A/N: It's great that Tolkien wrote Fëanor such a ridiculous number of sons: it lends itself to all sorts of silliness. This particular piece of silliness was inspired by the various names that the sons of Fëanor have, as detailed in the Shibboleth, as well as all the 'my children are better than yours (I'm looking at you especially, Fingolfin)' things I've seen floating around.

The numerals refer to Fëanor's seven sons that he is talking about. In order: Maedhros, Maglor, Celegorm, Caranthir, Curufin, Amrod&Amras.

I

'He is simply perfect. We made the perfect baby! Isn't he perfect, Nerdanel? If you were to sculpt a perfect baby, I bet it would look exactly like our little Nelyo, or not quite so little, after all the midwife said she doesn't remember when she last delivered a babe this big… darling wife, have you fallen asleep? Well, that's alright. I'll just count your beautiful little toes again, perfect first-born son.'

II

' – father, too, says that he has never heard a baby cry so melodically. And he cries louder than Nolofinwë's Findecáno, that little lump. Our Canafinwë has a voice that will move anyone. Did you see those courtiers, the three women and two men, start crying when we walked through the palace after seeing father and Cáno shrieked at them? It was one of the funniest things I've ever seen.'

III

'Surely he has the strongest grip any new-born babe has ever had! Arafinwë said that for a moment he thought our third son would break his finger, so hard did Turco grip it, and while that is no achievement since my younger half-brother is such a wimp, I can attest to the little one's strength myself. He is sure to grow up to break records, and fingers…'

IV

'Well, I wouldn't have thought it possible, but this one is even louder than Canafinwë. Not quite as melodious though, I must admit, but there can be no doubt that he has very good lungs. He is turning an interesting shade of red while he keeps crying, it is an intriguing contrast with his black hair. Shush now, little Morifinwë… Hey, 'Nel, is he supposed to be quite this red? Or is he suffocating? None of the earlier ones were this red...'

V

'I don't even know what to say. He is so beautiful! He looks so much like me, with my eyes and my hair, and father says I looked just the same as a baby. It almost makes me want to cry. But he never cries when I'm holding him – yes, Nerdanel, I know you find it irritating that we have to keep passing him between us for when he needs to eat and when he needs to sleep, but you must understand how nice it is for me to be indispensable too, for once.'

VI & VII

'I am so glad that there are two of them since you said that this would be the last time we have children! Very clever of me, isn't it? What, are you claiming I didn't do this on purpose? You can't prove that. Anyway, I'm pleased we got more red-haired ones, they are so rare and Nelyo's hair has always been much admired. These two will go down a storm in the court – who could resist two near-identical red-headed babies? They are easily more than twice the cuteness of one baby.'