Disclaimer: I own my plot and OC, other than that everything you recognize belongs to Miss JK Rowling, the best thing to ever happen to readers everywhere.
Authors Note: This is the sequel of Gumby, and considering how long Gumby was, there might be some info there that would make reading this more simple. But I suppose it really isn't that necessary though you might feel like you are missing something. Story begins in OoTP and continued on through DH. This story will be mildly AU but not terribly. All the main events and everything of importance is mainly Canon.
Summary: Severus is reunited with the love of his life, however, she can't remember what they shared and she's engaged! But can even 'amnesia' make you forget the love of your life? And what secrets are hidden in her lost memories? Sequel to Gumby.
Eternal Sunshine
Chapter 1: Cruel Fate
Fate was cruel, that much was certain to Severus on the first meeting of the Order of the Phoenix. He sat back as member after member of the Order arrived, impassively watching as they took up their seats. He didn't particularly care to see who was in the Order and he took particular pains to ignore those that he already knew. However, all this rendered him even further unprepared to see the witch in lime green robes and straight black hair that reached just past her shoulders, currently held in a ponytail, two shorter strands of hair framing like always each side of her face.
Samara Green had not aged very much in the eight years that had passed since he had last seen her. In fact, it seemed that time had not at all touched her impeccably smooth, creamy skin. Her face was as beautiful as he remembered, her eyes shining with all the same emotions that they always seemed to sparkle with. Her smile was as sweet as he remembered it. In fact, it seemed that the only thing that had changed since her teenage days was the length of her silky hair. While once it had reached down to the small of her back, it now hardly seemed like it would reach past her shoulders. It was a bit hard to tell considering the fact that she had it held up in a pony-tail, but Severus remembered her hair to have been a lot longer.
Severus felt his heart clench as she came in, talking to Nymphadora Tonks. Pain ripped through him to see her once again. When he... well there was no other way to say this, had broken her heart, he'd thought that after she left Hogwarts that he would never see her again. Over the past eight years, he had learned to live with the pain of not having Samara. He had learned to live with all the memories of her that haunted him, in particular every moment in which he had hurt her. Somehow, and he attributed it to the excitement of the past five years and channeling his pain to pure hatred, he had managed to pull though and survive.
However, to see Samara once more, and looking quite so well, felt like every fiber of his being was subjected to Crucio. His entire body tensed and he had to grip his robes to keep from reaching up to touch his pounding heart. Severus watched her face as her eyes seemed to roam the room and felt his breath get caught in his throat when her hazel eyes fell on him.
Time seemed to freeze in that moment. Her face looked splendid and when it first turned to him had a tiny, polite smile and an unguarded and light expression. The moment seemed to go heart-wrenching slowly, as he awaited for her face to twist in horror, disgust, hatred, anger of any mix of all these emotions, but was confused to see her blink innocently in surprise. She then smiled politely and nodded towards him in recognition, much the same as any student might regard an old Professor they once had. Then she turned away and sat down, as though the whole thing had not affected her in the least. Like he was not the man she's sworn to love for the rest of her days and beyond human understanding.
It absolutely befuddled him and strangely enough it was excruciatingly painful. He'd once thought that Samara hating him would be one of the most painful things to live through. However, that didn't seem as painful as what had just happened, for the way that she looked at him, as though what he and what they had gone through had never happened, as though he had no significance in her life, deeply pained him. It twisted and warped his mind, making every memory of Samara come up in his mind and question if she was that good at acting or lying to be able to fool him that she really loved him so much as anyone could possibly love someone.
When the meeting at last started, Severus tried his best to focus on what was going on, but as it was the first meeting everyone was really just being introduced to one another, or rather, Dumbledore was introducing everyone and speaking shortly about what they would be doing for the Order. Severus wasn't too surprised to hear that Samara was in fact really a Healer, for he'd understood that from the robes that she was wearing as they were Healer robes. However, he was mildly impressed that at the age of 25 she was the youngest witch to become head of a floor, which happened to be the fourth floor for Spell Damage.
He didn't find it greatly surprising considering the fact that Samara had been in his House when she had been a student and that she certainly had Slytherin determination and ambition. However, he was very proud of Samara and hoped that she really did enjoy what she was doing with her life. He found that despite the fact that he dearly missed her and still loved her with everything that he was, that he had indeed made the best for her by letting her go. He could see that it was indeed for the best to have ended things in her seventh year. Really, they should have never started in the first place.
"Severus Snape, many of you know as the Potions Master of Hogwarts and Head of Slytherin, is the Order spy in Voldemort's inner circle," Dumbledore suddenly said causing Severus to turn his impassive gaze over to the Headmaster. Many people who did not know that he was a former Death Eater gasped and Severus found his eyes looking over at Samara, wondering if she was disgusted by him as he always imagined she would be or if she now understood why he always pushed her away. However, as he caught her gaze, he could see that she had her head cocked slightly to the left and was staring at him curiously. However, there was no hate, or judgement in her gaze, neither the deep understanding he hoped that she would have obtained by the information.
Turning away from her hazel eyes he turned his gaze back to Dumbledore as he continued on with the meeting and found himself thinking that at least she didn't seem to hate him. It wasn't that great of a comforting thought as he started to think about it once more. Instead, he found himself wondering why she seemed so blank in emotion when it came to him. Had she moved on and was at peace with the past and everything that had happened? Or... well he couldn't think of any other reason why she did not react in any real way towards him.
When the conclusion of the meeting came, Severus found that it couldn't have come any sooner. Rising to his feet, Severus tried desperately to escape the room, however, before he reached the door of the kitchen, he found someone grasping onto his elbow and gently tugging him towards them. Turning around, Severus found himself being pulled away from his destination by Dumbledore, who was standing there with Samara. "Severus, you remember Samara Green."
Severus felt his heart thumping in his throat as he nodded curtly and tried to keep his face from showing his discomfort. "How could I forget, she spent a month in my home over summer," Snape said curtly, looking at Samara for a reaction. He didn't get the one that he expected. Like always, Samara never did what he would have expected her to. He thought that by saying that he would have a strong reaction, or perhaps even a cloud of darkness wash over her mild smile and sparkling eyes. However, she seemed shocked by this.
"I spent a summer at your house. When? Why?" Samara asked as she looked over at Dumbledore. Severus furrowed his brow as he stared at Samara wondering if she had lost her mind.
"Yes Samara, it was the summer before your seventh year. You spent about a month living with Professor Snape due to some... unpleasantness in your family as I understood it," Dumbledore responded, causing Samara to turn a light shade of pink. Nodding her head, she downcast her eyes as she looked around uncomfortably. Samara had never been open about how dysfunctional her family was. As far as Severus knew, he and Dumbledore were the only ones that knew and Severus was sure that he was the only one she had ever talked about it with. "Shortly after her seventh year, Samara had an accident that caused her to lose most of her memories of her sixth and seventh year," Dumbledore said as he looked over at Severus.
"Most?" Severus murmurred as he turned to look at Samara. He didn't know how to describe what he felt inside to know about that. His heart clenched as he wondered if she didn't remembered any of the wonderful moments that they had shared together. However, as Samara looked up and met his gaze with her beautiful hazel eyes and shrugged nonchalantly, he knew that she couldn't remember any of it. The last time that he had seen her he thought that he would never see the light that he'd loved so much in her eyes again. But there it was, almost as if he hadn't ever snuffed it out.
"All," Samara said as she looked at him. "It made it far more difficult for me to complete my Healer training," Samara said with a small shrug.
"But you still finished a year and a half ahead of schedule didn't you," Dumbledore said as he looked at Samara who merely blushed lightly and nodded. A part of Severus was amazed by this and immensely proud of her, but a larger part of him was having trouble adjust to the fact that she didn't have any recollection of what they had and wondering how he was supposed to deal with this. As his eyes roamed over her beautiful face, he wondered if this was for the best, considering the situation. In a way, he felt that it would have been much better if she remembered what they had so that she would perhaps understand how hard this was on him. However, he supposed that at least one of them should be at peace.
"Professor Dumbledore, is there a reason that you have detained me?" Severus asked curtly, turning to look at Dumbledore.
"Yes, actually. I want you to be checking in with Samara, Severus, whenever you are injured when in Voldemort's service," Dumbledore said sternly, anticipating Severus' objection and using a tone that clearly was not meant to be argued with. Severus for his part felt all the blood draining from him as he grimaced at the prospect. "Samara, I understand that you work a lot, but this is very important and I would like you be to be available to Severus at any point," Albus said as he stared down at her.
"Of course Professor Dumbledore," Samara said as she looked up at Professor Dumbledore and nodded seriously.
"Sending messages to each other with the use of your Patronous should be sufficient enough, but I would like for Severus to know where you live and for you to give him access through your apparating wards," Dumbledore instructed as he looked at her. "Excuse me," Dumbledore suddenly said, moving away, leaving them there alone.
Severus suddenly felt very uncomfortable as Samara turned her gaze to him and smiled at him. In just one meeting, his world had been turned upside down. He had not only run into the love of his life, but the love of his life could not remember what they had together and to make matters worse he would have to be around her more than he'd originally thought. He'd thought that at the most, he would only have to abide her presence in the meetings and that perhaps he'd be able to stay away from her and avoid dealing with their past. However, having her thrust upon him like this left him completely disoriented. And what was he supposed to do about the fact that he knew what they had together? He was sure that if they were in close proximity, uncomfortable questions would arise about that time gap in her memory.
Furrowing her brow slightly at the way that Snape had visibly paled, Samara wondered if he was doubting her skills at Healing. Remembering their somewhat disastrous Career Advice meeting, where Snape had practically laughed at the thought of her wanting to become a Healer, reminded her of the way that he had thought her far too incapable of such a serious occupation. "Don't worry Professor Snape, I'll take very good care of you," Samara said gently, smiling up at him causing his heart to clench once more as his deeply buried love for her throbbed painfully in his chest. If Severus had been a weaker man, he'd broken down into tears by all the feelings overwhelming him.
Being the man that he was, Severus merely stared at her impassively as he nodded stiffly in response. Before either one thought to break the akward silence they stood in as they started to look around, wondering whether Dumbledore would com back or not, a certain red-head intruded politely into their silence.
"Excuse me," Bill said, smiling apologetically at the Potions Master that was now glowering at him and turning his gave over to Samara who was blinking politely at him with a small smile. Severus felt the familiar waves of jealousy rolling over him as he stared at the eldest Weasley, however, as he looked at Samara, he wondered whether or not she remembered him. However, after a moment he realized that she must, seeing as she had dated him when she was a fourth year and then for a short period in her fifth year. "Tonks just told me the news and I wanted to congratulate you," Bill said as he enveloped her in a small hug. Severus narrowed his eyes at him, however, said nothing as he continued to stand there.
"Thank you so much Bill," Samara replied kindly as Bill and she pulled apart.
"When's the wedding?" Bill asked with a broad smile as he stared at her. Severus felt like the battlements of Hogwarts had just fallen on him as he stared with a furrowed brow between the two people standing before him.
"Eric seems to be in quite the rush so its set for the end of January," Samara replied with a small polite smile, to both Professor Snape and Bill, feeling a little guilty by the way that she felt that she and Bill were shutting out the professor. As she caught his gaze, she felt a little startled by the strange way that he was gazing her and felt her heart thump harder as she caught the fleeting look of what almost looked to be pain. However, she pushed both her fast-beating heart and that foolish thought aside, telling her that both were absurd.
"Well I wish you the both the best of luck. Give Eric my regards," Bill said as he threw his arms around her and walked away. Samara had merely nodded in response as she hugged her ex beau and turning to look at Professor Snape who was eyeing the engagement ring on her finger.
"It's not much, but it was his great grandmother's," Samara said with a small shrug as she looked down at the single, small, circular diamond that was set on a white-gold band. She supposed that its sentimental-value was worth more than anything, however, as she looked at the ring, she couldn't help but feel slightly discontented. It wasn't the ring. She felt as though there was something wrong with her. Ever since she had gotten engaged the previous week, she felt all wrong. She didn't feel the giddiness that was typical for those who got engaged. Not even when he first proposed has she been excited and even now, she didn't know why she had said yes.
Pushing these troubling thoughts aside, Samara told herself that she was simply being silly. She told herself that it was only the anxiety of the Dark Lord's return that had dulled her gidyness about her upcoming nuptuals and that she had sad yet to Eric, because she loved him. Smiling up at her ex Head of House, Samara felt her heart thundering once more at the dark way that he was looking down at her.
"Who are you engaged to?" Severus asked, his tone low and murderous. He felt his world shattering to millions of pieces simply by knowing that another man would be her husband. To know that she was in fact living her life, apart from him. He had always hoped for her to have moved on with her life and to be happy with someone, even if it couldn't be with him, but he had never intended to be a witness to it. It hurt him beyond anything imaginable to see her, love her and know that not only she now belonged to another, but know that he was practically nothing more but a stranger to her.
"Eric Williamson. I'm not sure if you'll remember him, he was in my year, but in Gryffindor," Samara replied gently as she looked at him. Severus felt his stomach churn. Oh he knew all too well what Gryffindor she was referring to, how could he forget. She had fought against him twice in a Dueling Competition that had been held during her last year at Hogwarts, and she's beaten him both time. Severus nodded in response. "He's an Auror now. We often ran into each other in London when we were both doing our training for our careers. We became friends..."
"Spare me the details of your life Miss Green, I really could not care," Severus said coldly, cutting her off. He couldn't bare to hear anything more. It pained him far too much. Just as it pained him to speak to her so formally. He couldn't remember the last time he had called her by her last name. It sounded quite foreign on his tongue and he missed saying her name. He couldn't recall the last time he had said it aloud or even really allowed himself to think it.
"Right. I'm sorry Professor Snape," Samara said, smiling apologetically as she down cast her gaze feeling her heart clenching painfully. She didn't know why his curtness has suddenly felt like she's been stabbed in the heart with an icicle as when she was his student she remembered often brushing off his insults and ignoring them. She even remembered retaliating. However, something felt strange about this situation.
Severus felt his heart clench to have treated her in such a manner. "Perhaps you can tell me where you live Miss Green," Severus said, keeping his voice devoid of any emotions and quite monotone. Samara looked up at him and smiled lightly at him as she looked around the room, which was still buzzing with many Order Members who were all trying to get to know each other. However, she could not spot Professor Dumbledore anywhere she looked and guessed that he had quite finished speaking to them.
"Perhaps I can take you there now and we can sort out the Apparating wards. I live a mere ten minutes away if we take the Knight Bus," Samara suggested as she looked up at him and tried to smile at him. However, her smile than fadded slightly. "That is of course if you are free right now. I perfectly understand if you are not."
"Now is fine Miss Green," Severus replied simply, motioning for her to lead the way. Samara smiled up at him as she walked past him and headed towards the door. Severus followed silently along behind her as they climbed up the stairs and silently crossed the entrance hall to the door and exited. As they stepped out they both silently made their way towards the sidewalk and started to briskly make their way together down the block. For his part, Severus tried not to think about the girl walking along beside him as he focused his attention on the weather.
The sun had already set beyond the surrounding buildings and the sky was turning a slightly darker shade of blue, while still clinging to the remaining light. Seeing as it was early July, the air was not as stifling hot, and a light cool breeze was picking its way through the branches and lightly brushed his hair as he walked briskly. It wasn't too long before they reached the end of the block and Severus raised his wand in the air, flagging down the knight Bus. Motioning for her to step up, he felt his heart flutter at the smile she gave him as she walked onto the bus. Following along behind her, they both paid to as Samara muttered the address of their destination.
Following along behind her, Severus was amazed to see that she still mantained that unnatural sense of balance as she walked to the back of the bus. Severus found his mind flashing and for a moment, he saw her walking in red pumps, with a knee-lenght whit skirt with red polka-dots and a red shirt as the warm summers sun filtered in through the windows and lit her magnificently. Shaking his head of this memory, he stared at the lime green robes she wore as she picked a seat and he sat opposite of her.
"Professor Snape, how did I end up... living with you?" Samara asked as she looked at him with a small smile. Severus blinked at her and wondered what he should say.
"I found you sleeping in a park swing near my home. Your father kicked you out and you were making your way to London for your upcoming apparating test," he replied as he looked at her, studying her face intently for any sign of recognition. However, she merely seemed mortified in her embarrassment as he cheeks slowly became red. "I took you to my home and I contacted Professor Dumbledore asking what should be done with you. He said that you should stay with me while he found Sinistra."
Samara smiled at this. "I suppose that due to the fact that she travels around the world during the summer she was a bit hard to find," Samara said with a fond smile slipping onto her face. Severus raised a brow as he stared at her, wondering at the fact that she could remember that but not what they had. But he supposed that since she's known Sinistra long before her sixth year, she may have already known that. "Let me guess... you found her in Antarctica."
"Yes," Severus said, narrowing her eyes in suspicion. Could she remember that, or did she know simply based on what she knew of Sinistra. "How did you..."
"Aurora Australis," Samara merely replied with a small smile on her delightful features. "I remember Professor Sinistra once told me that she loved to travel the world, because the sky is always bluer on the other side. The Aurora Australis is only visible during the summer and I imagine she would have very much liked to see that."
Severus merely nodded at this as Samara turned away and looked out the window. He was so careless while watching her, that he forgot to hold on to his seat and was therefore jolted out of it when the bus took a very sharp turn. Samara turned to look at him, startled as he was thrown in her direction and she felt her heart begin to race to have him so near as she saw a flash of sunlight. Shaking her head, she had a strange sense of Deja Vu as Severus took his seat once more, cursing the Knight Bus and pointedly avoiding her gaze.
Turning away, Samara looked out the window and tried to shake of the strange feeling that had come over her. She felt like something inside her brain was desperately trying to tell her something, like it wanted her to remember, but she couldn't. When she'd first came to from her accident and realized she couldn't remember anything after the end of her fifth year, the Healer had told her that she might recover her memories slowly. Since then, she remembered very little and what she did recover was very insignificant. However, it was times like these when she knew that something that had occurred was most likely triggering a memory of an event in those missing years.
Feeling somewhat sad, Samara frowned at the whizzing city streets. She wished that she remembered what was missing. However, sometimes she wondered if she really wanted to know what she had lost in those two years. Perhaps it was for the best that she didn't remember. However, she often felt so confused, especially in moments like these were she could not remember something that seemed to be so strong. She sometimes wondered if she retrieved those lost memories if she would feel less lost than she felt, because outside of her career, she felt like she didn't know what she was doing. She supposed that was why she devoted so much time to her job.
Sighing, she pushed these thoughts away and stood up. "We're here," she said, turning to Professor Snape with a smile. She felt a little startled to see that he had been watching her and wondered how long he had been staring at her. She smiled a little uneasily, hoping that he had not caught on to that particular moment of internal, miserably reflection. However, she'd always had the sense that Professor Snape saw more with his eyes than most people and she guessed that he'd probably seen everything and was now turning it over in his head.
Stepping off the bus, Samara quietly led the way down the block until they reached a building and she led him up the stairs to her flat. Opening the door with a single key she pulled form her robes she opened the door and flipped on a light switch. Severus wasn't surprised that Samara lived in a muggle London, considering that she was a half-blood and had always had a particular connection to her muggle blood, despite hating her father who happened to be the muggle in her family.
Severus stepped inside as Samara motioned for him to enter with a welcoming smile and found himself looking around the living room of her flat. It was simply furnished with an old leather black couch, and dark ebony coffee table. The kitchen adjoined the living room and was separated by a long white counter. Severus wasn't surprised, though, that the room flat appeared to be so neat but for the books that, if they were not on the shelves near the fireplace, seemed to be either on the coffee table, or counter.
"I'll be right back Professor Snape, you may sit down if you wish," Samara said with a kind smile before turning away and disappearing through another door, which he assumed led to her bedroom. She emerged a few minutes later, having shed her Healer robes and set her now short, black hair lose and carrying her wand in hand. She waved it a few times, before looking at him and smiling. "Well that should be all set. Would you like to try it?"
"No I'm sure that that was adequate enough," Severus replied simply as he looked at her and cast a look around her living room to make sure that he was well acquainted with his surroundings so he'd know where to apparate too. He noticed that there was nothing very personal about her living quarters and wondered why she still had to remind him so much of himself as he turned to look at her. "Well Miss Green, I should go," Severus said, turning around and heading towards the door.
"Professor Snape," Samara called out, causing him to turn around. Samara smiled as she stepped up to him and looked up into his eyes, her hazel eyes sparkling mischievously. "I'm not your student anymore. If we are sticking to proper titles, its Healer Green," she said, causing him to raise a brow as he looked down at her. A cheeky smile broke onto her face then and she felt her heart pounding strangely against her ribs, for reasons she could not fathom. "Of course, considering the fact that I imagine I'll be getting to know you well, we might drop the titles and just call each other by our first names?" she asked slowly.
Severus stared down at her and blinked as his heart thundered in his chest for her, all his longing and yearning swelling up inside him as he stared down at her. He wished that he could tell her no, make his existence simpler by trying to maintain a barrier between them, however he had never stopped loving her. Despite the passage of years and despite the fact that she could no longer love him him, he still loved her as much as he ever had and could not deny her anything that she desired. He knew that in acquiescing to this small thing would only lead down a slippery slope and that before long he would find himself in a difficult position, because he could not imagine Samara falling in love with him again.
However, he found his head nodding of its own accord as he turned around and walked out of the door, dissapearing into the summer's night and leaving Samara at her door, wondering why she felt like she was burning when he looked at her.
TBC...
A/n: Of course, I would love you all to review, especially as I'm not particularly sure whether this turned out that great. And I'm sorry if any mistakes made it past ... I don't have a Beta and I always miss things. So anyway, please review!