Title: A Crime Against Gandalf
Author: Kitty-Rose (seraphimoftheskies@hotmail.com) Pairing: Frodo/Sam Rating: leading up to NC-17
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Other Stuff: Angsty fluffy probably movie-verse but nothing movie-specific. Adopted a plot bunny at the library of moria, and this is the result.
I
"Merry?"
"Yes, Pip?"
"I'm worried about Frodo."
There was a pause while Merry sighed and rolled over in his bedding to face Pippin. "I know, so am I, and it's hardly a surprise that he's upset. but there's nothing we can do. He has to do all these things that are hurting him."
Pippin nodded sadly. "Well, at least he's got Sam."
"Yeah," Merry ruffled Pippin's hair comfortingly, and then yawned. "Can I go back to sleep again now, Pippin?"
*** Merry and Pippin weren't the only ones worried about Frodo that night. Sam lay awake too, as close to his master as he could get without waking him up. Frodo was curled up tightly in his bedding, shivering slightly and face creased in a deep frown. Sam had to fight the urge to reach out and stroke his master's cheek comfortingly, but that'd only wake Mr Frodo up, and besides it looked like he needed more than that to comfort him.
He shifted on his elbows to see if he could work out what was in Mr Frodo's clenched fists. One, Sam managed to see, was clearly empty, but the other was somewhere underneath Mr Frodo's delicate body, and Sam couldn't see. As he leaned forward, he saw the ring hanging loosely against Mr Frodo's chest.
Sam frowned. It couldn't be the ring that was affecting Mr Frodo then. So what was it?
At that moment, Mr Frodo woke up suddenly with a jolt. Sam jerked too, and it was too late to pretend to have been asleep. Their eyes met, and Sam's were wide with apology and guilt. Mr Frodo's expression however was unwelcoming, still frowning, and he rolled over to face the other way.
Sam felt an ache in his heart and wondered what he could do to help his poor master. "Mr Frodo."
"What?" Frodo replied, shortly, not turning round.
"Are you. alright.?"
"I'm fine, Sam."
Sam wanted to say something else, but he wasn't sure quite what he wanted to say, or what Mr Frodo wanted to hear. So he said nothing, and tried to get back to sleep.
***
There were plenty of things that Frodo wanted to say, he just didn't dare. What would Sam do if Frodo told him the truth? That no, he wasn't alright at all but not to feel sorry for him because he'd brought it on himself? That it was his fault that Gandalf was dead, and that the only reason why no-one had realised this yet was because they were so wracked with grief?
No, he couldn't have said that to Sam, even though it broke his heart to keep things from his trusted companion. He'd always told Sam everything, although he supposed he'd never had a big secret like this before. Never imagined ever doing anything like this.
Gandalf had trusted him, had asked him to choose where they would travel. Through Moria, or through Rohan? And Frodo had panicked; he hadn't been responsible and wise like Gandalf had trusted him to be. He hadn't ever been to either, hadn't spoken to anyone about either, and so he just blurted out "Moria" because he had no idea which would have been the better option. Why didn't he know more about it? He'd known for some time that he was going to have to leave the Shire, why hadn't he researched the matter? Why had he just assumed that Gandalf was going to look after him the whole time?
And so they had passed through Moria, because Frodo said they should, and they had lost Gandalf, because Frodo hadn't known a simple thing. He'd brought it on himself, Frodo reminded himself, he should have known better. Now he wasn't been looked after by Gandalf at all and it served him right. He didn't even deserve to have Strider and Boromir and the others to look out for him. He didn't even deserve Sam watching him while he slept, always with that look of concern.
He wished he could say something to Sam, roll over and reach out for his best friend, and take comfort in his arms. But why should he deserve that, after what he'd done? Sam would hug him close, and ask what was wrong, and as soon as Frodo had told him, Sam would be horrified. He'd think back to everything that had happened, realise how much of it had been Frodo's fault, and push him away. He'd tell the others, and Frodo would be all alone. Even if he deserved to be all alone, Frodo was too scared to make it happen, and he hated himself for being such a coward and not facing up to what he'd done.
He would have to keep his crime against Gandalf to himself, even though he hated himself all the more for it.
Author: Kitty-Rose (seraphimoftheskies@hotmail.com) Pairing: Frodo/Sam Rating: leading up to NC-17
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Other Stuff: Angsty fluffy probably movie-verse but nothing movie-specific. Adopted a plot bunny at the library of moria, and this is the result.
I
"Merry?"
"Yes, Pip?"
"I'm worried about Frodo."
There was a pause while Merry sighed and rolled over in his bedding to face Pippin. "I know, so am I, and it's hardly a surprise that he's upset. but there's nothing we can do. He has to do all these things that are hurting him."
Pippin nodded sadly. "Well, at least he's got Sam."
"Yeah," Merry ruffled Pippin's hair comfortingly, and then yawned. "Can I go back to sleep again now, Pippin?"
*** Merry and Pippin weren't the only ones worried about Frodo that night. Sam lay awake too, as close to his master as he could get without waking him up. Frodo was curled up tightly in his bedding, shivering slightly and face creased in a deep frown. Sam had to fight the urge to reach out and stroke his master's cheek comfortingly, but that'd only wake Mr Frodo up, and besides it looked like he needed more than that to comfort him.
He shifted on his elbows to see if he could work out what was in Mr Frodo's clenched fists. One, Sam managed to see, was clearly empty, but the other was somewhere underneath Mr Frodo's delicate body, and Sam couldn't see. As he leaned forward, he saw the ring hanging loosely against Mr Frodo's chest.
Sam frowned. It couldn't be the ring that was affecting Mr Frodo then. So what was it?
At that moment, Mr Frodo woke up suddenly with a jolt. Sam jerked too, and it was too late to pretend to have been asleep. Their eyes met, and Sam's were wide with apology and guilt. Mr Frodo's expression however was unwelcoming, still frowning, and he rolled over to face the other way.
Sam felt an ache in his heart and wondered what he could do to help his poor master. "Mr Frodo."
"What?" Frodo replied, shortly, not turning round.
"Are you. alright.?"
"I'm fine, Sam."
Sam wanted to say something else, but he wasn't sure quite what he wanted to say, or what Mr Frodo wanted to hear. So he said nothing, and tried to get back to sleep.
***
There were plenty of things that Frodo wanted to say, he just didn't dare. What would Sam do if Frodo told him the truth? That no, he wasn't alright at all but not to feel sorry for him because he'd brought it on himself? That it was his fault that Gandalf was dead, and that the only reason why no-one had realised this yet was because they were so wracked with grief?
No, he couldn't have said that to Sam, even though it broke his heart to keep things from his trusted companion. He'd always told Sam everything, although he supposed he'd never had a big secret like this before. Never imagined ever doing anything like this.
Gandalf had trusted him, had asked him to choose where they would travel. Through Moria, or through Rohan? And Frodo had panicked; he hadn't been responsible and wise like Gandalf had trusted him to be. He hadn't ever been to either, hadn't spoken to anyone about either, and so he just blurted out "Moria" because he had no idea which would have been the better option. Why didn't he know more about it? He'd known for some time that he was going to have to leave the Shire, why hadn't he researched the matter? Why had he just assumed that Gandalf was going to look after him the whole time?
And so they had passed through Moria, because Frodo said they should, and they had lost Gandalf, because Frodo hadn't known a simple thing. He'd brought it on himself, Frodo reminded himself, he should have known better. Now he wasn't been looked after by Gandalf at all and it served him right. He didn't even deserve to have Strider and Boromir and the others to look out for him. He didn't even deserve Sam watching him while he slept, always with that look of concern.
He wished he could say something to Sam, roll over and reach out for his best friend, and take comfort in his arms. But why should he deserve that, after what he'd done? Sam would hug him close, and ask what was wrong, and as soon as Frodo had told him, Sam would be horrified. He'd think back to everything that had happened, realise how much of it had been Frodo's fault, and push him away. He'd tell the others, and Frodo would be all alone. Even if he deserved to be all alone, Frodo was too scared to make it happen, and he hated himself for being such a coward and not facing up to what he'd done.
He would have to keep his crime against Gandalf to himself, even though he hated himself all the more for it.