First things first: Bleach, Fullmetal Alchemist, Ouran High School Host Club and/or Harry Potter are not created and/or owned by me and/or my friend. The characters are not our property either. And if some other series are mentioned, we don't own them. Who would've figured? But actually we own quite a few characters, and I'm going to claim them before someone else can. But they're showing up later in the story. I'll tell you then. I wonder if we could say we own the plot. Probably not as we just took The Goblet of Fire and warped the details, conversations and events to please us.
It's going to be a crossover. And it isn't even as bad as it sounds. Even I find it funny at times (well... I find it funny quite often. But I'm writing it. Let's not brag.). But it will include several pairings, which I try to summarize now. Don't flame me for the pairings (some of them are more of a joke), you don't have to read this. And if I forget something, I'm really sorry. In the order I remember them: TamakiXHaruhi, IchigoXRenji, KyoorakuXUkitake, KyoyaXKaoru, RoyXEd, HermioneXRon and UllaXCrush. Some more, some less.
This fic is a translation of a Finnish fic, Ei meillä ole ongelmia. I've written it myself with my friend (I'm going to call her Lady Gray from now on). It's going to run up to 50 chapters in Finnish, and I try to translate all the chapters. If you can read Finnish, tell me (I can publish more chapters in it too. I just felt nobody was reading it and stopped updating. I have 36 chapters of it stored up). I'm also looking for somebody to translate this, because I'm still working on the writing and translating doubles my efforts. Also beta reading this would be appreciated (I know I'm pretty good in English, but a native speaker reading this beforehand would just help). Because I'm working really hard both on writing and translating, reviews make my heart beat. The odds (as in numbers, not as adjective) are Lady's and the rest are mine. Enjoy.
1. Sounds like a bad fairytale?
A boy with golden hair gazed out of train's windows with glazed eyes. Scenery rushing by begun to change from undulating fields to gray, foggy moores. In a mind of 15-year-old – though he appeared to be years younger than that – everything that had happened in these past few days was trying to make sense.
"I have some clues of The Philosopher's stone, Fullmetal", Mustang said and threw a binder which he had been looking at on the table. Without blinking his eyes or turning his stare from the Colonel Ed took the papers.
"The Colonel is always giving clues. None of them has been right this far", he replied sarcastically, making Mustang's midnight blue eyes darken a degree. Ed's mouth twitched when he noticed that he had managed to irk the Colonel. It was a game he could play forever.
"Even if the receiver of the clue is short, I suggest we use a higher approach", Mustang snapped back. It made the shorter alchemist's gaze darken in turn. Colonel folded his hands and reclined his arms on the table. Ed gnashed his teeth. 'I'm not going to get mad, I'm going to control myself, I'm not going to please that bastard by showing him that he get's me explosively angry, I'm not going to get mad, I'm going to control myself..." the boy repeated the mantra in his head as Mustang begun to show off his clues.
"I have gotten this clue from a trustworthy source..."
"Which is?"
"What do you mean, ' which is ' ?"
"Who gave you the clue?"
"A trustworthy source."
"Which is?"
"A cousin of a spy who heard it from his friend who heard it from his friends girlfriend who heard it from this great ladies' man. I can't follow the clue further."
"So you got the clue from you."
"...yes, from me. No!"
"I got you."
Mustang sighed as he finally gave up. The defeat stang like a lemon which a half-elf woman put in a sandwich.
"Well... Back to the clue which we got from a trustworthy source."
"The clue we got from you."
"...It's said that in a castle in a distant land..."
"This is beginning to sound like some bad fairytale."
"So in a castle far from here is a stone also known as Philosopher's stone."
"Well that was clear." Mustang hung his head as Ed celebrated his victory.
Mustang cleared his throat and put his papers together.
"And then the bad news: I'm going with you."
"You're what?"
"Tsh, puppy, the leader of the pack is speaking", Mustang scowled at Ed.
"Yes, I'm going to come with you. The castle is far away from here and you need a guide. By the way, Alphonse has to stay behind. Walking armors are common there, but talking armors are a different story", Roy slowed his pace and explained slowly and carefully, as if he was explaining a little kid why one couldn't take one's favorite toy to a school at the first day (because one's favorite toy happened to be an effing axe.) Ed crossed his arms and snorted, trying to act as hurt as he could.
It was hard to tell about it to Al softly. Ed had to choose his words carefully, because he didn't wan't to get crushed by a hefty armor. Al couldn't always keep in mind the comparison of his and Ed's sizes and the consequences of it. Finally, after some persuasion, Al promised to stay back in Resembool with Winry and Aunt Pinako.
When Ed had left from the Rockbells' house, Winry had loudly cheered after him "May the Force be with you!" Ed had waited a little while to see if there was going to be a wrench flying after him, carrying the message telling him that he should use the wrench to build an ancient yet very civilized weapon. It didn't happen, but Ed was pretty sure he had seen a bottle of golden spray-paint on the kitchen table. Poor Al.
On the railway station Ed sat on his big brown suitcase and searched for a dark colonel. Leaning to his hands, the boy finally gave up and trusted that Roy – Mustang, not Roy – would make it in time. He had the train tickets with him, so he'd better show up.
"So you climbed up to watch because you can't see otherwise?" Familiar voice dragged Ed back to Earth. The boy jumped up and turned around to glare at the colonel.
"I. Am. Not. Short. You. Stupid. Womanizer", he snorted. Mustang laughed at his face and shrugged.
"I can't help being handsome", he retorted and gave a flirty look to a lady passing.
"But let's leave it at that. Come", the colonel turned serious and beckoned Ed to follow him.
Staring at his back, Ed noticed that Roy looked stylish and even handsome when dressed casually. The blue uniform of the military had been replaced by black pants and a jacket, but the collar shirt had stayed. The way Mustang carelessly carried his suitcase on his shoulder was gorgeous. Ed could've eaten the man for breakfast. Ed blushed and mentally gave himself a beating even his teacher wasn't capable of.
They arrived to a pole between platforms nine and ten.
"Don't tell me you got the place wrong", Ed said and crossed his arms after placing his suitcase down.
"I didn't, we are where we're supposed to be", Mustang stated and gave a careful look around him. People didn't seem to mind them and the colonel seemed happy about it. Ed shook his head.
"We are facing a pole and I don't see any secret door to go through. Why even bother with the train station?" the boy complained, looking around the station. The people really didn't give a hoot about them. It was all too strange.
"Because we are taking a train", gave colonel as an explanataion. Ed gave a martyr-like sigh and stared at the ceiling high above him.
"Oh Goddess Martel, why am I stuck as a subortinate to that?" he thought, even though he didn't believe in any kind of higher power.
"Now", was the only thing he heard from Mustang before the man caught him by the arm and pulled the boy with him. The pull was pretty hard and surprising and the boy barely had the time to catch his suitcase. They went through the pole and ended up on a hidden platform. The pole behind them carried a sign with the platform's number on it. Ed rised his eyebrow as he stared at the number for one silent moment.
"9 and ¾?"
"Yes?"
"That's one stupid number."
"If you say so."
"And this is against the law."
"Which law?"
"The law of alchemy."
"Maybe so. But with some magic..."
"Magic exists only in children's fairytales."
"Just few days ago you yourself stated that this sounds like a bad fairytale."
Ed sighed and rolled his big golden eyes, then followed Mustang to a train waiting. The boy hadn't got the energy to argue about it with the colonel, who – strange enough – seemed to think the whole episode all normal.
Thus their journey begun. Mustang had pulled his hat to cover his face and told that he would take a nap, for the trip was long and he could sleep away the hours he had missed last night working overtime with Hawkeye. Before the man had fallen asleep Ed had asked how the colonel had explained his absence and how the paperwork was going to get done after his leave. Mustang had replied that he had told everypody that he was going to work on a field for a change and do some research. With Riza keeping an eye on them and having a steady hand with the gun, the paperwork wouldn't be neglected at all. Ed wondered if Hawkeye had two guns, one with real bullets and one with blanks for scaring people. You would've thought that the command had gotten tired with the bullet holes of Mustang's office.
Now Ed just sat and stared at the changing scenery with the rattle of the train and the light snoring of Mustangs in his ears.
A/N: That was Lady for you, folks. And my shiny, pretty translation, of course. Hope you enjoyed. Next up, my very own Bleachy chapter. See you in a week or two? The story behind why and how this begun? Just ask.