Title: Crash and Burn
Word Count: 310
Rating: K
Notes:I just wrote this because I was feeling all blegh. And I don't feel like editing it because its not really worth my time. It was kind of accurate for how I was feeling at the time though… I just kind of write for therapeutic purposes.
If you can't tell, that's Future!Castiel in The End.
He's broken. All there is left to do is choke down the pills and pretend that the world isn't swimming in the toilet and that they're not in the end times; that there is something left for him to live for. And pretend he does.
He imagines that the sun isn't blacking out and that the sky is still blue, when a haze of smog and soot is all there really is left to see. He imagines that humanity was bettered by his sacrifices, when all that's left is a race of monsters wearing human faces. Everything he touches seems to crash and burn; the brothers, the world.
There used to be life. Plants and animals used to strive in the wilderness and humans once populated these now cracked and desolate streets. Now, everything is shattered, just like the iron will he used to have.
That's not all he lost. He lost his grace, his humanity, his innocence. All that's left is this empty shell that used to contain so much goodness that it hurts to even think back on it. And so he takes more pills, chases them down with absinthe, wishing to feel nothing. He wants to welcome the numbness, the haze that so frequently clouds his mind and wipes away his haunted memories.
But all there is left to do is feel the pain that even the booze can't drown. He sees the looks sent his way, knows that he has failed. He let the older Winchester brother down, wasn't there to protect him. All he can do is accept this blame and wallow in his shame. He is nothing, will never be worth something.
There was a time when he thought he'd own the world, now he's just a bug waiting to be squashed.
He isn't strong enough to survive in this world, he never was.