had to stop him. It was pretty easy considering that the moronic alien forgot to add an "On" button. Weird, huh?

Day 2

I'm marking this as a… er… unexpected day. Peepi, you know, the class hamster that we had a while ago, came back into orbit and, well, smashed into town. It's like Godzilla all over again. Zim wasn't too happy either because Ultra Peepi wasn't obeying him. I guess that's what that stupid alien gets for messing with hamsters. But, at the end of the day, ugg… when the two of us had to team up… Ultra Peepi left Earth once more. Hopefully, it stays that way. Conclusion: Never trust a hamster, especially the cute ones.

Day 3

I'm so proud of myself! I intervened a transmission between Zim and his leaders. I learned that the Armada has already added another planet to their collection. That will never happen to Earth, because I'm here to protect it. Home sweet Home. Ending on even a better note, I heard of Zim's next attempt in world domination!

Day 4

Mutant vermin again? Geez Zim, at least use some creativity. I thought he ditched that failed action when Mortos came to Earth. Honestly, I don't think I'll ever get that alien… what goes on in his head, I mean. Mrs. Bitters is actually the hero today. If she wasn't in such a bad mood, those mutant vermin might have actually destroyed a part of "skool". I guess even the worst, most horrifying people have good traits too. If so… I wonder what Gaz's is…?

Day 5

This diary is stupid- GAZ? Get out of my log! And it's not stupid! Or a diary! Maybe I should hide this book better… oh well. Zim was pretty quiet today, all except lunch, where he started a food fight when he splashed himself with the "lunch meat". That alien thought someone threw food at him and wanted revenge. Then he blamed me. I didn't do anything, believe it or not. For Pete's sake, Zim, open your alien eyes! If you're this oblivious, I'd hate to see the rest of your race. At least Tak was cooler and much, much better.

Day 6

It's the weekend finally! I was getting tired of drawing Zim being thrown into jail on my notebooks. It's not like we use them anyways. Zim never really does anything on the weekend. Maybe even aliens need a break…. Whatever, I'm spending my Saturday watching new episodes of "Mysterious Mysteries" and eating some Chinese food. If I get bored tomorrow, I'll pay a visit to my dad's lab in the basement. Sometimes, I can find some useful alien hunting supplies That makes me wonder… why does my dad, who hates paranormal science, have these weapons in his lab…. hmmmmm…

Day 7

I'm enjoying my weekend actually. When my dad left for a segment of his show, I snuck down into his lab and guess what I found. A new set of alien handcuffs! Why would my dad have those down there? Then again, there's a lot I don't know/understand about my dad. Could there be a side to him of which Gaz and I have never seen? Tomorrow, that alien's going down. Mwahahahahha! Wow I'm creepy.

Day 8

What a surprise I was in for today! Mr. Elliot's class, the one Gaz is in, came to our class to perform a musical skit they've been working on! Best part yet, Gaz was cast as the princess. She was wearing a fluffy pink dress. How she didn't manage to destroy all of her classmates out of rage, I don't know. It was a good play, I admit. Zim seemed… disturbed. In the end, nobody got hurt, Zim didn't win (he didn't really do anything today), and nobody died. Good day, good day.

Day 9

Man, my days are just being filled with surprise. Against all odds (and Mrs. Bitters' orders) the principle let us take a field trip. No, not through a wormhole in space, but to one of my dad's segments. Live! I was able to say hi to him beforehand. He did a nice job today. The episode was about human anatomy and bone growth. I don't know why, even after today, that I'm growing this fast. I'm quite a bit taller than Zim now. I believe, after intervening several transmissions and remembering about the Tak invasion, that height is key for the Irken race. I saw Zim taking notes during the show. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad if he grew taller. That way, he can go back to his home planet and doom them instead of Earth.

Day 10

Today was off. Zim was absent, probably to plan another way of destroying Earth. I'll stop him, of course. As long as I'm still breathing, Earth's going to stand! (Though there may be a few craters here and there) So, as a result of Zim's absence, I played it cool and believe it or not, but some kids actually talked to me today! Instead of calling me crazy, they talked to me nicely. See? I'm not crazy or nuts, it's just that Zim always teases my temperament. I kinda don't want him to come back…

Day 11

Zim, once again, was gone today. Honestly, I'm not even worried about it. He's probably in his lab creating a growing syrup. I'm not even going to alert the Swollen Eyeball about him, mostly cause of what happened last time with the waffles…. Anyways, some of my classmates let me play dodge ball with them. I'm really good at it actually. Some days, I really do like school.

Day 12

Need I say more? With Zim gone, people have been treating me different. Though at home I'm working on an experiment to find Bigfoot, but that's beside the point. I sat at lunch with Zita, Keef, the Letter M, and some other cool kids. Gaz tagged along. She even said she likes the "new me" better. Everyone seems to like the "new Dib" better, even my dad has noticed. No worries, no problems, and no craziness. He didn't even ask me to try "real science" for he thinks I'm growing out of the "phase" I was in and he doesn't want to bother that.

Day 13

Truthfully, I went to Zim's house this fine Saturday. No one answered. Could… could he finally… be gone? YES! I'm free! No more alien scum to bring me down.

Day 14

I could have sworn I saw GIR at the store today when I was picking up some Explodey Beans for dinner. He was in his dog disguise, of course. Maybe Zim really wasn't down for the count. I guess I'll have to wait and see tomorrow at "skool".

Day 15

Something really disturbing happened today. Zim came into class… as the size of a toddler! I went up to him and asked him what happened. It was kinda funny. He explained that he made a growing serum, but a side effect before working was size reduction and that he was absent because of human suspicion. Our classmates, for some unknown reason, didn't really notice. Zim sat alone at lunch and I continued to sit with the cool kids. Zim must've taken notice to the change, because he threw some corn at my head.

Day 16

Zim came into to class as tall as me! He really wasn't kidding! He did make a growing serum! But… I just don't get that alien. He's perfectly capable of making devastating weapons, but he always uses them for the wrong purpose. Like the Megadoomer. Why go after me when that robot could've easily tore through downtown. *Sigh* I'm going to bed…

Day 17

Now that Zim's back, I'm back to my good old self. Zim and I must've really ticked Mrs. Bitters off because she sent us to the "Underground Classroom". I never thought there really was one, but she proved me wrong. Remember the Lice Queen. Apparently the school cleaned up the area underground, the nest, and made it a school. Hmph, more like a jail cell. I was wondering where my classmates went…. In the end, I got out, but I'm not so sure about Zim. He was too busy gloating about his new profound height.

Day 17

I asked Zim how the "Underground Classroom" was after I escaped. All he could reply, shaking, was "Horrible, horrible, disgusting human things". Good. He took one for the team. I think Zim was too shaken up to be an annoyance today, but his SIR unit GIR broke into class, jumped onto Mrs. Bitters's desk, and performed armpit farts. That little robot wasn't really dangerous by definition, more like a nuisance. An alright day.

Day 18

"Skool" was closed today. I don't know why. Strange, huh? However, when I woke up, there he was, Zim, sitting at our dinner table talking to my dad and drinking a cup of Joe. My dad still thinks he's from a different country. Seriously, notice the green skin, no ears, no nose. I mean come on, COME ON! And why was Zim at my house. Oh yeah, to return a probe I stored in his base. At least he was kind enough to return it… but I should've known better. He re-routed its interior to set it to explode… and it did. You know, these logs aren't that important. I'm just gonna stop writing and hope my soot filled lungs don't give out.

-Final Log Signed By: Dib Membrane A.k.a - Agent Mothman

For use of the Swollen Eyeball Network & Dib's eyes only.

Author's Notes: A little cute somethin' I decided to write. I hope you enjoyed the insight! Please Review! Note: This is a oneshot.