"Fight Again."
Jack laid on the edge of the bed with his eyes gently closed. He could feel Kate's delicate fingers running gently over the frown lines engraved in his sweaty forehead. He silently thanked God for making her let him in. If she too had turned her back on him he didn't know what he would have done. Kim had turned him away, and she was his daughter. There was nobody else, no family and certainly no friends. Just Kate. He smiled as he thought about how she had hurriedly led him through the house and onto the couch, realising instantly that something was wrong with him - and he hadn't said a single word. He had rang the bell and simply asked if there was some place for him to lie down - if she didn't mind that was.
He hadn't been able to go back to his place as their were still agents there combing through everything looking for evidence to hold against him for the addiction. He didn't see the point seen has he had confessed to it in the interview anyway. Maybe they just wanted to be certain they would have enough evidence against him so they could put him away once he returned from rehab. If he ever got that far - he'd already started stalling by coming here. One more night, which he knew would lead into another and then another - would he ever go to rehab?
He knew he would soon turn back to the drug if C.T.U didn't make him go, after all it was his only allie now, his only comfort. Still, he did want to get off it and if that meant going to rehab he would - but he couldn't tonight, he was too tired and weak. He feared it slightly. As much as he wanted to be clean again he didn't know if he could live without that pure numb sensation. And what if he didn't make it through rehab? What if he wasn't strong enough to get clean? That was his fear, and that was why he was putting it off as long as possible. He was afraid.
Just like he had been afraid of Kate turning him away. But she hadn't, she had done the opposite instead and let him in with open arms. But then Kate was a completely different aspect to a rehab centre. She was kind and caring and wasn't trying to make his give up the only thing he had. Yes she didn't know about it, but still... well, he'd just see how he got on tonight. Hopefully she wouldn't catch on too fast and disown him as Kim had.
He felt the pain in his stomach come to a crescendo but tried to hide it from showing on his face. It didn't matter as Kate could see the way his body kept tensing. He herd her whisper into his ear, he couldn't hear what she was saying but it was still comforting.
Kate sat and watched him lay on the bed, her eyes filled with worry. There was definitely something wrong with him. Firstly he shows up at her door exhausted asking if he can come in, claiming that there was nowhere else for him to go. That was strange in itself - she knew from their previous history that Jack didn't have many friends, but he had Kim.
The two were extremely close, so what had happened to make Jack turn to her instead of his daughter?
She also found it curious that he was curled up in her bed sweating badly, despite the air condition that was keeping the atmosphere nice and cool. She had a few suspicions but tried to push them out from her head. Right now Jack needed a friend, someone who he could trust to care for him, and that was what she was going to be. She wasn't going to scare him away by firing questions at him, she had learnt from her mistakes that it would only scare him away.
All she wanted right now was to make him better, make him whole again. But she knew that despite his trust for her he wouldn't come clean with whatever he was hiding, he probably thought doing so would somehow hurt her. So he would suffer in silence with whatever secret was eating away at him this time.
He could hear her whispering his name quietly, then a little louder. She sounded far away but when he opened his eyes their faces were merely inches apart. They were so close he could smell her. He couldn't help but be reminded of old times, before he managed to get himself knee deep in this mess. He looked into her eyes and saw worry. He felt even more guilty at himself for putting her through this.
"Can I get you something?" She asked speaking up, afraid he couldn't hear her, and afraid he wouldn't need anything from her.
"Some water would be nice thanks." He croaked, breaking off to cough for a moment.
He watched as she hurried out of the room, and was now angry at himself for bringing her into this. It was his problem, and the last thing Kate needed was a guilt trip from him.
Kate hurried back into the room and switched the second lamp on to give it a little more light. She couldn't help but take note of how he tried to shield his eyes from it at first, and the room was a dull and dim at best.
Kate leant on the bed next to Jack and helped hold his head up as he drank from the glass greedily, savouring the taste that the cold ice water left in his mouth. He couldn't believe how weak he was, he couldn't even hold his head up. He was embarrassed that Kate was seeing him in this state and began to worry - things were getting bad and he needed to get somewhere where he could deal with this or fix. He couldn't go much longer, not here anyway.
He rolled painfully onto his side slowly and faced Kate, who was now laid down next to him, still transfixed with worry. He gently held her hand and said 'thank you' before closing his eyes drowsily and drifting back to sleep. For some reason he felt safe sleeping here, he could trust Kate.
Kate watched him sleep and then went and placed a cold wash cloth on his forehead, determined to make him as comfortable as possible while he was here. She didn't want him to leave - she had a pretty good idea what was up with him and wanted to help him fix it. She decided that she would talk to him when he woke, if he was feeling better and find out what was going on. Surely something was wrong for him to turn to her after all of this time. Not that she was mad he had, if anything she felt hope for him. Having done meant he was taking a step forward, he was finally trying to help himself which was progress in the very least.
Jack knew Kate was watching him, he could just feel it, her eyes burning into him. He didn't mind though, he didn't care about anything now - except maybe one thing... He opened his eyes and blinked a few times to get the blur that had accumulated while he slept away. He could see her sat typing away on her lap top, glancing over at him more than she was the screen. When there eyes finally met he smiled weakly. She got up and rushed over and Jack was suddenly self conscious about how he must look. Just what was he doing here, turning her life upside down?
All his doubts were gone when he felt Kate's hand on his, he could see she cared. Even if it was only as a friend, it was more than anyone else was offering him at the moment. She cleared her throat and began to speak, she was unsure what his reaction to her words would be. She hoped she didn't scare him away.
"I was watching the news. You and Tony prevented some deadly outbreak."
Jack just nodded and closed his eyes briefly, he knew he owed her some sort of explanation. For the first time he realised that he didn't mind baring all to her - she deserved it, after all. Not that knowing what he went through today was some sort of prize, but he felt she had a right to know anyway.
"The cordilla virus." He muttered, hearing her gasp as he spoke.
"Your not infected are you, is that what's wrong?" He watched her panic for a moment as she held a shaky hand to her mouth in shock.
"No... its not that." He whispered.
She looked at him concern showing through more than ever now, as she waited for him to tell her what was wrong with him. She wasn't going to push, she could sense that he was going to tell her on his own.
"Heroin." He whispered, barely audible. He looked down to avoid her eyes, he wouldn't meet them.
Kate was shocked of course but felt even more emotion from the way he looked, ashamed of himself, disgusted. She didn't care about his habit she was sure there was some explanation and that he probably did it in the line of duty. What she did care about was the single tear now running down his cheek.
She gently wiped it away with a tissue and kissed his cheek softly, lingering there longer than was necessary to help him understand that she wasn't mad at him, and that more importantly, she wasn't turning her back on him either. Jack finally looked up at her trying to gauge a response.
"I'm sorry." He said, he really shouldn't have come here, she didn't need this.
"I'm sorry too." She said back. She really was. For him to have another burden to carry on his shoulders. Surely it was going to get too much for him at one point - maybe it had, maybe that was why he was now here, struggling with withdrawal from a harmful drug.
Jack smiled, she really was something. How could someone be so caring that they apologise for their problems, after you dump them into their life? He closed his eyes and began to tell her about his addiction, how it started well before the Salazar's, how he covered it up, how he sacrificed Michelle, that Tony going to jail. About Kim turning her back on him, Chases ordeal, everything. He held nothing back, he let it all out. Although it was painful to do so it felt good to finally be able to get it off his chest too.
As he finished telling her of the events of the day he closed his eyes, exhausted. He had been awake just over an hour but it was too much for his body to take, the withdrawal was certainly taking its toll. With his eyes still closed her herd sobs coming from Kate, and he felt his heart shatter. He had done it again. Showed up, forced himself on her and then upset her. He only opened his eyes when he felt Kate's hand on his cheek. He looked up at her and was still so mad at himself. Kate instantly recognised this and realised she needed to be blunt or he would never understand that not everything was his fault.
"I'm not sad because of you Jack." She managed through the sobs, stopping to take another deep breath to calm herself. "I'm crying because I am so sorry that you have had to go through this alone. I should have never pushed you away, and because I did, you had to go through this, with nobody..." She broke off to let more sobs through, the tears still rolling down her cheeks, faster and faster.
Jack pushed himself into a sitting position so he could wrap an arm around her as she cried, trying to comfort her. He held her close and told her how she had done nothing wrong, it was all his fault. It didn't make her feel better it upset her even more as her message to him wasn't getting across. So he held her tight as she cried further into the night until he found sleep once more.
Jack awoke once more through the night to find his arm now resting around a pillow, Kate was no longer by his side. He looked around the room slowly whilst silently assessing his own condition before wondering what it was that had woken him. The smell of pizza, that was it. He could hear Kate walking up the stairs and as he waited for her to arrive he noticed that the second lamp had been switched off again. Their was now a blanket resting over him which hadn't been their before, but it looked as though he had kicked it off as he had slept.
Kate came wondering into the room and was happy to see he was awake again. She smiled and explained that she thought he must be hungry, so she had ordered a pizza. She frowned for a minute as through something had hit her, before realising that he may not be able to keep any food down. As she voiced her thought Jack had laughed slightly and told her it was a nice thought but it would be better if he skipped dinner. She smiled too, happy to hear him laugh again, despite his condition it seemed his mood was lightening, as though he too had seen the light at the end of the tunnel.
After she returned with the water for Jack she removed the pizza from the room and laid next to him on the bed once more. She was happy that he was here and despite the circumstances, happy that he had confided to her with his problems of the days troubling events. He could trust her and he had confided in her. She had to laugh at the irony of it - all of the nights spent arguing because he wouldn't open up to her. Then almost a year after the separation he showed up at her door out of the blue and spilled everything to her, without much probing either.
She gripped his hand slightly stronger as she thought about this. She didn't want to let go - not just for her own sake, but for his too. She wondered what he would have done if she had turned him away as Kim had. Would he have took more of the drug? Probably. But she also thought he may have done something more drastic than that. Suicide. She couldn't let that happen. Instead she would be their for him and help him through this, just as she had helped him through his recovery after the harrowing day they first met. She would be a friend for him at the very least.
She looked over at him and saw him sleeping once more, now shivering with goose bumps on his sleeveless arms. She pulled the blanket back over him and closed her eyes too. She felt guilty for thinking such a thing, but a part of her was happy he had turned to the drugs. If he hadn't then he wouldn't be here next to her now. She fell asleep thinking about how she would help him through this. How she would be their for him, and hopefully in the future, how he would be their for her too.
And maybe, just maybe some sort of relationship would develop between the two. Platonic was okay, but she would prefer something more than that, something like what they once had. They could make it work this time, they had both learned how to fight for what they needed. Each other.
Reviews are good!
Thanks everybody who reviewed it first time around.
I like this one :D