I know you don't love me, but still I burn for you
Caro Emerald — "You don't love me"
"FBI! Show me your hands!"
"I'm with the FBI too, you idiot!"
Why?
I've been asking myself this question since you came into my life.
You, who is nothing but the living image of perfection from your impeccably combed red hair till the fingertips of your experienced hands.
Whatever is your disguise, I will easily spot your back in the crowd.
Your smooth voice, sometimes being very much similar to a cat's soothing purring, is wrapping me with warmth, whenever I hear it.
Ginger.
"Hey,... you're going?"
The way you say my name… It seems the blood stalls in my veins, and my lungs are refusing to inhale. There are times I'm scared you might notice how unbearably hard it is for me to focus on the conversation.
Your laugh is ridiculously contagious, and your smile, often encouragingly uplifting or occasionally sly, sparks in me something I can't even put in words.
"She gave you her number? No way."
"What, you're jealous?"
"You wish."
I have no idea how I manage to withstand a penetrating gaze of your jaded eyes and still be able to get back on track.
We are not supposed to do certain things. Rules, and all that. But it doesn't change the fact how badly I ache for you.
There was a day you walked in, bright as a silver, radiating cheer and joy.
"I'm getting married."
Because, whom else to tell such great news first, if not your partner, right?
Two years.
I don't recall much of the rest that day. But somehow I got through it.
Did I?
"She's very lucky."
"Of course she is."
You had always been cocky and slightly arrogant, but I liked it. You and your unbridled confidence. I wish I had it.
Or courage. The one thing I'm lacking so badly.
Two years.
You. Me.
We're always having each other's back.
"Donnie, you okay?"
"What the hell was that?"
"You're welcome."
How much longer can I bear this?
How much longer can I drown the thoughts of you in booze and one night stands?
How much longer?..
"You seem a little off lately. You okay?"
"I'm fine, Ressler."
I guess I love my job just as much as I love you.