I feel my fingers move over the familiar keys, transferring thought onto the page. Words become sentences become paragraphs become pages and it's still not enough to make me forget. I love Baz and Simon and I always have and I am completely convinced that I will be for the foreseeable future, I can't imagine my life without them but they do not remove the aching in my chest at Wren's betrayal.
We decided to go to the same college to be together and now she doesn't even want to be my roommate because we should meet new people. The idea of needing different roommates to meet people doesn't make sense, in a roommate you meet one person and then surely we are going to be spending time together outside our rooms and meet the same people outside of our rooms, together as always. No-one knows us apart, half our friends can't even tell us apart for goodness sake.
I feel my mind begin to swim while unease, what could my new roommate be like, they could be a murder for all Wren knows, it could be like the Baz and Simon dynamic, they might want to kill me (only it won't be like Baz and Simon because I highly doubt my roommate is going to be secretly be in love with me). My roommate could be anything, I can only succeed in imagining her as some scary looking girl who is going to hate me that or I'm going to get an uncomfortably friendly girl who wants to share everything and I am not sure I am willing to share Simon and Baz, with anyone but Wren. People reading my words online is one thing but sharing them in person is another- online they are in my control my readers don't really have a say in anything that happens, I could have a roommate that could disagree with the fact that Simon and Baz are meant to be, someone that simply doesn't understand. Oh this is too much!
"Are you going to keep giving me the silent treatment?" Wren murmurs, the silence in the room had been hanging over us like a blanket of tension.
"You should have told me sooner? We don't need anyone else to live with, we've always lived together, why change something that works so well?" I answer, lifting my fingers off the keys but not actually managing to look at her.
"It works well of course it does, and I love living with you Cath but it'll be great to meet new people." It still doesn't seem like a logical argument to me.
"That's easier for you, you're more outgoing." I mutter, it's an argument I don't use, we don't usually admit the differences between us.
"We have the same amount of friends Cath." She sighs.
"Yeah, because I stick to you and people just get used to having me there." I snap, she doesn't understand that people prefer her, she just doesn't notice it. It might be worse if she did because it might be something that would rub and come to the forefront of my mind more often than it already does.
"They love you too, but I'm not going to keep arguing with you Cath, I'm going to get a coffee, I'll talk to you in a bit. Try and think about the benefits of living with other people, Cath. I don't want to have different roommates to hurt you." She walks out and I hear the front door click shut and finally look up away from the screen. For me there aren't any benefits for not living with Wren that I can see and she doesn't understand that.