*Explanation: Mike Newton is writing in his diary about an ordinary day. Takes place some time between Twilight and New Moon. Okay. Sorry. Just had to explain that. Let the fun begin.
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Dear Diary,
I'm not usually such a superstitious person, but I think I must've broken a mirror or walked under a ladder or seen a black cat or something. Whatever the reason, I've been having the worst luck lately. I just don't get it. Take last night for example; I was just driving around town and letting my mind wander—well really I was thinking about girls . . .one girl to be more specific . . . Anyway, so I'm just letting my mind wander when something flies through my passenger window, right past my ear—missing me by inches—and right on through my driver's side window. That's two broken windows! But that's not all there is to it. I had no idea what it was that nearly killed me, so, what do I do? I do what any logical person does: I stop the car and walk over to examine whatever it was. And guess what? I was a brick. A brick! Who throws bricks around at 9:30 at night?! That's what I wanna know.
Come to think of it, something similar happened a few days ago around our Sporting Goods store. My mother was just being nosy and asking about Bella and asking where she was and commenting that 'she was such a nice girl' and 'what did she do on her days off of work?' etc, etc. The whole scenario got me thinking. What was she doing? Probably with Cullen. She's always with Cullen. But what were they doing? Of course I started getting even more worked up 'cuz I didn't even know what the hell she could possibly see in him anyway. The kid's a freak and he's downright creepy. Bella on the other hand is smart and cute and sexy and that's basically what was going through my head as I was walking out of our store and suddenly a huge pile of roofing tiles falls right on my head. It could've been a coincidence or a stupid mistake, but the roof was perfectly secure before. It wasn't old or anything. And the tiles only fell right on top of me! It's scary, I tell you. I mean, what's next? Is an ebony piano gonna fall from the sky and kill me?! Whatever. I'm catchin' some shut-eye.
Later,
HOLY CRAP!!! No one will ever believe this in a million years! Just about five minutes after my last entry, I heard a crash outside and low-and-behold, an f***ing grand piano f***ing fell from the sky and onto my car!! How the hell do I get to Jessica's tomorrow?
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