Ben, Kevin and Gwen were hanging out in Ben's garage. It was a slow day, and none of them had much to do. Gwen was reading a book entitled Magic: A Sorceress's Guide to Spells and Incantations. Ben was playing a handheld game, and Kevin was buffing his beloved car.
Suddenly, Kevin was overtaken by the urge to blow ass. He dilated his ass hole to the size of a jawbreaker and let it rip, just like on Beyblade. Unfortunately, it wasn't just a fart. His pants were suddenly blasted by an assault of half-liquid shit; slimy and filled with chunks of semi-digested corn. It looked like oatmeal and like smelled goat cheese.
"Oh, shit." He said under his breath, unfazed by the irony of what he'd just said.
Ben dropped his game and walked up to him. "Hey, Kevin," he said. "Can you give me and Julie a ride on Saturday?"
"Fuck you, I just shit my pants." Kevin said. "And this time it was an accident."
"I don't care if you're shit or not, I just need a ride." Ben told him.
Kevin got in his face, giving Ben a waft of shit fumes, which caused him to get hard.
"Forget it, cock-munch. I'm not going anywhere until I can get a tampon up my ass."
For a moment, Ben said nothing. They just stood there, two men facing each other, one with a boner the size of a grenade launcher, and the other one with his pants brimming with chunky ass barf.
Finally, Ben burst out, "This is bullshit. Either you give me a ride, or I'm gonna whip out my dick and scream bloody murder."
"I told you, NOT UNTIL I PLUG UP MY ASS!!" Kevin screamed at the top of his nipples.
"You think I GIVE A WITCH'S TIT?!" Ben yelled back, causing Gwen to roll her eyes and then go inside to get her rabbit. "My fun parts are harder than sheet rock!"
"Good. Now you're all set to go fuck yourself," Kevin spat.
That really pissed Ben off. He bum rushed Kevin and jammed his thumb up his ass hole. Unfortunately, Ben had forgotten to take into account that Kevin's asshole was in a sensitive state. As soon as his thumb made contact with Kevin's sphincter, Ben was hit with an enormous blast of foamy, reeking shit smoothie. It hit him with so much pressure, by the time he got out of the blast radius he had corn stuck between his teeth. This caused his already over inflated boner to become even harder than diamond.
"Dammit, Kevin!" Ben yelled as he wiped the colon cobbler from his face. "What the hell did you eat that made you shit this much?!"
Kevin thought for a minute. "It was your grandpa," he said.
"What? What did Grandpa Max have to do with this?" Ben demanded.
"I gave him a blowjob and he made me swallow," Kevin explained. "With all the alien shit he does, his semen is probably like, a radioactive laxative."
"You did WHAT?!" Ben screamed.
"You heard me. I sucked his wiener until my teeth were embedded into his scrotum. Then I helped him pick the gum out of his butt hair."
Ben stared at him, open-mouthed in disgust and shock. "You little fucking ass bandit! I'm gonna KILL YOU!"
"Bring it on, Tennison. I'm gonna fuck you like I fucked your grandpa." Kevin set his hand on the cement floor and coated himself in a thick layer of concrete. Then he rushed in.
With a light speed blur of motion, Ben jammed his hand down his pants, whipped out his engorged penis, and slapped Kevin down with it. The concrete coating on Kevin's body shattered, and he fell to the ground, defeated.
Ben stood over his trout-slapped opponent, breathing heavily. "That's what you get, you stupid little semen-sucker."
Just then, Julie walked up to Ben's garage. "Ben?" She called.
Startled, Ben whirled around to face her. He was covered in shit, and his massive boner was poking over the top of his jeans. "Julie . . . I-uh . . ." he stammered. "I'm sorry you had to see this . . ."
She cut him off. "Wow, Ben." She breathed. "That shit is making me really horny."
Ben was speechless for a moment. "Oh, that figures." He said. "I really should have known that shit turns you on, with you being Japanese and all. Believe me, I WATCH Hentai."
"Okay, let's fuck." She said, ripping her clothes off.
Ben stripped down to his boner and started fucking Julie hard, cowgirl-style. After a minute, Ben pulled his dick out of her even though neither of them had climaxed.
"Ben, what the fuck?" she said, ignoring the irony. "What's the point of having sex halfway? There's no climax."
"I know," he said. "Just like this story."
The End.