A/N: Hello new readers and perhaps some of my old gang? Aww who am I kidding, it's been two years. This is a darker look at Kingdom Hearts. Also, true to me and to my writing, this will be a Sora/Riku pairing. Set at no particular time, apart from the games obviously. I had a lot of fun with the characters here, so don't be mad if your favorite character seems just a little… off. :) Without further ado, enjoy.
Disclaimer: I don't not own nothing. :) No quotes, characters, anything.
- In His Mind -
Chapter 1
And suppose there are other worlds... then ours is just a little piece of something much greater. So we could have just as easily ended up somewhere else, right?
One who knows nothing can understand nothing.
We can't let fear stop us! I'm not afraid of the darkness!
Kairi! Remember what you said before? I'm always with you too. I'll come back to you... I promise!
I know you will!
Sora, you lazy bum! I knew I'd find you snoozing down here.
If two people share one, their destinies become intertwined. They'll remain a part of each other's lives no matter what. C'mon, I know you want to try it!
My heart may be weak. And sometimes, it may even give in. But deep down, there's a light that never goes out!
That's good. Sora... don't ever change.
Don't ever forget: wherever you go, I'm always with you.
Giving up already? C'mon, Sora, I thought you were stronger than that.
Mr. Hikari? It's time for your meds. Please sit up.
Bright white lights woke Sora up from his trance. The same bright white lights he had been staring at for hours, now came into clear view. He could still hear the voices as he sat up on his bed, which let out an indignant creak, as took the small paper cup from the nurse.
"Thank you." He said shortly, taking another, larger paper cup filled with tap water. He looked up at her and gave her a small, fake smile. She wasn't budging. He swished them all down with the water and handed the two cups back to her with the same empty smile.
Still she waited. She smiled politely, expecting something more from him. After a few more moments of patient waiting, she put her hands on her hips.
"Mr. Hikari, you know you have to open your mouth so I can see that you've taken them."
Sora briefly grimaced at her, openly showing his dislike. He had stopped caring about politeness long ago. He finally gave up and took the pills slowly, hating every minute of it as he felt them stick to his throat on the way down.
"Very good. I'll be back around dinner time, okay?" she said with an artificial smile and a sugary voice.
Sora offered her no reply. He lay back down slowly with a glazed look in his eyes. He stared straight ahead at the ceiling and tuned in to the voices in his head once more.
Heart or no heart, at least he still has a conscience.
While we're in other worlds, we can't let on where we're from. We've gotta protect the world border.
There's someone with a "key"-the key to our survival.
We need that key or we're doomed!
"Mr. Hikari? Excuse me, Mr. Hikari-"
"It's world 'order', idiot…" Sora mumbled, his vision blurring momentarily as a figure appeared in front of the light he was staring at.
"Excuse me?" they asked in a confused tone. "Ahem, Mr. Hikari, what did we say when we talked about staring directly into these lights for so long? You'll go blind."
"Blind and crazy. Not a bad combination if you ask me, doc. Sort of like a two-in-one deal." Sora said, meeting the doctor's eyes.
"Well, I can assure that you won't be so nonchalant when you wake up one day and the whole world has gone dark." The doctor commented with a distasteful look at Sora.
Darkness of the heart…
Sora blinked hard a few times, both clearing his head and his vision of remaining spots.
"So what's up today, doc? More meds for me?"
The doctor looked down at his clipboard. "No, actually, Mr. Hikari. That is, unless you would like something more."
Sora smiled widely, mockingly so. "I do enjoy being pumped full of chemicals, as we both know."
The doctor did not smile. He spoke in monotone, as if he had said this countless times before but never cared about what he was saying. "Sora, I've told you, we are not 'pumping you full of chemicals', as you so eloquently phrased it. We are trained physicians trying to help you with your condition."
Sora laughed, waving back a forth slightly from the residual effects of his last dosage. "Yes, 'my condition'. You meant to say 'stuff the loony full of meds and make him seem even crazier'."
The doctor frowned at him and chose to avoid the argument. "Let's move on, shall we?"
He consulted his clipboard and brought a small chair around to the side of Sora's bed, sitting down carefully and crossing his legs. Every move he made was forced and strained. He never looked up from the clipboard. Sora struggled to scoot further up the bed and lean against the wall to keep himself from slumping over.
Finally, the doctor spoke. "Tell me Sora, where are we?"
Sora closed his eyes. "Twilight Islands Treatment Facility."
"And how long have you been here for?" he asked, scribbling on his clipboard. The sound got into Sora's head, dulling his senses with the white noise.
"Three years, next Tuesday. Exactly." He said, still keeping a blank expression on his face, although he had begun to sweat.
"And do you know who I am, Mr. Hikari?"
Sora looked up slowly at the man who had just asked him that question. Every fiber of his being was screaming the answer at him. The tan skin, the long white hair pulled back in a ponytail. Those golden orange eyes. The truth was obvious. The lie that his head told him was also obvious. Why was it so hard to tell the truth? Maybe the lie is the truth, after all.
"Dr. Xansem."
"Are you sure? I sense some uncertainty."
Ansem. Xemnas. Ansem. You're Ansem.
"No, Dr. Xansem. I've known you for nearly a year now." He spat out, relieved with himself.
"Now, who are you?"
"Sora Hikari." He said quickly, automatically.
The doctor scribbled on his clipboard again. It was driving Sora crazy, for lack of a better word. He was sweating and looking anxiously at Dr. Xansem's rapidly moving pen. The lie inside his head always screamed at him to speak it. He began to confuse which was the lie and which he was expected to say, the "truth".
Dr. Xansem looked at him for a long string of moments. It was like he wanted to let Sora sweat it out. To let doubt pollute him even further. To torture him.
"Frankly, I'm not sure that you believe anything you just told me."
Sora shook his head slowly, looking directly in his eyes. Those familiar, evil eyes.
"No, Dr. Xansem, I know where and who I am." He said, his voice cracking slightly from the dryness of his mouth and throat. He had to convince him.
"See, I'm not so sure of that Sora." He repeated. "For the past year you've been telling me differently, save just recently. I think you're lying to me, trying to take the easy way out. Now that won't help anyone, will it?" the doctor said coldly, making sure to carefully accentuate every word.
"No doctor. But I have gotten better-" Sora began urgently.
"That's not what the nurses tell me, Mr. Hikari. They've reported violent behavior from you when they try to give you your medication."
Sora swallowed, hard. This could mean the end. Goodbye, hope. Sayonara, freedom. Still, he had to try.
"I'm not sure I know what you mean, doctor." He said quietly.
Dr. Xansem looked down and began to flip backwards through the pages pinned to the clipboard. He sighed and stopped, tracing his finger where he read.
"Patient resisted care, refusing to take medication. Complained about desire to escape and find a 'Kairi'. Had to restrain and sedate patient." The doctor flipped back a couple of pages, beginning to read once more.
"Patient showed signs of violence when lights were dimmed or turned off. Mr. Hikari complained about the threat of 'the darkness invading his heart'. Patient was restrained and sedated."
Dr. Xansem looked up to Sora, who was avoiding his eyes. "Do I need to read further?"
Sora did not respond. He was afraid that his actions had been reported, had known this asshole would throw it back in his face like this. But he simply couldn't help it.
"Sora, with these outbursts about 'Kingdom Hearts' and 'the darkness', not to mention all of these imaginary people, we are very concerned that you haven't recovered from any of your symptoms in the entire year you've been here. I'll have to increase your medication dosage. Hopefully that will have an effect on your schizophrenia." The doctor began scribbling on his clipboard again.
Sora clenched his fists so hard that he thought he might break his own hands. No. NO. They can't sedate me anymore. They're killing me with all of this damn medication. They want me to distinguish between the fantasy and reality? What a better way than to turn my brain to mush. I can't stay here any longer, it's making everything worse. I can't stop these voices in my head… how much longer can I stand this?
He was shaking now, and the doctor noticed.
"Mr. Hikari? Is everything okay?" the doctor asked, more concerned about himself than Sora.
Sora couldn't answer; he was so furious that he was being cheated out of a chance to get out of this hell because they would never believe his lies and he would never stop hearing these damn voices. He was trapped in this prison with bleach white walls and horrible, sterile people. Trapped with the voices and the darkness. Trapped inside his label: "schizophrenic".
"Sora? Are you alright? Stop clenching your fists." He reached out to grab Sora's hands and try to unclench his fists. He was shaking so much and clenching his fists so hard that he had begun to dig his nails into his palms and bleed.
"Nurse!" the doctor called when he was unable to break Sora's grip. He was standing now, getting Sora to lie down and trying to hold him down on the bed.
"He's seizing, get me a sedative!" the doctor shouted, but Sora could no longer hear or see anything in the hospital room.
He was falling, falling, and falling. Falling deeper into the dark waters.
He felt his eyelids flutter open and his body turn slightly, so that he was now falling vertically. He landed softly on a platform. He looked around in confusion, then took a slight step forwards. Doves, everywhere. He was blinded for a moment by the movement of so many white wings. He saw bright tiles below him, all around him, and above him were the white doves, flying into the darkness above.
I've been having these weird thoughts lately...like is any of this for real, or not?
A/N: Yay! I'm really excited for this one. Part 2, coming soon! Please review and let me know what you thought so far.