I'll Be On My Way

by bobdabuilder0804

Was 5 fics, now one! Jack, Nina and Terri. Mostly Jack and Terri's separation. Please R and R!

5 part fic moulded into one; about Terri and Jack, the separation etc.

I'll be on my way.

The house was dark with all of the lights off except for the dull one in the kitchen, lighting up the room in which Terri sat alone. She was slumped down in one of the four chairs that littered the big pine breakfast table, leaning on it heavily for support whilst staring at the blank screen of her laptop. She was trying to convince herself that she had made the right decision. The laptop was supposed to serve as some kind of distraction to the turmoil running through her, but the endless tears streaming down her cheeks from her puffy swollen eyes suggested it wasn't doing such a good job.

She couldn't help but think she had made a terrible mistake. Was this really a 'break' as she had called it, or was it simply the start of the end? She did have doubts about her decision, strong doubts at that, but she had also had enough. For the past month she had been promising herself she would do it. The next time he comes home after one in the morning without calling, the next time he snaps at me for no reason, or the next time he lets Kim down. Still she had put it off, even when he did commit one of the things she had listed, which he did more often than not. But she would reason with herself, he's so busy at work, under a lot of pressure - he's sorry, he is trying to change...

But none of the reasons were enough earlier. Once and for all she had decided she could take no more. At seven o'clock she had dropped Kim off at Cindy's for the night. Dinner was ready at eight. Just after nine he had rang, apologising profusely, something had come up at the office and he was going to be late. Fair enough, she had reasoned, at least he called this time. She decided to wait up for him, surprise him. It wasn't very often Kim was out all night these days. It was two thirty in the morning when he finally stumbled through the door, dark rings around his eyes from the lack of sleep. He was tired, he explained as he had kissed her lightly on the cheek before heading to their room, leaving Terri stood at the door fuming.

If she had tried hard enough she could have looked past him going straight to bed, he had been at work for over fifteen hours and didn't know what she had planned for the two of them. But what she couldn't forgive was the smell of alcohol on his breath. He had obviously called off somewhere after work for a drink, leaving her, the doting wife, waiting up for him. That she would not look past. She would not be made a fool of.

She had stormed into the room and watched as he sleepily changed into some shorts and an old tee to sleep in, not noticing her there. He looked exhausted, but it wasn't enough to stop her. She let it all out, telling him everything she had been holding inside for what seemed like forever. Her pain, her anger and the hurt he was constantly causing her, she told him of it all. The look of defeat in his eyes told her that is was not intentional, the way he was making her feel. He really had been trying. Just not hard enough.

She told him how she needed more space and wanted him to leave. She could still remember how he had stared down at the floor and quietly mumbled that if it was what she wanted then he would leave tomorrow morning. Somehow the hurt expression on his face had triggered her once more. He was acting as though he didn't understand why she wanted him to leave - as though he was the injured party. She snapped.

She started screaming for him to leave right now, to get out of her house and get out of her life. He had obliged seeing her rage, slipping on his trainers and grabbing his keys and wallet from the table next to the door. He didn't want to go. He wanted to stay and ask her why, apologise for making her so angry. But he left in fear of making things worse for himself, he didn't want her to say anymore, she had said enough. After a quick glance at her he left, getting into his car and driving away. His heart felt as thought it was breaking into two as the realisation of what was happening hit him. They were coming to an end, and it was all his fault.

Terri watched through the living room window sadly as he drove away, slowly calming herself down. She knew she had been harsh, perhaps a little too blunt but that was the only way to get through to him. She guessed he would be feeling guilty round about now, after all that was the only way he dealt with things. He would lock even more torment up inside and let the guilt tear him up slowly.

It was only an hour later when she found herself wondering where he was, how he was feeling and if he would really understand why she was doing this to him. It would be hard, but it would be worth it in the long run for the both of them. Hopefully this break would help Jack understand her pain and make things right. Then together, they could work towards a brighter future. And if not, if he couldn't work things with himself out, if he didn't make the effort for his family... well... She didn't exactly know how she would deal with that, she guessed she would have to put it all behind her and move on. As much as she didn't want to, she wasn't going to let him hold her back any more than he already had. She just hoped this wasn't going to be the case, and that they would work things out and somehow find a way to live happily ever after.

Jack drove around the deserted streets of L.A slowly, his mind still trying to comprehend what had happened earlier, along with the task of trying to keep his eyes open. He wanted nothing more than to sleep these troubling problems away, but that wouldn't help. He knew that this argument had been bad, worse than any other they had had recently. At least then he had understood why she was so mad at him. But tonight? He wasn't sure what had made her snap. He had called in advance to tell her he would be late home, so what was her problem?

Although clue less to what he had done, he was certain it was something he had done. He pounded the wheel in frustration, he was upset and confused. Never a good combination. He was scared that this so called break as she had called it meant he was now at the top of the slippery slope, the only direction being down.

He felt a mixture of emotions, but mostly guilt. He had probably pushed her to this outburst. He had to have. It was so out of character for Terri to flip like she had. It was normally him who lost his temper easily.

He still hurt though. He had been trying, trying very hard to make things easier between them. He tried to be less preoccupied at home, more patient with both Terri and Kim. The hours at work were unavoidable, and it made him mad to think of how she would only complain about them when it suited her. She didn't mind his fifteen hour days when she took Kim shopping with his credit card. Or when he paid the mortgage each month. Or when she was able to quit her job and work from home at a leisurely pace. She only complained about that when it suited her.

He suddenly felt hopeless - what more could he do to please her? He had tried everything he could think of - was there anything else he could do which would make things right - or were they now well and truly doomed to end? He found some comfort from the thought that she wanted a break. It meant there was still some hope and that she may be willing to take him back. If she felt otherwise she would have gone straight ahead with a divorce. He still worried about what if he wasn't able to change to her expectations?

He felt his stomach tighten in despair as he considered this possibility. This really could be the end, she may not want him back. Then what, he thought frantically? Trying to calm down he told himself strongly that he wouldn't let that happen. He couldn't. Life without Terri would be...? He didn't know, he couldn't remember the times in his life before Terri had sprung into it. They had been friends since a very young age, living across the street from each other their entire junior life. At 16 they started to see each other on a more personal level, and by nineteen, together, were proud parents. He realised that he wouldn't be able to move on without her - their was no life waiting for him without her by his side.

Terri had moved into the living room - away from the phone. It was way too tempting to call him and tell him to come back home. She didn't even know if he had taken his cell - she didn't give him much time to leave. But no - she told herself this was the right decision, and she would stick by it. She was a strong woman and it was time Jack saw this.

It seemed recently she was married to a different man. He wasn't the loving, chirpy man he once was. He was no longer calm and gentle - he was always tense, always looking around, always ready to pick a fight. She would like to say that it was C.T.U that had caused these problems, but if she admitted it to herself, they had started over a year ago.

After he returned from another silly training course. She didn't understand why he had to go off to different countries to train when they had the facilities here in LA. It made no sense. She had questioned him on this before he had first left.

He was instantly defensive, claiming it was to place them in different climate circumstances and unfamiliar territory. She may have believed that if he hadn't acted so suspicious. She had always been concerned about what he was really doing, she never really believed it was what he would claim it to be. But just over a year ago - after another 'harmless,' as he would describe the training exercises, he had been delayed home by two weeks. What in the hell could delay someone for two weeks?

He had an excuse, of course. But she had noticed something different in his voice. It was almost like he was in a trance - there was no emotion present. Two weeks later he returned home, tired and weak. He claimed that he had been worked really hard and was exhausted, but the slight limp in his left step and his awkward posture told her all she needed to know. He had been on a mission, an operation - whatever it was the government called it. And something had happened to him. It had changed him.

Suddenly everything was clear and since then things between them certainly had declined. She no longer trusted him like she once had, she began taking everything he told her work related with a pinch of salt. She didn't like not trusting him - but after asking about his 'trip' that night after dinner, asking about his leg... he had lied The first time in over ten years of marriage he lied to her. There was nothing wrong with his leg - he had cramp from the long journey home. A cramp lasting almost two months?

After this she began to wonder how many other times he had lied to her, and if he would ever tell her the truth. Although she knew it was an aspect which came with his job, it still hurt. Didn't he trust her enough to know she would keep whatever he told her silent? What she wanted from him now, if they were to have a future together, was complete trust.

She also wanted to hear emotion and feeling in his voice once more, like she did before that destructive 'exercise.' She was sick of the monotone drawl, his muttered utterances. She wanted her husband back - the man she married. Not this new man. She didn't know this Jack Bauer, she missed the old one. She believed that if they tried hard enough, maybe, just maybe she could dig down deep enough and drag him back to the surface.

Now parked up in the back alley leading to the park, Jack wondered where he could go. He could sleep right here in the car, or go to C.T.U and spend the night on his couch. He weighed up his options, the car was cold, and he was only in shorts and a thin tee. But maybe that was better than being up in his warm office. Just because it was so late didn't mean the place wouldn't be busy - he didn't know if he could put up with the gossip that would come from him spending the night there.

He pushed his chair out and leaned back, closing his eyes. At least this area was secluded, nobody was going to see him here. Nobody would witness this particular down he was now dealing with.

As he tried to get comfortable he decided that he would call Terri tomorrow and try to talk with her. Maybe he would be able to get through to her just how much he was willing to do for her, how much he loved her, how much it hurt him to be without her. He knew that he needed to be sensitive, which wasn't one of his best personality traits - and patient, another thing he had trouble with. But he was willing to try and would do so, harder than he had ever done before.

He would take it slow, as slow as Terri wanted to take it. He wouldn't smother her. Then when she had straightened her head out he would probably work his way around her. He didn't want to make this permanent - he hoped she would ease up soon. Hell, he thought, if I play my cards right and say the right things I could be home tomorrow. As he finally settled in the seat he felt the sleep taking him, he was drifting away.

As he was finally taken away to unconsciousness his thoughts were of how empty it felt to be sleeping without Terri by his side, in his arms. The lack of her presence alone was haunting. He needed to fix things, he needed to make her understand him. He wanted them to be together, free of their pain, free of himself.

Terri had switched rooms once more, the photos of her, Kim and Jack happy together littering the room were too much for her. She made her way to the bedroom and sank onto the empty bed, climbing under the blue covers. She felt so small and vulnerable in their bed, which was suddenly way to big without him in it. She felt lost.

She would have to deal with it. She wasn't giving in until she had reason to believe things would be better. She was doing it for him as well as her, and as long as she told herself that she felt slightly better. After all, you have to be cruel to be kind. Right now she knew her actions were causing Jack unbearable pain, yes he had hurt her, but this seemed deliberate - Jack never meant to hurt her. In the end his pain would be worth it, as would hers. For they would be together again, like they were before all of his operations had started, before they moved to LA. Before he made something of himself.

As long as he understood she was doing this for the both of them she was satisfied. If things went as well as she hoped it would be even better. No matter what happens, she told herself sleepily, I will still always love him, and I'm sure he will always love me. Nothing can take our love away from each other, she thought, even if we can't be together.

It wasn't such a comforting thought though - his love was all she had been given from him over the past fourteen months, and it hadn't been enough. That was what she had to get through to him - she sometimes needed more than just unlimited love. She needed a soul to love back.

Jack had tried to get to sleep endless times but the car just wasn't allowing him to do so. He would move slightly and bang his knee on the wheel, then the gear stick. After catching his elbow on the window he started shivering. The car was cold, and he wasn't exactly well clothed to keep the chill out. After getting a cramp in his neck he gave up, sleep was not coming tonight. He straightened the seat back up and started the car, happy to be able to turn the heating on. He would just have to try to keep himself awake, there were only a few hours left until daylight anyway.

He had driven around the streets until finding himself parked outside his home. He sat motionless as he stared at the seemingly deserted house. The lights were off, but he couldn't tear his stare away from the curtains covering their bedroom from view.

Although he couldn't see her, he could feel her, he knew she would be in bed now, huddled under the covers away from him. He tried to get the image of her in their bed without him from his mind, but it was glued to his brain. So he sat still, staring straight ahead and soon lost all concept of time. Eventually he realised he had to leave, it was the only way he could prevent his heart from ripping into two right there in the car. The image of her alone made him feel ill - he had to leave.

He knew there was nowhere else he could go, so he gave in and went to C.T.U. A glance at his Rolex told him it was almost seven. He was amazed by the passage of time he had missed, and only then did he notice the sun had risen. He wondered if he had been sat staring at the window into his life for all of that time. Probably.

He had parked his car in the underground lot, which was almost empty. He knew that even though it was deserted C.T.U would still be busy. Not many people used the long term lot. He glanced at his reflection before quickly looking away. Being over 5 hours early to work was going to raise a few eyebrows, but looking like he did was going to start the rumour mill.

He got out of the car and stretched, glad to have some space around him, no longer confined to the cramped space in the car. He ran a hand through his hair and let out a big yawn before setting off to the entrance. Before approaching the door he realised he had no identification nor any of his access cards. He found Paul who had to take him in the way visitors way. He went through the metal detector and was then quickly searched by an embarrassed Paul who obviously knew who Jack was. He then rang Division to confirm he was allowed in the building. Jack thanked Paul as he shook his hand, before promising him that he wouldn't forget his cards tomorrow.

As Jack entered C.T.U he passed the main floor quickly and headed up to his office. He figured that the fewer people who saw him the less gossip there would be. It wasn't often the director came in five hours early in a tee and shorts looking like the living dead. As he entered his office he closed the door behind him and sank down onto the couch, happy for both the privacy and comfort it offered.

After a few minutes rest he realised he had to do something. Not knowing what was happening between him and Terri was going to kill him. He needed to know what he had done wrong, how much space Terri needed, when he could come home...

To distract himself he decided he had better try make himself look more presentable. He rummaged through his locker and found a pair of trousers that weren't too crumpled, and a white shirt which was in better shape than the rest of the things in it. He pulled them over the shorts and tee, then used the dribble of water from the fountain to pat his hair down and wash his face. He took a quick look in the mirror and thought that he looked much better. He could do nothing about the bags under his eyes, and felt as though he would have to sleep forever to get rid of those.

Terri lay under the dark covers shrouded from the light, from the world. She had barely slept throughout the night, it just didn't feel right without Jack there, the bed seemed too big. She had to laugh at that, she slept fine on those occasions when he had to leave the country for certain exercises, when she had no idea where he was or what he was doing. But now it was her that had made him leave and she couldn't sleep.

She had tossed and turned and cried the entire night, wondering where he was and what was going through his mind. Most importantly. if he understood any of this. She closed her red puffy eyes once more, before sneaking her head out from underneath the safe darkness of the covers to glance at the alarm clock. She snuggled back underneath them as she realised she could snatch another hour before getting up to pick Kim up. She knew she should be doing something, working on her design or cleaning the house, but she decided she would be selfish for once.

That, and the fact that she couldn't bear the thought of getting up just yet. She dreaded going to pick Kim up. Jack was supposed to get her and take her out for breakfast, seen as this would be the first morning he had off in over a month, given the hours he had put in yesterday. Had the situation been lighter she would have laughed at the irony, he was probably at C.T.U already, digging into some work to preoccupy himself, the way he always did when something was wrong.

Terri wondered how Kim would react to seeing her mom in the car instead of her father. She would probably play it off as though she had forgotten, Terri knew how Kim hid her disappointment from her. It was as though she wanted to protect Jack, for she knew her mom would give him a roasting for letting her down.

Terri shook her head, sometimes the similarities between them were scary. Kim hiding her true feelings away, trying to protect her father... it was an all too familiar story.

Although sometimes she wished her daughter would look at things evenly, and try protect her every now and again. She just knew this whole separation was going to be her fault, in Kim's eyes. Jack was never at fault, despite his many, many flaws she thought bitterly.

The ringing of the phone brought her from her thoughts, but she didn't know if she could answer it. She was scared of who it may be, Kim or Jack, she didn't know if she could speak to either of them. She snatched her hand our from the quilt and grabbed the cordless from the bedside table, before pulling it back under. She couldn't see the number displayed on the screen so she decided to take a gamble and answer it anyway.

It was Jack. The silence on the other end of the line told her so, and she could imagine him sat at his desk, trying to compose the words but nothing coming out. Another minute passed, before she called out his name. He finally replied.

"Hey sweet." His voice was strained, unsure, cautions even. "How are you?"

Not a real question, she thought, he was just trying to brake the ice.

"It's hard Jack." She whispered, fighting back the tears. She decided to dump the 'pretend

everything is fine' act. She wanted him to know exactly how this was affecting her.

Maybe that way he would realise how much she wanted them to make things right.

"I'm sorry honey, I... I don't know why you want this." He muttered, letting his true feelings out for once, also fighting back the tears that Terri's hurt voice created.

Terri sniffed, before letting out a choked laugh. "That is the problem Jack."

Jack didn't understand what she meant by that, so he stayed quiet.

"I have to go pick up Kim, so please don't come round tonight, its going to be hard enough telling her... maybe we can talk tomorrow."

"Sure." Jack said, Terri could almost feel the rejection in his voice. But it was nothing like what she felt in her heart, he hadn't even picked up on the mention of Kim, he didn't think to offer to tell her himself. Instead he was going to let her suffer through this even more, let it all weigh down on her shoulders. She hung up the phone, although upset by the hurt in his voice, even more so by the hurt he had caused again, without intending, without even noticing what he was doing to her.

She was now certain she had made the right decision. She couldn't live like this anymore.

Jack held the phone to his ear long after Terri had gone, he didn't know what to do. He could sense on the phone that she was angry at him, but he really didn't understand why.

This angered him slightly, how could she expect him to make things better when he didn't know what had been wrong in the first place?

He could understand if she wanted him to change, but she had to explain what needed to change, or they were going to spin around in circles. He hung the phone up and picked up the picture of the three of them on holiday and smiled at the memory. He wondered why they never had times like that anymore, it was as though they were no longer a family. He wondered what had changed to draw them apart.

It didn't occur to him that it was he who had changed.

Over two weeks had passed with no improvements on their relationship, much to Jacks frustration. He had called Terri again as she had asked, but it was clear to him that they were making no progress. He asked if he could come round and she allowed it. Kim was their, but he was uninterested in talking to her, and for the first time ever she was actually upset with him. As mad as Terri was at him for hurting Kim's feelings she knew he hadn't realised himself how Kim had been waiting to talk to her, he probably didn't even realise her intentions as he brushed her aside, telling her, "Not now Kim," as she asked him if she could talk to him. She had stormed off into her room in tears, Terri wondering if this was going to make things easier between them now, if Jack was the bad guy. She could certainly use a break after the way Kim had taken the news, which had gone down even worse than Terri had expected, if that was even possible.

After a quick chat with Jack it was clear he was no different and was already loosing his temper. He asked Terri how long she planned to continue her little game in a sneer as she softly told him she wasn't ready to live with him yet, she needed more time to think things through. After telling him that she didn't know how much time she needed he had snapped at her again. What was he supposed to do, sit around twiddling his thumbs until she decided she loved him again? This had started the tears, and although she could see the hurt in his own as she cried, she couldn't help but notice the expression on his face change, he looked fed up. As though this was all an act. Did he really think she would put them both through this torment if it wasn't necessary?

In the end he had stormed down the hall and entered there room, filling an old duffel bag with clothes and a his razor, along with the things he needed for C.T.U. Paul was getting sick of meeting him at the visitors door each day with a new excuse for his missing swipe cards. She had stood in the doorway and watched as he hastily stuffed it, anger seething from him. He really though this was some kind of joke, that she was doing this to get at him. She watched sadly as he picked the photograph up of the three of them at her mothers one thanksgiving a few year back. They looked happy and relaxed together, like any other family.

She watched his expression soften as he stared at it, before dropping it face down on the cabinet and grabbing his bag. He slung it over his shoulder when he spotted Terri in the doorway, tears leaving a trail down her cheeks, she looked devastated. As he walked up to her he stopped, they were just inches apart, she could feel his warm breath on her face as he spoke.

"Please tell me why your doing this," he whispered, almost breaking down himself now a lot calmer than he had been in the living room. No sarcasm in his voice, just pain.

"I want us to be a family again," She whispered back, now looking away. Jack stared at her long and hard, he had been thinking about this exact thing just days ago. He had sat in his office wondering what had happened, why and how they had changed. Now Terris words were opening up windows and he peered through them in his mind. That was the problem, he had changed. He had prevented them from being a family. She noticed the startled look on his face as she said this, and wondered if she had finally hit something.

The expression on his face looked as though he had been caught doing something he shouldn't have. As though some truth had been revealed to him and he realised he had to finally accept it. He nodded at her, before squeezing by her in the doorway and leaving the house, driving away in a haze of bewilderment.

Watching him leave, Terri felt hope for the first time since she could remember. She thought they were making progress, that now he knew what was wrong he would work on fixing it. She was wrong. Instead the next week was filled with silence from Jack, not one peep, not even a phone call. That night Jack went home to his newly rented apartment and thought about what she had said. He was the one who had changed, but he couldn't remember how he was before he did so, so how could he change back? He realised pretty soon that he couldn't. Terri would never take him back, they could never be a family again.

The week soon passed into a month with only a few phone calls between them. Most of those were where Terri played the middle man between Kim and Jack, his phone calls were mainly to speak to Kim. Her victory of winning Kim over was also short lived as she was now spending a few nights a week over at Jacks apartment. When Terri had asked what it was like, Kim had coldly explained how empty it was, before adding, "but what can you expect, with all of his money tied up here with you," on the end of her statement. After that comment Terri had rang Jack up demanding to know what lies he had been feeding Kim.

Jack was surprised and upset to hear what stories Kim had been feeding her mother, and apologised for it. That had been the best conversation between the two, Jack had seemed more sensitive towards her feelings as they spoke. She had asked if he wanted to come around for dinner one night to discuss things, while Kim was out. Jack was hesitant and told her he was busy at work. He knew it was stupid the second he said it, but he still hadn't yet worked things out with himself. What was the point in seeing her and making things even worse? There wasn't a point, and so he intended to arrange an evening when he was certain things could be worked out properly. But it hadn't mentioned it again, and Terri was soon beginning to wonder if there was any point in trying to make this work out after all, Jack didn't seem to care.

Those were the thoughts running around her head the night she met Phil. In a bar with her friend Jill he had come over and bought them both a drink before spending the rest of the night chatting and laughing away with the two. Before he left he asked Terri if he could give her his number. She had frozen, what would happen if she said yes? Would this mark the end of her and Jack, or would it simply be a bit of fun? She wanted to, but she couldn't get the image of Jacks hurt expression from her head from the first night she told him to leave, the look of rejection in his eyes. But then she was even more images, Jack snapping at her, packing his bag, dropping the photo face down as though it didn't matter, and then telling her he would rearrange dinner, never calling back. The thoughts had overwhelmed her and before she knew what she was doing she had invited him over.

He accepted her offer and drove her home, where she burst into tears in the car. She was embarrassed by her outburst of emotion and couldn't help but sob her heart out, as she told this stranger about her husband. To her complete surprise he offered her both comfort and advice. Instead of taking her home he had driven them to an all night coffee place where they talked deep into the morning. He told her whatever she did was fine by him, if she did make things right with her husband he would still like to be a friend to her. She found his offer genuinely kind and felt herself thankful to meet someone as caring and selfless as him. He was so completely unlike Jack, and the fact that she was attracted to him scared her. What did that say about her compatibility with her husband?

After their first night Phil had taken her on a few more dates where their growing trust for each other developed. One night they had a lovely stroll on the beach and played air hockey, which left Terri more torn than ever. She loved Jack with all of her heart, but she was growing to feel the same way towards Phil too. Would it be worth the risk if she did have a relationship with him, or would it doom her and Jack's chances of ever getting back together? As much as she told herself Jack was her soul mate she wondered if that even meant anything now. She knew she couldn't make any drastic changes yet, Jack was still her husband. But she wouldn't rule anything out either. Phil was a patient man and knew not to push her, and wanted to be there for her if nothing else.

Jacks month had passed similarly to Terry's, although the first three weeks had been agonisingly slow and lonely. He now understood that it was he that needed to change, and the realisation scared him. As soon as Terri spoke those words about being a family it had hit him like a stream train, just what had he been doing this past year? He could count the family outings they had taken on one hand and he knew that alone was not good. Terri had called and asked him to come around for dinner one night and talk.

He felt pure joy that Terri wanted to work things out, but fear at the same time. What if he hadn't changed enough yet? What if she was inviting him round on false hopes herself, and then he ruined everything? What was the point in going and making his situation even worse, was what he had thought. He had promised her that he would call her and rearrange it. Then he could plan something special at the same time, making her really see how he had changed. It had been over a week since he said he would call, but he didn't think Terri would mind, change sometimes took time. Although he didn't want it to take too long he didn't want to hurt her any more either, so not calling was in his opinion, the lesser of two evils.

But then there was Nina. How could he describe her in any other way then simply Nina. After the first week spent living in his office she had added it all up and invited him to stay in her guest room. He had accepted the offer and was glad that the few nights he spent there went without question. She didn't want to know the details of why he was homeless, she didn't probe him for answers. Instead she made him feel welcome and comfortable, claiming that that's what friends for each other when they need help. But that had caused another problem, his attraction to her.

It was her kindness and softness that drew him to her. The trust she had for him, and how well she knew him. He knew that if the situations were reversed and it was Terris home he was staying in, he would be nagged and nagged until he could take no more and told her every single detail. But Nina knew how distant he was, how little he liked to talk about himself, and she accepted it. Only speaking on a touchy subject if it appeared to be okay by him. The fact that she could read and understand him so well... that was what made him realise just how much he liked Nina. Which is why he had to get his own apartment.

It was too risky, too much was at stake. He had become aware of Ninas feeling towards him one night months ago in a bar where he had unexpectedly bumped into her. Her date hadn't showed up, and he was out alone anyway so they joined up. Having had a few too many beers Nina had announced to Jack just how hot he looked in his jeans, before trying to tell him a few other of her thoughts about him too. Jack had laughed it off and decided she had better call it a night, she would be hung over enough at work the next day as it was, never mind embarrassed to hell too. He had managed to laugh it off in his mind too, but ever since that night the look in Ninas eyes told him the feelings were still there. So he had to move, afraid his own feelings towards her would develop. That was something he could not let happen.

He was so close to fixing things with Terri, yet there he was thinking of Nina. In the end he had decided to test himself by inviting Nina around to his apartment for dinner, a thank you for letting him crash at hers a few nights. She had arrived and Jack had already ordered the pizza, which had made her laugh, as he said he would cook. It was when she laughed that he realised how beautiful she was, and thought that maybe he shouldn't have tested himself, maybe he was going to fail. Then an even scarier thought had crossed his mind. Did it matter if he did fail?

He had drawn those thoughts from his mind and the night had gone well. They laughed joked and gossiped about people in the office, much to Jack's displeasure there since a lot of it was Nina clarifying the rumours about him. It was all fun though, he didn't mind. She didn't pry for details and that was all that mattered. At the end of the night he had kissed Nina goodbye on the cheek. It was a friendly kiss, but it left him wondering how it would feel if it had been more. He watched her leave as even more confusion and doubt crept into his mind.

The night had gone down so well that Nina had invited him over to hers for another, less than a week later. Jack went, hoping to certify all his feelings while he was there. He wanted to know why he liked Nina as he did, and if she really did feel anything for him too. The fact that he didn't leave there until the morning after summed his clarification on how they felt about each other, but the confusion was converted to guilt, making things even harder to accept.

He was scared he had thrown everything with Terri. Would his evening with Nina make him less motivated to change for Terri? Would Terri even consider having him back if he confided with the truth to her? Could he even tell Terri what he had done, more importantly could he not tell her? Days after were spent with questions to which he had no answers, making things between them feel even worse in Jack's mind. He couldn't help but feel like he had betrayed his wife. Little did he know, Terri was doing the same thing and thinking the same thoughts about Phil. Although she hadn't taken it to the same level as Jack had intimately, the fact that she had bared her sole to him in conversations would be the same kind of betrayal to Jack in his eyes. She had spilled her heart out to Phil, every detail about her and Jack had been shared. If he found out, she was sure Jack would leave her for good.

But Jack didn't know, and was constantly preoccupied with his guilt for both women. Betraying his wife and leading a good friend on. He knew he should ring Terri and arrange the dinner but he admitted to himself that he didn't want to. What if he went there and realised that what was beginning to develop between Nina and himself was better? What if he found the past 20 years of their life's together meaningless to himself?

Terri found herself spending more and more time with Phil despite the new feelings for him that were being revealed. She realised that she didn't love him and found it hard to think of him as anything other than a friend, despite what she tried to make herself feel. She realised how stupid she had been for trying to force herself to like somebody, it was her own twisted way of getting back at Jack for being such an as, only he didn't even know about it. How screwed up was that?

Another week passed before she told Phil she couldn't see him anymore, she had to work on her marriage, she had been selfish to do anything else. Phil had been angry, claiming she had been leading him on for nothing, which Terri thought was a lie. She had told him from the start she was separated from her husband, so what was his problem? She realised she had to have been stupid to think he wanted to be anything other than a friend to her.

She left his house for the last time feeling stupid and used, she had told this man everything in the hopes of him helping her. All along he had been trying to gain her trust so he could get with her, he didn't want to help her at all.

She spent the night in tears wishing she had never kicked Jack out. A relationship with a distant Jack was better then no Jack at all. But instead of calling him she let another two weeks pass with no word spoken between them. Kim had even stopped sleeping over at his apartment. He was usually busy when she called, and would now take her out to places then drop her off at home without stopping by his apartment. That had raised Terri's concerns, what did he have their to hide, another woman?

She cried hysterically into the night once more, wishing she could turn back time and undo this mess she had created. She wanted Jack back, she needed her husband. Those traits of Phil's, the soft caring talks were not what she wanted, she now realised. What she needed was unconditional love, and trust. Would they still trust each other now, she worried? Would Jack even consider coming back to this life of nagging and annoyance?

She knew she had been too hard on him before the separation, always hounding him. Knowing how hard he was working but not letting that stop her from constantly getting on at him.

She was desperate she realised, and she had thrown everything away. She knew deep down separating had been the right thing to do, but her encounter with Phil had scared her. Was there anyone else like Jack in the world? No, she thought, he was definitely one of a kind. But if Jack knew what she had done... she didn't want to think about that, the possibility of Jack not having her back. All along she had been positive that when she was ready Jack would come home, but now? Now she wasn't so confident.

How could he come back to his wife who had been meeting other men, whilst he was trying to change for her? Jack was big on trust, this would surely ruin him. She realised that telling Jack about Phil was not an option. He would either find the man and kill him or leave her. Or maybe both, if he was that hurt, which she knew he would be. It would tear him up, it would destroy him, he would never be able to love her as he once did. She poured herself another drink as she prepared herself for another tear filled night filled with emptiness.

Jack laid on his bed, which was once again empty. He and Nina had had a pretty big argument. C.T.U was full of gossip and speculation about the two, and he was getting tired of it. Every time Nina was in his office with him, he could see people looking up as though expecting them to be at it right there. That had been on his mind, along with more frustrating thoughts of his wife. He really had to call her soon, it was getting out of hand.

The longer he left it the harder it was, he was worried he would never call. If he left it any later she wouldn't speak to him, that he was certain of.

With these thoughts running rampage through his mind Nina had made the mistake of asking him about work, how he was getting on with the evidence against the two agents he believed were dirty. He had snapped at her, telling her it was none of her business. Then he had gone onto telling her a few other things that had been on his mind, before completely blowing his temper. She had ran from the apartment in tears, and he felt nothing. No guilt. Just relief. Now he truly understood the pragmatics of getting involved with a co-worker.

Although he was glad she left he felt lonely and bored without the company, and at a loss for what to do. But despite that he couldn't deny that he felt better. He needed to end things with Nina before they got any more serious. He couldn't believe he had allowed it to get so far already, things had got out of hand before he'd even noticed. He couldn't bear the thought of breaking things up with her, she did seem really happy at the moment, but he couldn't stay with her because of that alone. He had to get something from it too, and he wasn't anymore. Sure, it had been exciting at first, strange yet nice. But once the novelty wore off he realised she was exactly what he didn't want or need. All she had done was prolong the separation between he and his wife, which he couldn't do anymore.

He had end things, then fix them with Terri. He just hoped Nina wouldn't be too upset, mad, or angry at him... it was going to be harder than he thought.

He plucked up the courage to ring Nina an hour later, but before he could do so his own cell rang, it was his house phone. He placed a fake smile on his face to try lighten his mood before he spoke with Kim. He didn't expect it to be Terri, she hadn't rang him in a long time, and his voice portrayed his shock. Terri had cried into the phone that she was sorry and wanted him to come home right away. Jack softly told her he would come round right away to talk to her.

It was clear she was drunk but the sound of the tears in her voice made his stomach drop. He knew this was not his return home, Terri would want to talk more when she was sober or their would have been no point to the separation, but he wasn't going to leave his wife alone in this state. He wanted to comfort her and take away her pain and tears. He raced outside to the car and headed home.

Arriving at the house presented him a dilemma as he closed the car door behind him. Should he knock or just walk right in? It was his home, but then again he hadn't stepped a foot inside it in almost two months. He decided to be positive and walk right in, but was stopped when he realised the door was locked. Feeling slightly less confident he knocked, waiting a few minutes before he herd the key turn and watched as it slowly opened.

He tried to smile at Terri, but he couldn't. He felt a rush of emotions bombard him at once. Relief, pain, guilt, overwhelming guilt. Her eyes were red and puffy, and the tears were still falling down her cheeks. Jack instantly enveloped her in a hug, it was all he could think to do. Terri seemed content with it as they stayed in that position for a while, before breaking away to close the open door which was letting the heat out of the house.

The first thing Terri said made him frown slightly, between her sobs she told him she didn't want to give him the wrong impression, she was wrong to say what she had on the phone, she just needed to see him, to feel him. Jack nodded and told her he understood, before asking if she wanted a cup of coffee, which she accepted before heading off into the living room and sinking into the couch. Jack made his way into the kitchen and noticed the empty bottle of wine on the side as he made the coffee. He called into the room, asking where Kim was. She was at a friends, she rang earlier to tell her she wouldn't be home for the weekend. This again made him frown, it seemed like since he had left Kim had been making her own rules.

He placed the coffee down on the table and sat down next to Terri facing her, and laughed when he saw he reach over and pour a little whiskey into the cup, the bottle had been hidden besides her. She had stopped crying and let out a little chuckle herself when Jack asked if she would mind sharing it, before taking a long swig. For the first time since the separation he felt himself relax as he attempted a joke. It seemed to calm Terri too, who was wiping the tears away with her shirt sleeve. Correction, his shirt sleeve, he noticed.

His favourite white one, now with his wife's tear stains all down the arms. Terri noticed him looking and let out a mischievous giggle, stopping when she felt him hold her hand.

"What is this all about Terri, why are you so upset?"

Terri couldn't tell him the full story, so she told him she met someone who she thought was a friend but really wasn't. She had expected Jacks probing questions but didn't give him any more information. She was afraid of the consequences, how he would react if he knew they truth. She tried to change the subject by asking him what he had been up to and he closed down immediately. He then had his own attempt at her tactics and changed the subject himself asking her what they were going to do.

Getting restless in the room, Jack asked if she wanted to go somewhere. Terri had been curious, where could they go, gone 12 in the morning? Only then she had seen that mischievous glimmer in his eyes, a hint of who he really was, and before she could protest he had swept her up in his arms. He carried her to the car before gently placing her in the passenger seat, after a brief struggle with the door. They had both giggled as he did so, Terri jokingly daring him to drop her.

Jack drove while Terri fiddled around with the radio, finding nothing good but still protesting when Jack told her to leave it on the twenty four hour sports channel. In the end they agreed on a C.D., but seen as he didn't have one in the car it was silence instead.

Terri spent the journey humming to herself, then laughing as she realised she was still in her slippers. Jack told her it didn't matter, nobody was going to see them where they were going. This got Terri asking questions and he finally told her that they were going to the barn. He herd Terri fall into a happy silence as he said this, the barn was a very special place for them, and he was glad he had thought to come her now, at first he had been driving aimlessly before the idea had came to him.

As he drove down the bumpy dirt track they were both hit with memories of when they were younger. They used to come here all of the time and play around in a hay stack which was on the second floor of an old barn. Every so often the farmers son would come and kick them out when he found them, but he knew they were just kids and didn't mind too much, which is why they always returned. It was also the place where Terri had shyly asked Jack out at 16, told Jack she was pregnant at a late 17, and on their last visit, both a young 18, Jack had asked her to marry him. It clearly held special memories for them both.

Added on to that was that the farmers son had turned out to be a fellow co-worker of Jack's when he joined up with C.T.U, fresh out of Delta. The man had instantly recognised Jack as the kid who would sneak onto their property, despite the years which had passed. He had one of those faces which you don't forget, Richard Walsh had explained to him, as Jack had turned a deep shade of red.

He could remember how embarrassed he had been as Richard had asked him about it one day during his first week there. He had frozen, but relaxed when Richard had joked about it and told him it would stay between the two of them. After that it seemed that Richard had taken an instant liking of Jack and worked with him whenever he could, which is how they had grown to be so close.

After they had Kim they never went to the farm again together. Sometimes at work Jack would find himself just watching Walsh operate, finding it hard to believe that he was the son of an old farmer and spent most of his life living on a ranch, chasing kids away in his spare time. Then again, he thought that it was probably weird for Richard to see the kid who used to sneak on his fathers land to end up as a government agent, working close beside him helping to save the world. "Its a small world," he would often say. Jack smiled at the memory.

Realising they were there he swiped the thoughts of Walsh from his mind and concentrated on Terri. He carried her out of the car and into the barn which was pitch black. They made their way up the rickety ladder then sat in the hay together reminiscing, before their conversation turned onto their marriage. They talked long into the night, Terri letting out more tears every so often as the conversation got more sensitive. She told Jack how she wanted him to come back, how she missed him.

He softly told her that it wasn't what she wanted, she was just saying it because she was so upset and drunk. Terri laughed at that to hide her hurt, even if he was right, was he saying it because he didn't want to come back? Jack noticed her facial expression as she though of this and stopped any negative thoughts she may have had by telling her how he wanted one more week, to prove himself to her. Then she would be happy to be with him, and neither of them would have any regrets. Just one more week, Terri thought, that will be perfect. They would both have time to clear their heads and get their life's back on track. And Terri would have time to sober up, too, he added laughing, enjoying the smile that formed on her face, processing it into his mind and hoping it never faded.

It was almost five in the morning when Jack dropped Terri off at home. As they got to the door they let out a shaky laugh as they realised they hadn't locked it when they left. Luckily everything seemed fine. Terri made Jack one more cup of coffee, claiming that she didn't want him to fall asleep at the wheel. The drink led to even more conversation, then as he was ready to leave a strained silence formed between them, neither of them wanting him to go. Before he could leave Terri asked him to stay.

She led him to the bedroom where they got under the covers without bothering to get out of their clothes. Jacks pulled her to him, his arms holding her in a tight hug. Terri immediately felt snug and safe, as she enjoyed the feeling of Jacks rough hands on her bare arms. She was so tired, but before she could sleep she herd Jack mutter her name.

"Don't Jack... don't talk. Just hold me until I fall asleep," she whispered dreamily.

Jack complied and laid with her, his chin resting on top of her head on the pillow, Terri's own head snuggled against his chest. It didn't take long for either of them to fall to sleep, both filled with feelings of hope for their future and the love they clearly had for each other.

The two slept soundly through the night and late into the next day, both exhausted from the days events. Although despite this the main reason they were sleeping so soundly was because they were together in the same bed once more, the last time they had done this this felt like a lifetime ago to the pair of them. Terri awoke before Jack and smiled sleepily when she saw him laid next to her with his mouth wide open and his eyelashes fluttering softly, as they always did when he slept soundly. It hadn't been a dream after all, she thought happily, he really is changing, and we really are going to be together again. She snuggled back under the covers moving closer to him, not wanting to ruin the moment, not wanting to have to leave the safeness of the covers, the comfort of having her husband laid next to her.

Eventually Jack awoke and his face broke out into a tired smile as he realised he was still at home in his own bed. For a second it seemed as though everything they had both been subjected too over the past weeks hadn't happened at all. But then the soft vibration of his phone in his pocket reminded him otherwise. He rolled over quickly and pulled it out of his trousers, it was Nina. One quick press of a button and the phone was turned off. He tossed it onto the floor before rolling back over to face Terri, smiling once more to cover up his nerves. She was watching him, an interested expression on her face. He quickly explained that it had been C.T.U calling him, to prevent her from asking him who it was.

He didn't want that conversation right now. He knew that once he had moved back in and things had settled down between them he would tell her. She would be more understanding that way, and in a more forgiving frame of mind.

Terri seemed satisfied with his explanation, even more satisfied with the fact that he didn't answer the call. She moved over so she was closer to him and watched as he began to fiddle with the sleeve of his thin sweater, she could tell he was trying to occupy himself. She reached over and gently placed her hand over his which had now moved up to his watch. He turned to face her as she did this, and smiled as his eyes met hers, she knew what he was doing. He was trying to prevent them from talking, now Terri was thinking straighter she might not be as keen for him to move back in shortly. Or she might want him to stay right now, neither one he could do. He had to tell Nina first, he had to inform her of what had happened, he didn't want to string her along any longer, he was certain she would be angry at him anyway and so he didn't need to add to it.

He felt Terri stroke his hair before she asked him what he was thinking about. Jack just shrugged and Terri smiled, knowing full well what was on his mind, the same thing that had been stuck on her mind all night. Where do we go from here? Do I ask him to stay, do I tell him I need more time? Do I even need more time? What the hell do I want?

"I was hoping you were thinking about us." She said softly, and he glanced up at her, guilt on his face. She had caught him out. How did she always manage to do that, he wondered?

He gave another shrug of his shoulders, at a loss for words. He sat up shrugged the covers off himself, trying to take order of things.

"We need to talk." He wanted his voice to sound strong and controlled, but instead it wavered, showing Terri he felt the same way as she did about this whole situation.

Scared. Confused. Helpless.

"We do." Terri added, looking down at the quilt, now seeking some sort of distraction herself.

"Do you want me back?" He asked, his voice timid. She could easily sense the fear in his question, and his dread of the answer. What if she says no?

Terri looked up once more and smiled warmly, of course she wanted him back, was he stupid or something!

"Yes Jack, I do. I really do. But you have to think about what you want too."

She could see the glimmer in his eyes as she spoke, his hope was resurfacing, he became more animated as he spoke.

"This is what I want. You, Kimberly. My family... you're my life Terri."

Terri stood up and joined him as he said that, before heading out of the room, still dressed in his best shirt from the night before, which was now creased and crumpled, in need of a wash.

"Let me make us some breakfast. We need to discuss this properly."

Jack nodded and followed her through the house, his mind ordering his thoughts, thinking of how to word certain things to her without her taking it the wrong way. He had come this far and he wasn't going to blow it over something as stupid as semantics. Still, he doubted they would both allow themselves to throw it all away now, they had both gone through a lot to get to this place, it wasn't going to be for nothing. He was certain of that.

Jack was sat at the table inside his own apartment now, thinking back to that morning. Only three days ago, but in truth it felt like years. Terri was feeling the same way about his absence too, and had been struggling to keep the news that he was coming home from Kim any longer. Together they decided that he would return tomorrow morning, back home, where he belonged. Neither had thought that it would be so hard to wait just one more week. But it was, and Jack believed that that alone showed just how much they loved and needed each other.

He sat at the table as he thought back to their conversation, they had talked for hours over many cups of coffee, making each other promises, talking and listening to each other. Just being with her had been enough for Jack, but to have a conversation with her too, that made it perfect for him. It made him certain that things were back on track between them. The fact that he couldn't remember their last proper conversation before the separation proved this.

It was Friday and he had taken a few days out from work so he wouldn't be back until Tuesday. He had wanted to take Terri on that short trip they had always talked about, but she said she didn't want to rush anything, and there was no need to go do something as extravagant as that. She had said that them just being together was enough for her, and he had to agree that she was right. As long as the three of them were together, they didn't need anything.

Although he was enormously happy he was going home, but something continued to nag at him. His last conversation with Nina.

After his breakfast/lunch with Terri he returned to his bare apartment picking up his phone instantly. He had to end it, he wasn't going to put it off any longer or he was afraid he wouldn't get round to it at all. He wanted to end it so badly, it wasn't that he still had feelings for Nina, he never really did, he preferred to call it lust, but he thought that she had feelings for him. And that made his heart hurt. The thought that he was going to upset one of his closest colleagues. Although he wouldn't class her as a friend, she was closer to being one than anyone else he knew, and he knew that he had probably just destroyed the special bond of trust they held.

He knew that in proportion to having his family back their short relationship wasn't important, but it was. Had he used her? No, no he didn't, he would never do that to a woman. He had been straight with her from the start, she would understand that at least.

But that was the thing which nagged at him, just how understanding she had been, Obviously she was hurt, he could hear it in her voice. But she didn't react at all. For all he knew she could have been responding to a cancelled board meeting at Division or some other non-event like that. Was that all she had thought of him as? Something to pass the time? Then, confusing him even more she said she was happy he had made things up with Terri.

He could still hear the awkward silence after she had said that, which he had felt the need to fill. Looking back he wished he had just left the air hanging uncomfortably between them.

"Me too." Two words, and possibly the most insensitive response he could have conjured. He hadn't meant it to sound the way it did, and he was telling the truth, he was happy. But when the words came out he instantly regretted it, he felt like he had just insulted her, poured salt into the wound, twisting the blade around once more.

Of course, in true Nina fashion, she didn't seem to notice it, she didn't seem to care. If he had hurt her she would never let him see it, so he was clue less as to how she was responding to this. How would things be between them at work next week... He knew he would just have to be as professional as possible and guessed that they would both act like nothing had even happened, but he couldn't help but dread walking into the office on Tuesday morning. Would she ignore him, give him the hard stare all day? Or would she give him the guilt trip instead? He knew the latter wasn't really Nina, but he wasn't looking forward to the alternative either.

But that doesn't matter... he told himself sternly. I'm not at work until Tuesday, and we will deal with it then. He got up pushing the thoughts of Nina to the back of his mind, he really didn't need this now. He was moving back in with his family tomorrow, the last thing he needed was to be on a guilt trip about his ex-girlfriend. Should she even be classed as that? Did it even matter? The important thing was that he got rid of the thoughts, from now on he had to be totally focused on Terri and Kim. They were all that mattered now, they were all that had ever mattered.

The night had passed agonisingly slow, Jack recalled, compared to his first night back home. Since he walked through the door at 8 a.m. he could not tell you where the time had gone. He drove home with his few bags stacked in the back seat, the radio on and all the windows down, he wanted to be in the best mood before he got home. He felt incredible since he had handed his keys back to the stubby landlord, he hadn't realised how much those set of keys had been weighing him down, a constant reminder of what he was missing out on. But he wasn't missing out on anything now, he had it all, and was going to keep it too.

The two had made a vow to that as soon as Terri herd him knock at the still locked door. She had rushed to open it and flung her arms around his neck as he had pulled her closer to him before they locked themselves in an eternal kiss. They both knew after that moment what they were doing, they were committing themselves to each other once more, in a less formal way than their marriage had been. That was their way of saying that they were going to keep going, nothing would stop them. They were assuring each other that from that moment onwards they were going to be there for each other to the end, no matter what obstacles they faced in the future.

He could still feel the kiss now, as he stared up at the black ceiling of their room. Terri was sleeping lightly next to him, tired from their previous activities, but Jack couldn't sleep. All he could think about was how he had his wife next to his and his daughter just down the hallway, nothing could make the image more perfect. That was all that kept running through his mind, how lucky he was, to be here with these two examples of perfection. His family. His wife, and daughter. And now he had them both back to himself.

He had been surprised by the welcome from Terri, and after that any worries they may have had were gone. After that they were both certain of what they were doing, there would be no second thoughts. Once they had recovered form their greeting he had asked her if Kim was home, and she was. He sneaked down the hallway and opened her door a crack to see her angelic face sleeping soundly. He closed the door again and decided to let her sleep. He had brought his three black bags in the house and left them in the hallway, certain they would be the first thing she saw when she left her room.

Just under an hour later he was besides Terri in the kitchen when he herd his daughters confused voice.

"What are the bags for?"

He could hear the anticipation in her voice. She knew they were her fathers but didn't want to get her hopes up in case he wasn't coming home.

"They are mine. I wont be needing them any more."

He could still picture the look on her face as she saw him, herd his words. He was home. He was staying home. Her face had twisted in surprise and joy as she had ran towards his at full speed, pulling him into an enormous hug that seemingly lasted forever. Much later she reluctantly released him, but never left his side. She bombarded him with frantic questions, wanting confirmation that this was real, that her dream wasn't going to be snatched away from her before she could make it real. She saw her mothers face as she watched the two talk, her expression warm, happy. That told her everything she needed to know and more.

Her father was home, they were a family again.

END

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