Bras and Bracelets
Summary: Optimus Prime meets a cowgirl who explains the use of bras, crackfic.
Disclaimer: I do not own transformers in any way.
Author Note: This story was co-written by Shelley Lawes who owns the Bob the time travelling moose with dice in its head. This is the re-post which has been beta-read by CaMaRoFaN14. Also, all my stories are done with Australian English so if favourite, colour or some such word is spelt with a 'u' in it, it is correct in Australian English.
Beta: Time travelling moose? With dice in its head? Should I be worried? No!
The cowgirl watched as the moose shook its head, and the dice inside clattered from one side to the other. The moose stepped forward with a glowing flash, into the far future.
Optimus Prime was standing at the edge of the 'Big Bad Woods' and scanning the area for the source of temporal disturbance his radar had picked up, when out of the woods walked a shiny, red moose. A human female was perched upon its back, dressed as a cowgirl. The giant red and blue Autobot regarded the scene with mixed confusion and awe.
The cowgirl, Jane, looked around as the moose reached its destination and spotted a humongous, red and blue robot shining in the midday light. Its huge robotic eyes were staring at her. Considering this was the only thing that looked at least halfway sentient which she could see and she was in need of a few … unmentionables. Jane decided she would either need to ask it, or wander around without for however long it took to find a store.
"Hey! Giant, scary robot, do you know where I could find a bra store around here?" inquired Jane.
"Ooh my favourite store's for them is probably Lasenza but there is a Wal-Mart a few miles away." suggested the robot.
"Do I even want to know how a giant robot like you would know about bra stores?" the girl questioned rhetorically.
Optimus Prime just looked at her curiously.
"OH, YOU WEAR BRA'S?" Jane cried in surprise.
"Yes of course I do who doesn't? - Wait, bras are bracelets right?" asked the clueless Optimus.
The cowgirls jaw dropped in astonishment. "Br...Bra...BRACELETS!" she stuttered in astonishment before dissolving into a fit of laughter so violent that she fell off her transport moose.
"No, bras are completely different things," Jane explained once the laughter had dissolved into a light chuckle.
"Oh what are bras used for?" asked the Autobot naively.
"Oh, um, you know, umm, they're clothing for, um, girls," Jane tried to explain.
"I believe I understand, they are a kind of head garment, am I correct?" as he said this he pulled a bra out from behind him and placed it atop his head and across his left audio receiver.
The cowgirl just shook her head in disbelief. "Uh, no, you see it's for the upper body of a girl," she once again tried to explain.
"Well, is it something like a T-Shirt?" queried the Autobot.
"Uh, a little I suppose."
"How come I never see you females wearing them then?" asked Optimus, thoroughly bamboozled.
"Because they are, um, undergarments," Jane stated starting to feel frustrated that this giant robot couldn't grasp what she was telling him.
"Undergarments?" queried the Autobot leader looking more confused by the second.
This last question just set Jane off. "Okay, I'll give it to you straight, a bra is fastened around the lower chest, with a clip at the back, and shoulder straps support it around the arms. The purpose is to hold up a woman's, err, breasts, understand?" Jane began to mumble towards the end of her explanation as her face flushed bright red.
"Ah, I suppose that makes way more sense. Do you wear a bra?" acknowledged Optimus.
The cowgirl face palmed before screaming "Of course I do, why do you think I was asking for the bra store?"
"Oh, right, sorry," apologized Optimus Prime as his head dipped in sadness.
"Ugh, it's okay, the questions were starting to get awkward is all," said Jane abashedly.
"Well, how about I take you to the nearest Lasenza to show how sorry I am," offered the Autobot leader.
Jane thought about the offer to ride with the idiot robot for a few minutes before nodding.
"Hmm, okay, we'll leave Bob the moose here," Jane tied one of the moose's antlers to a tree with a whip before hopping into Optimus' cab.
Fin