Disclaimer: Sadly I don't own Twilight…or Edward…

Chapter 1 – Bella

"NO JAKE!" I screamed, throwing my soda on the floor of his garage, he was taken back immediately, not sure why I'd exploded so abruptly. I pressed my fingers to my temples like he used to do when he got angry with me. Jacob watched as I regulated my breathing, as I cooled down just a touch, ready to go at him again if necessary.

"C'mon, Bells…you know it as much as I do. He's not coming back and I love you. I wouldn't ever leave you. I'm better—" I wouldn't…no I couldn't let him finish.

"STOP IT!" I shouted, slapping him. I'm sure it hurt me more then him, though. "STOP! DON'T YOU DARE SAY IT!" I hopped out of the folding chair, losing my balance and tumbling forward. Something hot caught me around my waist.

"Easy now." The husky voice murmured. I could hear the smirk that he held on his lips.

"Let go!"

"Bella, Edward isn't coming back. Please, just forget him." Jake said. I cringed at his name, feeling the hole ready to engulf me. Jacob knew I'd already tried to forget him. He knew I'd spent all this time forcing him out of my head, never really winning. I struggled to push myself away from him, he was too strong, you know, being his werewolf self. He sighed, letting me go.

"I don't love you like that, Jacob. So stop trying so hard." I pulled my shirt down from where he'd mangled it above my belly button.

"You're such a clingy idiot, Bella! A guy leaves you and you can't even move on the tiniest bit!" Jake shouted at me, trembling.

"Easy, Bella, love. You're making him angry." The smooth voice warned me.

"I love him." I whispered, turning and leaving for my truck. I couldn't do this anymore. He'd been gone for 6 months and 4 days, and I couldn't shake that empty feeling. No, don't think about it!

I threw my truck door open, climbing in the cab. I shoved the key in the ignition, listening to it roar to life. Hold the tears in, Bella. I backed out of the Blacks' driveway and started on my way home. It was amazing how this Saturday went from perfectly normal – whatever normal was now anyway – to this.

I'd arrived at Jake's at 10, as usual, but today he'd needed up with chemistry. Little did I know what kind of chemistry we'd be working with. Mid-way through the homework, he'd put his hand on my cheek. Not like normal though, he caressed it. Like…like….

His eyes started to close as he forced himself forward, puckering his lips. I couldn't do it. I couldn't kiss him. No, no, no, no. I couldn't kiss him. Not Jacob. Not the person who was most like a brother to me. No.

I'd scooted away, telling him I couldn't, I was sorry but I couldn't. He'd seemed ok with it. Right?

"I understand." Jake had said, smiling at me. That reassured me, made me feel better. But not so much when he'd tried again an hour later, it was like he didn't get it. Didn't get what it felt like when he lost someone he loved. Didn't get what it felt like to have them not want him anymore. Didn't get what it felt like to be empty, hollow. The tears came now that I was in Charlie's driveway. I pulled the keys out of the ignition, getting out of the car. Thunder cracked above me in the sky. Would Charlie be coming home now? Again, it cracked. It reminded me of baseball…

The all too familiar hole opened up, instinctively I held my arms around my chest, incase I started to fall apart. I began walking towards the backyard, where I would find myself in the woods. A walk couldn't hurt, could it? No, not at all.

The rain came harder now, as I passed under the canopy. I tried to force the image of Jacob out of my head. The way he looked as I backed out of his driveway. The wounded expression he'd held. I knew he hurt, but not like I did. I passed the endless amounts of trees, listening to the thunder. I shook the wet matted hair out of my face, remembering when Sam found me, numb, lying on the forest floor.

I then remembered why I was on the ground…tears flooded my eyes as I fought back the sobs. Jake had tried so hard to make me feel better. Tried so hard to show me there was a world outside of this depression.

I couldn't grasp that world very long, though. Mine would swallow me whole sooner or later, laughing evilly as I drown in my tears, chocked out my sobs, and lost my way. I tried to think of something else. Maybe Senior Prom? That was coming up soon. Maybe I'd take Tyler. He wasn't with anyone at the moment was he?

His face came into view as the memory of last year's prom came to mind. The way Tyler looked when he danced with me. The tears and rain blurred my vision as I stumbled listening to my clumsy footsteps. Maybe I should head back now? A shower didn't sound so bad.

"Bella, don't cry, you'll trip." The voice cooed inside my head. So velvet and lovely. How I missed it so. I started walking again, the sobs breaking free from my lips. I struggled to breath, holding tighter to my torso.

My knees gave out, sending me face first into a mess of branches and twigs. I curled into the fetal position, gasping for air, tasting the blood that must have been all over my face. My forehead and cheeks stung instantly, why couldn't I keep it together? He didn't love me or want me, could I blame him?

I was the plainest person on the planet, and he deserved someone better. Someone who was as gorgeous as he was. Someone who would hunt and do all those vampire things he could. His own Rosalie. His own Alice. His own Esme. Maybe he left because he'd found her.

Yes, that must be it. He must have been hunting and saw her, perched perfectly on a cliff, her lips full and red from the blood she'd just ingested. I gasped for air, letting the blood drip down my face and blur my vision with red.

He would be in his jeans and white button up, hair tousled from hunting, his eyes would be a light honey gold, beautiful as ever. He'd hear her thoughts. Know that she was instantly attracted to him. He would smile his crooked smile up at her.

She'd be watching, her mountain lion dead and empty at her side. She'd be like Rosalie, tall and thin. Dressed in a dark blue silk dress and silver heals. Alice would approve. Her hair would be long, curly, and black against her white skin. Her lips would be insanely full, her eyes golden as well, making her more like a goddess. She'd be sweet, and kind, always willing to help. Esme would adore her.

His perfect match.

How could he give that up for me? Bella Swan, a plain human. One who would die in 60 years. That girl would live forever with him. He wouldn't have to hold back to kiss her. He wouldn't be tempted to drink her blood. So he'd come back to Forks to break up with me. Tell me I wasn't good enough for him. He didn't want me.

I closed my eyes, trying not to scream. This had to be true. My jeans were soaked now, I felt the wind rip right through me, who cared if I got sick. Maybe I could go jump off a cliff.

"Bella, get up! You're being crazy." His voice was angry with me, now.

"No…" I whispered, trying to sound stubborn although it was extremely shaky. The thunder cracked louder, he growled at me. "Make me." I said thickly. I'm not sure how long I lay there, trying to get his voice back in my head, or how long I was in the woods, but the sun had been down for a while. Charlie would have guys looking for me again. Better not to freak him out. I forced myself up, and onto my feet.

"Finally. You were beginning to rot, love."

"How could you do this to me?" I asked, listening to the echo of my sobs. I shook my head, trying to force them out and away. It didn't matter if this goddess loved him and he loved her. I'd love him more. He was forever a part of me. A part that was killing the rest little by little. A portion destroyed everyday he was away.

I started trudging through the trees towards Charlie's house, tears flowing freely down my cheeks. This was the only good thing about the rain, it didn't show which droplets on my face were my own, and which belonged to the sky.

The rain had stopped by the time I reached Charlie's house. He was just pulling into the driveway when I arrived. Quickly cutting off the engine of his cruiser, he got out and ran to me.

"BELLA!" He cried, putting his hands on my shoulders. "Are you ok?" I guess I looked pretty mangled as I nodded. "You're bleeding, Bella! What happened?" He asked me, pulling me to the porch. He unlocked the house, dragging me into the kitchen.

"Nothing." I answered. "I just went for a walk, and tripped, that's all." Charlie shook his head. He grabbed a dishrag, wetting it, and gave it to me.

"At least you came home this time." He muttered, watching as I set the rag on the table. With a huff, he grabbed it and brushed it gently on my cheeks. "It's all dried on there. Go get a shower kiddo, and get some sleep. Maybe you'll feel better in the morning." I nodded, taking off my jacket and going upstairs. I grabbed my old sweats and tee shirt going into the bathroom.

I looked in the mirror. My white shirt was a mess. It was completely see-through with mud and dried leaves stuck to it. Much like my jeans and hair. My forehead had fresh and dried blood slanting to two different directions, like my right cheek.

He must have left me for that Goddess. I pulled off my shirt and jeans, with my bra and underwear, starting the shower. I quickly stepped in, letting the warmth flow over my body. I turned it to cold, feeling the freezing touch of him.

"I love you…" I whispered through my chattering teeth. What were the odds he heard me? "I love you even if you don't love me." I shut the water off, drying off quickly and getting dressed. I ran a comb through my hair, thinking of when I did this the first night he stayed over. My eyes stung with tears fighting to leave and journey down my cheeks. I got out of the bathroom and into my room, shutting the door.

I fell to my knees, but something caught my eye. The way the board lifted up, so unnaturally. I grabbed it and thrust it open, only to find a box. How long had that been in there?

I opened it up.

The sobs came instantly this time, silent and breath taking. I couldn't understand why these were in here. The pictures of him and I. His face was beautiful, and my imagination had done it no justice. The way his eyes sparkled in one and looked dead in the other made my heart sink. Or what was left of it anyway.

I tried not to focus on that. I pulled the pictures up and held them to my chest, finding the CD he'd made me. I grabbed it, getting up and finding my Walkman. I slammed it shut, pressing play, and laying down, headphones on. He'd always exist. As long as I had my memories, CD, and pictures. I traced his face with my finger, memorizing it again, listing to my lullaby. The sobs broke through again, and I knew I could find him if I tried.

"I…love…you….Ed—" I couldn't finish, it was too much. The hole got bigger now, as I longed deeper for him. I threw my arm over my chest, clutching to reality, maybe I wanted the blackness of unconsciousness. Maybe he would be there, his arms extended for me to come to them. They would hold me tight against his cold hard body, letting me know he loved me again.

I could only hope, as I slipped from my lullaby and pictures into something darker.

Ok, so it's something different, isn't it? Review!