The Scientist
"............i really like coldplay. Takes place when the team gets back to BAU during season 4 finalle. Please R&R!"
Spencer Reid threw himself down in his chair- feeling defeated. This didn't feel like a win: 93 lives were forever altered today, not including the team and himself. He prayed silently that this would get easier, but knew that it was useless. Sometimes, the hero didn't win, and the whole happy ending went to hell.
He knew that the only difference between a hero and villain was this: one was motivated by fear and greed, and the other by the belief that fear didn't exist. Sometimes, he was uncertain about what side he was actually on. He understood the statement made sense, but sometimes, he feared. He feared for the lives of his friends and family, the victims and the UnSubs, the light and the dark. Where was the happy ending? Was there even one? He had been starting to think that it didn't exist- and for that, he did hate himself. How far had he slid to think that the most purest of all happy things didn't exist?
Reid was also starting to agree with Harvey- you either die the hero, or live long enough to see yourself become the bad guy. It all caught up to everyone eventually- all the evil took over and replaced the hope they felt. It devoured the person whole, and left nothing behind in its shadow. Would he live long enough to fall so low, or would he be apart of the few lucky ones? He sighed, knowing he wasn't ever lucky. He didn't want to become the bad guy, but what choice would he have? Would he have to kill himself to stop himself from killing the innocent? Would he ever be missed again? Who would give up on him, and who would stay if that happened?
He had so many more questions, but he stopped himself. He would search for the answers, and when he found them, then and only then would he ask more.
Hotch and Rossi entered the room and announced that they could all go him. Everyone except Reid got up and darted out the door. No, he would stay here. He didn't know if he could handle being alone in his small apartment. At least here he wouldn't have nightmares, and would feel safe. Reid took his messenger back off from around him, and threw it down next to his feet. He leaned back in his chair, and wrapped his jacket around him like a blanket.
Reid closed his eyes, and let his mind clear itself. It was days like this where he wished he had someone to go home to, but he didn't, and wasn't going to bother day-dreaming about such nonsense. He yawned, and curled up in a ball. After a few moments, he fell to sleep, and was finally at peace again. Never before had a dreamless sleep in which you felt like you didn't even exist felt so peaceful- because, for once, the images of the victims being eaten by the pigs left his mind, and was replaced by a pure white snow. Reid held on to the image of nothing, and knew he wasn't ready to let go. For now, he would stay in this place of nothing, and once it was time, he would let it go ,and brace the horrors the world held. But for now, he was safe, and he would hold on to that for as long as he could....
".......so i hope that didnt suck!!! please R&R!"