I hurt myself. I make myself suffer like you do, only on the outside. Drag your nails across the fragile skin of my wrist until the first blood shows in pinpricks of red dew.

Again, baby, just like that

Kiss my shoulder tenderly, sink your teeth into my flesh, tear the canvas apart, rip this perfect picture to shreds.

Harder, darling, make me scream

Hurt me till I'm numb with pain, till my vocal chords are torn and my ears are ringing. Take me apart until I can pretend to love you again.

The butterflies in my stomach have long since turned to stone, sweetheart, and they're dragging me down beneath the waves as I gasp helplessly for breath, as I scream my lungs out, but to no avail. I don't mind, sweetheart, you did what you could. It was my fault; after all, I jumped into the water. You didn't even have to throw me in. I'm Pinocchio and you're the whale, but you couldn't save me. I got stuck halfway your esophagus and climbed back out, no, you spat me out, and then swam away. I told you, baby, it's not your fault I'm floundering at the bottom of the sea, staring longingly at a distorted beam of sunlight.

I was mistaken about the butterflies, they're not dead; they're just not butterflies, they're bats, and they don't like being cooped up inside a cold body. They've woken up, love, and they're finishing your job from the inside out. They're taking their sweet time ripping me up, but I can't say I mind. Don't cry, darling, this was always meant to be. Lock me up in an ivory tower and I'm bound to jump off. Take the razors, the glass, make sure the gun's not loaded, clip my nails and I'll off myself with a shred of wallpaper.

You're not my lover, you don't get to decide if I take a blade to my wrists, you don't get to drive into me at night, don't get to scream my name. You remember that time I held you in my arms and whispered that it wasn't your fault? I lied, it is, all of this is to owe to you. It's your fault I'm chasing Death around in a morose game of tag, your fault I can't love, and yes, these beautiful scars are just as much yours as they are mine.

Shut up, stop talking. Dim the lights and focus on me. Let me have my moment in the spotlight I got shoved into. Let me scream into the gag and strain against the straightjacket. Allow me my moment of madness. You did what you could but that doesn't take away the blame. Just because I once loved you doesn't mean you can close your eyes and touch me and pretend I'm responding. There are roses running through my veins and thorns tearing me open.

I drag my nails across the pink scars on my wrists, scratching until I feel what it was like to be with you again.