Letters from a Stag and a Doe - Chapter 1: The War Which Swallows Us
[Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter and accept no credit towards it. I am not the wonderful J.K. Rowling nor am I in any way affiliated with her.]
Warnings: not really anything in this chapter apart from general angst and one use of bad language.
I'm sort of on a streak here churning out these jily stories so hopefully people are enjoying them :D
Word Count (without A/N): 765
Anyway, enjoy!
11th September 1981
Dearest James,
I'm wondering now if you'll ever read this letter.
I can hear you, as I sit here writing; you're in the kitchen downstairs, clattering around, probably attempting to make casserole or spaghetti or any of those other dishes you think you're really good at when in actual fact, you should stick to dessert.
I can hear Harry too.
He's gurgling away happily, I bet you're tickling his chin and I bet you've forced him into that awful antler headband Sirius bought when he was born.
I'll see you in a minute or two, when I've finished drafting up this letter but, James, there are several things I need to tell you in case I don't make it and I need to tell you now.
I- God, it's so fucking hard to write this because it sounds like I'm trying to make up some soppy poetry but I'm not; these are just basic things that I need you to know and I need you to tell Harry everyday if I die in this war.
I love you.
That should be a given, seeing as we've together almost four years but, in the long run, that's nothing at all. My grandparents were married fifty-five years and I don't think I ever heard them say 'I love you' to each other so I'm saying it now so you know.
I've written it down and I'll write it a thousand times if I have to: Lily-used-to-be-Evans loves James-big-head-Potter.
Twelve year old me would certainly have got a good laugh out of reading that, I can tell you.
But it's true now, James, because I love you so much that sometimes I look at you and I can't breathe but it's okay because that's what love is.
It's looking at each other and feeling the breath hitch in your throat because you need them to live for you, if not for anyone else, and it's that feeling when you know you're destined to be together and it sounds cheesy and cliché but it's true.
I'm babbling a little. You're calling my name up the stairs now and, if I close my eyes, I can stay in this moment; you, me, Harry, us, forever.
Nothing can freeze time, James, not even the magical, but in another universe, we'll survive, and, right now, that's good enough for me.
We were glorious once, you know, we were the kings and queens of our days at Hogwarts, thinking we were invincible with our stolen kisses and raised wands and love letters scribbled under desks but now I'm twenty one and we've been blessed with the most wonderful baby ever to crawl this earth and I'm thinking, sitting here now, that we're more glorious in this moment, because of Harry, than we've ever been before.
I need you to make me a promise, James, one that we've made each many times.
You need to promise me that if I don't survive the war, you'll go on, for Harry. I need you to promise that you won't retreat into yourself, won't leave our child to cope with the harsh realities of the world by himself, and I need you to tell him every minute of everyday that his mother loves him.
God, words can't even describe how much I love him and how much I wish that I could take this burden away from him and maybe some would say that it would've been better if we'd never fallen in love at all, but, you know what, I disagree.
If we'd never fallen in love, there wouldn't be an us, or a Harry, and I can already tell that the world would be a much worse place if our son was not in it.
He's going to do great things, one day, James, I'll tell you that.
He's going to live - even if we don't - and he's going to make mistakes and make a family of his own and, I know all mothers are proud of their children but I am immensely proud of ours and he hasn't even grown up yet.
And, if we had not fallen in love, I would be a miserable woman because, I tell you, there's not many things in this world that make me happier than waking up and seeing your smile, bright and glowing and perfect.
Thank you for the memories.
Thank you for the love.
All my love always,
Lily
Unanswered.
Found unopened in box under deceased (Lily Evans Potter)'s bed on 2nd November 1981 by Aurors searching the scene.
This is the first of what will eventually be a (hopefully!) large collection of letters between James and Lily. They will mostly follow canon - though I will put warnings if they don't - but they are not written in any particular order; ie: the next letter might be set during first year and the one after that might be a viewpoint from after they've died.
There isn't really going to be a regular updating schedule for this (sorry!), it'll just be whenever I feel like it.
Anyway, hopefully you enjoyed the first instalment. Leave a review and let me know! If you did like it, which I'm praying at least some of you did, remember to follow and favourite so you'll be notified when I next update!
As always, thank you so much for reading! Xx