It's me again The God of Purple, and here is my Doctor Who/Artemis Fowl crossover fan fic, I shall call all my chapters random things because I hate people who only read a chapter whose title is like "Rose returns" and they don't read the whole fic to find out how she returns

I shall only update this like once a week cause i have homework and other fan fics to read and sport and school and whatnot...anyway disclaimer right...

Disclaimer: I do not own Doctor Who or Artemis Fowl - I own my hat which i can't get because it is with a lot of black cats, i own my mind and imagination, I own Ramalon (I wish- if I did I would be dead already) I think that's all....pretty sad really

I

The Banana Grove Room

The Doctor stepped out of the TARDIS doors, shrugging on his coat. He shut the door, all the while glancing around to try and work out where he was – it was definitely Earth, that much he was sure. The TARDIS had landed near some sort of manor about 25 metres away and all around this manor and around him was an enormous stone wall. It became clear which country he was in, because of the English sign over the massive wooden front door, 'Fowl Manor' and because of the green hills and clear air – 'Scotland or Ireland.' He thought. He strolled up the gravelled drive towards the house and instantly motion-sensor camera swivelled around and trained on him. Raising his eyebrows at the advanced technology he estimated he was in the early 21st century. He continued towards the doors, just as a giant of a man opened them and stepped out, raising a gun and aiming it directly at him. The Doctor stopped and raised his hands into the air.

The giant man was bald and looked the part of a bodyguard, especially now he was speaking into his earpiece and the Doctor only caught words such as, "intruder….out of nowhere….no forced entry…looks eccentric." At this last comment the Doctor frowned and pouted. He turned to his right and was about to tell Martha he wasn't eccentric when he remembered Martha had gone now. It was just him, by himself, yet again. He let out the breath he had been preparing to use for a good ramble and turned back towards the giant bodyguard. The giant bodyguard gestured with his gun to follow him into the house, the Doctor lowered his hands, shrugged and followed him, thinking, 'it was what I was going to do anyway…'

Upon entering the house, he was escorted through the high-ceilinged grand rooms to a lounge room, and looking into the room he saw a teenage boy with raven black hair lounging on a couch, what looked like a short teenage girl with auburn hair, who was floating in mid air, and a centaur who was just standing up. When the girl saw him, she vanished into thin air – but then the centaur spoke in a strange language, which the TARDIS didn't translate, to the air and the girl appeared again, one hand on her hip – where the Doctor noticed was another gun. Of all the people and aliens the Doctor had ever seen in their lounge rooms, this had to be one of the strangest. The giant bodyguard pushed him into the room, and the boy raised an eyebrow at him. The bodyguard spoke to the teenage boy.

"He was just walking up the drive, Artemis, looking like it was perfectly normal to be in someone else's garden, without forced entry, during the day." The boy –Artemis– frowned at him, and then said,
"Well let's find out who he is." He spoke – The Doctor noticed – with the air of a very important adult, with a calm, commanding voice. The Doctor wasn't stupid, he knew what 21st century teenagers sounded like, and this definitely didn't sound like them.

Artemis turned to the centaur, and spoke in that other language the TARDIS didn't translate. The girl interrupted in the same language, and then the centaur said something too. After Artemis spoke again, the centaur clomped out of the room, and there was an awkward silence until he returned with a sort of bracelet type object, and a small box. The centaur came right up to him – and surprised the Doctor by speaking in English.
"Put this on your wrist…it won't hurt." He added, seeing the Doctor's bewildered expression. The Doctor had no intention of putting something unknown on his wrist – and so he reached into his jacket and pulled out the sonic screwdriver. He started buzzing the object and frowning at it. While he did this – the centaur raised an eyebrow and turned to Artemis. They started speaking in that language again, but the girl didn't join in apart from rolling her eyes and sighing. The centaur turned back towards him.
"Some sort of detector…way beyond human technology though, this is just beautiful – oh! The way it's designed is so simple, it's brilliant!" The Doctor rambled on while he examined the detector.
"Thank you," said the centaur, "it's not dangerous," he added. Suddenly the Doctor had it.
"A lie detector! Oh brilliant!" grinning from ear to ear, "a great piece of technology, definitely not human though, so I'm guessing," he turned to the centaur, "you made it?"
The centaur nodded, and spoke in English to the girl with a smug grin,
"See! Someone admires my technology!" He puffed out his chest, and stood up straighter. The girl just tutted and sighed. Artemis spoke in English for the first time,
"What's that you're examining it with?"
"A sonic screwdriver!" Artemis looked sceptical. "No really. It's a screwdriver and it's sonic."
"Will you put the lie detector on now? We still don't know who you are."
"The Doctor," the Doctor answered. Seeing both Artemis and the centaur open their mouths he added, "The Doctor, just…The Doctor."
The girl spoke in English, "The Doctor?"
The Doctor nodded, and then slipped the lie detector bracelet onto his wrist. Suddenly he turned to Artemis.
"There is something wrong about you," he said, frowning, "something off, and you too…apart from the pointed ears," he added turning to the girl. "Wait a minute…Artemis…your name is Artemis right?"
Artemis nodded.
"Fowl Manor…Artemis…centaur…giant bodyguard. There is something very familiar about all this," he pondered for a moment, "Oh! I know! May I go back to the TARDIS for a minute?"
Artemis looked confused.
"What's the TARDIS?"
"I'll explain later…come on," he said with a tilt of his head towards the door, "I've got something to show you," then he frowned, "But it's still a bit wrong…oh well!" He turned towards the door and the bodyguard, the others shrugged and followed him, it was clear to Artemis, that this man was no threat and was even a genius like himself.

The centaur trotted up to the Doctor.
"I'm Foaly," he said, holding out his hand.
The Doctor shook his hand.
"Great piece of technology that bracelet is, I have some great technology in the TARDIS but I haven't got something like that, I was just telling-" then he stopped, stopped talking and walking. The girl and Artemis almost walked into him.
"Telling who?" asked Foaly.
The Doctor shook his head.
"It doesn't matter."
Foaly gestured to the girl and said, "This is Captain Holly Short, from the LEP."
The Doctor grinned and surprised them by saying, "I know."
All three of them looked puzzled, but the Doctor kept walking. They reached the front door – stepped out of it and walked towards the TARDIS. When the Doctor reached it he turned back towards Artemis, Foaly and Holly and said,
"Here she is, The TARDIS, Time And Relative Dimensions In Space, T-A-R-D-I-S, TARDIS."
"A wooden box?" Holly asked.
The Doctor sighed.
"No, not a wooden box, looks like a 1950's police telephone box, but it's not, trust me."

He instantly regretted his choice of words, 'trust me.' He thought about the amount of times he had said that to people, and the amount of times he had let them down, Rose included. He swallowed, feeling the guilt he kept at bay with companions, swallow him and he drowned in it, he relished drowning in it, because it was what he deserved. The others just watched as he spaced out – he seemed to be concentrating on just breathing, in and out, in and out. Then suddenly he snapped out of it and looked up.
"Right, TARDIS, showing you something, right." He opened the door with a creak and watched with a smile as the three of them, even Foaly, were stunned at the sheer size of the TARDIS.
"It's bigger on the inside," noted Holly.
"I can make things bigger on the inside, but not like this," said Foaly, shaking his head. He frowned.
"This seems…familiar, all of it, even you. But I don't know what from…"
The Doctor frowned.
"Really?" he asked.
Foaly nodded.

The Doctor turned and started walking out of the console room. He turned his head to look back at them.
"Don't touch anything." He said.
Artemis, Foaly and Holly followed the Doctor, single file, down the many corridors of the TARDIS. Most doors they saw had a name on them, but some were just blank.
"Why are there names on the doors, Doctor?" asked Holly.
"So I know which rooms I've been in. The blank ones are rooms I've never been in before."
"Why not?"
"Not enough time," he muttered under his breath, but the others still heard, "a Time Lord without enough time…" and he sighed.
Holly read the names on the doors in interest, murmuring them as she passed.
"The pool room, the art gallery room, the jelly room, the tennis court room… the banana grove room?!"
Shaking her head at the madness of this entire situation, she continued on – every so often passing a basket of bananas sitting in one of the corridors. She passed a door that simply said, 'My Room' and there was a pink door next to it, saying "Rose's room." She paused, and frowned.
She called up the corridor.
"Is it just you in here Doctor?"
His voice sounded slightly choked.
"Just me, They've all gone now…all of them…for good."
She decided not to ask, he obviously didn't want to talk about it. They finally reached a red-carpeted staircase which they climbed up, and then went into the Library.
It was huge, colossal, enormous. There were shelves upon shelves of books stretching far into the distance, and each bookcase was stuffed full to the brim, old leather covers sitting next to new paperbacks. The Doctor wandered up a row, seeming to know exactly where he was going, and he stopped near the end. His eyes travelled over the names of the books, repeating them under his breath, until he stopped and pulled out a well-worn paperback gold coloured book. He turned around and handed it to Artemis, whose mouth fell open at the title.

there it is! the first chapter, I would love it if you reviewed so i know people are reading my random scribbles but I don't mind that much if you don't cause i never do...

Chapter 2 Bookstores On Felspoon Sneak Preview

"What do you mean "on Earth" of course you got it on Earth…right?"
"Well…I guess…though I could have got it on the planet Felspoon, they have their bookstores on their mountains, which sway in the breeze, mountains that move, can you imagine…"
Everyone else was looking at him like he had just said that everyone was made of cheese.