The Joker was lounging around in his Steel Mill, coughing wildly one minute and leaving his 'BFF' Batman a message on his voicemail the next.
With a sigh, Joker dramatically said aloud to no one in particular, "I don't get it. Why can't Bats just answer my calls?" Following this was his typical hysterical laughter, which was then cut off by heavy coughs.
"Oh, Mister J, don't push yourself!" whined Harley Quinn. "Wouldn't want ya dyin' on me, now would I?" The way she said this made Joker a tad suspicious, but then he figured that there wasn't much Harley could possibly be without him other than a run-of-the-mill prostitute, so he let it slide.
Joker looked down at the phone he held and dialed Batman again. He was directed to voicemail once more, so he started to speak in a concerned tone of voice.
"Bats, come on! Don't ignore me. Don't tell me you've gone and died on me. That'd be such a shame! Call me back once and a while before I get paranoid!"
When he hung up, Joker looked over at Harley to see that she was giving him a strange look. "What is it? Do I look worse?"
"I don't know why you bother with that jerk, Mister J." Harley complained. All she ever did was complain - at least, that's how it seemed to Joker as of late.
"Why, Harley~. He's the one person who truly understands me, and he always listens to what I've got to say whether he wants to admit it or not - now how could I not love him for that?"
"But I understand you! And I can give you so much more than he can, can't I?"
"You're one to talk - in fact, you're talking me to death! Be quiet and talk again when you give me a cure. If you get a cure to me first, I'll kiss you. If not, then I suppose my lips will be saved for Batman."
Harley countered this with more whining, so Joker simply huffed and rubbed his brow. Harley could be so unamusing sometimes.
"Nag, nag, nag. And I wondered why I don't like women so much."
The clown prince of crime and his girlfriend both stopped when suddenly someone stormed into the room and stood threateningly as a silhouette in the doorway - while this puzzled Harley, Joker could almost sense who it was without even looking.
"Ah, Batman! What a pleasant surprise! How on Earth did you even get in here? I've got this place locked down like Harley's bra!" He paused for a moment, placing a finger to his crimson-lipsticked lips. "... I answered my own question, it seems. Ha ha!"
Batman said nothing. He didn't even move.
"Oh come now, Bats - don't be so serious! Don't you even have a comeback?"
"Mister J, he's starting to creep me out..."
"Hush, Harley!" Joker looked long and hard at Batman, realizing quickly that the Dark Knight looked... different, so to speak, and was doing nothing but staring straight at him. "Batsy, old pal... What's with the new mask? It looks a little bit like a..."
"... Like a what, Mister J? ... Mister J?" Harley looked over at her love interest only to find him petrified. "Mister J, are you...?"
Joker suddenly jumped to his feet, which caused him to start coughing again. Before either of them could react, Batman had practically soared across the room. He grabbed the sputtering clown by the throat and lift him up into the air.
"Mister J! Let go of him, you big bru- AAH!" Harley stepped forward to attack Batman, only for the man to simply swat her away roughly enough to throw her into the wall and stun her.
"C-come on, Bats!" Joker choked. "You look like a dork with that mask and those false teeth! It's not fair if you kill me like this! You're -" Joker coughed, kicking weakly and clawing at Batman's grip around his throat. "- not yourself! You breaking your one rule wouldn't count for much if it's not you who broke it, now would it?!"
Batman still said nothing, and Joker gazed at him with a smirk and one eye closed.
"Still, you would be traumatized if you killed me right now, wouldn't you? I can just picture it now... You lose control of yourself and you maul me until my poor old body just can't take it anymore. I die with one last laugh, and when you snap to your so-called senses, you realize you killed the only person who ever needed you. You break. Everyone dies. Happy ending."
The Dark Knight tightened his grip on Joker's throat at these words, but still didn't make a sound. He turned around and started walking for the door.
"Oh, you wanna take me somewhere?" Joker asked hoarsely. "Why didn't you just say so? All you had to do was say 'please'. You should know by now that I'd go anywhere with you, Bats."
Harley stood up, though the blow from Batman had knocked the wind out of her so bad that her legs were wobbling. "Where are you going? Where are you taking my Mister J?! Come back here!" She yelled.
"See you, Harl! Keep your eye on those losers we hired while I'm away on my little date with Batman!" Joker's laughter filled the loading bay.
Joker was shifted in Batman's arms when the man pulled out his Batclaw, and he thought about imagining himself as some dumb broad, a damsel in distress clinging to her knight in a black cowl, but he was in too much pain to really go through with it. Instead, he simply let his mind wander on all the possibilities as to what Batman would do to him. Kill him? Torture him? Inject him with TITAN? Give him to Two-Face or Penguin? Give him to Mad Hatter (this possibility seemed most likely given Batman's bizarre appearance, and also most dire to Joker for some reason)? Or something else?
Honestly, Joker was immensely curious, but all-in-all, he'd be okay with anything happening, just so long as he got to spend some much needed quality time with his beloved 'best friend', Batman.