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The Thrilling Life of The Brilliant Lily Potter by 2Noxi2Obous3

(A/N just to clear things up before you start to read, this story is about Harry Potter's daughter, Lily Potter.)

Sunday, October 6th 2024,

7:07 p.m.

Okay, so this is my new diary to replace the one that Joyce kicked into the fire after I tapped her evil, satanic cat with my foot causing it to fall unconscious. [Me, not knowing that Joyce was sitting on the couch behind me and her not believing me when I said her cat was narcoleptic.

And I speak the truth when I claim her cat is the devil.

It possessed me to do evil things.

It was upsetting of course, my diary burning but that one was quite boring.

And what I get for sitting on the ground--not my fault its very comfortable.

So be prepared for a brilliant, thrilling, dramatic and tear-jerking story that has yet to happen!

But surely will. (I hope).

In fact, something has already happened. Yesterday I found my goldfish of 3 months, dead.

Just floating at the top of his little bowl, eyes opened just staring at me like I purposely killed him.

Well I didn't.

The food somehow disappeared from the water.

I bet house elves ate it.

Morons.

I held a small funeral for it with just myself and Ann. I invited Joyce but she was still pissed at me, Missy couldn't come because she had detention and Liza, well, Liza scares me.

Lets just say she's way into hangers. Not airplane hangers, but clothing hangers.

Another story for another time.

Well anyway back to my thrilling story, Me and Ann flushed Syphilis (my fish), down the toilet, closed it and finished our homework.

So…maybe that wasn't as thrilling as I expected it to be.

I wish ninja's were at Hogwarts; that's what makes things exciting.

Adventures.

I wish I could go on an adventure.

With cougars involved. That'd be so badass.

Frick, its time dinner.

Dinner is going to suck ass without Joyce talking to me. At least Ann and Missy will be there.

And Liza.

After dinner,

8:47 p.m.

Right now I'm in the Common Room, in front of the fire and there is nothing to do.

Seriously, I finished all my homework that I didn't do over the weekend and if by finishing my homework, I mean blowing it off.

Rajj is being boring, as usual. I mean he's to smart for me and to dull--oh I mean this in the friend way. I wouldn't date him, his mother dated my father. Even if it was just one date, she still dated him. And that's disgusting.

Missy was actually doing her homework but only because Professor Longbottom said he'd Owl her dad. And Missy's dad would come ask Headmistress to investigate and then all of our parents would discover the brothel that we run in Hogsmeade!

Thrilling? yes. Dramatic? yes. Romantic? In ways. Untrue? Totally.

Anyway, back to what people are doing.

No, no, never mind. I'm so bored and that's boring.

"You're an idiot." I hear a huge thud and that compliment ringing in my ear. I look to my left and wow, big surprise it's Joyce.

"Are you insinuating that I'm fat?" Joyce said reading what I just wrote down.

"Yes." I write.

"What the hell, Potter? I'm skinnier than you!" Joyce said shoving me. I think I'll just lay down now, she wouldn't have an easy time hitting me then.

"But I would have an easy time pushing you into the fire."

I should be careful what I write around her. She might through you, diary, into the fire.

Pyromaniac.

"Screw you psycho. Ohh, look who just came in!" Joyce said, leaning back a little.

I look up and insert angels singing because the yummiest guy in the world just walked in.

Finn.

Now let me explain, Finn wasn't actually named Finn. His real name is Gaeth Finnigan. I know, Gaeth, seriously, I bet your thinking his parents were huge druggies, but no their just Irish.

Anyway, when he came to Hogwarts everyone made fun of him, but he refused to be called anything but Gaeth out of pride. Cute, right?

Then he turned hot last year, and got a girlfriend who started calling him Finn, because you know us crazy females we have to make up nicknames other than snuggle bear, tub muffin or like I called my last boyfriend, Potato (but if I call Finn that when we are married, I think he'd think that I was mocking him and his people and he'd divorce me and our eight children would hate me!) but she couldn't really use his first name without insinuating things so she used his last. Anyway their relationship was exclusive and very hot gossip, so basically everyone knew everything about their relationship including her nickname for him and alas word spread and name stuck and he didn't mind it.

Because the name Finn, screams sexy.

Then his evil girlfriend, I think her name was Lulu, cheated on him with a Hufflepuff.

Seriously.

So he broke up with her and he stayed really hot. Fast forward to September 1st of this year when I found out he likes me. Okay well I found out he liked me through a conversation we had at the Beginning of the Year Feast.

Feast would look so much cooler with an 'e' at the end of it.

Feaste.

But, here's our conversation, quote,

"Hey Lily!"

"Hey Finn!"

"Have you seen Al anywhere?"

"No, I ditched that loser before I got on the train."

"Hahaha, Lily your so cute. I'll find him myself. See ya."

End quote.

Back to currently, He's came in with my brother (gross) from Quidditch practice.

He's a Beater. How sweet is that?

And he just walked past me. I hate to see him leave, but I love watching him go.

Dude my brother is such an asshole, not even one hello to his sister.

I'm so telling mum!

9:05 p.m.

When I'm older and I'm pregnant, I hope I'm preggers with a twins.

Just so I can name one Volde and the other Mort.

I'd make sure their really pale and get them red contacts.

Just to fuck around with my dad.

Actually I think I'll owl my dad right now telling him what I'm planning on naming my twin babies.

And not say that I'm not pregnant. Just kind of insinuate it.

Then not respond to his response.

Brilliant!

Tuesday, October 10th

7:14 a.m.

"Lily, Dad and Mum want to know if your pregnant or not." Al said to me during breakfast.

Dude, breakfast would be so much cooler if it had an 'e' at the end.

Breakfaste.

"What the hell Lily?" Joyce said to me putting down her goblet.

"Oh! I call Godmother!" Missy said dropping her breakfast and raising her arm.

"Oh! Same!" Reid said, and we all kind of looked at him funny until he said "I meant Godfather!"

"Al, darling, this is none of your business, shove off." I say, before drinking from my goblet.

"I know your lying about being pregnant. Your just doing this for attention and for your own sick amusement, so tell me so I can confirm it to Mum and Dad!" Al said in a rush.

I think he's embarrassed by me.

He's an asshole.

"I know your lying about knowing…things… and I'm doing this for personal reasons." I say back.

I really can't be that transparent can I?

"Lily…"

"What?"

Tchhh. Boy wants a staring contest.

Bring it.

7:16 a.m.

Damn. I lost.

"Okay I did it because you get more attention from them just because you're the middle child and your looking a little emo Al, and then I know that I'm the youngest and I'm cuter and more cherub-y. But seriously, you getting more attention then me isn't right. For god sake's you're a middle child!" I say really fast because if I don't I know he'll be angry at me and I wouldn't be able to visit his dorm so I can get a little piece of Finn.

Rawr.

"I'm the good kid!" He exclaimed, "I'm bound to get a little more attention then you even if your hair looks like its permanently of fire!"

"Okay Al you need to calm the fuck down. Can you just tell them that I had it 'taken care of', Please?" I say. I know he will.

I own him.

"No. I won't. You're an idiot." He said turning around and heading back to his friends.

"Well you suck at life, ass-wipe! Oh, hello Headmistress, my you are looking very beautiful today. Sparkling. Diamonds have nothing on you! Okay, see you later!" I say to the passing by Headmistress who pretended not to hear me. I know she did.

"Someone's PMS-ing!" I sing to my friends.

Frick, I think she heard me.

Wednesday, October 11th

10:28 a.m.

"Look, look at her Reid, total baby bumpage!"

"Oh totally! Look at him, hot!"

"Ugh, not!"

Me and my bestest friend in the whole world were in the courtyard gossiping. He's the sex.

We are supposed to be at class but please, its Potions! Boring.

I know the Head Boy and Girl personally because they've escorted me back to the Common Room so many times after hours. We've become close.

But I think their kinda still angry at me because I started a betting pool about who would resign first.

And they found out.

But Potion's is boring! You inhale toxic fumes and I've gotten enough of that because of Reid's habit of smoking cancer sticks.

Seriously.

Shittacki Mushrooms!

Headmistress Mcgoogles is coming towards us.

"Dun dun da daaaahh" I sing quietly to Reid.

"Ms. Potter, Mr. Thomas…"

10:43 a.m.

I'm sitting in Headmistress's office.

Creeeeeeeepy.

I mean I've been in here before, like a year ago but still.

Its not dark, its not gloomy, its just like caring and happy.

Except for those portraits.

Creeeeeeeepy.

I wonder if I threw darts at them…

"Don't even think about it Ms. Potter."

I for really need to cover up this diary sometimes.

"Ms. Potter, I asked you here not for skipping your class…"

"So you understand the evilness of Potions? No offense Snapsicle!" I say interrupting her and pumping up my fist. I heard a grunt on my side and knew all was well.

"For I was going to come get you anyway. I called you here because of your grades…"

"Oh gods!" I said shifting.

"They are remarkably well for a girl who doesn't do her homework on daily basis and only goes to class about 3 times a week…."

"Oh, well that's a change of wind…" I said putting my feet over the chair I was sitting in.

"Also you haven't been getting as many detentions or causing as much chaos as you normally do…"

"I know, I am so sorry, I'm going through a dry spell!"

"Please Ms. Potter! I am trying to speak!" McGonagall yelled causing me to jump and put down my feet, and portraits to wince or wake up.

"That is why I decided to reward you with becoming a Prefect for the rest of the year." She finished.

"P-p-pardon?" I stutter out.

You have got to be kidding me!

Seriously, McG wants me to be Prefect.

Uh…no?

Fuck that.

"I know that this must come as a surprise to you , but our other current 5th year Prefect has found herself in…difficult…times and she will be leaving for the rest of the year."

"Is she pregnant?!"

"I am not at liberty to say Ms. Potter!"

That's a yes.

Fuck fucking that.

Someone already had!

"I'll take the job Headmistress!"

Think of all the power.

The beautiful, beautiful power…

11:30 a.m.

Badge pinned to Bouncy the left boob? Yes.

Secured? Oh yeah. Wait. Insert me feeling up myself. Yes, secure.

Shininess? To the highest quality.

The badge looks pretty shiny also.

Now I just need to get out of this damp bathroom and find my first victims.

11:33 a.m.

Victims spotted.

"Oi, you tall…people…ah, Ravenclawian's. Well, my fine lady and good sir, detention! Tomorrow night!

"Potter , you can't do that!" One of them shouts.

Showing the badge to them, I say "Oh yes I can."

"Well, what did we do?" the lady Ravie asked.

"You did…uhm…kissing…running…halls?" I say.

I'm not that brilliant when put on the spot.

"What?"

I spin around and keep walking to the Great Hall.

Today is a beautiful day.

Oh look, I can see Al sitting there.

With his pals.

And that hot cake Finn.

Mmmmhmmm.

"Oi! Potter!" I scream as I enter the Hall.

Heads turn, including his and…

"Detention! Tomorrow night!"

"Hahaha, you're an idiot Lily. Get Lost." He said turning back to his friends.

"Ehem"

Tap, tap on the badge pinned on my uniform.

Great I just drew atttention to the boobies.

Oh well.

"What the…"

"Watch your mouth or else Potter!" I say continue walking to my friends.

I feel the Prefect power.

Okay, so first chapter of what I think/hope will be many, depending if you all like it or not.

I know I said some offensive things, but no offense? If it counts now…

Anyway, I'm pretty paranoid about this because I usually write emo-y, morbid fics that don't ever end up posted.

So R&R please!