Chapter 1: Stairs of Horror.

"So you couldn't pick a place with a working elevator?" Alex said through gritted teeth as she walked slowly up the stairs hoisting her end of the couch.

"Well I didn't have much choice. Not many places take those fresh out of prison no questions asked."

"That's because this guy obviously didn't run a background check because he's too lazy to get the elevator fixed. So now I have to lift this couch up all these stairs."

"Alex I know you're upset, but remember I'm carrying this thing too," Piper replied between deep breaths.

When they finally reached the 3rd floor Alex had had enough.

"Okay, okay, set her down."

Piper was quick to oblige and set her end down in the middle of the hallway as Alex did the same. Then Alex collapsed against the couch with exhaustion. Piper slumped down next to her as she wiped the sweat from her brow.

"So we're here. And this couch and the 5 boxes of stuff we have in our rust bucket car are all we have in the world."

"That about sums it up," Piper replied.

"Uhhh, and I thought prison was bad."

"Come on Alex, the hard part is over. Now we just need to lie low, settle in, stay undetected. Besides the neighbors have to be better than what we were dealing with in prison."

"New comic book day Leonard, isn't this exciting?" Sheldon said excitedly as he stepped out into the hallway. Then he stopped short and stared at the two women sunken back on the couch as if they were antiprotons trying to sneak into his dark matter equation.

"Leonard, what is the meaning of this? Is the apocalypse of the homeless revolution here, because in the roommate agreement I specified that you could be trade for lighter and burning trash can."

"The neighbors huh Pipes," Alex stated sarcastically.

"Sheldon that isn't what's going on here. These are probably the new neighbors taking the apartment on the next floor up," Leonard replied in slight exasperation.

"New neighbors, but how could you not tell me about this, you know my loathing for change?"

"Sheldon you just answered your own question."

"No I didn't. If I had I wouldn't have asked the question in the first place. Or are you implying that you didn't tell me about the new neighbors because I hate change?"

"Look at you, figuring out a problem like a real human being for once."

"I know it's exciting," Sheldon jeered.

"But you still can't get sarcasm." Leonard mumbled under his breath.

"But Leonard not warning me about new neighbors in direct violation of the roommate agreement. Ergo the punishment of no Grand Theft auto for a week will be enforced."

"But Sheldon I just got to the first heist…"

"No buts Leonard, this isn't a laughing matter."

(Laugh Track.)

"Well Wookies and Sheldon, you have to let them win," Piper said to Alex with a shrug.

Sheldon turned, "Did you just make a star wars reference?"

"Yeah, new hope, the scene where R2 was beating Chewbacca at Dejarik."

Sheldon quickly turned to Leonard. "Leonard you have to divorce Penny and marry this woman instead."

"Sheldon are you crazy, or am I for asking rhetorical questions?"

"No Leonard, my mother had me tested. Besides this is the first woman I met who referenced star wars before I did. This is a sign."

"Okay Pipes I think I've seen enough, let's get this couch up to the next floor," Alex said as she stood up.

"Now just wait a minute," Sheldon interrupted. "It's new comic book day, any way you guys want to come with us to get the newest edition of Batman?"

Alex stared down at Piper.

"There's no way I'm doing this, things are bad enough."

"Come on Alex, we should get some time out in the city and get to know our neighbors a bit better."

"I'm not sure that's a good idea, I think I've seen enough."

"But they might know some places to get work or offset the cost of living a bit. Besides if you do this for me I'll remember that when we have to share the couch together tonight."

Alex paused to think. "Fine. But just so I can sleep in a real bed someday."

Piper turned back to Sheldon. "Sure, we'll come with you after we finish carrying this couch up the stairs."

Piper grabbed her end and Alex did the same as they headed up to the next floor. Just as they left Howard and Raj climbed the last flight of stairs.

"Hola nerdmigos. Are you ready for the new adventures of the cape crusader?"

"Yeah, did Bernadette have to front you your allowance again?" Raj interjected.

"I refuse to answer."

"She did."

"Yep. Okay let's get going before Raj ruins everything."

"What did I do?"

"Point out the sad truth of a married man. Now are we going or not?"

"Of course we are, but Sheldon invited the new neighbors to come with us," Leonard replied."

"Yes, one of them made a star wars reference so I had to use positive reinforcement."

"As opposed to negative reinforcement which is the incorrect used term in ghostbusters."

Howard's mouth dropped open and Raj lost his ability to speak for a second. Then Alex followed behind Piper as they met the group.

"So are we going to get the new edition of Batman or what?" Piper asked.

"Yeah, let's go," Leonard replied as he started down the stairs with Sheldon. Piper followed them with Alex trailing after and Raj continued to stay on the landing. Howard still had his mouth hanging open until he finally spoke.

"They have to be lesbians."

"Most definitely," Raj replied and they started after the group.

Author's notes: That sure was fun to write. I don't do this much, but I really wanted to do a piece of OITNB with some comedy. So here we are. In terms of other crossover's I'm working on one with Star Trek, Daredevil, and Batman. All are going great and I'll alternate publication of those based on what does the best. Otherwise I also do a non crossover OITNB piece weekly so that'll stay the same regardless. Anyway I hope you enjoyed the first chapter and I have a good series planned out here. I hope you enjoy and Please Review!