Castiel's Last Words
For millennia, Castiel had shepherded humans to human. He had flown in and out of heaven, leaving it behind in order to take on the orders he was given. He was a soldier, and sometimes soldiers had to leave home. They had to stay away and get homesick. He didn't get letters from home or care packages. He got warnings and assassins. Home was the place he longed to be most, but could never return. He had no hope of going there when he died. Angels were celestial beings. There was nothing for them after their life. God had never thought any of his children would die, so he planned no afterlife for them.
When Castiel died, though, God made an exception. At the very edge of heaven, he created a pocket of perfection for Castiel, His angel who had tried so hard. Castiel had disobeyed and rebelled and fallen in love, which was all God could have hoped for His children. To feel and interact with humans and to learn. It wasn't his rules that made the Host bitter about Castiel's interacting with the Winchester brothers, it was their jealousy. Castiel was the only angel who came to be loved by humans and who also loved the humans. He was different.
So when he closed his eyes for the last time, not expecting to ever open them again, Castiel was given a gift. He was given a piece of heaven. Opening his eyes, he saw that he was surrounded by dense white fog that blinded him. He spun in a circle.
"Where am I?"
"My gift, Castiel. A piece of heaven for you and your loved ones…" The rumbling voice of his Father echoed in Castiel's ears and he felt tears prick his eyes.
"Father…I do not deserve this gift. I have done…horrible things. How can you forgive me?"
"My little angel," the voice rumbled with affection, "there is no such thing as no forgiveness, not from me."
"But-"
"You tried your best, Castiel. That's all I can ask, of any of my creations."
Castiel bowed his head. "Thank you, Father."
"Be happy here, Castiel."
Castiel listened for a few moments, waiting until the last echo of the voice was gone, and then he started walking. He didn't know where he was going, but he thought he should start walking. As he did, dark silhouettes started to take shape around him, until suddenly he found himself speeding alone, no longer standing, but sitting in the backseat of a car. And not just any car, it was the impala. Castiel smiled. In the front seat were Sam and Dean.
"Woah. What the-?" Dean was so surprised that he swerved a good three feet into the other lane.
"What's going on?" Sam asked.
The Dean looked in the rearview mirror and saw Castiel sitting there staring at him. He stomped on the brakes, making the tires squeal. They slid to a stop in the middle of the road.
"Cas?" Dean's voice was barely above a whisper. Sam's head whipped around to look at him. "Cas, man, what's going on? Why are you here?"
Castiel sighed and got out of the car. Sam and Dean followed, looking concerned. The three men stood in a triangle in the road. Dean was staring at Castiel like it was his last time and he was trying to memorize every last detail. Sam looked confused, concerned, and lost, king of like a puppy. Castiel smiled.
"What's going on, Cas?" Sam asked gently. He looked like he was trying not to frighten Castiel, as if the angel could fly away if he wanted to.
"You both know where we are?" he checked.
"Yeah, Cas, we're in heaven. We've been here a while," Sam answered. "We wondered why you didn't come and visit us but then we realized you probably weren't allowed."
Dean still hadn't spoken. He was scrutinizing Castiel, just like he used to, as if he could see every hurt and injury, physical or not, that Castiel tried to hide from him. It was making Castiel uncomfortable. He didn't want Dean to realize that he was…
"You're dead, too," Dean suddenly said. His face was getting more and more angry looking and his shoulders were tensing, as if expecting a blow. Sam looked back and forth between his brother and his friend.
"That's impossible, Dean, Cas is an angel, they don't…" But he trailed off when Castiel made no move to correct Dean. He simply looked at them. "Cas, you're not dead. You can't be."
Suddenly Dean had him by the throat against the impala, faces inches away from Castiel's.
"What did you do?" he growled. When Castiel still said nothing, he started shouting at him. "What did you do, Cas! Tell me!"
Castiel shook his head. "I didn't do anything. You died."
Dean let go of him then, letting Sam pull him away. "what do you mean, I died? Yeah, I know I died, but what does that have to do with you being here?"
Castiel looked at Sam. "And then you died. My whole family died."
He saw understanding light Sam's eyes, but Dean's were still too full of anger to process what he was saying.
"I couldn't…function without you. My grief made my vessel start to die. And I let it."
"Why, Cas? Why didn't you fight?"
"What was there left to fight for, Dean? Every time I have fought, I fought for you. But you were gone. And it destroyed me."
Tears were falling from Sam's eyes, and they hovered in the corners of Dean's eyes. Castiel's own eyes were wet.
"I was so sad, Dean. I missed you. I missed Sam. I lost my mind a little. I thought I was hearing you…When this vessel decided it was time, I agreed. I couldn't live like that. The guilt and pain and regret."
"Regret?" asked Sam before Dean could start yelling again. Castiel nodded.
"My last words to both of you were not…what I wanted them to be."
Sam and Dean studied Castiel for almost five minutes. He didn't mind. He let them think over what he had said. Sam spoke first.
"Alright. Tell me what you wish you would have said."
Castiel smiled. "Are you sure?"
Sam nodded. Dean crossed his arms over his chest and grumbled. "This ought to be good."
"Sam," Castiel started, ignoring Dean, "you have been one of the best human's I've ever known. Despite destiny, you chose to walk in the light. The Boy King could have easily become a ruler of Hell. But you chose your brother and humanity. You are stronger than any other being I know. Your soul is bright, even after all it had been through."
Sam was full out crying, and he stepped forward to wrap his arms around his friend. He leaned his forehead again Sam's shoulder. He was about to step back when he felt a breath of air puff across his ear and froze. Sam leaned close to whisper.
"You are my brother, Castiel. Don't forget that." Castiel nodded and Sam let go of him. They both stepped back and then turned to stare at Dean. He had tears running down his face.
"Dean?" Castiel asked in concern. Dean stepped forward and hugged Castiel, strong arms wrapped so tightly around the angel, he wondered if they would ever let go.
"Last words to me?" Dean asked gruffly, still hugging him so that Castiel couldn't see his face. Castiel hesitated for a moment, glancing at Sa,, who nodded. Castiel wrapped his own arms around Dean, pulled him impossibly closer.
"I love you, Dean Winchester," he whispered.