Don't Go
-Summary- The final farewell. Tears, regret... and Kurogane screws up.
A/N - In a way this is sort of a prequel one-shot to Sometimes I Wish. And in another way... it stands on its own. This one-shot assumes a lot of the same things as Sometimes I Wish. Hence why it sort of ties in. Your choice whether it actually does or not...
Oh, and please do tell me if I made any OOC mistakes. I hate doing that.
Disclaimer - ehhh... don't own...
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I didn't say good-bye.
It shouldn't be a big deal, really. I don't know why I remember that more often than any other memory connected to that time, when we were all journeying together. I mean, really. I'm not what you'd call a nice person - I've done worse things. I've done crueller things.
But they don't stick in my mind as much as that does. Maybe it's because I did say good-bye to the kids, when we left them in Clow. That was... hard. Harder than I'd ever thought it would be. Yet the one that sticks in my mind is the moment that the manju bun and the wizard were getting ready to leave. And I... I stood back in the shadows, and I never said a word.
Tomoyo-hime had forgotten herself, again, as she tended to in the presence of that damn silly mage, and was hugging him tightly and trying to hide her tears. They'd met only eight days ago, for crying out loud. It's not like they were best friends or anything. "You can't stay, even just a little bit longer?"
"No," the magician smiled gently, one of the many smiles at his disposal that I'd hated so much. "I'm afraid not. I'm sorry." He hugged her back, and the manju-bun joined in. "I... probably won't ever be back."
I'd been staring at the floor, but somehow I managed to look up as the mage simultaneously raised his eyes from Tomoyo-hime's teary ones and seemed to look directly at me. "But you'll always be in my thoughts. No matter how far me and Mokona go."
Sentiment - gah! I have no use for it. I looked away again even as the wizard stepped away from Tomoyo-hime as though I was his next target. That was going way too far. I pretended I hadn't noticed him. A tiny stab of guilt, but nothing terrible.
I didn't see whether he looked disappointed or not... but Tomoyo-hime gave me the cold shoulder for probably two weeks afterwards, refusing to speak to someone so callous, so it's safe to assume that some look of hurt crossed his face. By the time I looked back in that direction, he was smiling again.
"Let's go, Mokona!" he said cheerfully.
I guess I could have said something. It wouldn't have killed me have said something like, "So long, Flowright." It would have been easy, painless, and probably more than he'd expected. We hadn't exactly been close... but I guess we had sort of been friends. Not buddy-buddy-share-every-thought kind of friends, but, well... just friends. I mean, shit. I could have even said, "Don't get yourself killed without me." It was the mage. Who knew what kind of stupid tricks he'd pull without me there to save his neck?
But I didn't. It beats me why not.
"Good-bye, good-bye!" cried Mokona. Seconds before his wings fully unfurled, I thought I heard him whisper, "Mokona doesn't want to go..."
Stab, stab.
"Me neither," whispered Fai. And I know I heard that.
Stab.
Glowing, swirling, the magic rose up from the shining blue diagram, partially obscuring the mage's face. I saw his smile falter, saw it fade into something else as he thought himself unobserved. You didn't often see it on the wizard's face, but I knew what it was. It was weariness. It was sorrow.
It was loss.
Another stab.
This was really it, then. The final good-bye. I'd never have to see that stupid smile of his again, never have to save his neck because he was too busy grinning, never have to hear that annoying voice sing-songing yet another nickname at me. Aggravating, cowardly, abnormally happy - everything that Fai D. Flowright was would be gone.
Forever.
Tomoyo-hime looked at me expectantly. I turned my eyes away again, still feeling the little stabs of guilt as the magic swirled higher around Fai.
I did want to say something, just to get that unnerving expression out of his eyes. What... well, that was a different story. It was simpler than anything else I could have said, simpler, and yet harder than anything had a right to be.
Two words. They might as well have been two thousand.
The manju bun's magic wrapped itself around the magician, and I could still have said it. He would have heard me. I know he would have. This is just a guess, but I think the wizard would have given a lot to hear me say that. To know that I didn't really hate him.
Much.
But I didn't say anything. By the time guilt and regret starting hitting me hard, it was too late. The mage was long gone.
And the two words remained, that would never get said.
"Don't go..."