Heyo all! Hee ^-^ Meggie's back!

Yami: someone shoot her. Please.

Hush fernhead! ^-^; Ano. My epic is -not- on hold, don't worry. And I'm sorry about the lack of updates. My Japanese translator has run off on a trip and cannot translate for me. Therefore, I must wait until she gets back to get chapter three out! Gomen nasai! Twisting Plans will update soon though, if I have anything to do with it!

Yami: Which means we're waiting another month.

Hush~! I promise to update more quickly! *cough* At any rate. Disclaimer fairies!

Disclaimer: Megami does not own Yugioh. Megami does not own Malik. As sad as it is, Megami does not technically own anything, nor does she have any money because that was stolen from her. MaicoGreywords is her SN, but if AOL wanted, they could take it away from her.

Thank you's~

Pikachumaniac~ I love you! Thank you! PM-chan beta-ed for me. She's the absolute best! Go read her ficcies!

Peter~ Thank you for letting me use your SN! Even though you don't know me. Hahah. No one IM DuelingKingMalik--he'll get confused =3

Warnings: Mild language. Some OOCness. Author-insertion (not in a bad way!).

~*Thursday, May 22, 2003: New Journal*~

Psycho.

Fruit.

Killer.

Maniac.

Bastard.

Deranged son of a--

Perhaps I should not type the exact words that people tend to use to describe me in this diary. I mean--yeah, it's my diary... type... thing... but really, anyone who goes online and searches Cursed_Thousand_Tears will find it. I wonder if anyone would actually do that? Look up my user name and find this thing, and then learn all about me. I'm not going to hold anything back though (besides the language thing) because then it's like wearing a mask. I never liked those things, really. 'Neesan used to make me wear one for Halloween sometimes, just to make life seem more normal for us down under ground in that hell hole of a "home" we lived in. I even wore a floor length dress and pretended to be a princess one year (Not that I didn't wear dresses all the time, I mean, we all did. Everyone in Egypt, everyone under ground.), while 'Neesan wore a makeshift prince's suit. We ran around like absolute idiots until dad got back from whatever he had been doing and lectured us. It was strange; he never actually abused 'Neesan or me, even though he nearly killed poor Rishido on a monthly (sometimes weekly) basis.

The only time dad really did anything to me was when he carved these damn scars into my back. For those of you who read this, and/or are interested in what exactly these scars look like, you can go to 'Neesan's journal. The user name for that one is Lady_Isis_Incarnate, and I assure you, if you go to her web site, you will find pictures of the stone version of the scars on my back. These are not just some silly slashes and scratches, my darlings, these are full out hieroglyphics and carvings of damned monsters. Don't believe me? That's too bad for you dumbasses. Oopsie, I've gone back on my word, haven't I? I'm swearing. Oh well. Don't like it, then leave. You've been warned; I may speak like I've been raised to be some sweet little prince, but my opinions are a bit more... would rude be the word? I think a better one could possibly be risque. That or I've got sex on the brain. Ha, ha. There had better not be any little children reading this...

Oh yeah, back on the mask thing. I've been reading around on these little sites and much to my surprise, I have found that many little children all over the world (of course, I can only read the diaries written in Arabic, French, English, and Japanese. Silly little languages...) have masks similar to mine. However, their masks are more like "I don't want my parents to know that I've cut myself on many occasions, so I won't let them see how unhappy I am" masks. Puh. Or, the ever popular "I don't want my friends to worry about me; I care about them too much" masks. Although, I guess mine is somewhat like that.

Perhaps I should tell everyone what a mask (in my opinion) is. A mask is a behavior pattern or personality put forth to keep focus on or off of the person "wearing" it; an act put on to hide pain. My mask, in this case, is to keep the pain away. I guess. I spoke to a girl online about it once--her name was Megami or something, I don't remember it. But she said that these masks are in fact, more harmful to the one wearing it, than they help. I've got a clip from our conversation saved.

MaicoGreywords: You sound a lot different right now than when you were in the chat.

DuelingKingMalik: Yeah, well... that's life. I was trying to seem 'normal' in the chat.

MaicoGreywords: You mean you were pretending?

DuelingKingMalik: Yeah.

MaicoGreywords: Like a mask.

DuelingKingMalik: Yeah...

MaicoGreywords: So you act differently around other kids to hide something.

DuelingKingMalik: Basically.

MaicoGreywords: That's not healthy.

DuelingKingMalik: What are you, a shrink?

MaicoGreywords: I could be.

DuelingKingMalik: Yeah, well, what do you propose I do instead?

MaicoGreywords: What do you have to hide?

DuelingKingMalik: Why should I tell you?

MaicoGreywords: Because I want to help you.

DuelingKingMalik: You don't even know me.

MaicoGreywords: So what?

DuelingKingMalik: If you don't know me, you shouldn't pry into my personal life.

MaicoGreywords: If you want to make friends, you shouldn't lie about yourself.

DuelingKingMalik: Lol. I guess that's true.

MaicoGreywords: Tell me? Please?

DuelingKingMalik: ...

MaicoGreywords: I've got friends who hide behind masks too. My friend Hoshi did the same thing... pretended nothing was wrong and hid behind a mask. She was always happy and stuff. Then she had a breakdown. It wasn't pretty.

DuelingKingMalik: You're saying that I'm going to have a breakdown?

MaicoGreywords: Something like that.

DuelingKingMalik: I don't plan on it.

MaicoGreywords: I don't think she did, either.

DuelingKingMalik: ...brb

MaicoGreywords: Ne, if you don't close the window, please listen, okay? Hoshi... in her case, there were a whole bunch of problems going on at home and was always depressed. All sorts of strange stuff going on with her and her family. She got really depressed and hid it for a long time. Broke down after a few years and cried practically every night for a long, long time. There was a guy involved too, but that's like... the least of her problems, I think. At any rate--she cried a lot at night... for that matter, so did I. I cried a lot for other things. Had a mask too. She's got a great quote for it... "Every mask has cracks in it", I think it is. Are you back yet?

DuelingKingMalik: ...Yeah. I'm back now. You're preaching quite a bit, aren't you?

MacioGreywords: Considering I don't know you? Yes. I am, quite a bit. But... I guess I need to say it, at least as much as you may need to hear it.

DuelingKingMalik: So you're trying to fix yourself by fixing me.

MaicoGreywords: If that's the way you see it.

DuelingKingMalik: Interesting...

MaicoGreywords: What's interesting?

DuelingKingMalik: What is your story on it? Your mask.

MaicoGreywords: You're avoiding my original question.

DuelingKingMalik: So what?

MaicoGreywords: If I answer, will you explain yours?

DuelingKingMalik: Of course 0:)

MaicoGreywords: ... -o-; you're not being serious.

DuelingKingMalik: Fine, fine, I will. Promise.

MaicoGreywords: ... Okay.

DuelingKingMalik: ... Waiting...

MaicoGreywords: I'm typing still, hon.

DuelingKingMalik: Oh.

MaicoGreywords: My mask's kind of... a repressive thing. Hide behind something that can't be seen to keep from getting hurt. I used to be this super-outgoing little chick, but I got teased a lot as a kid. Beat up, too, although I used to fight back. Then I started repressing everything; anger, sadness, pain, everything I could control, I suppressed. I never really had a lot of friends as a little kid--I was the weirdo. I wore dresses but spent my days in trees and beating up older boys. The girls didn't like me, and the guys thought I was a freak. I became a sort of recluse, and kept to myself, always drawing and writing stories in my head. I got into the whole adolescence thing and tried to get into groups; Girl Scouts, 4H, things like that. Didn't work, and got branded as a freak. I mean--I had some friends, but I wasn't very tight with them at all. They dumped me off into the dust so they could become "popular". Che... then I was a recluse again. And people teased me because I liked things that were considered uncool. So I made my "Mask". I didn't let anyone get to me and put out this horribly abrasive side to myself that I don't particularly like. Y'know? I was a total byatch to everyone around me so that they wouldn't tease me and fight with me. Some way to make friends, huh?

DuelingKingMalik: Wow, that was a lot.

MaicoGreywords: It's not all of it, but you get the idea. There was some family stuff involved before I had a breakdown.

DuelingKingMalik: ...So is this "Hoshi" you?

MaicoGreywords: No. She's had it worse on different levels.

DuelingKingMalik: I see.

MaicoGreywords: Yeah... So it's your turn. Spill it.

DuelingKingMalik: ...Okay.

And then I told her pretty much the entire story of my damn life. Oh boy. I think I traumatized her because she kept telling me she was sorry. So what if she's sorry? That doesn't change a damn thing! She isn't the one who screwed my life over; it was mainly my fault. If I hadn't ran off to the market that day, dad wouldn't have attacked Rishido, and I wouldn't have killed him. Yeah, that's right, I killed my father, loyal readers. Actually, no, it wasn't me. It was the psychopath that lives in my body! The one that nearly killed me and tried to take over the world! Big, fat, hairy difference, isn't it? If that had never happened, Shaadii wouldn't have been able to convince me that dad's death was "the will of the Pharaoh", and I wouldn't have gone into the Battle City tournament and nearly killed Yuugi, Jyounouchi, Anzu, Honda, Otogi, Mai, Kaiba, Shizuka, Mokuba, 'neesan, and Rishido! Let alone my worthless fucking self! Anyone have a problem with my language yet? I certainly hope so--get your asses out of my journal!

~To be continued~

All right. Like? No like? There will be more chapters, don't worry! This is compensation for not updating the other fic. Gomen nasai minna-san!

Translations for now and the near future:

'Neesan = Contracted Oneesan, "Big sister". (Whereas (O)Niisan would be "big brother")

-san = similar to "ms." or "mr.", just generally polite. Added onto titles and names.

-chan = usually for girls, or as a term of affection. Can also be used to tease someone.

-kun = usually for boys, or for really tomboyish girls.

-sama = very, very respectful. Sometimes translated as "lord". Can also be used to distance someone from another person.