Thud, thud, thud.
Pounding footsteps.
Pain.
Frantic screaming.
People were screaming.
Stop the noise, my head hurts.
Why is everything black?
Stop running. Stop running, it hurts!
So much pain.
Stop, please!
"Nanoha!"
One voice stands out, so familiar, yet so different.
…Fate-chan?
"Hang in there, please! Nanoha!"
Fate-chan. My Fate-chan…
Stop running!
It hurts.
.
"Blind"
-Enraptured
"After all this time
I never thought we'd be here
When my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you'll ever know
A part of me died when I let you go"
xxx
.
"Someone get the doctor!"
Blood. There was so much blood.
Blood on her hands; burning down her arms; staining her barrier jacket.
Blood.
Nanoha's blood.
Fate tightened her grip, nearly crushing the other girl against her chest. Her heart twisted painfully at Nanoha's whimper.
Fingernails dug, hard into flesh. She hated herself for causing Nanoha additional pain.
Her lungs were bursting, her legs were burning, but she only ran harder.
"Someone get me the fucking doctor!"
xxx
Beep. Beep. Beep.
Fate had Nanoha's hand in hers, her thumb absently tracing circular patterns against pale, porcelain skin.
The full weight of her gaze was completely focused on the unconscious girl, their stormy burgundy a myriad of emotions.
Fate Testarossa didn't believe in God, but she prayed.
She prayed desperately. Every minute she was hoping, praying that Nanoha would open her beautiful eyes and smile that special smile.
That special smile reserved only for her.
Fate was fighting just to keep her eyes open, her brain screaming at her to get some rest, but the call went unheeded.
She hadn't slept, not since… how long had it been, exactly?
How long had it been since the battle, since she had come charging into the infirmary, with Nanoha in her arms?
Beep. Beep. Beep.
Fate pinched the bridge of her nose with her free hand in an attempt to mitigate her pounding headache.
She still bore signs of the battle. Her clothes were ripped, her hair was a mess, there was dried blood everywhere. She had ignored everyone who came in to tell her to sleep, to get some rest.
Even Chrono had come in persuading her to leave, but she had only responded with stony silence.
When the 'persuasion' turned into an 'order', Fate had responded with violence.
She refused to leave her chair.
Although Shamal had assured her that Nanoha's condition was stable, that her life was in no danger, she refused to leave.
She would never leave Nanoha's side, not even for a minute.
She didn't even know why she was being so stubborn.
When it came to things that involved Nanoha, Fate couldn't explain her actions.
She didn't even try to.
Fate exhaled slowly, closing her eyes. She squeezed Nanoha's hand reassuringly.
I'm here, Nanoha.
Beep. Beep. Beep.
The now-familiar sound of the life monitor droned on. Fate could almost imagine the green zig-zag line racing across the screen. It would rocket up, then shoot down, twitching like-
Twitching.
Nanoha's fingers were twitching.
Fate bolted upright, eyes snapping open instantly.
"Nanoha!?"
Fate punched the Emergency button beside the bed, jabbing it continuously.
"F..Ffff," a weak sound escaped Nanoha's throat.
"Nanoha! Can you hear me?!" Fate grabbed Nanoha's shoulders, doing everything she could to prevent herself from shaking the girl desperately.
"Fa…Fate..."
Awake.
Nanoha was awake.
Fate swallowed, her throat suddenly constricting painfully. Something burning hot welled up behind her eyelids.
"Fate…chan," Nanoha whispered faintly, barely loud enough to be heard. Long lashes fluttered open.
A scalding tear splattered against Nanoha's pale cheek.
Fate was crying.
And again, she couldn't explain why.
"Nanoha," she managed to choke out. "Nanoha!"
Why was she crying, damn it. She was supposed to be happy!
Nanoha raised one quivering arm, feeling about for Fate. The blonde took her hand gently, guiding it towards her cheek.
Nanoha ran her fingers along Fate's trembling jawline.
"Fate-chan… Is that you?"
Fate blinked.
Yes.
Yes, it was her. Wasn't Nanoha looking straight at her?
And all of a sudden, Fate knew that something was horribly, terribly wrong.
But yet, she couldn't quite put her finger on what it was, exactly.
"Fate-chan? Why can't you turn on the lights?"
The blonde froze. What?
She released Nanoha's hand, letting it fall limply to her side.
Nanoha's eyes were open.
Nanoha's eyes were open, but they weren't seeing.
…
No.
She stumbled backwards, completely knocking over the chair in the process. The crashing sound made Nanoha turn, confused, towards the noise.
Her slate-blue eyes stared directly at Fate.
…No!!
Those beautiful, haunting blue orbs stared, unseeingly, at Fate.
Fate's knees buckled, and she swayed unsteadily, the dizziness having nothing to do with the lack of sleep.
Reality was crashing to the floor.
She… didn't know what to do.
So she ran.
Overhead, the bright, artificial white lights of the infirmary burned strongly on.
xxx
Crash.
Faces turned.
"Fate-cha-
She didn't even break stride, heading straight for Shamal.
Fate grabbed the doctor by the collar of her coat, fingers rumpling the crisp white fabric. She didn't bother being gentle.
"What happened?" Fate hissed at Shamal. Her free hand curled into a fist, raised threateningly.
"Testarossa," Signum warned, half-rising from her seat.
Fate ignored the knight, focusing her attention on Shamal. From the medic's expression, she could tell, instantly, that Shamal knew something.
And that she was trying to hide it.
Fate was in no mood for games. She was hungry, she was tired, and she wanted to know what the hell was wrong with Nanoha.
She especially wanted to know what was wrong with Nanoha, actually.
But then, they all knew that already, didn't they?
"Nanoha," Fate growled, rapidly losing what was left of her patience. "What's wrong with her?"
Shamal averted her eyes, biting her lower lip nervously. She exchanged a significant glance with Signum
"What. Happened!?" Fate screamed, losing control of her anger. She shoved Shamal against the wall and pinned her there. "What the fuck is wrong with her!?"
Signum surged forward, and in an instant, Laevatein was pointed dangerously close to Fate's neck. The knight's stance was completely serious, poised to attack should Fate move.
Fate smiled grimly, despite the situation.
Apparently, Signum wasn't playing games either.
They both knew something that Fate didn't.
There was a moment of tense silence, the only sound being heavy breathing.
Slowly, unwillingly, Signum lowered her device.
Three pairs of eyes darted around, meeting another, before turning away to clash against the next.
Burgundy prevailed.
And Shamal finally spoke.
"When… When Nanoha got attacked," she began quietly, "when her head got hit... it resulted in cornea injuries. Not only that, the optical lobes of her brain are… still intact, but slightly damaged."
Shamal wasn't quite looking at Fate. It was obvious that the doctor wished to be anywhere, anywhere but here, delivering the news.
The young Enforcer knew nothing about parts of the brain, but she did know what the words 'cornea injuries' meant.
"…W- What are you saying?" Fate's voice was hoarse and desperate; pleading for Shamal to tell that is wasn't what she thought it was.
A joke.
A sick, twisted joke.
Shamal swallowed uncomfortably.
A sick, twisted joke that wasn't remotely funny.
They stared at each other for a few seconds, neither saying anything.
There were times when no words were needed to be exchanged.
Cornea injuries…
And there were times where dead silence spoke volumes.
This was one of those times.
"No," Fate whispered.
The doctor looked away, and didn't reply.
Slowly, disbelievingly, Fate backed away, letting Shamal's coat slide free of her slackened grasp.
A nauseating mixture of rage and despair was building inside her, threatening to spill over.
And Fate was choking, choking on nothing, choking on everything.
This wasn't happening.
It was all just a nightmare, or a sick joke.
It wasn't true.
It couldn't be true.
"I'm really sorry, Fate-chan..."
"You're sorry? You're sorry!?" Fate clenched her eyes shut, hands balled into fists. She willed herself to calm down.
"I… tried my best."
Fate lost it.
The kind, calm Enforcer that always maintained her composure…
She completely lost it.
"Don't tell me you're 'sorry'! You're a fucking doctor, fix it!" Fate screamed, grabbing Shamal and slamming her against the wall. "Fix her, damn it!"
Desperation turned into anger.
Since when did she become so ruled by her emotions?
Shamal winced, but still, she said nothing.
Bit by bit, the awful truth sank in.
And anger gave way to despair.
"Fix her… please.." Fate begged, collapsing to her knees. "Please…"
The tears were flowing freely now, hitting the ground with violent force.
She would do anything, anything…
"I'm a doctor, Fate-chan, not a miracle worker," Shamal smiled humorlessly. "I'm sorry."
No.
No! Don't say that, damn it!
"You should probably get some rest. Nanoha will be… fine."
Fine?
Fine?!
"No…" Fate whispered, breathing heavy and erratic.
Blood, roaring in her ears.
No. Nanoha was not fine. She was not going to be fine.
The room was spinning wildly.
"No… No, no!" she repeated, over and over, refusing to believe Shamal's words.
Fate stared at her traitorous hands in disbelief.
There were people calling her name, but she couldn't hear them.
"No…"
She had failed.
She had failed.
Desperation. Guilt. Helplessness.
She had failed Nanoha.
She couldn't breathe.
"NO!" Fate screamed, shaking her head vehemently.
She had failed, failed to protect the one she loved.
Takamachi Nanoha was blind.
Fate collapsed.
xxx
Nanoha was lying on her side, facing the window in the opposite direction.
Her eyes were open.
Fate smiled slightly, observing from the doorway. Even when not able to see anything, Nanoha still looked towards the sky.
"Nanoha?" Fate called softly, so as not to alarm the girl. "Can I come in?"
Nanoha turned towards the door hopefully.
"Fate-chan?"
Fate closed the door behind her, quietly making her way towards the bed. She debated for a split second if she wanted the chair, then decided to just sit on the bed beside Nanoha.
Just being close to Nanoha was soothing.
"Yes, it's me," Fate whispered, taking Nanoha's hand in hers.
They said nothing for a few minutes, sitting beside each other in silence.
But the silence wasn't the usual, comfortable silence. This was awkward and unnatural, quite unlike what Fate had gotten used to with Nanoha.
"It's… good that you can sit up now," Fate noted, a feeble attempt to create conversation.
Since when did conversation have to be forced?
"Nyahaha, I can even walk, but Shamal wouldn't let me…"
Fate didn't say anything. What could you say, when your best friend was suddenly rendered blind?
"Are you okay? Shamal said you fainted."
"I…
Wait. Why was Nanoha even asking about her?
Sometimes, Fate didn't understand Nanoha at all. Just when she thought she did, Nanoha would do something completely opposite of what Fate would expect.
And Fate would be thrown off-guard again.
Much like now, actually.
"Mou, Fate-chan, you should really take care of yourself..."
It was as though Nanoha's words were a vice, clamping down on Fate's heart and squeezing painfully.
And all of a sudden, Fate felt nauseous.
She felt guilt, disgust, despair, and all sorts of horrible feelings bubbling up within her, threatening to suffocate her.
She felt her face contort in pain; the effect of Nanoha's words.
Fate forced back acid bile, swallowing painfully.
She didn't deserve Nanoha's concern.
She didn't deserve to be talked to.
She didn't even deserve to be looked at.
And she most certainly didn't deserve Nanoha's love.
"Why?" Fate burst out suddenly, unable to stand it.
Deep breaths, Fate. Calm down.
"Hm?" Nanoha murmured, feeling about for Fate's waist and wrapping her arms around it.
Fate let Nanoha snuggle closer, watching as the brunette lay her head on Fate's chest. She just watched, fists clenched by her side, self-disgust building up within her by the second.
For the first time, the action didn't soothe her.
On the contrary, it made her feel worse.
Like a monster.
"Why are you still so nice to me? How can you be, when I failed to protect you?" Fate whispered, hating herself.
She was clenching her fists so hard that her arms were shaking.
"I failed. I swore to protect you, to keep you safe, but now…" Fate trailed off, voice trembling. She was finding it difficult to breathe again.
"I'm inhuman. I don't deserve someone like you… I should have been the one who's injured…" Fate fought back tears.
"Don't say that," Nanoha said suddenly, sounding angry.
She shoved herself away from Fate, jaw clenched.
Good. Nanoha was angry.
Nanoha was supposed to be angry at her, was supposed to hate her.
"If Fate-chan hadn't been there, I would probably be dead!"
Fate blinked, startled.
No.
Nanoha was supposed to be angry with her, but not like this. Why didn't Nanoha get it?
Again, Fate felt like she didn't know Nanoha at all.
"You don't understand. I should have been faster, I could have prevented this… Why do you still forgive me?" Fate struggled to put her point across, frustrated that Nanoha wasn't seeing things the way she saw it, didn't see things the way they should be seen.
Fate paused, gritting her teeth, furious for not being able to express herself the way she needed to. She lowered her head, unable to even look at the expressionless blue eyes, unable to look at the mistake she had caused.
Nanoha let out a small sigh, letting the tension drain out of her shoulders. A hand fumbled about, searching for something eyes could not see.
Fate felt fingers tighten around her wrist, and then they were trailing up, up her arm, over her neck, stopping to cup her cheek.
Nanoha let her thumb caress Fate's skin gently, the action so tender that it made Fate hurt inside.
"Because I love Fate-chan."
Fate was silent.
Of course. Love.
That blasted emotion she wasn't worthy of.
Nanoha looked up at Fate then, those emotionless eyes boring straight into Fate's soul.
"I love Fate-chan. And as long as Fate-chan is unhappy, I will be, too."
But Fate was unhappy.
How could she be happy, when she hated herself?
Yes, Fate hated herself.
She hated herself for letting down the most important person in her life. She hated herself for being so vulnerable, so weak, so easily affected by her emotions. She hated herself for being helpless and unable to do any damn thing. She hated herself for not being good enough.
She hated herself a lot.
And she hated Nanoha. She hated Nanoha for being so forgiving, so kind. She hated Nanoha for finding the only chink in her armor and ripping it wide apart beyond repair. She hated Nanoha for barging into her miserable life like a bloody ray of sunshine, grabbing her hand and showing her everything she never knew existed.
She hated Nanoha for loving her.
And she hated herself for loving Nanoha back.
xxx
"How are you doing?" Fate asked quietly, smoothing out the tangles in brown hair.
Nanoha lay in her lap, curled up comfortably, idly playing with the buttons of Fate's white blouse.
"Good. Shamal says I'm recovering well, I'm almost back in perfect health!"
Nanoha smiled up at her then, and Fate turned away, unable to look into those eyes.
'Perfect'?
No. Not quite.
Never perfect, not anymore.
Fate said nothing.
A moment of silence.
"Shamal says… she says that I should start considering my options."
Nanoha chewed on her lower lip,
Stab.
Looking into those ruined eyes was like a stab through the heart.
Fate didn't want to listen any longer.
"I can't fight any more, obviously. But she thinks I should be able to find something… else. To help."
Stab. Stab. Stab.
"She says… that I can still fly, though. If I'm supervised."
Nanoha was smiling brightly, but there was a quaver in her voice, one that Fate didn't miss.
"Nanoha," Fate started uncertainly. "Are you… alright?"
And Nanoha laughed.
"Of course, Fate-chan. Why would I not be alright?"
Nanoha waved a hand nonchalantly, wide smile still plastered on her face.
Fate Testarossa had made it a point to memorize Nanoha's smile.
From the moment the blonde had met her, the moment she had laid eyes on that beautiful smile, she had decided that it was something she wanted to burn to memory.
She remembered that adorable dimple, the crinkle of her eyes, the way slate-blue orbs would light up in delight.
And it was nothing like this smile.
This smile was fake.
No, Nanoha wasn't alright.
"Are you… sure?" Fate asked hesitantly.
She wasn't alright at all.
"Nyahaha, Fate-chan worries too much," Nanoha reassured. "I'm fine!"
No.
Of course she wasn't fine.
Fate opened her mouth, then shut it, finding nothing to say.
She cursed her inability with words.
Fate opened her mouth again.
"I'm fine, Fate-chan," Nanoha repeated, before Fate could try to say anything.
Fate blinked. How had Nanoha known?
Was she… really okay?
"Nanoha…"
"I'm hungry," Nanoha interrupted abruptly.
Was she?
No. Nanoha wasn't hungry.
She just didn't want to talk about it.
Fate looked sadly at her friend.
How far should she push?
"I'll… get you your food."
The blonde helped Nanoha into a sitting position, pulling the bedside table closer.
Nanoha reached for the spoon, but Fate caught her wrist in a gentle grip.
"Here, let me do it," she offered.
"You don't-
"It's okay, I've got it," Fate assured her, smiling slightly at the girl's stubbornness. She scooped some rice, guiding the spoon towards Nanoha's lips.
The brunette stiffened.
"I'll do it myself!" Nanoha snapped suddenly, wrenching her hand out of Fate's grasp.
The smile slid off Fate's face.
Ominous silence crashed down upon their ears.
"Nano…ha?"
Fate bit her lip, uncertain.
Scared.
Nanoha was seldom upset with her.
"I'm not weak, Fate-chan," Nanoha said quietly, anger in her voice.
No, of course you're not.
"I…" Fate didn't know what to say, taken aback by the abrupt turn in the conversation.
Clenched fingers fisted in the sheets.
Nanoha's eyes were closed, her head lowered.
Her shoulders were trembling.
And all of a sudden, Fate understood.
Nanoha wasn't 'okay' at all.
She was terrified.
Not terrified of being unable to see, but terrified of being a burden.
Nanoha wasn't upset with her, either.
She was angry with herself.
She was angry with herself for being a burden.
Nanoha didn't want to be a burden.
She didn't want to be weak, because she didn't want to be a burden to the ones she loved.
Fate moved, grabbing Nanoha roughly and pulling the girl into her arms.
"Nanoha…" she whispered brokenly.
Nanoha resisted the hug, but Fate was stronger.
"Let go of me."
"You're not weak, Nanoha," Fate choked out, filled with despair for being helpless.
"Let go of me!"
"Listen to me! You're the strongest person I've ever met!" Fate cried, voice thick with emotion.
The words were simple, but she meant it.
She meant every word she said.
They both knew it.
And suddenly Nanoha was crying, tears gushing forth from behind clenched eyelids. She collapsed against Fate, sobbing into her chest.
The strong arms around her tightened protectively.
Fate's expression was stony, but her eyes were filled with pain.
It hurt her, to know that Nanoha was upset.
It hurt her, bad.
Fate could feel Nanoha's tears soaking through her shirt, and she held her closer.
Slender fingers tangled themselves in brown hair.
She was whispering into Nanoha's ear, whispering words that meant everything and nothing at the same time.
Nanoha was crying, crying about how useless she was now, how she couldn't fight any longer, how she couldn't even feed herself when the food was right in front of her.
And again, Fate was dying inside because she could do nothing to relieve Nanoha's pain.
xxx
It had taken more than just a few minutes of coaxing for Fate to get Nanoha to calm down.
Nanoha had bitten her lips so hard in her attempt to stifle her sobs that they had bled.
It had gotten so bad that Nanoha had choked - really choked, and Fate had almost torn down the infirmary in her panic, screaming for Shamal.
Fate's blouse was nearly transparent, wet with Nanoha's tears.
Her arms were lined with angry red scratches, where Nanoha had dug into her flesh with her fingernails.
But Nanoha was better now, and that was all that mattered.
Nanoha was in Fate's arms again, and this time, the silence was content.
Natural.
The brunette leaned against Fate, letting Fate support her full weight.
She was exhausted from her breakdown.
But she was alright now.
Nanoha was alright, but Fate still couldn't forgive herself.
Because it was her fault that Nanoha was in this state; her fault that she hadn't been fast enough, good enough, strong enough, to protect Nanoha.
And she would never forgive herself for it.
"Bardiche just found the bastard who did this," Fate said suddenly.
"I thought you said we caught them all?"
"All but one. The one that attacked you," Fate smiled wryly at the irony.
Nanoha didn't reply, choosing instead to just lie together with Fate.
She didn't speak for so long that Fate half thought she dozed off.
"…What are you going to do?" Nanoha asked at last.
What was she going to do?
She didn't even need to think about it.
"Find him."
The answer came immediately, without hesitation.
Nanoha played with Fate's hands, stroking the slender fingers absently.
"Don't kill him."
"Nanoha, he hurt you. I'm not going to-
Fate found Nanoha's finger on her lips, effectively silencing her.
"Don't kill him, Fate-chan," Nanoha pleaded, tugging on Fate's hands, the way a little child would.
Innocent.
A muscle in Fate's cheek twitched.
This was the man who hurt Nanoha, who blinded her for life, and Nanoha didn't want Fate to kill him.
Sometimes, Fate wondered if Nanoha was really too trusting, or if she was simply stupid.
"I-
Fate's words were cut off by Nanoha's lips on her temple.
They trailed down her face, searching blindly for her lips, and claimed them.
Their tongues clashed.
And Fate felt herself leaning in, deepening the kiss, one hand coming up to hold Nanoha's head in place.
She wanted this.
She wanted this so bad.
Nanoha pulled away.
"Please," she said earnestly, slate-blue staring straight into burgundy.
Stab.
It killed Fate just to look into those eyes. They used to be so bright, so alive, full of love and joy and whatever made the world go round.
Now, they were lifeless and… dead.
Once, you would know when Nanoha was laughing, just by looking at the twinkle in those eyes.
When their slate-blue darkened to take on a more purplish hue, it was a sure indication that Nanoha was upset.
When she was excited - and she was excited a lot - her pupils would dilate, already-large eyes widen further, and Fate would never fail to smile at how adorable Nanoha was.
Yes, Nanoha's eyes were beautiful.
And they were gone.
Fate felt anger boiling up in her.
Anger at herself, and at the man who had caused this.
Fate didn't know how he looked.
She didn't know how he looked, she didn't even know his name, but she knew that he had hurt Nanoha.
And that was reason enough.
"Please," Nanoha whispered. "Promise me you won't kill him."
Promise me you won't kill him…
"I… promise," Fate lied.
xxx
Burgundy eyes gleamed scarlet with bloodlust.
Weapons clashed, the friction resulting in a burst of sparks.
He was powerful; physically stronger than her.
But she was faster; strikes fueled with rage.
And she had a reason to fight.
This could get interesting.
"You seem angry," he remarked casually, as though they weren't trying to rip each other's heads off in a duel to the death.
"You hurt her," Fate snarled, swinging her scythe straight at his neck.
"Who?" he wondered aloud, deflecting her attack easily.
Fate growled, striking, again and again, only to be blocked each time.
"Ah," he murmured, realizing suddenly. "That cute brunette?"
Fate stiffened, and he laughed in delight.
"Mm, jealousy," he grinned. "That's a dangerous game for you to be playing."
He was confident.
Overly so.
Fate swung again, and this time, Bardiche connected.
Blood splattered, and the grin was wiped off his face.
He could tell that she was serious now.
Lifting his weapon, a jewel encrusted longsword, he slashed at Fate.
She dodged, and he attacked again.
Another evasion.
"Impressive," he commented, awed by her speed.
Fate didn't return the compliment, jaw set in determination.
She was looking for an opening.
"What's she to you anyway?" he asked, trying to throw her off-guard with his question.
Fate wanted to ignore him, to end this fast, but she found her traitorous mind mulling over his words.
What was Nanoha to her?
A friend?
He attacked.
A lifelong companion?
Her barrier was conjured just in time, deflecting the strike.
"Is she your cute little girlfriend?" he taunted, sneering at Fate.
Fate lunged at him.
…Or was she a lover?
What was Nanoha to her, exactly?
"Your fuck buddy?" he offered, lips curled up in a smirk.
Fate's face contorted in fury.
"Don't you dare speak of her like that," she snarled, loading a cartridge and firing a volley of plasma lancers.
How dare he speak of Nanoha like that.
She would let no one speak of Nanoha like that.
Nanoha was her redemption, her saving grace.
Nanoha was the only thing that gave meaning to her existence.
He coughed out blood, but he was still standing.
"So what is she, then?" he asked, mocking. "You don't even know?"
"She's my life," Fate snarled.
"She's your life?" he snorted, clearly disbelieving. "Spare me that love bullshit."
"She's my life, she's my everything, and you hurt her!" Fate screamed, Bardiche crashing down towards him.
He brought his sword up, but she sliced right through it.
He had a second to gape in disbelief, and then Fate was on him, scythe tearing at his flesh.
More blood splattered.
He was weaponless, but Fate continued her onslaught.
It wasn't the most noble thing to do, to attack when your opponent was without a weapon.
But she did it anyway.
It was an overpowering feeling, a perverted mixture of anger and the desire for revenge.
It consumed her.
Furious.
She was furious, beyond furious.
For the first time, there was fear in his eyes.
"You're an Enforcer, you can't kill me," he was screaming, half-pleading, half-mocking. "It's against your code!"
…Her code?
Fate's lips twisted up in a derisive smile.
There was nothing she wouldn't do.
"Watch me," she said quietly. She loaded another two cartridges, and Bardiche glowed implausibly bright, pulsating violently with raw energy.
There was nothing she wouldn't do for Nanoha.
The panic in his eyes was growing, and Fate felt a sick sense of satisfaction watching him squirm.
"G-Get back…" he uttered hoarsely, backing away in terror.
Fate licked her lips. She could almost taste his fear, rolling off him in waves.
She took a step forward.
"Get away from me!" he screamed, launching a barrage of explosive charges in sheer desperation.
Fate didn't bother to dodge, or even conjure up a shield. She let the blasts tear away at her.
The pain felt… good, in a weird, twisted way.
She just stared at him, not saying anything, and he collapsed to his knees.
"Please… Please!" He begged, dropping his damaged weapon, previous demeanor vanishing instantly. "I didn't mean it… please!"
Fate lifted a brow.
My, how the mighty fallen.
"You should have thought about this, before you almost killed her."
Her voice was cold, merciless. Almost unrecognizable.
The White Devil would have been proud.
Fate raised Bardiche, and the scythe gleamed brighter than anything she had ever seen.
Nanoha would have been disgusted.
"Please! I have a family!"
She stopped abruptly.
That word…
Family.
"I…" Fate whispered, suddenly uncertain.
"A wife… and a daughter… s-she's just like you!"
He was crying in earnest now, tears dripping down blood-specked cheeks.
He… did look sorry.
What was she doing?
He threatened what was hers, so she was going to kill him?
What was she doing?
Fate felt sick.
But he had hurt Nanoha.
Not just hurt her, but blinded her.
"I…"
"Please… please, I beg you…"
He had a family; he had people who loved him…
The way she loved Nanoha.
"Stop it…"
Was she going to murder him?
He had hurt Nanoha!
How would Nanoha feel? To know that Fate had killed in her name, despite promising not to.
"Stop it!"
The voices… so many voices!
Nanoha!
They were making her head hurt.
Was this what Nanoha was trying to tell her?
To give second chances, to forgive, because people made mistakes?
To forgive him…
Fate lowered her weapon, letting the power drain out of her device, swaying unsteadily.
To forgive herself.
She released Bardiche, letting it drop to the floor with a clank.
To forgive herself…
Just this once… She would try.
For Nanoha.
Fate looked at him, sprawled on the floor in terror.
And she felt like a monster.
And then…
He smiled.
"You know, that's the problem with you goody types."
And suddenly she was flying through the air, white-hot, searing pain engulfing her senses.
She screamed.
Because it hurt.
It hurt, so very much.
And he was above her, leering.
"The battle is never over, not until one side is silenced."
He stabbed her then, stabbed right through her, and somewhere in the midst of the mind-numbing pain, Fate could hear her bones shatter.
She screamed.
Nanoha…
She had failed Nanoha. Again.
Yet again!
He stabbed her once more, and Fate couldn't even scream anymore.
Nanoha…
I'm sorry.
Fate lay on her side, gasping, lungs heaving desperately for air. There was blood everywhere, her blood, this time.
"You know what I'm going to do after I kill you?" he bent low, whispering tauntingly into her ear.
Fate gritted her teeth, struggling to stand, but her knees wouldn't hold her.
"I'm going to find that pretty little girlfriend of yours."
Burgundy eyes widened in fear.
Nanoha!
He took her chin, pulling her up to face level.
"I'm going to find her, and I'm going to fuck her."
He kissed Fate then, tongue invading her mouth, tasting the metallic tang of her blood.
No!
Her vision was turning black around the edges.
"I'm going to screw her, mess her up so bad that she begs me to kill her."
No!!!
"N..noha…" Fate managed to choke, coughing out blood.
She couldn't see properly, everything was a blur of color.
"Kill…you…"
There was blood in her eyes, obscuring her vision.
He was laughing.
Amused.
"I'm sorry darling, you won't."
And then he stood up.
"Takamachi Nanoha… Ace of Aces. She was such the cute, naïve little girl," he drawled, smirking at the blonde.
He spat at Fate.
"I do hope she tastes sweet."
No!
Fate screamed, like she had never screamed before.
Rage.
Uncontrollable, irrepressible rage.
She let lose everything she had left.
Lightning crackled.
He was dead before he realized what happened.
And the smile was still on his face.
xxx
She lay dying.
She lay dying, but she couldn't help smiling wryly.
Nanoha was wrong.
Ah, the irony.
xxx
"Ne, Shamal-san, will it really work?"
"If you're lucky. We… managed to find an operation that, if successful, can completely restore your sight."
"…Really?"
"Really."
"How…?"
A moment's hesitation.
"I guess you can just call it… a twist of fate."
xxx
Slowly, excruciatingly slowly, long lashes fluttered open.
Bleary eyes blinked once, twice, taking in their surroundings.
Blurs and colors solidified to take on actual shapes.
The ceiling of the infirmary had never looked so beautiful.
"I… I can see…" she whispered, in a mixture of disbelief and elation.
"I can see!"
Euphoric.
Takamachi Nanoha was euphoric.
She whipped around, immediately looking out the window.
The sky.
The beautiful, open sky.
It was hers again.
It was hers again.
"Nanoha?"
She turned to the door.
"Shamal-san!" she nearly screamed, throwing off the sheets and stumbling towards the doctor. "It worked! It worked!"
Shamal smiled, but her smile seemed… different.
Tired.
Nanoha's grin faded slightly.
What was wrong?
"Where's Fate-chan?" Nanoha asked, having a sudden, inexplicable urge to see the blonde.
"Nanoha…"
Shamal wasn't looking at Nanoha.
She couldn't bear to destroy the girl's innocence.
The doctor reached for Nanoha's hand, and pushed something against her palm.
Nanoha's fingers closed around the object instinctively.
Flat.
Smooth.
Cool to the touch.
Nanoha's eyes widened.
Familiar, and…
Triangular.
She would recognize that anywhere, just by feeling it.
For how many times had she seen it, placed tenderly on the bedstand beside her own Raging Heart?
Bardiche.
Fate-chan's precious Bardiche.
Fate was never without it.
And yet…
"A few hours ago, we received a distress signal from Bardiche."
Nanoha's heart stopped.
No.
Sharp metal edges dug into her palm.
She didn't want to hear it.
She didn't know what Shamal was going to say, but she knew, she just knew, that she didn't want to hear it.
"…Fate-chan didn't make it."
No!
Nanoha's knees gave way completely, and she collapsed onto the floor.
Nonononono.
Despair.
The world was crashing down on her.
Terror.
Her sky, her beloved blue sky, was falling.
Disbelief.
Fate-chan, her precious Fate-chan…
Her Fate-chan didn't make it.
Fate-chan was gone.
Fate-chan was gone.
There were voices screaming in her mind.
Her vision was spiraling, lurching uncontrollably.
Nanoha grabbed her head in an attempt to stop the spinning.
Bardiche fell from her fingers with a clank.
And Nanoha froze when she saw herself reflected on the shiny metal.
Burgundy eyes.
She had burgundy eyes.
Fate's eyes.
Realization dawned upon her.
Fate had given Nanoha her eyes.
The scream that tore from her throat terrified even herself.
xxx
"Don't be stupid!"
"No."
"Don't be stupid, I can still save you!"
"Don't save me… save them."
"You don't get it, if I don't save you now you'll never make it!"
"It would hurt her too much to see me like this."
"But-
"Please. Save her."
And at that moment, Shamal understood.
It was the hardest thing she had ever done in her life, but the doctor managed to nod.
She got up to leave, but slender fingers caught her arm.
"Shamal…"
Dread.
Shamal didn't want to hear it.
"Tell her… Tell Nanoha…
Tell her that I love her.
"…Tell her that I died."
xxx
Shamal always wondered if Nanoha would ever find out.
Find out that Fate hadn't wanted to survive, chose not to survive, because she didn't want Nanoha to live with guilt.
Fate was no fool.
She had known.
Known that if Nanoha had found out she gained her sight at Fate's expense, she would have led a life of self-loathing.
Yet, if Fate had chosen to keep both her life and her sight, Nanoha would have to continue to live in a world of darkness.
And then Fate would never forgive herself.
Fate had done what she did, because she wanted the best for Nanoha.
Nanoha would hurt if she was dead, yes.
She would hurt a lot, and she would never fully recover.
But she would still heal.
She wouldn't have to live with guilt.
And she wouldn't have to know.
Fate did understand Nanoha, in the end.
Very, very well.
Fate had not known what to do, so she had picked the lesser of the three evils.
Fate had chosen to die.
She would do anything for Nanoha, after all.
xxx
Nanoha had always loved Fate's eyes.
Perhaps that was why Fate had decided to give them to her.
She had a part of Fate in her, forever.
Literally.
Nanoha didn't know if it was a blessing or a curse.
If she didn't know better, she would have said that it was Fate's way of looking over her.
Literally, too.
Nanoha smiled.
Fate had always been enigmatic.
Many people thought that Fate's last gift to Nanoha had been the gift of sight.
Nanoha knew better.
For Fate Testarossa's last gift had been the one of love.
.
I loved you more than you'll ever know; and
A part of me died when I let you
…go
End.
A/N: This was written last year, because Eagle-sama (sama, sama, sama..) was bugging me to write angst or something. So I wrote this. But I never posted it cause I semi-hated it. Now I'm posting it because I'm in the posting mood. But I still semi-hate this.
Because as usual, I can't express the emotions right. I'm just reading the angst and going 'oh, it's angst', when I'm supposed to be going D: D: D: D:
Tell me if there's any errors? Unbeta-ed, as usual, because this failed too hard to be sent to my (supposed) beta. Gah. And it was never meant to be made public anyway. :P
Now go and review. Even if it's flames. Cause then it'll make this story hot. 8D Har.
Edit: Clarifications.
"Don't save me...save them." - The 'them' in this sentence was meant to be confusing. You can have fun thinking what 'them' refers to. :D But here's a big clue, them does not refer to people. Har. And yes, Fate had a chance of survival, but she chose to save Nanoha. Blah.