Title: A Fallen Angel's Plea
Rating: T
Word Count: 703
Disclaimer: I do not, and never will, own Supernatural or any of its characters.
Author's Note: I kinda just wrote this on a whim. Emmy and I kinda play around with the whole personifying Dean and Cas thing. I'm Castiel and she's Dean. I just finished watching Season 6, and to make all the harmful feels go away, I just started writing an apology to 'Dean'. I am horribly sorry if Castiel is a bit off. I have never explored the Supernatural fandom and haven't written anything of this nature yet. I hope that I did a satisfactory job. Please, read and enjoy. Don't forget to comment :)
Dean? I am sorry for how all this all went. My mistakes are many and grievous. Even if it is too late-even if there is no place for me left in your heart- I want you to know, I wasn't myself; not really. The chance to finally achieve freedom clouded my vision. I wanted it so bad I could taste it. But it was still just beyond my reach. I know now that I was prideful and flawed.
I thought that my idea of happiness for my brothers and sisters could only be achieved by one way, and the way was dark and shadowed by the perpetual stink of demons. And yet, I still carried on, not realizing what I was doing to you; to us.
If there was anything I could do to take it all back, I would. I would have taken a different path to defeat Raphael; to ensure that the apocalypse never occurred. But at the time, my back was against the wall, as you humans put it. I saw no other path, just the one that led to the destruction of a bond I held so dear.
Once consumed, the souls of purgatory corrupted me; filled me with a power I was not used too. It thrummed through my veins, clouded my mind in a haze of darkness; like an eclipse that stains the ever luminescent sun. As Bobby had put it so colorfully, and so utterly human; I was a Superman that had gone dark side. And you? You, Dean, were my Kryptonite, so to speak.
I was at war with myself. Hurt you? Or let you go? Everything in me wanted to keep you safe, to be the angel on your shoulder, to keep you safe from harm. But that darker part, the part that blackened my soul, cried out to have you killed, to keep you from destroying everything. That part of me swore that you would disrupt my plans and ruin everything that had been done so far. Even though that side was stronger, was in control, I could not let that happen. I could never bring myself to hurt you, to lay a hand upon your head.
The real me, the me that you loved the most, even if you never said so yourself,fought hard against the chains that constrained it. That part, the wholly good part, tore itself apart to break free; thrashing against the heated metal, flaying its skin. Somehow, the purity won and break free it did.
Chaos reigned behind my vessel's eyes as the two halves, the darkness and light, fought for control. And rising from the bottom, from my own personal form of perdition, the goodness in me returned; bruised, beaten, and broken.
I fought against this corruption for one thing, one person alone.
You.
You were my one weakness, Dean. You unraveled the steel that locked around my heart, kept me tethered to the darkness, and broke something free. You brought back the humanity in me.
In short, I am here, broken and bloody, asking for a forgiveness that I surely do not deserve. I broke every promise I ever made to you, Dean, and trammeled across what was left of your will. I ungratefully tossed everything back into your face; denied all the good you had ever done for me in one selfish act. I chose the wrong path, a path my Father never wanted for me to take.
And for that, I am sorry. I am sorry for all the confusion and pain I brought, sorry that you can never truly find it in yourself to fully trust me.
I know that I don't deserve to be in your presence, or to even inquire this of you, but I have to ask it, Dean. If there is any possibility of us mending the bond broken between us, please, do not hesitate to call upon me. Be assured that I will always answer your plea, for you are the one man that I considered family, an even greater family than one of my own brothers in the garrison. I loved you, Dean, and still do with everything in my being. And I always will.
-Castiel