Just a Playboy

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What would you do . . . without me?

(would you fightuntiltheknucklesoozewithfire

Shout-Scream-Abuse-Shatter this family portrait?)

Smash it as a platter upon royal tiles – and chuckle at its puzzle pieces?

(we are such a broken family held together with yellowed duck-tape

we stretch the strands in every compass direction – didn't you know it would break!

Arms are not ropes – yet you tear my body into pieces – which side am I on?

The soul hides secrets deep within skeleton closets – and I live so you will try

TryTryTry – you beg I don't desert this family of broken shards)

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(But)

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I am here (with cotton candy grins and Hollywood hair styles)

Present – but barely sucking as a nursing child the vitality . . .

The elixir of living I use to become drunk upon – so drunk

(Tipsy-Dizzy-Enthralled to twirl in the ecstasy of existence – free abandon)

Freedom – am I free to allow the blood to soak my face in rage (or must I smile?)

Or would my Greek God image be soiled – and would the strands of glue snap?

Freedom is just chains tied in Santa Claus wrapping paper

The garland suffocates me in fake glee (I want to despise you)

While you scream "sorry(s)" and "forgive me(s)" – the shame painting your face red

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(But)

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I will cluck my tongue and grin like yesterday – a thousand years more

(If it would mean this bond of brotherhood remain intact – beaten – battered – together)

And though he ran – ran – soso fast from your fist – from my arms – you cried . . .

(I will laugh and comfort you – inside – crumple into fetal positions of weakness -

SoSo tired of amusing the stoic crowd upon a tomato stage . . . pat your own back!

Soothe the scars of responsibility with your own words – and allow me the same pleasure

To slumber upon dirty cotton sheets and sunken pillowcases – befriending nightmares

(HIS) nightmares! (But the nights are silent . . . and you weep . . . moan . . . and I smile . . .)

And with god-like actions I assure you . . . you are not a monster . . . and he will return . . .

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(But)

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While you rest in fantasy days of duck hunting and fishing

I adjust the mask of peace – apply smiles to purple circles of insomnia

Wishing he would come home – to my arms – not your fist – dear brother – anxiety has aged you . . .

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(But)

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I will giggle for us both – and we will wait for our happily ever after . . .

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(But)

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I'm just a playboy on display (and what would you do without me?)